Something Just Like This 10
Break Up
Chapter 1
I OWN NOTHING!
Someone You Loved – Lewis Capaldi
Listen to Your Heart - D.H.T.
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright
The Bones - Maren Morris
Why did it feel like a breakup?
Lena curled tighter into herself as she sat on her couch. That thought kept bouncing around her mind whenever she thought of her.
It wasn't as if they had been dating. They never called themselves anything other than friends.
Perhaps it was because Kara had given her the emotional things she had craved since she was four years old and traumatized not just from watching her mother drown but being shoved into an entirely new world with the Luthors.
She had started to become used to having friends. She had started to believe that love could just be given, that it was something that just was. She didn't need to earn it. Love wasn't a reward.
But how much of that was actually real?
Alex treating her like a little sister. Well, what Lena imagined a healthy sibling relationship would be like.
J'onn's proud little smile when she had a solution to their current predicament (or she and the others had done something that in retrospect was insane, silly, and/or stupid but worked anyway).
Winn and Brainy geeking out with her. Alex allowing her into the labs at the DEO to work on something together.
Maggie calling her 'Little Luthor' with affection.
Eliza welcoming her to holiday meals as if Lena belonged there and not as an afterthought or a sense of pity.
All of it led back to Kara. To Supergirl. To the hurt that one secret and the lies that trailed from it throughout their friendship. The duplicity in how Kara had treated her in and out of the suit.
All of the things that made her question their intentions (which she had never really understood to begin with). It had to all have been just another, different method of the same kind of treatment she had received for as long as she could remember.
She was unlovable. She was good only for what others could get from her.
Kara huddled inside the oversized hoodie of Lena's (well…it was oversized on Lena at least) that she had never gotten around to returning. She had her favorite picture of them clasped in her hand, gazing at it as she once again went over everything.
Why did this feel so much like a breakup?
They had never…Lena was so…friendship was all that Kara had ever felt she could ask for from the other woman.
The friendship she had ruined through her own selfishness. Her own need to have someone she loved to see her as human first.
That was just it, however.
She loved Lena in a way she never had anyone else. It put all of her previous relationships into perspective.
Or rather, what had been lacking in them.
Worse, her actions had severed Lena from the rest of their friend group. Because they had been complacent in keeping the truth from Lena.
Lena had trusted them, all of them, and they had let her down. They had proven Lena's fears about herself to be true in the CEO's mind.
Kara didn't particularly care about the other circumstances going on at the time. None of them really mattered. Kara could not imagine a world where things would be worse for Lena knowing the truth (no matter what Myx had shown her).
She had taken it one step further. She had called Lena a villain. Not directly, but thinking back on what she had said and how she had said it, what other conclusions could be reached?
Yes, it had been an attempt to shock Lena off the path she was going down by working with Lex, but it was yet another lie.
If Lena was a villain…it was because Kara had made her one.
And that was probably her biggest sin of all: turning someone like Lena (kind, loving, generous, brilliant, adorable, beautiful, loyal Lena) into someone history would remember as just another Luthor.
Some Paragon of Hope she was.
Giving the half-empty bottle of scotch sitting on her coffee table a despondent look, Lena wondered when her life had devolved to this. Drowning out her sorrows and pain with expensive alcohol when not trying to undermine her megalomaniac brother.
When trying not to think about a certain blonde who had her shattered heart wrapped up in a red cape.
What was the point of any of this?
Lena supposed if she was going to be considered a villain now, just another Luthor, she might as well go the same way as her father. Then again, she wouldn't put it past either Lex or Lillian to have somehow been responsible for Lionel's death. It wasn't that difficult to spike liquor with something that would mimic the effects of long term alcohol abuse that would already be present.
Huh…maybe she should test her bottles just in case.
If her family was going to kill her, she wanted it to be in person. They were so good at it after all. It wasn't as if Kara was going to come in and save her anymore. The hero didn't save the villain, they stopped them.
She scoffed to herself. Kara had just finally said what she had always thought, hadn't she? Why else would a Super get close to a Luthor? They were all probably having a good laugh about it.
About how a stupid pair of glasses and a dumb ponytail was enough to fool a genius Luthor. How easily Lena had laughed off comments like flew on a bus and just having coffee.
It had all been so easy for them, hadn't it?
None of the good times mattered if it had all been fake, and what else could it have been?
Lena stared down at her empty glass. When had she finished it?
She fumbled with the decanter, but it was empty as well.
Just like her.
She was empty and cold…so very cold.
Lena didn't think she would ever be warm again. Not like she had been.
She was so tired. Kara didn't think she had ever been this emotionally exhausted in this way. She hesitated to compare it to the loss of her people and planet, but it was close.
It all just kept coming. More loss continued to pile up.
Kara had to be strong right now. She had to be there for Alex and Eliza as they laid Jeremiah to rest.
In the aftermath, when Kelly had taken over in comforting Alex and Eliza had retreated to her room, Kara found herself on the roof.
There were so many memories here. Jeremiah and Alex watching the stars, later including Kara. The nights the pair had laid out to do the same or just to escape the house. Learning to carefully hover on and off, to catch Alex when she jumped, how to land.
She had often imagined bringing Lena here, make more memories with one of her favorite people.
The thought of her friend, who even with their current relationship status, had still cared enough to bring the book by in an effort to help.
It gave Kara a little bit of hope that all was not lost between them. There was a small chance they could rebuild their friendship.
In the small moments between everything else, Kara had begun to suspect that Lena was planning something to take down Lex and Leviathan just as she had taken down Lillian. Lena always played things close to her chest until she knew she had a plan that would not fail.
She had done the same with Sam. Kara still winched when she thought of the kryptonite even now. She knew she could have handled that better than she had.
It was astounding how much could be accomplished in self-berating when given the time to think and (over)analyze past actions. There were things she could have done differently or not done at all or even done with a little more thought before acting.
Kara, watching the stars glitter overhead, did know one thing for certain.
She regretted the hurt that her actions had caused, but she did not regret keeping her secret. It was hers! It protected not just herself, but all those around her. She was angry at Lena for not understanding that.
Yes, it was a little selfish, because there were times she could have shared even just a little bit of her secret with her best friend that might have mitigated some of the fallout. She had wanted to keep Lena to herself, despite also wanting everyone to know and understand the wonderful woman Lena was.
She was also angry at Lena for having the gall to think any of their friendship had ever been fake. How dare she? Kara would never do that to anyone. Kara had meant everything she had said. She would trust Lena, in Lena. She would always do her best to protect the other woman (who was more danger prone than Alex some days).
It was all just a great big messy tangle that didn't seem capable of being unraveled.
Sighing, Kara took off her glasses and closed her eyes. She focused first on the three people inside the house. Eliza was asleep. Kelly was just barely awake, but Alex had finally succumbed to her tears and fallen into a fitful slumber. Slowly, she expanded her range while wading through the sounds of everything around her. Eventually, Kara located the sound she most wanted at this moment.
Faint, just on the edge of her hearing, was Lena's heartbeat. It was slightly elevated, but not enough to cause concern. Lena was always stressed, more so now that there wasn't anyone who would stop her. Kara would worry anyway but was respecting Lena's need for space.
She refused to feel guilty about the past anymore, but she would still bend over backward for those close to her heart if they would just let her.
"Really sister dear, how many bottles does this make?" Lex's smile was anything but kind.
Lena really, truly doubted if any of his smiles had ever been kind. She didn't answer him. He already knew the answer. This was just one of his power plays.
"What do you want Lex?" She was tired. This project was never going to work, not the way she had originally envisioned it (which, taking a calmer look at it, was a good thing) and certainly not in the way that Lex wanted it.
He set the new bottle of scotch on the counter. Lena made a mental note to test it first (or most likely just throw it out) before drinking it.
"Can't a brother check on his little sister Ace?"
"Only when you want something," Lena responded. A part of her sunk at the acknowledgment that she had cut out anyone who would have checked on her for other reasons. Kara would have pulled her away hours ago, stuffed her with food, and they would have been at least halfway through a second movie.
Now, she was sitting at her dining room table surrounded by printouts to get a different look at the many projects she was filling her time with when she wasn't wallowing in her anger and grief. At least it wasn't the lab…but that only because cleaning protocols had kicked her out.
"Really Lena," Lex shook his head, "I'm disappointed in you. Did you think I wouldn't find out?"
Lena sighed and pushed aside whatever it was she had been working on. "Paranoia never has been a good look on you," she commented.
"It's not paranoia if someone is actually out to get you," he volleyed back. "Are you really going to let that alien menace cause you to work yourself into an early grave?" He nudged the bottle a little closer to her. "Or drink yourself into one, just like dear old dad."
Lena grit her teeth. Kara was the root of the reason for her grief and anger, but the blonde wasn't causing her to do anything. No, after their last talk (aside from when she had taken Kara the book) they hadn't had any real contact. So no, this was all her doing. She simply didn't know how to stop, so she continued.
Really, if anyone were to blame for her lack of healthy coping mechanisms, it would be her 'loving family'. Most people might even take his words as those of a worried older sibling, but then they didn't know her brother.
All of the enforced quiet and sullen drinking sessions had dulled her anger enough that her more logical side had a chance to rear its head above everything else. As unwilling as she had been to listen to anything Kara had had to say, some of it had penetrated. It helped that even with a rewritten world, she didn't trust Lex as far as Kara could throw him.
"Touching, but that's not why you're here." She stood and got herself a bottle of water from her fridge. She sipped at it, watching the man before her.
"Well, I did try to be nice about this." He shrugged. "You're shirking your duties on this little project of yours. Where are the results?"
"You've seen them, you know the project is a failure." The human brain simply couldn't be rewired, not like that. All she had managed to produce was a mind-control device. Even in her anger, Lena knew that was a Bad Thing.
"But so promising in other applications," He mused, watching her just as closely as she was watching him. "Pity you cut the ties you did, they would have been useful in getting you to do what I wanted." He held up a small control device.
Lena felt the blood freeze in her veins. He shouldn't have had access to any of her projects. How had he bypassed…she shook her head. None of that mattered. She should have destroyed everything the moment she realized what she had actually created.
"I should thank your little friend Spheer for his work in nanites," Lex mused. "They make the perfect delivery system, much better than the lenses." He twirled the device.
"I won't do whatever it is you have planned." Lena set her water down. She had never thought of the nanites as a way to deliver Non-Nocere. Her goal had never been to take away free will (not really…maybe a little, but only in terms of being able to choose to hurt another person…and that was still bad), and it would be all too easy to…she wondered which bottle or food item it had been.
"Figured it out, have you?" Lex flipped the device a final time before pressing a button and watching as his sister's body straightened up into perfect military parade rest. "You always were a clever one Ace. It's a pity that you chose to use that cleverness outside the family."
"I will fight you." Lena grit out. Her brain was foggy and it was a struggle to keep any sort of control. She ignored her body, if she could keep him talking long enough she might just think of a way out of this. Depending on what he had planned, she might be able to use that against him.
"It'll be amusing to watch you try," Lex said in reply, a pleased smirk twisting his mouth into a snarl. He shook his head. "Poor Lena, overworked and tired, too much stress that she finally drank a little too much and got too close to the edge. Drink your scotch."
Lena struggled, but it was useless as her hand unscrewed the lid and brought the bottle straight to her mouth. It burned going down. Of course he would get the terrible stuff when planning her apparent 'accidental suicide'. He'd probably even used her card to buy it, the bastard.
The joke was on him. Even if her stomach was empty except for some water, this was the first bit of alcohol she had had in two days. She knew how to hold her liquor and a single bottle of whatever this was, was certainly…
She felt strange. What had he given her? She tried to pull the bottle away far enough to get a look at the label, but couldn't do so. It burned as it settled into her stomach almost as if she had swallowed live coals.
Some of her control slipped as she remembered a long-ago conversation with Maggie about alien alcohol. Much of it was deadly to humans, either on its own or past a certain amount. If it didn't kill the human outright, it would certainly get them drunk very quickly. Alex had said much the same, even teased Kara about being a 'silly lightweight'.
Lena kind of wished she had taken up the Danvers' sister's offer to take her to the alien bar before exposing herself. She might have been better prepared to fight the effects.
"That's a good girl Ace." Lex approached her and took the watch from where she kept it in her pocket. "Can't have the overgrown girl scout being alerted, just in case." He shook his head again. "So much misplaced trust, the both of you."
Lex stepped away, going over to her balcony doors and opening them wide. "Now, I am going to leave you to your little ongoing pity party. Once you've finished your drink, you're going to go off the balcony. I'll be in my office, waiting to be shocked at the news of my poor little sister's demise. You'll do as you're told, won't you Ace?"
Lena felt herself nod jerkily, like one of those old 80's cartoon robots. Her body gasped for air as it set the now empty bottle down. He had set another bottle in front of her. This time, she recognized the label.
Teeling had always been Lionel's preferred brand. It had been her first sip, given to her at the age of ten during one of the man's rare kind moods. She remembered him saying that expensive didn't always mean good, that quality told more than price ever did.
"Do drink up. Father taught us never to waste a good drink." He sneered at the bottle even as he watched Lena open it and begin drinking.
That's right, Lena thought even as this went down much smoother than the previous bottle, Lex always hated it. He'd've thrown out all of Dad's bottles except I got to them first.
Strange, what memories popped up when one was being mind-controlled to death.
Honestly, she was a little insulted that this was the best he had come up with to get rid of her before she could go to Kara or the DEO.
Lena's brain fogged over and she knew no more.