Author's note: not in this chapter, but there is a strong possibility that there will eventually be lemons, so fair warning. Long chapter ahead!

Redlox2: thank you for your reviews. It's sometimes hard to find that balance between giving enough time to heal and really acknowledge the damage caused, and getting stuck without moving forward. The next few chapters should move the plot forward quite a bit, I hope.

Chapter 22

Their eyes met and it was like that piece of them that had been missing for a month was suddenly back in place. Outwardly, they put on an air of professionalism, but their eyes kept coming back to each other. Kane went through the formalities of updating Heda on what they had been doing since she had left and had Raven come to show her the radios and other tech. Kane then requested that Raven, accompanied by Bellamy, come to Polis to trade them with the other clans. Lexa agreed that that was acceptable and asked if Raven and Bellamy would be ready to leave in the morning, which they quickly confirmed. She stated that she would have them stay in the Polis tower for the time being, but they would be free to explore the city. Kane asked about their journey and Lexa explained that they had had some unexpected issues between Ingranronakru and Delfikru that had to be resolved before they could leave, causing them to arrive later than expected, but that it had been an uneventful journey. Kane, after dealing with politics and formalities, then said that the Commander must be tired, an uneventful journey still a long one, and instructed Clarke to take Heda to her quarters.

Clarke simply nodded, her face remaining stoic, as she walked up to Lexa. Of course, Lexa knew where the cabin was, Kane was just giving them an out to go there, and she wouldn't have needed Clarke to accompany her there, but neither of them were complaining. They didn't speak, or hardly even look at the other, the short walk there. Lexa's guards, the most loyal of those in her inner circle of trust, would not have thought any less of her if she did what she wanted to do and took Clarke into her arms, the Sky People feeling similar, but they chose to wait to even say hello until it was just the two of them.

When they reached the cabin, Lexa gave orders to the guards, a reminder that they would return to Polis early the next day, before entering the empty cabin. She noticed that there were only two cots in the front room and wondered briefly if there might have been a falling out, but then saw the cot in the bedroom. She smiled. It didn't take much deductive reasoning to figure out that Raven had moved into the bedroom to be closer to Clarke.

She turned then to face Clarke. Neither had spoken. Words seemed wholly inadequate for what they were both feeling. Clarke took Lexa in, Lexa took Clarke in. They both wanted to speak, wanted to ask 100 questions about their time apart, but, instead, they simply stood and looked at the other.

Clarke didn't know what pushed her to do it, her insecurities and nightmare from the night before still trying to mess with her confidence, but those suddenly seemed so small when she had Lexa right there in the room with her. She didn't give herself time to think as she crossed the room quickly, her hands going to Lexa's forearms, Lexa returning the gesture almost instantly. Clarke looked at her for just a moment, her eyes searching Lexa's, just long enough for Lexa to object or speak, before she crashed her lips onto Lexa's. Lexa had no desire to object, returning the kiss with just as much passion and fervor. This was not a chaste kiss. There was a desperation, a pleading, putting all of their fears and hope and love into it from the last month of separation. Hands were caressing without conscious thought, their kiss saying more than their words ever could. Only when they needed to come up for air did they stop, searching the others eyes again for a moment, before their lips crashed back onto the other's. Finally, they slowed, still coming back for small kisses, before finally resting their foreheads against each other, hands and arms still pulling the other close.

"I missed you," Clarke finally whispered.

"And I you," Lexa said back softly.

"I stayed," Clarke said, looking deep into Lexa's eyes.

Lexa smiled, "I can see that."

Clarke returned her smile.

"I came back," Lexa said after a short pause.

Then, their lips were together again, as they somehow made their way to the bed. Arms wrapped around the other as lips refused to be apart for longer than a breath. They couldn't tell you how long this went on; time was irrelevant right now. Eventually, they found themselves falling back into ease, the desperation ebbing into contentment. They never stopped touching, needing to feel the other one, to know they were there and real. After a while, they ceased kissing to simply hold the other, continuing to caress.

"Did you doubt that I would come back, Clarke?" Lexa finally said.

"Yes, every day. I doubted, but I knew you would come back. Did you doubt that I'd be here when you did?" Clarke responded.

"Yes, more times than I care to admit…but I came back…and you're here," she dropped kisses onto Clarke's face. She couldn't seem to stop kissing her, her cheeks, her eyes, even her nose. If the soft smile at every soft kiss was any indication, Clarke didn't mind.

They didn't do anything more than kissing or light caresses, though the temptation to do more was present for both of them. Clarke knew that that was a big part of what Lexa had been talking about when she said that physical affection had to be initiated by Clarke, by her choice. She wanted to, but she wasn't ready, no matter how her skin tingled as Lexa placed kisses along it. Now wasn't really the time, either. Not it had been the most appropriate time when they had made love before, but there was even more at stake now. Clarke didn't know what her boundaries were or what would bring on images of the dropship; it would take time to work back up to that with Lexa and she hoped Lexa would continue to be patient with her.

Lexa was having a hard time controlling herself, wanting to touch Clarke everywhere, but she compromised with herself to just kiss whatever skin was currently exposed, also knowing that sex wasn't on the table and might not ever be. And she would be okay with that. If all they ever did was hold and kiss and caress, that would be enough for her. She wanted more, memories of them exploring the other, finding ways to make the other gasp or arch in pleasure, filling her head, but she loved Clarke too much to risk rushing her or pushing her to do something she wasn't ready for and might never be ready for.

They slowly started talking, catching each other up on how they spent their month apart. They knew they needed to go back outside and continue the plans for leaving in the morning. There would be time later for lying in bed together when they were in Polis.

Clarke spent the majority of the rest of the day with her mother, letting her mom get out all her worries and concern. Abby would see her daughter off at sunrise. She ate the evening meal with her mom and Kane. Kane would never be her dad, but he had taken on a fatherly role towards her. She didn't like it at first, but he had grown on her. They all talked about tentative plans for when they would come to visit and Clarke reminded them that there would be radios so they could solidify it even more.

She, Raven, Octavia, and Lexa spent some time talking in the bedroom. Lexa told Raven all about Polis and what was expected there. She also informed them that she had already had rooms set up for them in Polis tower next to Clarke's room, preemptively expecting that at least Raven and Bellamy would be coming back with them.

That night, Clarke and Lexa fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms, at peace. Then the nightmares came again. This time, Lexa was hanging from the chain. Clarke tried to yell, scream, and get to her, but she was frozen in place while she watched her love be tortured. She woke up in Lexa's arms; the screaming she couldn't do in her dream apparently happening in the real world.

"Have the nightmares gotten any better?" Lexa asked after Clarke was calm.

"Yes," she said quickly, before sighing, "and no. I still have them every night, but they don't usually cause me to scream and fight."

"Are they all the same?"

"No," Clarke shook her head, "some of them are similar, but they aren't ever the exact same."

"What was this one about?" Lexa asked and watched as Clarke further buried her face in Lexa's chest.

"I don't want to talk about it," was Clarke's muffled reply.

Lexa thought for a moment before asking, "Have you talked to anyone about what happened in the dropship since you first told me?"

Clarke shook her head again, "No, once was enough."

Lexa waited a few more minutes to speak again. "Clarke, you need to keep talking about it. You can't just keep it all inside or it will continue to force itself out. Talking about it takes away its power over you."

Clarke glared into Lexa' chest before sighing. Why was Lexa usually right when it was something Clarke desperately didn't want to do?

"Would you tell me what your nightmare was about?" Lexa asked gently when Clarke still didn't speak.

"You," Clarke said, "It was about you. They had you in the dropship. They were hurting you, doing to you what they did to me. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. I kept trying to force myself to get to you, to stop it, but I couldn't."

"Was that the first time you've dreamed of me in the dropship?" Lexa asked.

"Yes…no. It was the first time you were in my place in the dropship," Clarke said.

Lexa furrowed her brow, "The other times when I was in the dropship, can you tell me about those?"

Clarke stiffened slightly, "Does it really matter? They're just dreams."

"Yes, I think it does matter. Clarke, can you trust me enough to tell me?" she asked with concern lacing her voice.

Clarke sighed, "You were in the dropship and you saw. You saw everything they did to me and you were so disgusted…by me. You walked away and left. I cried and begged for you to come back, but you just kept walking away."

Lexa tensed at the telling of that dream. She felt sick at the thought of seeing that happening and walking away; she would never do that. But she had done that to Clarke once, her greatest regret pricking at her heart.

"Your fears are coming out in your dreams. I walked away from you once at a time of great need; whether you realize it or not, you fear me doing it again," she said softly.

"I know you wouldn't ever do that again, Lexa. And I know you would never see that happening and just leave me there," Clarke said, somehow drawing even closer to Lexa.

"I know, but you still, in the back of your mind, fear it. Did you worry that I wouldn't return to you?" Lexa said, lifting Clarke's chin to look at her.

"I did. I did, but I also knew that it was just my own worry and insecurities coming out," Clarke said.

"Talking about your fears takes away their power, Clarke," Lexa said, kissing Clarke on the forehead.

They laid there for a long time. Clarke fell asleep before Lexa, Lexa's mind not allowing her to sleep. She had started making amends for the Mountain when she first brought Clarke to Polis, but she realized she still had more to do. She hated seeing Clarke still affected by it, though she also understood. She would spend the rest of her life making it up to her if Clarke would allow it.

They left at sunrise. The trip to Polis was uneventful, though Clarke was nervous. She knew from Indra and other grounders that visited Arkadia that her suspicions that all the clans knew what Pike and his men had done to her was correct. Lexa's guards that accompanied her here didn't act strangely around her, but she worried what those in Polis would think of her now. Would they look at her with pity? Would they consider her weak? She was determined to hold her head up high no matter what they thought, but it still worried her, especially since part of what had protected her people had been her reputation as Wanheda. If they believed her weakened from what happened, that could have repercussions for her people. She supposed she would have to work hard to convince them that she was still as strong as they had thought she was, regardless of how she actually felt about herself.

There were shouts of the Commander's return when they entered Polis, the people coming to welcome their Heda home with their presence. Clarke straightened her spine as she heard the first whispers of "Wanheda," trying to prepare herself for their pity or disdain. Instead, she saw the same combination of awe and fear from the people, except now there wasn't an undertone of suspicion or hate. Several of the Polis townspeople, the majority she realized as they neared the tower, bowed their head as she passed by.

She glanced at Lexa in confusion, but the Commander kept her face that calm, stoic mask she seemed to always wear when among her people. Something in her eyes told Clarke that Lexa was proud of her, though Clarke wasn't sure why.

They reached the tower and Lexa addressed her people, informing them that the Skaikru people would be staying in Polis for the foreseeable future and would be welcomed. Clarke again stiffened, waiting for the backlash, but it never came. Several people actually smiled and the crowd only murmured in approval or…was that excitement? This wasn't the Polis she remembered. What had caused this change of attitude towards Skaikru? Sure, some had been accepting, but not like this.

Titus met them at the door and came up to grasp Clarke's hand in both of his as he welcomed her back to Polis, his eyes glistening. She attributed it to his vow to never harm her again and his gratitude for saving Lexa's life when he had shot her. What really surprised her was when he seemed sincere when he welcomed each of her friends. He gave orders to various tower workers to bring their belongings to their rooms and then announced that they would be holding a feast to honor Wanheda's return the following night; tonight, they were welcome to do as they wished.

Clarke was usually fairly good at hiding her emotions, but she couldn't hide her shock and confusion. Glancing at her friends showed that they were as shocked and confused as she was.

Lexa gave her a soft smile, "Clarke, I have set Raven up in your old room."

Clarke gave her a funny look as Lexa continued, "Bellamy is in the one next to it, and then Octavia and Lincoln will be on the other side of my room." She addressed them then, "You will not have to be as strict in your guard duties while in the tower, but you should accompany Clarke when in Polis. I will also have the head of my guard speak with you tomorrow. Tonight, I suggest resting. Servants will be bringing up the midday and evening meal to each of your rooms, though you may eat with each other if you wish. Clarke, if you would allow it, I would like you to join me in my quarters for the meals."

Clarke was still confused. It seemed odd that she and Raven would be sharing a room, especially since she knew there was only one bed. She wondered if Lexa had had another bed brought in or if she intended for Raven and her to share a bed. She also didn't understand why Octavia was trying to hold in a smile when she caught her eye nor why Raven was grinning without trying to hide it. She also noticed the hint of a smile on Lexa's face. She was missing something that everyone else seemed to get.

Lexa took them all up to their rooms and Clarke noticed that her room was as she had left it: there was still only one bed. Raven at least seemed happy. She apparently decided they would be bunking together because she went and practically threw herself on the bed, pronouncing it comfy. She didn't mind bunking with Raven, but found it odd that Lexa had put them together. She knew there were at least three empty bedrooms on this floor, even with them taking these three now.

She finally decided it was because Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln had been staying with her in the cabin and would like to continue to keep an eye on her. Since Octavia and Lincoln would probably like some privacy, Raven was the obvious choice to keep an eye on her at night. A tinge of sadness pricked at her heart, wishing she could still spend her nights with Lexa, but understood that they needed to be more cautious about their relationship while in Polis.

"Clarke, would you join me in my quarters while the others get settled? There are some things we need to discuss," Lexa asked.

Clarke gave her a small smile before nodding. Lexa gave her a funny look before turning and going to her own room. She gave brief orders for when lunch and the evening meal should be brought up, but that they shouldn't be disturbed with anything unless it was an emergency.

Lexa closed the door and then sighed, before smiling softly, her Heda mask starting to fall off now that she was in the comfort of her own room. She crossed to where Clarke stood in the room. She reached her hand to her, allowing Clarke to choose to take it, before leading her to the sofa to sit.

"Clarke," she said, mirth dancing in her eyes, "you haven't said a word since we got back to Polis and you also haven't stopped looking confused."

Clarke furrowed her brow. Of course she was confused. The people had looked almost happy to see her. Titus had looked happy to see her. Yet, Lexa had decided that she and Raven should share a bed each night.

"And now you look even more confused," Lexa said with laughter in her voice.

"I just…it's not what I expected when I came back to Polis," she said after a moment, her confusion turning into a frown.

Lexa's face grew a bit more serious, "What's not as you expected?" She leaned her head onto her hand as she rested her elbow on the low back of the sofa.

Clarke unintentionally mirrored Lexa's position, her frown deepening as she continued to wonder what she seemed to be missing. She decided to ask about sleeping arrangements first, "It just seems a little odd that you put Raven and I in a room with one bed. I don't mind, it just seems out of character for you."

Lexa was smiling again, which didn't help with the confusion, so Clarke continued, "I mean, she has been staying in the room with me since you left, but usually sleeps on the cot," Lexa was still smiling, waiting patiently for Clarke to either catch up to whatever she apparently needed to catch up to or stop talking, "I don't want her to have to sleep on a cot here; she really should have had a real bed a while ago." And now she was rambling.

"Clarke, I intend for Raven to sleep on the bed," Lexa looked like she was trying not to laugh, which wasn't helping Clarke's confusion.

"Lexa, I'm missing something, and I know you know what it is, so if you could just clue me in on it, that would be great. Why do you want me to sleep in the same bed as Raven?" Clarke looked exasperated, which made Lexa finally laugh.

"Clarke, I don't intend for you to sleep in the same bed as Raven," her face grew slightly more serious, "I was hoping you would stay with me in here."

Lexa suddenly looked vulnerable as she said the last part. Laughing probably wasn't the most appropriate response, but Clarke finally caught onto what Raven and Octavia had figured out in the hallway. Lexa raised her eyebrows at her, a small smile still on her lips.

"That makes so much more sense," Clarke finally said, her eyes still sparkling with laughter.

Lexa smiled back at her, "So, those arrangements are acceptable to you?"

"You really want me to stay in your room? There's only one bed in here, too," Clarke teased lightly, "I can sometimes be a restless sleeper."

"I have noticed," Lexa teased back.

This was the most at ease Clarke had felt in a long time, probably since her last day in the tower, prior to Lexa getting shot. She didn't know when the tower had become her home, but that's what it felt like: home.

A knock on the door announced lunch being brought in. A couple of women brought it in, setting it up on the small table. Clarke wasn't really hungry, but picked at it. She had been eating while Lexa was gone, but found that she was never really that hungry. She thought it might have to do with her babysitters' insistence on making sure she always ate nearly the whole meal. Lexa noticed, but didn't comment on it, simply putting away the information should she need to take more of a note of it later.

Clarke walked over to the balcony, looking over Polis. Lexa came up behind her and Clarke reached for her hand, pulling her arm around her. Lexa didn't hesitate to wrap Clarke in her arms, her chin resting on Clarke's shoulder from behind.

"I'm glad you're finally back here," Lexa whispered, kissing Clarke's shoulder where her chin had been resting.

Clarke sighed contentedly. She was glad to be home.