Claire's phone buzzed indicating that Park was at her door waiting to be let in. Even though Sam slept according to a more regular schedule, anyone who visited still called rather than ringing the doorbell to avoid the risk waking him.
When she opened the door, she met with surprise a loaded-down Park carrying bags and boxes. She took a small box off the top of his pile so he could see properly into the apartment.
"Thanks. You know how I am about carrying everything in one trip," Park said.
"Alex, what's all this?" She closed and locked the door before following him farther into her apartment.
He went straight to her living room area to drop off his load and looked around, confused. "Where's your tree?"
Claire grabbed a tissue from the end table and sneezed into it, blowing her nose afterwards. "I never get a tree. I don't exactly have a storied history of the holiday season."
Park shook his head. "Maybe so, but all the more reason to create new traditions for Sam."
"He's not even a year old! He is not going to care whether we have a tree or not. Besides, it seems like a huge bother, and if you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly in peak condition these days." Her voice sounded raw and hoarse even to her own ears.
Indeed, the reason Park had come by was to pick up Sam's things for a weekend with him, his wife, and his son. They provided an overnight slumber party with Sam occasionally to give Claire a break, but this time, the offer became more immediate when she developed a pretty annoying cold. Nothing serious, but she needed rest more than anything else – hard to come by when you have a seven-month old underfoot. And these days, Sam was literally underfoot since he'd started trying to crawl a few weeks before.
"Well, I think you need a tree, even if it's fake. You haven't got long before Christmas, and you're running out of time to do this right." He shook his head again. "I'm going to have a talk with Melendez for this oversight."
"Oh, that's a winning idea. Thankfully, Neil is not the boss of me anymore on any front. So good luck with that. And I'm sure Sam will get a good taste of the holidays this weekend with the massive tree in your living room."
Park smirked because he couldn't deny the truth of it as Claire inspected all the items he'd set aside in the corner of the room. She'd heard from Morgan about how he'd been so impressed with his over-the-top décor to prepare for the holidays with his family.
"Alex, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble. You already help out so much." She couldn't hide the delight at her former co-resident's kindness, though.
Waving her off, Park rifled through the bags Claire had set aside for Sam's sleepover. "Don't even bother, you know we love doing it. You need your rest. And don't try to change the subject. You need to infuse this place with some holiday spirit. You can even get one of those little fake trees with the pre-made lights – it's lame but it'll do. I'm sending Melendez over after my shift to straighten you out."
Claire rolled her eyes. "Ugh, please don't. He's just going to mother hen me again over this cold." She peeked over his shoulder, trying not to stand too close and expose him to her germs. "Do you need more diapers?"
"No, we still have a stash from last time," he said zipping the tote back up. Without missing a beat, he continued to goad her. "Why are you acting like Melendez wouldn't be coming over here on his own anyway? If I didn't already know he had an early surgery, I'd be surprised he wasn't over here now."
Claire tucked an extra stuffed animal into one of the bags. "Well, thankfully, he's occupied, and I'm looking to keep it that way for as long as possible before he admits me into the hospital just to keep a closer eye on me."
Park laughed. "Oh, he's stopped offering excuses about why he's keeping an eye on you. He clearly doesn't need one to be over here paying you a visit." Claire narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't know why you two are playing so coy."
"Oh no, not this," Claire groaned. "He's only ever here to see Sam. There is nothing going on with us."
"I believe you, he clearly adores that kid. But my question is why isn't there anything going on?"
Claire sighs. "You know why not."
"You just said it yourself, he's not your boss anymore. Nobody's gonna care if you're together like that."
Shaking her head, Claire plops down on the couch and blows her nose once more. "I meant that he's so involved in my life because of his attachment to Sam. You know how much he wants to be a father. And just a few months ago, you cared a lot about appearances, and Melendez and I were barely even friends. So, yeah, people would have an issue with it. NOT that I'm even going there. We're friends, that's it," she insisted.
"That was then," Park said, sitting on the other end of the couch. "And as you know, a lot of things are different now."
"I can't believe you're harassing me when I'm sick and weak. First the Christmas tree and now this?" Claire chastised. "Look, Melendez is just being a good friend. Sam is definitely the draw here, not me."
Park, shook his head. He looked as if he wanted to argue the point further, then thought better of it. "Whatever you say." He looked around. "Speaking of which, where is the boy of the hour?"
A pink flush crept into Claire's cheeks. "He's at daycare already. Melendez picked him up this morning." Park grinned. "Not a word, Alex."
"No, I'm done. I've said my piece." He gave her a once over. "Anything you need? Last minute instructions?"
Claire smiled. "You're an old pro at this by now. Sam's been pretty agreeable, even with the teething. He's been starting to really fight nap time, but he'll go down eventually and it's worth it to wait him out. It throws his whole sleep schedule off otherwise, and as lovely as his disposition is generally, I don't want anybody's wide-awake, bubbly company at 4 in the morning. Do you have any adventures planned?"
"Actually, we were thinking of going to see the holiday festivities downtown in the park. Kellen might tolerate our company for that long, and I think Sam will like all the lights and stuff."
"That's such a great idea. His coat will be with him at daycare, but I put an extra hat and mittens in his bag just in case. Let me know how he does, and maybe it'll be a good field trip for us too. " She sneezed again into her waiting tissue. "When I'm on the mend."
Park chuckled. "So, you're taking some time off for the holidays?" he asked.
"I'll work the holidays because Sam's not going to know one way or the other, but we'll take a few days here and there. I'm going to do swing shifts for the other surgical teams that are working then. Maybe I'll actually pick-up a cool surgery for a change of pace."
Park looked on in sympathy. "I'll keep an eye out for you. I'll be here for Christmas but we're taking a road trip to Tahoe for the new year. Mia and Kellen are eager to make fun of me bumbling on a pair of skis."
Claire laughed. "I bet! I'd love to see that myself. Sounds like fun, though." She sneezed again, gripping her tissue to her reddened nose."
"Yeah, you need to kick this cold in the ass. Don't worry about Sam, we've got this. But we'll keep you updated just in case," he said rising from the couch and moving to pick up Sam's luggage. "With pictures," he added, "so you'll have proof that he's having fun."
"You know me so well. And again, thank you for this." She followed him to the door.
Park looked back over her shoulder. "Think about that tree, will you?"
Laughing, Claire pushed him out the door. "Shut up. I'll see you later. Call me if you need anything."
Claire spent most of the day resting, taking a long nap in between tidying up. She finally took the time to properly wash, deep condition, and set her hair, a process that took a lot of time she didn't usually have when trying to get out the door on any given day. She watched a few episodes of a soapy teen drama she'd gotten hooked on a few months ago and tried not to think too much about going 48 hours without seeing her little Sammy.
Around 4:30, Claire heard a knock at the door and wondered who it could possibly be. Everyone who regularly stopped by would be finishing the end of their shift at work or knew to text her rather than risk waking up a sleeping baby.
Looking out the peephole, she saw a familiar face and felt the usual warmth flare up across her chest. She opened the door ready to make fun of Neil for indeed being a mother hen.
Yet the oddest scene appeared in front of her: Neil standing at her doorstep with a small Christmas tree.
"Oh no, Park got to you."
Neil smirked. "He did. And not just me. Get ready for the invasion. And he's right, by the way. Now move and let me in."
Claire stepped aside, more in shock than compliance, and watched as Neil dragged the modest tree into her apartment and set it in the corner. She went to close the door but felt a pressure push back as Morgan popped her head in.
"Not so fast. Who do you think has the decorations?" She passed by Claire, now standing there in shock, as she headed toward where Neil was busy pushing furniture to the side so he could set up the tree.
"Hello," Claire heard at her shoulder and snapped around to see Shaun wandering in followed by Leah wearing a sunny smile and carrying another box of supplies.
"I do love a Christmas tree." She followed Shaun who immediately offered suggestions for Neil about where to optimally place the tree for room symmetry and lighting.
Claire poked her head out of the apartment door to see if there was anyone else coming. Seeing no one she closed the door.
"What's all this," she said, hoarsely, crossing her arms but not having the heart to be annoyed with her friends who'd invaded her living room. "And aren't you worried about being in such close quarters with the sick person?"
Shaun sat on the couch digging through the box of decorations for something. "Technically, you're not significantly contagious anymore. Not unless we have fluid to fluid contact." He paused and looked around. "And we decided against bringing mistletoe."
They all paused, taking in the fact that Shaun had made a joke. Neil was the first to chuckle, then Leah. Morgan simply rolled her eyes, but smiled at the moment.
"Still, is it the best idea to—" Another knock interrupted her comment. "Seriously?" she said before walking back to the door.
On the other side were Lim and Andrews with carryout containers of a hot beverage and a box of baked good respectively. Claire gestured for them to come in. Popping her head out once more, she caught another figure coming around the corner. This time she grinned: Park and his son trailed behind Park's wife, Mia, carrying a chatty Sam. When the little boy sees her, he starts bouncing up and down and reaching for her.
"Well someone is happy to be joining the party," Mia joked, passing over the boy who continued his chattering at his 'C.C.' that he'd been mimicking from Neil.
"Come on in, I guess," Claire responded laughing. "Is this the end of the clown car?"
As Park passed, she nudged him with her arm, but it only made his smugness sharper.
"Oh stop. You love this, you sap," he said.
Once she returned to her apartment, she was greeted with a flurry of activity. Neil and Shaun had found the perfect position for the tree with Andrews supervising the adjustments. They'd blocked off the corner with a decorative chest she kept in the living room to set the tree away from a newly crawling Sam. Morgan and Mia were sorting through decorations. Leah and Audrey were unloading snacks and cups to pour hot cider for everyone.
Claire stood at the periphery, Sam in her arms and eyes a little misty for her friends' kindness.
Another knock on the door drew her attention and she wondered who it could possibly be. On her doorstep stood Dr. Glassman and his wife, smiling and bearing presents.
"I know you guys didn't start without me," he called down the hall, shaking Sammy's little hand as he passed. Debbie gave her a kiss on the cheek and joined the crowd in her now full living room.
All Claire could do was look on in wonder.
For the next hour, they adjusted and readjusted and argued and finally settled on the proper decoration of Claire's new Christmas tree. Of course, they barely let Claire lift a finger, telling her to rest while the experts got to work. They ate baked goods and drank cider and passed around a very happy toddler who loved all the activity and the shiny, bright things to look at.
It seemed the closest to a family vibe that Claire had experienced in a long time, and it felt really nice.
Neil was the first to leave, heading out for a planned a visit to his sister. He gave Sam a kiss and a cuddle and admonished Claire to stay off her feet before wishing everyone a good weekend. Leah and Shawn were the next to head out, having plans for their evening. The Parks followed, taking a very hyper Sam with them who seemed ready for his dinner and hopefully a pretty quick bedtime given how much the others had worn him out for the day. Glassman and his wife stuck around for a while to tell a few embarrassing stories about Lim and Melendez from their younger days and then excused themselves – in fear of retaliation, Dr. Glassman claimed.
Claire hadn't expected Andrews to hang out as long as he had. But he claimed his wife had a full day at her practice and it beat sitting around the house alone while he waited for her to come home. Sammy had been unusually fascinated with him as someone he didn't see as much as the others. Apparently, it piqued his little curious brain. And Andrews hadn't seemed to mind indulging the child. But at dinner time, Andrews took his leave with Morgan and Lim following soon after to check in at the hospital on a patient they'd operated on earlier in the day.
Morgan looked back at the tree for a moment and smiled wistfully. Claire noticed her attention hone in on something that caused her to suppress a chuckle. "Have a good night, Browne," she said before sauntering out the door. Claire shook her head. Who knew what silly thing she'd decided not to tease Claire for?
After closing the door behind her last visitor, Claire plopped down on the couch and stared at the new fixture in her living room. With the sun now mostly set, the dim room really showed off the blinking lights and shiny balls on the Christmas tree that hung very precisely to Shaun's specifications. It did look nice, she had to admit.
Park had arranged his and Glassman's presents around the tree, and she'd brought out a few others she'd been keeping in the bedroom that friends had mailed to her. Of course, Neil had already told her he'd be back at some point with a truckload of things he'd splurged on for Sam. She rolled her eyes thinking about how much he spoiled the baby, but she didn't deny how grateful she was for him and his affection for her little brother.
Claire hoped she and Neil would have some downtime over the holidays to talk about something that had been on her mind about that. Except now she's self-conscious about Park nosing around in her personal business when it came to her and Neil.
She set her now cool mug of cider on the table and rested her head against the pillows of the couch. Soon it would be Christmas and then New Year's. And what a year it'd been. Before long, her eyes closed staring at the twinkling tree in her dim living room, and she drifted off into another light doze.
At first, her dreams felt like a surreal version of her waking life – lounging idly in front of a bright Christmas tree. Except she started noticing some big differences, the main one being a set of strong arms holding her. Someone is caressing her hand gently as soft kisses inched from the crown of her head, down to her ear and along her neck. She murmured her pleasure and then registered a low laugh from behind her. Hands gripped the embrace that surrounded her as she leaned farther into the warmth and safety of this unnamed person.
She reached up to run her hand through thick, dark hair, letting her fingers trail along his lightly stubbled cheek. Her companion tilted his head to kiss her palm before returning his mouth to a spot below her ear that she particularly liked. Her other hand reached for his, sliding her fingers down the base of his bicep to the inside of his elbow. A soft grip at her chin guided her lips to his and before she closed her eyes to accept the kiss, she glimpsed her fingers skimming the darkened lines of the patterned tattoo above his wrist.
Claire awoke suddenly, breathing deeply and feeling flushed as she looked around for the presence that still seemed to be in the room with her. Shaking off her drowsiness, she processed the images she'd seen in her dream and frowned.
Even though she hadn't seen his face, she knew the man in her dream to be Neil.
"Stupid Park," she muttered to herself. His unsolicited opinions on her life had no doubt caused those particular images to materialize. It's all his fault that her heart was racing and constricting as the dream faded from her mind.
A knock at the door droned insistently, and Claire wondered if that sound had woken her.
She checked the peephole and a nervous surprise flared in her chest before opening the door. For the second time today, Neil stood on her doorstep with a sheepish look on his face and bearing gifts, judging by the small plastic bag in his hand. Claire stepped back and let him into her apartment. Of course, he went directly to stand in front of the tree that shone brightly in her living room.
"Oh wow, it looks really nice. If I do say so myself." Neil checked the tree from a few different angles as he waited for her to join him.
"Modesty. Always your best quality," Claire chuckled. "How's Gabbi?" She appreciated the dimness in the room to hide how flustered she felt seeing him after such a strange dream of them together.
Neil turned to her, a bright smile on his face. "She's really good. We had a nice visit and then she kicked me out for the holiday party they were having tonight. I tried not to take it personally." They both laughed.
"Well, I'm glad it was a good visit. What are you doing back here? Park's got Sam, so you'll have to go over there if you don't want to miss bath time."
"Can't I come visit you?" he challenged. Again, Claire really wondered what other ideas Park had planted in his head.
"Yeah right." Claire crossed her arms, laughing nervously, though hard enough to draw a frown from him. She shook her head and went to adjust one of the ornaments.
"I don't know what's so funny." He handed her the plastic bag. Inside were cough drops, another box of tissues, her favorite ginger tea, and a small container of local honey.
"Neil 'Mother Hen' Melendez is on the job," she teased as she emptied the bag. She paused in arranging the items on the coffee table as she noticed a shiny object next to her lamp.
His watch.
She abandoned her supplies and grabbed the watch, twirling it around her fingers and leveling him with a knowing glare. He reached for it and Claire dodged, causing him to lunge for it. He raised a brow at that. Rather than tussle with him, she handed the watch over.
"What? You couldn't live without your fancy watch for the weekend?"
He slid on the watch and adjusted it on his wrist. "I took it off when we were fixing the tree. Who knows what fate it would meet here. And that's without Sammy's curious little fingers in the mix."
Claire smacked him in the arm and returned to her seat on the couch to reclaim her mug of now cold cider. Neil sat on the other end, leaning back into the soft cushions.
"I still can't believe Park talked you into getting that tree."
Neil twisted his head around to her from where he'd flopped it on the back of the couch. "Well, he made a good case." Rolling his eyes, he turned his head again and closed his eyes. "He had a lot of unsolicited advice to get off his chest," he muttered.
Gripping her mug, Claire tried to gauge Neil's thoughts on that. "So, you too? He was on about a lot of things this morning with me too. He takes his role as my Work Dad very seriously."
"No kidding. Don't mind him," he added wearily, not seeming particularly inclined to get into his and Park's conversation with her. "So, what's on the agenda for New Year's?"
Grateful for the change in topic, Claire sighed. "Not much. I'm on-shift for Christmas and New Year's."
"What?" He sat up frowning. "How did that happen?" Working both holidays was actually against hospital policy without HR authorization so that people wouldn't be pressured into giving up the days off.
Claire raised a hand to stop his inevitable complaint. "I volunteered. It's not like I have anywhere to be. And the daycare is still open for the day shift so I'll be off by 5:00. You know the ER will be an absolute madhouse. But my New Year's partying days are over. Sam and I will be lucky to make it to prime time." Neil chuckled. "You still planning a ski trip? Park's jumping on that bandwagon too."
Neil shrugged. "It's up in the air now. I was supposed to go up to Whistler, but it's looking like that'll get cancelled. One of the guys may have to go overseas for work, and another guy just got engaged so he's squeamish about leaving for the holidays. Now everyone might bail."
"That sucks," Claire groaned. "I know you were looking forward to it. You could still go by yourself if you wanted. Check out the singles scene," she said grinning.
Laughing, Neil turned his head back to her. "What do you know about the singles scene at Whistler?" She shrugged, not revealing the secrets of any youthful excursions. "Always full of surprises, Dr. Browne."
Claire joined in his amusement. She paused a beat. "Well, you're welcome to hang out with me and Sam. It won't be Whistler or even much of a party. But there will be plenty of toys and noisemakers. You know, the usual stuff around here."
"I don't know, that doesn't sound like a bad gig at all. Tell you what, I'll let you know. And if it works out, I'll bring the champagne and a stick to poke you with to keep you awake until midnight."
The way he was looking at her, Claire didn't know how to feel about this development. Stupid Park instigating trouble with his suggestions about the two of them. They were friends and there was nothing weird about that. Even his appearance tonight proved that he didn't come over just to see her – he always had another reason, like a random errand or something Sam-related. Romance had nothing to do with it, for either of them.
And that dream had just been an unfortunate side effect of Park's meddling.
Even her own body rejected the thought of it as a fresh round of coughs and sniffling hit her. Claire reached over to open the bag of lozenges.
Of course, this got Neil's attention. He scooted closer, and before she could anticipate the action, he reached over and put the back of his hand to her forehead to check her temperature. He then moved to test her cheek, a lingering caress of fingers before moving his hand to rest at the base of her neck.
The sudden touch made her shiver. And not with a chill.
Neil seemed oblivious. "Are you cold?" He looked her over. "Why aren't you wearing socks?" He got up and went towards the front door where he knew she kept spare fuzzy footies for when she came in from outside. He sat back down and gestured for her to hand him her feet so he could put them on.
So surprised by his actions, she let him dress her, though his attention and closeness were starting to make her self-conscious. "Uh, you must really miss Sam if you're resorting to putting my socks back on like you do for him during his naps."
"You know," he said, patting her feet as he finished. "You are starting to sound very ungrateful about this house call I'm making right now." Although his words seemed stern, she could see the smile pulling at his lips.
She grinned. "My apologies, Dr. Melendez. Your bedside manner is excellent and much appreciated."
"My incredible bedside manner is one of my many talents."
Claire giggled. "Okay, that was bad. That's got to be how every 'playing doctor' porn movie starts," she joked without fully thinking the comment through. That's what happened with him. One second, she'd be worried about overstepping her boundaries and the next they're falling into a comfortable, familiar banter.
If Neil was bothered or uncomfortable by the teasing, he didn't let on. Instead he laughed, one of the hearty bellows that she loved the sound of. "Watching a lot of professionally related adult movies lately?" he quipped back.
Claire wondered if he could see her blush through her already flushed cheeks. She worried the conversation could quickly go off the rails, maybe already had. She hurried to change the subject.
"Oh my god, that reminds me of this one time during my first year when you walked in on a conversation Jared, Shaun, and I were having about porn."
Neil looked confused. "When was that? I feel like I would remember something so weird."
Claire giggled. "It was when you made Shaun do Andrews' scut work for being late and then made me go with him as punishment. We ended up treating the woman who did porn movies with the Bartholin gland abscess."
"Oh yeah," Neil said. "Except I only remember punishing Murphy. You were just along for the ride," he clarified, grinning.
She rolled her eyes at that, but continued. "Jared was so shocked that Shaun had watched porn, like all guys don't watch porn. That's the part you came in on. The look on your face!" She started laughing again before coughing a few times into her tissue. "You said something so dumb about us going home to play video games as if you hadn't heard what we were talking about."
"I kind of remember, I think. Or at least I remember sending all of you home." He sighed. I'd had a lot on my mind that night with the case Jared and I were working on. And then had a big argument with Jessica later about it."
Claire winced. "Sorry. Didn't meant to unearth bad memories."
"No, it's fine. It feels like a lifetime ago. I haven't thought about that in a while, actually," he said. "Looking back on it, that was really the beginning of the end for me and Jess."
"How so?" Claire asked, curious.
Neil turned to face her getting more comfortable. "I don't know if you remember, but the patient wanted to do whatever possible to carry her baby to term, no matter the consequences for herself. Her husband disagreed. He didn't want to risk the surgery – having her in his life meant more than having a biological child." Claire nodded, vaguely recalling the case. "At the time, I could really sympathize with the mother's arguments. I was starting to think about my marriage to Jess, having a family, living the life I'd envisioned in my mind for the two of us. But Jess, she really backed the father's arguments. We disagreed about the significance of having biological children." He sighed. "And then you know what happened after that."
"Wow," Claire said. "That's heavy." She felt a twinge of regret for him, that he hadn't gotten what he wanted yet – a chance to be a father. They usually spent so much time talking about her life, that these moments when he shared more about himself felt precious. She wished he'd lean on her a little bit more sometimes.
"Yeah. The funny thing is, I get it now. What she meant." Claire stared curiously at him, urging him to continue. "She really pushed me about how I'd feel if she couldn't – or didn't want to – have biological children. I'd been so into this image of the experience I saw for us, it just seemed to come out of nowhere. But honestly, there had been signs before that I'd ignored. She'd changed the subject right away after that. I'd called her ideas ridiculous at the meeting and she was rightfully pissed."
"Ouch," Claire replied. Jessica Preston wasn't the kind of woman to take that without a strong rebuke.
"After spending time with Sam, though, I get it. How much you can love a kid without the biological ties." He said this almost shyly, so uncharacteristic for him.
Claire smiled at that, the warmth in his expression being contagious. "Well, he loves his Uncle Neil a lot too."
This returned her thoughts to the situation she wanted to discuss with him. The idea she'd been contemplating since the paternity situation with Tre Mackey. Before that really.
"Hey, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." He looked over at her with curiosity. "Just an idea, you know, with the new year coming up and getting all my business in order."
"Business?"
"Yeah." She took a deep breath, thinking about the best way to talk about what was on her mind with him. "I've been thinking about Sam and making sure he's got what he needs in the long term."
"Is something wrong?"
"No," Claire responded quickly. "Everything's fine. It's just that I'm getting everything in order for his daycare and doctor and stuff. Paperwork really."
Neil leaned in, sensing the seriousness of the situation. "You know I'm happy to help if you need anything."
She laughed. "You might want to wait until you hear what I have in mind."
"Now I'm scared," Neil said chuckling, trying to put her at ease.
They both let the moment linger, waiting for Claire to work up her nerve.
"I was thinking, you've been so great with Sam and he adores you, of course. A little too much sometimes." Neil rolled his eyes. "And I don't know what I'd do without you. Uh, without your help that is," she said, stammering. She could sense Neil's amusement at her bumbling by the brightness in his eyes. "I know it sounds like a lot, and you can take all the time you need to think about it—"
"Spit it out, Browne," he teased.
"Would you be Sam's guardian. You know, if something should happen to me? Not that I'm planning on going anywhere, it's just that given how we're even in this situation …" Claire looked away, not knowing what else to say but wanting to make her case.
When the silence stretched on, she chanced a look at Neil. Instead of stunned awkwardness, there's a small smile on his lips, his head propped up with his arm. "You're adorable when you're nervous."
"Shut up," she shot back. "I'm trying to be serious!"
"And I would be honored."
"Neil, you—" She stopped abruptly. "Wait, really?"
"Really. I told you, I love that little guy. And I adore …" She tilted her head wondering why he'd paused. "And I adore the idea of being there for him. Claire, you don't have to convince me." His expression turned serious. "Thank you. I promise to always be there for him, even without it being official in case you change your mind—"
"No! I've thought about this a lot. I'm sure." She smiled at him, and he returned it.
"Even so. You can change your mind if you ever need to." His smile faded, though he seemed more pensive than uncomfortable. "Down the road, you may find yourself married and embarking on a new kind of life. It might change your priorities."
"Or you could," Claire responded back. "When you have a family of your own, it'd be okay if you wanted to focus on that. I want you to know before you agree to anything that I won't hold it against you if that happens."
Neil started shaking his head even before she finished. "I would never do that to Sam. It doesn't matter what happens down the road, he's stuck with me." He paused and grinned. "You're both stuck with me. Get ready for a lifetime of 'mother henning' as you call it." He nudged her foot with his at the joke.
"Even so," she repeated, "I won't change my mind." They both grinned at each other, letting the moment, their connection to one lucky little boy sit between them.
Setting her mug on the table, Claire grabbed a pillow instead, hugging it to her. "I just need to get the paperwork together, but it shouldn't be complicated."
"You need any help? I know a lawyer that could take care of it too."
On top of agreeing to this huge responsibility, Claire couldn't believe how much he continued to be so generous with her. It made some part of her wish that Park was right, that maybe there could be something more between them if things were different.
"I can probably ask the social worker that helped me when I had to get Sam squared away after …" She waved away the rest, not needing to elaborate with Neil. He nodded.
They sat in the dark again, watching the lights of the tree, both deep in their thoughts.
"It's so quiet," Claire said softly in the comfortable silence. "Park will probably be putting Sam to bed. He sent me a picture from their dinner adventure. No one came out of that clean.
Neil laughed. "I bet. He's gotten so feisty in the evenings lately." Claire loved that he knew that. It made her feel like she wasn't alone in taking care of Sam.
"Neil?" Claire whispered, feeling in the moment. He turned again to her. "Thank you. For everything."
Neil reached over and took her hand, briefly, no need to reply.
He noticed her empty mug. "How about we get you some tea?" He stood up to head to her kitchen, the ginger tea and honey he'd bought her in hand.
After he'd made them both some tea, they settled into the couch and watched a silly holiday movie on the television. They fought over couch space when Neil stretched his long legs along the length of it. She remained curled up in the corner with the blanket he'd insisted she cover herself with. Later, Neil dug up her first aid kit to take her official temperature and, noticing a higher than normal number, had her take some over-the-counter cold medicine to stave off a fever. It had knocked her out before the end of the movie credits.
When she woke the next morning, she lay comfortably in her bed, feeling much better. A glass of water and tissues sat on her nightstand next to some loose cough drops that hadn't been there before. A trash can sat close by for her to throw any used tissues. She had a vague memory of Neil calling her name before scooping her up and carrying her down the hall to her room. For some reason, the strongest memory of the end of the night was turning her cheek into his steady embrace as he held her, recognizing his scent from so many moments spent next to him in the O.R.
For a few moments before the lucidity of a new day set in, she let herself imagine another reality for them. One where he'd stayed and held her as she slept. One where he'd always be there for her, too.
TBC...