Author's Note: Well, it's been a while, huh? This pandemic stricken year has really left me drained and I've been slowly (painfully slowly) working on this chapter for literally months. To those who sent me messages asking me to update, I'm really glad you are enjoying this story, and I hope that each chapter continues to live up to your expectations. Finally, I hope all of you have a safe and happy thanksgiving, and my goal is to have the next chapter done by Christmas (just trying to be realistic with myself here).
Chapter 11: Pain and Healing
Rey sat in a window of the Millennium Falcon, her hands folded across her lap as her face rested against the cool glass. She had often passed the time alone on in Kylo Ren's quarters, counting the endless stars in the galaxy visible from the window next to his bed. The few dozen remaining survivors from the base were aboard as well, and for the second time in her life, Rey opted to leave the First Order behind to stay with her friends. But this time, it was much harder. One of the stormtrooper fleet commanders instructed Rey that she was to return to the command ship. While she desired to be with her love once more, there was unfinished business here. She needed to see Leia alone and tell the General that her son was still very much alive. She needed to see Finn, Poe, and Chewie, for she had missed them terribly over the last year. She needed to get that damn compliance disk removed, a feat that neither she nor the Supreme Leader trusted any First Order medic with. And of course, now that they had seen the wrath of the fallen Emperor, she needed to act as the bridge that could bring the resistance and First Order together as allies in fighting their common enemy.
She truly thought they could win against her grandfather and had never believed it more than the instant she saw her love appear by her side on the battlefield. His force projection…just the sheer strength of it, was like nothing Rey had ever known possible. Luke Skywalker, the greatest Jedi ever known, died from the effort of force projecting himself halfway across the galaxy. Not only had Kylo Ren done the same, but he was able to lead a physical assault on Palpatine's troops. Snoke was no fool. Even in Ben's youth that sith already knew that he would evolve into the strongest force wielding being in the galaxy.
The dyad had often trained together, meditated together, and practiced their mastery of the force together. Why then was she only just now learning that he had such power? In a way, she felt betrayed. But then again, Kylo Ren told her that he kept secrets from her for fear of what Palpatine could see inside her head. Still, the scavenger girl never thought he would keep that big a secret from her.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked. Shifting her gaze from the window, she saw him. It was exactly like when the force had first begun connecting them. She saw his form, solid and clear, and felt his presence in her soul. Still, it wasn't the same as having him sit mere feet away. Their touch through the force carried power, but not the tenderness that his gentle stokes could only induce when his hands caressed her skin. Even if she rested her head on his chest, she would not hear his heartbeat nor feel the warmth of his body. It was as if through the force, she only saw a shell of the man she loved and not his entire form.
"That I wish you were here." She admitted, pulling a blanket tighter around her body. "You said no when I asked you to come before, but I can't help but ask again."
"I can't." The words carried the weight of all his sorrow. He wanted to be with Rey and comfort her as she braved a surgeon knife to get the compliance disk removed from her back. To be able to hold the sight of her in his eyes and breathe her scent as they slept, just as they had done now for months. And what was worse, he could not tell his beloved why. Claiming that facing Leia was too much (which was at least partly true) clouded over the reality that the resistance would never accept him back; even if (and he couldn't believe he was admitting this) he wanted to go back. If Rey's plan to unite the First Order and the Resistance together had any chance of success, the idea needed to be endorsed by an ally, a hero of the resistance. Kylo Ren had hoped that by giving Rey time, she would convince them to join their cause against the sith. And after what Palpatine claimed to be a mere taste of his fleet, they were going to need every last ship, blaster, and soldier the galaxy could offer.
"I know." And she did know what she was asking of Kylo Ren, of Ben Solo, but she didn't care. Forbidding herself to let even a single tear escape her eyes, the scavenger girl turned her gaze back to the window. In the past year, she had cried enough for a lifetime, and sure as hell wasn't justified in doing it now. Right now, her friends were with her, Leia was with her, and through their dyad, was still fortunate enough to be connected to her other half. The sound of his voice, the look of his eyes, all hers for whenever she wanted, and yet, why did it not seem like enough? "I guess I was just hoping you'd change your mind. I'd feel a lot better about this surgery tomorrow if you were here."
Standing over her, the Supreme Leader rested his arm on the wall above her head, using the projection of his body to separate her from the rest of the galaxy. There was a comfort, a sense of safety that bloomed in the scavenger girl whenever he would tower over her like that, this physical gesture that he would protect her from every harm. "I don't like the idea of you having surgery at all. It's a feeling, call it intuition, if you want, but I can't shake it. I could never lose you."
Putting two fingers across his lips, Rey silenced the dark Jedi. After puckering his lips to kiss her concealing fingertips, the scavenger girl laid her hand across his cheek, feeling his uneasiness.
"I'll never leave you. But, I have to get this damn thing out. Every time I fight, one stupid press of an activator switch, and I am useless. How am I supposed to fight the sith like this? And speaking of, someone has to convince these people that fighting Palpatine is the only way to prevent the galaxy's destruction. Though admittedly, after the battle last week, I think it will be a lot easier to convince them that an alliance with the First Order is the only way."
"I have the largest fleet in the galaxy. You and I are the strongest Jedi in the galaxy. Remind me again, what difference will the addition of a couple thousand scattered rebels make?"
"Those rebels are lead by your mother. If they could see you both together, two Jedi leading your armies again the sith…it would bring hope to the galaxy. Hope destroys the dark side, it destroys the sith. It's the most powerful force in the galaxy." Rey paused, making absolutely sure that what she saw in him was true. "It's why you offered me your hand that day on the Supremacy."
"Rey?" Poe's voice called out, accompanied by several raps at her metal chamber door. "Rey, you in there?"
Feeling their connection of their quiet moment fading, she tried once more to plead with her beloved to come to the Millenium Falcon and be with her tomorrow. Though they were connected by the force, the distance made it easier to hide her fear. It wasn't just the idea of the surgery that scared the scavenger girl. It was thought of what would happen if something went wrong. The disk was in her spine. One wrong move and she would be paralyzed for life. What good is a rebel who cannot fight? What good is a leader bound to a wheelchair? Would Leia and her friends simply toss her aside if she were no longer useful? What of Kylo Ren? He was, without question, the strongest (albeit dark) Jedi in the galaxy and deserved an equally powerful bride. How could she ever be his equal again if she were debilitated like that?
It was at that moment that she remembered the first time they had met. When he saw her as nothing more than a filthy scavenger girl. He only saw her as worthy of his attention after realizing she could wield the force. Would he still see her as worthy if she could no longer walk?
Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't realized Poe had come into her room. Snapping back to reality, Poe pulled her from her window seat and brought her down to the mess hall where Finn was still scratching his head about Chewie's (illegal) move in dejarik.
Rey sat on the metal table in a surgical gown, wiggling her twitchy nervous toes as she waited for the last remaining physician alive after the battle. Finn and Poe sat on either side, the former holding her hand in his own, and the latter kept an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "I've wanted this damn thing out of my spine for almost a year…so why am I so nervous?"
"Hey, it's okay to be nervous. No one likes getting cut open. But Finn and me, we're going to be waiting right outside through the whole thing. You don't have to do this alone."
Rey let her head fall to Poe's shoulder as she smiled, "I'm glad that I'm not alone." She missed her friends, but finally being back with them was only going to make her inevitable departure that much harder. If only Ben had had friends like this, then maybe he would have never been tempted by the dark side of the force as a child. Still, for all the comfort her friends could provide, she wondered if the sinking feeling in her gut would have been silenced if her beloved Kylo Ren were here with her. While she understood that facing Leia right now might be too much for him, that it would undermine their efforts to join these two teams together, there was also a part of her that hated him for staying away.
The physician entered the room with a tray of freshly cleaned tools, including a sinisterly sharp-looking scalpel. "I'm going to need you two to leave," he ordered, flicking a syringe of something intended to numb Rey's back. It was an odd blue substance cut with a swirling smoke of white. Rey's eyes grew wide as she shook her head, practically begging her friends not to leave her, sensing that something was amiss here.
As Poe jumped off the table, Rey almost blurted out that Kylo Ren would never dare leave her if she asked, hoping to use the pilot's obvious jealousy to work in her favor. But still, even after a year of exposure to the First Order and even her spells in the dark side of the force, she couldn't bring herself to manipulate her friend like that. Instead, she refused to let go of Finn's hand and pulled him in close.
"Something isn't right here; I can sense it." Finn's look of concern was interrupted by Poe kissing her cheek. "We'll be right outside, and it'll be over before you know it. Take good care of our girl, doc."
"Finn," Rey added with the utmost seriousness in her whisper. "I don't trust this man."
"Maybe you are just nervous? What if this is Palpatine screwing with your head?" Rey's confused look prompted her friend to continue. "Think about it, so long as you have this First Order tech inside you, you are sitting duck on the battlefield. Palpatine would want you to believe anything necessary in order to maintain that kind of upper hand. He knows without it, you'd take him down in a heartbeat."
The idea wasn't crazy, but it did nothing to silence her fear. Perhaps this was also Kylo Ren's words last night getting to her.
The physician opened the back of Rey's gown and, without any warning, stuck the icy needle inside in her warm body, it's fluid zapping her warmth from inside. He hadn't even cleaned the skin. "This will just take a minute to kick in, and then we can get started."
Almost instantly, Rey lost the feeling in the low part of her back, followed by her toes. But then, arms, fingers, even her tongue started to feel heavy, lifeless, and numb.
"What did you give me?!" she asked, realizing that her mind was growing hazy. The muscles in her back let loose their hold on her spine, and for all the heaviness in her arms, their strength dissolved into wet noodles, unable to hold her up. As she plopped over on the table, the muscles in her mouth wired in place, with tongue grown heavy and swollen, and finally vision, which had begun to blur.
"My wife thought you were a hero," he started, as he sliced across her ankle and again across the outside of her leg. Unable to feel any pain, her only knowledge of the event was the quick hit of pressure and the sensation of warm blood seeping from her body. As the Jedi tried to scream, she found her tongue as numb-bound as if her mouth had stuffed with a medical rag. "My daughter thought you would be the one to finally end the terror of the First Order." Another slice whipped across her arm. "And while you were off gallivanting the galaxy with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, we suffered attack after attack after attack at the hands of the First Order." Each mention of the word resulted in another slice of the scalpel along her body.
Kylo Ren hadn't led an attack against the resistance in the entire time they were together. In fact, the Supreme Leader had often vetoed many of Hux's planned attacked against the rebels, under the guise that they needed to spare their men in anticipation of the battle against the Final Order. Whoever was attacking the resistance, probably that red-headed weasel, acted without the Supreme Leader's consent.
Squeezing her face in his hand so tight as to leave bruises with his fingerprints, the doctor turned her up to look into his eyes. The scalpel dragged slowly down her cheek as hot tears poured her hazel eyes. "There, now you can have a scar to match his. You're both nothing but filthy traitors."
Using the numbness to her advantage to quiet her mind, the Jedi tried to call out to Leia. Yet, it was Finn whom she sensed first. Since the fight in the forest, she had suspected that her friend also possessed the ability to wield the force and was so grateful in this moment that he did.
"My wife was killed by a Stormtrooper in one of their raids. My daughter died in the next attack. I lost my family because of you. They were willing to keep fighting because you gave them hope…false hope! For some delusion that the kid they were fighting for would somehow bring down the First Order. But what did you do instead? You fucking joined them!"
True to their word, both Finn and Poe bolted into the room almost instantly, but not before the sadistic surgeon shoved his scalpel right into the side of Rey's neck, causing her to let out an ear-piercing shriek, still unable to move off of the table. Poe tackled the man down quickly, and as he was being dragged out of the room, his words resounded in the scavenger girl's ears, "You're a fucking traitor! Do you even care how many people died because of you?!"
Looking at her back, Finn knew he had to pull the scalpel out, but that doing so might make her bleed out faster. He had only ever been a soldier and had no real medical training. Taking a deep breath, he warned his friend to brace herself as he tried to pull the blade out as straight as he could, resulting in the kind of piercing scream that would shatter glass. Rey's blood continued to gush from her body, and enough of her liquid life had gone that so to had her consciousness.
Poe declared (loudly) that she needed another physician, only to be told (loudly) by Finn that all the medical staff had died in yesterday's battle. The crazed physician that was just hauled off was the only one left. "What do we do?!" the pilot yelled, clearly panicked.
Through the doors, as quickly as her legs could carry, Leia made her way into the medical room, having sensed Rey's cry for help. The sight of that poor girl bleeding out on the table brought her hand catch the gasp escaping from her mouth. She had not yet seen Rey since her return to the base, for if the rumors were accurate, and Palpatine could turn her on and off like some droid-servant, then she couldn't risk being near the young Jedi, as much as she wanted to. For all of Leia's achievements in life, at her core, she was a mother. One who had lost a child to the dark side and was determined not to also lose this girl that she had grown to care for. Cradling Rey's head against her bosom, sensing the life force quickly leaving her body, the General felt the same anguish as the day she lost her son. "I won't lose you," she whispered.
Using the strength of the force, she reached out to what seemed like a void of blackness, hoping to find some trace of life. "Be with me. I need your help," Leia whispered. "She…needs your help."
In the image of her connection, the face of distrust and shock on Kylo Ren's face dissolved to panic at the sight of his mother holding a dying Rey in her arms. Forcing his quaking knees to allow him to stand, he took two steps, needing such strength as if there were iron in his boots. For all the levelheadedness Kylo Ren showed on the battlefield, such serenity abandoned him at that moment. Panic had begun building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of his stomach. Unable to concentrate on anything else other than to get his leaded feet to move towards his dying love. With his heart beating harder and faster, adrenaline levels rising, his brain began to fire out those unimaginable thoughts faster than a First Order machine gun. Wrapping his arm next to his mothers', he cradled Rey's head and kissed her hair to feel that there was barely any life in her. The dark Jedi needed to swallow his anger, and calm himself, for it was no good to him to fume over how his feeling had been right nor to panic about the unthinkable.
Quickly pulling away both of his gloves, which stuck to his sweat-stricken palms, he could not seem to get them off fast enough, despite his cursing. Placing both on his beloved and allowed the energy from his body to close the wound in her neck. Leia had heard that force healing was possible but had never known any capable of the act until now. His life flowed into hers, his draining energy healing her wound. Kylo Ren would have given his entire life force for her had his mother not broken his concentration by placing her hand on his cheek. "Enough, Ben. She'll live. Any more, and you might not."
Through labored breath, he felt their connection fading. "I'm coming there. Tell me where you are."
"Rest, Ben. She will be okay, and so will you." Leia ended the connection, despite her son's shouts of protest, as if it were Leia herself taking Rey away from him. While the General had no desire to leave her son in such a state, the effort needed to connect with the force across such a distance required a level of stamina the aging Jedi simply no longer possessed.
Kylo Ren was slumped down on the couch in his quarters. Though he wanted to simply throw himself down on the bed, the 30 steps it would take to get over there at this point seemed insurmountable. The medical droids had patched him up as best they could following Palapatine's attack last week, but even they could not restore his energy. For that, only time would heal. And to have to exert such an amount into Rey so quickly after left him nothing short of exhausted. It had been nearly four hours since his connection with his mother had faded. And just in the moment that he had nearly drifted off to sleep, the soft whisper of his mother's voice filled his head.
"Ben,"
Ever silent, the Supreme Leader simply raised his brow, the look of concern on his face practically begging to know the condition his love was in. "Rey is going to be okay. You healed her worst wound, and we were able to close the others and get her blood. I may not be a medic, but in all of those years on the battlefield, you pick up on a few things."
"My scouts have been scanning the entire galaxy for the Falcon, and somehow you've managed to keep eluding us. Rey needs to be here with me. I thought perhaps she could sway the resistance given time, but I won't continue to risk her safety after what's happened."
"Do you know what happened?"
"I can guess. Jedi spends too much time with the First Order, and those in the resistance think she has turned to the dark side. They see her as a traitor when in reality, the whole reason why I haven't completely annihilated the lot of you was because she begged me not to."
"I can tell that you care very much for her, as do I, as do many of us. Tell me what Palpatine has done to her, I have heard the rumors, but I need to know the truth. I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't allowed her to see me yet, because I just don't know what I would be facing."
"Palpatine's connection to her is the strongest I have ever seen. He sleeps in the back of her mind and is able to emerge when she is angry or scared. In the beginning, I could calm her to the point where she could fight him off on her own. But in the last few weeks, something has changed. His hold on her is stronger than ever; so much so, that I can no longer break through it." The General tried to probe her son's mind's gently and was somewhat shocked that he allowed her to proceed undeflected. He had a plan, to travel to Exegol alone and finish off Palpatine himself while Rey was still with the resistance. But now, after the battle, with what little energy he had remaining zapped away, and of course his worry for Rey's safety, there was no chance he could make such a trip now. She felt something else as well, his love for the girl. It permeated his very essence as if they were connected in a way that Leia herself could not comprehend. What was most shocking was that the resentment in her son towards her and Han had faded away, and in that effort, Rey was to thank.
"Ben," she whispered, resting her hand over his. "Rey told me that you were the one who killed Snoke. That you fought by her side against the guards. Where once there was only anger, now I sense peace. You're still haunted by your crimes, but you've found comfort in Rey. I know that so long as the sith roam the galaxy, it is better for you to be behind the protection of the First Order, but after it is over,"
"Don't even say it, woman." He snapped.
"Please come home."
Groaning with frustration, he snapped, "Don't you understand that I can't. What would happen? If they didn't shoot met dead the moment I stepped within 100 klicks of you, they would throw me in a cell to rot! Even if I was completely in tune with the light, which I am not, for the record, that does not magically rectify all of my sins. I will never be a slave to a sith master again, but Ben Solo is dead, and he is never coming home…I…can never come home." The dark Jedi turned his back, ashamed of the emotion he was feeling. He had fought for so long to convince everyone, even Rey, that Ben Solo was foolish, weak, and very much dead. Why then was this trace of him surfacing now?
Kissing the top of her son's head, she wrapped her arms around her child—his raw emotion expressed in silent weeping. In time, he would raise his own to hold her arms wrapped across his chest. "I've already forgiven you for everything," he whispered. "Please forgive me."
In those words, an immense weight lifted from Leia's shoulders. "Your father and I…we failed you because we were never able to make peace with Anakin. We saw him in you, and we feared the darkness in you the way we feared it in Darth Vader. I sent you away, hoping that Luke would stamp it out through training with the force. But that loss, the rejection, only cemented it deeper in you. And in our absence, Snoke lured a young lost boy down the path the dark side, knowing full well that there was no one around to stop him. I know the guilt you feel over killing Han, and I hope in time, you will learn to forgive yourself for it. Forgive, but never forget. Never forget that it was the love of a father who tried to save his son, the love of a mother who tried to spare him, and the love of a scavenger girl who came to rescue him. For whatever part Rey played in freeing your soul, I owe her a debt don't think could ever be repaid."
"We both do. And now I owe it to her to save her from Palpatine and let her mind be at peace."
"We both do." His mother repeated. "We are headed to Kijimi; Poe Dameron knows of someone there who might be able to remove the compliance disk from her spine. I hope the next time we speak, it will be face to face."
The eyes of the scavenger girl fluttered awake. She was still in the medical bay of the Falcon, but a different room than before. A shiny silver food tray sat unadorned on a bedside table, and with shaking hands, she dared hold it in front of her and peer into her reflection. Her entire neck was bandaged with a small medpack, and a black sterristrip originated at the bridge of her nose and ran the length of her cheek. Pulling gently away, the broken skin underneath revealed her scar. Rey froze when she saw the reflection, knuckles going white, clenching the edge of the tray. A long clean scar snaked down the right side of her face, an odd mixture of bright white and light pink. Slowly releasing one hand from the tray and lightly brushing down thewound, tracing the line slowly with the tips of her fingers. "Traitor" was the only word on her mind as she sent the cursed mirrored tray flying across the room. What would Kylo Ren say when he next laid eyes on her? The scavenger girl buried her face to shield from the shame washing over.
Ripping the MedTrace bracelet from her arm and the corseted medpack from her core, every machine started to beep wildly, and a quick push of her hand crushed the medical contraptions and sent another crashing into the wall. It was no surprise that all the noise quickly drew Finn's attention, for he had been continuously checking on his friend. Taking a look around the room, it was evident that his friend was having a tough time of it and was currently trying to rip a needle dispensing her pain medication out of her arm.
"Hey, hey, yo, Rey, stop it, stop!" he stammered, trying to keep the girl from doing even more harm to herself. "Come on, it's me, Finn, your friend! Talk to me, tell what's going on."
"He was right, you know. I am a traitor. I should have tried harder to convince Ren to come back to the resistance. I tried to convince myself that if he was redeemed in Leia's eyes, everything would be alright no matter how long we stayed behind the iron wall of the First Order. But it's never going to be alright, is it? There is no place for us. The First Order wants us both dead, the resistance wants us both dead, Palpatine wants us both dead, I mean what's left after that?"
"Your friends? Me, and Poe, and Chewie, and Leia. And, as one traitor to another, let me tell you, I saw good people in the First Order Rey, and I see good people in the resistance. But there are bad people on both sides too. The cause may be righteous, but that doesn't mean everyone who fights for it is. The medic was angry and hurt, and he blamed you for his loss. But you didn't kill his family; hell Kylo Ren didn't even kill his family! This was not on you, okay?"
"Thank you, Finn." She smiled, embracing her friend.
"Now, what can I do to make you feel better?"
"Make Ren magically appear."
"I know you told us that he's not really a sith lord anymore, but the guy still leads the First Order. You might need to give the rest of us some time to get used to the idea that you fell in love with someone I have only ever known to be a monster."
"He's haunted by what he's done."
"As he should be," Finn said, nodding along as if to agree with himself. "he killed countless millions. And yes, I know Snoke had control over him and all, but you don't just forgive a person for that kind of destruction. But," he said, holding Rey's hand, "when your friend is convinced that there is good in him, you try your best. Now, hold still, I want to try something." Placing his hand over Rey's scar, Finn closed his eyes and concentrated.
"What are you doing?" she asked jokingly.
"I'm healing your face. I watched Leia heal you in the operating room. If she can do it, so can I."
"Finn," she laughed. "It's a really difficult thing to do; it drains you like you wouldn't believe. Ren and I pass out almost every time we've had to heal one another."
"No, no, just you wait. I'll do it!"
Rey laughed, "Finn! It's fine, really. I'm sure Ren can do it the next time I see him."
"If you already know this, why are you so bothered by it?"
The smile dissolved from her face as her eyes glassed over, lost in thought. "Because it's the mark of a traitor. Who in the resistance is ever going to listen to me now? I'm the granddaughter of a sith lord, I'm in love with a man that the entire galaxy is convinced is a monster. And now, by the hand of the resistance, I bear the same scar I bestowed upon Kylo Ren, the mark of a traitor."
"Well then," he said, clapping his hands over Rey's. "You leave me no choice," and placing his hands back on her face and concentrated again—still nothing, of course. But the gesture itself brought a smile to Rey's face.
Kijimi was freezing cold – white puffs of snow crunched under Rey's boots as they snuck down back alleys, hiding their faces from citizens and stormtroopers alike. This was a cold not in the air but in the ground as the earth beneath sucked the life from their feet, leaving them numb rocks with no grace for walking.
While Rey had been ready to simply march through the city, knowing that no First Order troop would dare stop her, it was Poe who reminded that Kijimi was full of refugees and outlaws. If anyone saw that the First Order soldiers were giving her no trouble, she would be immediately pegged as a Supreme Leader's pawn and an enemy of Kijimi citizens.
Rey didn't quite understand why there was such a fuss about the soldiers anyway. The stormtroopers weren't doing anything but apparently keeping the peace. They hadn't attacked any shops or innocent persons as they would have done under Snoke's rule. The only people they were throwing in jail were spice runners or those stupid enough to start a fight in the streets. Of course, as rebels, they were still prime targets without any just cause.
Racing down a stairwell, the thinnest sheet of ice beneath the snow caught Finn off guard, and the man not only fell but slid down the remaining three stairs as well, knocking over a basket of bright red berries. The merchant shouted in some alien language, wacking Finn with a broom, while he apologized profusely, backed his team up the stairs and around a corner, and finally outran the merchant.
"I hope this friend of yours is close by. It's getting harder to avoid making a scene when there are so few people in the streets. Wonder why all these people are trying to close up their stalls and shutter their windows?"
"Also," Rey added, "My feet are freezing. I haven't felt my toes in ten minutes."
"Then wear thicker boots!" Poe retorted, peering around a corner, tired of his friends' griping. "Oh shit, we got company. There are bounty hunter vessels down the main square. Come on, we got to get ourselves hidden."
"What would bounty hunters want to do with us? I mean, the only people they go after here are spice runners who've jilted payments." Finn's words were met with a confession from his friend, as Poe admitted that maybe, before the war, just as a means of income, for a little while, he may, possibly, have been a spice runner.
'You were a spice runner?!" Rey asked.
"You were a scavenger."
"But you were a spice runner?" Finn followed.
"You were a freaking stormtrooper, don't give me any of that!"
"Yes, but scavenging was not illegal, and don't pick on Finn. He was enslaved; he didn't know what he was doing."
"Yeah!" Finn added, not quite realizing what message he was reinforcing.
"Look, both of you. We need to get to Zorri's place before we draw any more attention to ourselves. So you, stop slipping on the ice. And you, just quiet, please! The whole reason we are here to help you!"
As they waited in the shadows for two stormtroopers to pass on their rounds, Rey felt a familiar presence. Shaking it off as only her hopeful wishing, she knew that Kylo Ren could not be here on Kijimi. She had never told him where they were going, mostly because the scavenger girl didn't know herself until they landed. As much as she hated it, Kylo Ren had the right idea. Important information, such as their location or destinations, needed to be kept secret from the scavenger girl for fear that any knowledge in Rey's head was ripe for picking by the Emperor.
The snow began to fall out of the black sky, and the temperature of the already freezing cold planet began to drop further. Rey blew warm air into her hands, regretting not reaching for gloves that covered the tips of her fingers when they had departed from the Falcon.
"Tell me where you are." Her beloved's voice echoed in her head. Glancing behind her down the alley, there was nothing except the remains of their footprints in the snow. "Ren?" It was like a whisper into the aether – not intended to be heard. Noticing her distraction, Finn nudged the Jedi's shoulder before they continued their run through the back alleys of the city. "Finn, if First Order officers were here, people would be panicked, right?"
"For sure. Rumors spread that Kylo Ren leaves no survivors when he attacks a place. If he showed up here, people would be running for their lives. Why?"
"It's probably just me being nervous. Come on, how much further?"
After nearly an hour of weaving about the town's streets, they arrived at a door, three steps below the street. Poe knocked in a rhythmic fashion, a coded rap known only to allies, and asked to speak to Zorri, claiming to be an old friend.
"Rey," she heard, a whisper in the night air. Pushing the edge of her hood back, the Jedi scanned the scape of the back street. The scavenger girl hoped to see the man behind the voice. Out of the corner of her eye, standing beneath a stone bridge, she saw him. He was not dressed as a Supreme Leader of the First Order. His black jackets and cloaks replaced with dark grays and browns. Her feet moved without hesitation, her head never stopped to think, but before either of her friends had glanced up, the Jedi was nearly halfway to her love.
The scavenger girl threw her arms around her dark Jedi while he took her face in his hands and, without any regard of who was watching, kissed her as if it had been weeks (instead of days) since he had last seen her. They both shared a smile, and resting his forehead on hers, Kylo Ren clouded Rey's face with the smoke of his warm breath, meeting the cold air. His thumb traced the black sterristrip bandage that ran down her face but stopped his fingers at her lips before kissing her again.
"I can't believe you're here." She whispered, her arms constricting around him as if they never planned to let him go again.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. I should have come to you when you first asked. I know you are here to try this again, but I don't think it's wise. Rey, I'm so tired, I won't have the strength to heal you if something goes wrong."
As Rey looked back at her friends, Finn was waving them to come inside the now opened door, while Poe angrily asked, gestured, hit Finn's shoulder, and audibly asked what the hell he was doing.
"Then let's hope nothing does," Rey concluded, the red flush in her cheeks still glowing from their kiss.
As the dyad entered the apartment hand in hand, they were stopped by a rather large fellow who insisted on their blasters. While neither usually carried such a weapon, wielding lightsabers around the city would be a clear giveaway of their identities. Both had opted for the cover of a more common weapon. Though the supreme leader did have his saber tucked into a sling across his back, hidden beneath his sweater, just in case. Relinquishing them both, Zorri, her face concealed by a reflective mask of her own in a most regal shade of purple, asked for their names and their relation to her old cocky comrade. "I'm Rey – I've known Poe through the resistance for the past two years."
Poe and Finn awaited to hear what sort of lie Kylo Ren would tell and were kind of shocked to hear when what came out of his mouth was so close to the truth, no one could dare dispute it. "Ben," he answered. "My parents have been fighting in the resistance even before I was born."
Poe debated outing the identity of Kylo Ren right then and there. Surely between all the scoundrels, thieves, and murders in the room, they could easily take him out. Especially if he wasn't carrying his saber. And even if he was, that may help their situation, for any bystander in the streets would engage in an all-out assault against a member of the First Order, especially their leader. Besides, the man looked extraordinarily exhausted. Clearly, he hadn't yet recovered from the battle a few days prior. But, a quick glance from Rey, with a silent "don't" on her lips, told him what he feared. Poe believed that his friend was so taken with this monster that she would surely protest (or worst, retaliate against) any reasoning for why they should just off him right here and now. It would be so easy, a few quick blaster shots, and the leader of the First Order would be no more. Dealing such a blow to the First Order would obviously turn the war in their favor. Still, this wasn't the place. It seemed that if Poe really wanted Rey to see that monster for what he was, he would be forced to take the high ground for now.
Poe introduced Rey to Babu Frik, an Anzellan who specialized in electronic circuitry, but whose precision to work on microscopic scales was unparalleled. Kylo Ren protested immediately to the absurdity of the situation, even after Babu Frik explained that a human spine was just like a compound circuit cable, mostly, practically, it would be fine. His low annoyed growl was immediately silenced as Rey thanked the Anzellan for doing this, though it didn't stop the dark Jedi from smacking his brow in frustration. If Rey was determined to do this, again, he had no choice but to swallow his pride and trust her.
Zorri instructed Rey to remove her shirt and lay on her side atop the metal table while the Anzellan prepped his tools. Annoyed at Rey's shaking head of protest, the bounty hunter exclaimed, "do you want to do this or not?"
"Forgive me if I don't want to undress in front of a dozen prying eyes."
"Totally understandable," Poe replied. "You heard her, 'Ben,' get lost!"
"I wasn't talking about him." Rey snapped back.
Finn took the cue and tried to guide his protesting friend and several others into another room, claiming that the group was clearly in need of a drink and to share old stories.
"What? You taking his side now?"
"I'm taking Rey's side." Finn retorted and pushed his friend out the door. Glancing back at his friend, just to make sure she was okay, he saw a the softest smile on her face as she looked at Kylo Ren. He would still need time to see the dark Jedi as anything other than the leader of the First Order. But still, if he could ease his friend's anxiety over the surgery, then he could maybe earn a favorable point with Finn. Now Poe…he was going to be a challenge.
Zorri insisted on staying behind and threw Rey a blanket that she was able to hold in front of herself while leaving her back exposed.
After what had happened with the first surgery, Rey couldn't stop her hands from shaking at her nervousness, even though she was determined to be free of that wretched disk. Removing his gloves, Kylo Ren gently stoked his beautiful Jedi's forehead and let the girl clasp both of her hands around one of his own. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to do this, that he still thought the whole thing was foolish. However, he understood why Rey was willing to take this risk, twice, to know that she could fight the sith unhindered. Opting instead for words of support, he whispered, "I'll be right here the whole time."
"Here." Zorri handed the dark Jedi a damp cloth. The smell of anesthesia was unmistakable. This really was a back-alley operation. "You two seem close enough; you can knock her out."
Rey's entire body was shaking now, both from the cold and her fear. He had always known Rey to brave, but to see her so terrified and yet determined to do this, he couldn't help but be moved. Asking if she was ready, he instructed her to take slow deep breaths as he pressed the cloth across the lower part of her face until her eyes gently closed and her body relaxed. Zorri pricked Rey's arm with a small needle, and showing no signs of a reaction, told Babu Frik that she was ready.
After the compliance disk had been removed, the Anzellan cauterized her wound and declared his work finished. Zorri helped the dark Jedi fit a medpack tightly around her core, instructing that she was not to move for at least four hours, and even then, it would be a few days before she was healed completely.
When Rey's eyes finally opened, the room itself seemed to spin until finally settling into focus on her love, asleep in a chair with arms folded across his chest. There was a throbbing in her low back and a pounding in her head, but a sigh of relief as the scavenger girl managed to wiggle her toes back and forth. She wasn't paralyzed.
Sitting up was a slow and painful process, but the tightness of the medpack helped. "Ren," she whispered, gently rubbing his shoulder. Shooting awake almost instantly, he pushed Rey back down insisting that the girl not move in his attempt to help her avoid any additional injury.
"Is there somewhere else? Somewhere we can lay down together?"
Against the back wall of the room was a makeshift bed of sorts. A pile of blankets tucked into a cutout in the wall. It was really only intended for one, but never had either minded having to snuggle so close. Carrying her to the bed, her face gave away her pain as he tried to set her down as gently as possible, all the while clutching the blanket across her chest. Messing with the buttons on the side of the medpack, Kylo Ren upped Rey's dosage of pain suppresents in the hopes that it would help her rest.
After killing the lights and hearing a metallic crash followed by a slew of the most colorful curses, the dark Jedi managed to find his way back to the makeshift bed. Opting to face his love, he rested a hand on the warm skin of her back, often lacing his fingers beneath the band that kept her breasts secured in place. A constriction she had quickly asked him to remove, for she was uncomfortable enough with the medpack fitted around her core; she didn't need her chest bound as well. All too happy to oblige, a simple snap of his fingers released her breasts and allowed his hand to gently stroke down her back. It was reminiscent of the mornings when her dark Jedi would glide his hands beneath her shirt along her back or core, whispering that he did not want to get up for the day because she was so soft and warm.
Her fingers had found their way beneath the bottom of his sweater, and yet her touches were barred from his core by a shirt underneath. Tugging at the fabric until it pulled free from the waist of his pants, the scavenger girl rested the pads of her fingers on his skin.
"What are you doing?" he questioned with a soft smile across his face.
"I just wanted to touch you. See that you are real. I still can't believe you're here."
Taking her chin into his hand, he kissed her passionately and parted her lips with his tongue before exploring her mouth. Gliding down her neck, he stopped at her chest, wanting so much to simply continue downward but her tight gripped fist at the top of the blanket prevented any further movement. Despite having been together for nearly a year, he had never seen, let alone touched, her breasts. Though, he imagined them to be tender, soft mounds worthy of all of his affection. Still, this was hardly the time to even suggest such a thing, given that his beautiful Jedi was mere hours post-surgery.
Opting instead for her shoulders, his trail of sweet pecks continued to her neck before he was in the position to nuzzle her ear. He hadn't even noticed that she managed to free the entire front of his shirt from the waist of his pants until her wandering hand, lead by delicious fingertips, had found their way to one of his nipples. A swift inhale through his nose let her know that she had indeed come upon a tender spot.
"I hope this okay." She whispered, almost as if admitting to a mistake, retracting her hand back to his core. "You always ask, and I didn't even think to."
Clutching her hand through the fabric of his sweater, he confessed that Rey was always free to touch him anywhere she wanted in the privacy of their shared bed. Continuing to massage his nipple with the tip of her middle finger, the scavenger girl released her hold on the top of the blanket to run through his thick locks of black hair.
"I want to kiss you here," she confessed, gently tapping on his chest. Without hesitation, Kylo Ren sat up and cast his shirt to the floor before laying back in the bed, scooting himself just higher than Rey so that she wouldn't have to bend her neck too much to fulfill her intention. A long deep sigh escaped his lips as Rey's found their way to his chest. The lightest suckle on his nipple, a flick of her tongue, it was all too delicious.
Rey had forgotten to hold her blanket up; in the darkness, he could just make out the shape of her. The feel the softness of her breast against his skin, practically begging for his touch. Again, tonight was not the night for such passion. Even though Rey had instigated such play, she too was succumbing to her own exhaustion. Caressing her side with this thumb and her lips with his own, the dark Jedi professed his love to the scavenger girl once more, as he had often done during their most intimate moments.
After a few gentle strokes on her cheek and a shared set of ever wider yawns, Kylo Ren pulled the blanket up to cover them both as Rey asked her beloved to hold her while she slept. The harmonic cadence of their breaths drowning out the chaos of the galaxy.