Chapter 11

The next time Sigyn came to visit she was wearing her training uniform and had a smudge of dirt on her cheek. Loki had smiled as he looked her over, knowing very well she had just run there from the training grounds.

She looked timid, perhaps worrying he was going to grab her again. Maybe I made a wrong move? Loki wondered to himself.

He had been in the dungeon's for a while now. The grey cloth shirt and pants made him feel disheveled. He knew his hair had become unruly as well and wished he could have washed, gotten some fresh air, or stretched his legs.

When he was first sentenced to be down here he was miserable. He would have rather been sentenced to death. But then the first few weeks made him feel more comfortable. He had plenty of time to read and plenty of peace and quiet, which suited him just fine.

Though he could feel himself growing more restless the last few days. He had the memories that he had stirred up to thank for that. Having Sigyn back on Asgard made him wish they were still teenagers, he could think of many things he would have done differently if he was given another shot. Maybe then he wouldn't have fallen into the darkness, maybe then he wouldn't be damned to a cage for the rest of his life, maybe then she wouldn't be standing in front of him so timidly like a deer in the headlights.

"May I sit?" Sigyn gestured to the seat in front of him. He nodded and watched her wince as she sat, clearly she had taken a few knocks at training. "It seems we need to talk…"

Loki was surprised at the way those words made the blood drain from his face. He sat on the edge of the bed looking at her. She was tugging at a few loose threads on the hem of her shirt.

"If I have made you uncomfortable, we do not have to talk about it," he told her, his voice low.

Her eyes shot up to meet his, realizing she was giving him the wrong impression. "Gods no Loki. It's just...being back here has made me think about some things, and if I expect you to trust me and be honest with me...then I should be more honest with you".

Loki nodded. It was hard to tell where this was going. Was she about to tell him she had taken a Midgardian husband? That she changed her mind and was returning to the mortal planet?

She took a deep breath as she plucked up the courage to say what she wanted to say. "I know emotions and feelings are not your wheelhouse," she started. "But just hear me out. You know I left Asgard because...of Theoric. It's true I was devastated when he died, I still mourn for him, but there was more to it than that."

She paused, waiting to see if he would say anything. His calculated eyes just remained on her and he didn't utter a word.

Letting out another breath she continued, "Loki I...being here on Asgard was just too painful. There were too many memories here, too many things I regretted, but my biggest regret was not being truthful about my feelings for you". The words were tumbling out now, she wasn't being as direct as she meant to, but just kept going worried if he interrupted her she wouldn't get it all out. "I loved you Loki".

Sigyn wished he would say something. She felt the minutes tick by as his gaze was unfocused, staring at the wall behind her. Just as she was debating leaving, feeling embarrassed he broke his silence with a laugh. "Damn…" he said, closing his eyes. "Had I known...I had believed you were interested in the more knoble type. When I heard Theoric was courting you, it made perfect sense. You would be good together, and he would be good to you. I never thought I had even a fraction of a chance with you. I was so jealous," he laughed again, raking his hands through his hair. "I almost killed Fandral the day I found out he had kissed you".

Sigyn wondered if he was saying what she thought he was saying. She found herself smiling at the idea of Loki being angry about Fandral. Fandral was a flirt, he probably kissed half the woman in Asgard by this point. "You had so many options. I thought I would have heard word of your marriage while I was on Midgard, what happened to you after I left?"

Loki couldn't avoid her sad eyes. It was true that the more honest she was with him, the more honest he wanted to be with her. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I accompanied Thor to Jotunheim where I was suddenly confronted with my real heritage. The shock of it all was enough for me to lash out at Odin, where he admitted he took me in as a boy hoping to form an alliance with the Jotun. It was devastating to learn I was just a pawn in Odin's game. I was at my weakest when Thor returned from Midgard, I left, seeking meaning for my life elsewhere. Everyone on Asgard seemed to think I was power hungry, I never even wanted the throne, I would have been content as Thor's advisor...if only I had the same respect in Odin's eyes. It was then I stumbled upon…"

Sigyn worried eyebrow told him she was waiting for him to continue. He knew it was time to tell her, but hesitated knowing there could be consequences. It wasn't like Loki to not be able to keep information to himself.

He sighed. "I found Thanos," he watched her eyes grow wide. The rumour that the mad titan was slowly tearing apart the universe one planet at a time had been around for a long time. "They say I'm convincing, but I have nothing on Thanos. He made me believe he was right, the universe needed to be balanced, and Midgard was his next target".

"So it wasn't you…"

"It was. Sigyn it was me," he held her gaze. He knew this could make her hate him forever, but she needed to make that choice for herself. "Was I manipulated? Yes, but I could have said no. I could have refused to do it...but I didn't…I allowed him to control me."

Sigyn considered what he had told her. "Why didn't you say something before?"

"If Thanos finds out I've uttered his name to you he will not be pleased. I didn't want you to become another target on his hit list. The more people on Asgard that know, the more likely he will be to arrive here."

"If we tell Odin he could-"

Loki laughed darkly. "Do you honestly believe Odin would forgive my crimes? No, he's happy to let me rot here. He would have been happy to see me die".

"What about Frigga".

Loki's smile was sad. "It may be time for you to realize this is me, for the rest of my life. I'm a forgotten, dirty criminal, and I will be until the day I die".