The penultimate chapter is here!
Chapter Eleven
Jackson passes Miller in the corridor one day as Miller talks with two cadets. Jackson takes in all he can from the interaction and then smiles to himself.
Miller looks good, Jackson thinks. It has been two months since Niylah officially joined Skaikru's population and Miller received the promotion that was stripped from Octavia. Everything Jackson has observed over the past two months, including the bit he saw just now in the hallway, has shown Miller handling his new role well. Jackson especially enjoys seeing things like the respect in the cadets' eyes or how one nod from Miller conveys a message to them. What Jackson told Miller before was true – Jackson only wanted Miller to be happy and would have been fine if Miller didn't have the promotion. But he has it now and it looks good on him.
"Really?" Miller teases, just a bit later. "Tell me how good."
They are alone inside their room now, and Jackson has shared some of his thoughts with Miller. Miller seems both excited and thrilled to hear them. He strokes the back of Jackson's head and whispers in his ear.
Jackson is happy to play along, flirt a bit, and stoke Miller's ego. Why not? Miller has earned it.
"Really good," Jackson murmurs back. He nuzzles Miller's neck. "Like when you train me in the gym. So strong and confident and in control."
"Like this?" Miller asks, deftly maneuvering Jackson underneath him on the bed.
"Yessss," Jackson breathes, pulling Miller down for a kiss.
"I'm….really glad for how things turned out."
"Me too."
The Blake siblings are seated on the sidelines of the gym, watching Niylah train at combat with a few other people.
"You're stronger now," Bellamy says, looking at Octavia. "Not having to share rations anymore."
Octavia nods though her gaze remains on Niylah and the others. "You helped. Always finding ways to sneak stuff to me. But yeah, this is better." She then adds, "Even if it means I'm still pulling more cleanup shifts than anyone else. It's worth it seeing Niylah so happy out here."
"She's brought new energy to us too. We needed the boost." Bellamy is right. Most of Skaikru is still thrilled to simply have someone new to speak with. Niylah often seems to spend half her waking hours just talking with people, telling them about her life, and sharing Trikru lore.
"Matossi needs to stop badgering her to join the theater team though," Octavia mutters.
"I don't know," Bellamy replies with a smile. "She looked kind of interested when they were talking about it in the library yesterday. Maybe we'll see her starring in their next production." His smile fades and he then adds, "It's not just Niylah who seems really happy. You do too. Love suits you."
Octavia is quiet for several moments and continues to look straight ahead, at Niylah. "We haven't said the that word yet. Love." She pauses. "I'm not sure I can get there again, not after Lincoln."
Once Niylah had been officially "out" and allowed to join Skaikru, Octavia had wondered when and how people would find out that they were a couple. The two women had even kicked around ideas on how best to handle it. In the end, the matter was settled quickly. At dinner on the day following Niylah's release, Miller looked from Octavia to Niylah and asked, "So…you two are a couple, right?"
"We are that," Niylah had replied softly, with a nice glimmer in her eyes.
Octavia remembers noting Bellamy and Clarke exchange a look; clearly they had already contemplated the possibility that Octavia and Niylah were more than friends. Octavia also remembers being unsurprised at the fact that Miller was the one who had asked the question. Perhaps he was tired of feeling left in the dark and wanted to pull this out into the light fast.
And today, sitting next to Bellamy on the sidelines, Octavia wonders how he will respond to what she just said. Her words are true. She cares for Niylah deeply. She's just not sure about the whole "love" thing, given how she can still close her eyes and see her first love being shot in the head by Pike. And the fact that she herself killed Pike in revenge has started to do things to her mind lately too. She and Niylah discuss it often. A few months ago Octavia would have said she was fully justified in what she did, but now she is no longer certain. Niylah tells her never to doubt herself, but Octavia is not sure she fully agrees with that sentiment.
"Love's not easy," Bellamy replies after a while.
"I guess not. It could be though. Have you and Clarke ever said the words to each other?"
"Yes."
Octavia tilts her head up and almost chuckles. "Good. Miller and I can stop referring to you two as clueless idiots."
"That seems a little harsh," Bellamy says, though his lips are pursed together as if he's trying to not laugh.
"The term was used with affection though."
And then just like that, more than four years have gone by.
The Council is now talking about their plans for unsealing the Ark, opening up the airlock and stepping through. They are almost at the five year mark and will soon be able to go outside. With Major Costa sitting in on the meetings, the Council thinks through a schedule for sending patrols out.
"We just need to tell the people," Kane is saying, "to keep in mind that we are likely to find nothing of any value or use outside."
"I think their expectations are reasonable," Clarke says. "From what I've heard. They look out the same windows we look out of. We all see nothing but dust - and occasional sandstorms."
"At least we're tracking the sandstorms," Raven says, glancing down at her tablet. "That will help us with timing the patrols."
"Yes," Kane says. "But it can't hurt to reinforce the message with the people. The only value to going outside might be slightly cleaner air. And the feel of the sun. But there won't be much to look at or make use of out there. Even when our patrols make it as far as Polis, there likely will be nothing much to scavenge."
Kane then turns to Bellamy and Abby. "What have you heard? In terms of people's expectations for when the airlock is open."
Bellamy shrugs. "What you said," he answers straightforwardly. "No one is expecting rainbows and unicorns. Everyone understands that we'll still be completely dependent on the hydrofarm and water recyclers. "
"And people have gotten used to living inside here," Abby adds. "Once or twice I hear someone ask about setting up a tent outside or something like that. I suppose we can allow it if people really want. But, well, as Bellamy said – they understand there's not much by way of sunshine and rainbows out there."
"We should give people an update though," Clarke says decisively. "Even if we don't have anything to say other than what we all just said here."
The group agrees with Clarke, and the meeting is adjourned shortly afterwards. Clarke and Bellamy exchange a brief hug before setting out for their daily tasks.
Octavia is in the gym lifting weights when Niylah enters. Although they are far from alone inside the gym, Niylah isn't shy either. She walks up to Octavia and gives her a kiss as soon as Octavia has set her weights down.
"You're looking good," Niylah says appreciatively. "Strong."
"I look the same as I always do." Octavia pauses and decides to take the compliment. "But thank you. How was school today?"
"Good. I just had a long talk with Ethan and Christine fully in Trig. Neither one of them had to use even one word of English. I'd consider them both fully fluent."
Most Skaikru members are often seeking either distraction or enrichment, depending on one's point of view. So Niylah has been teaching Trig to anyone who wants to learn it, and Ethan and Christine have been Niylah's two most eager students.
Octavia replies in Trig. "They are lucky to have you for a teacher, my love."
The term 'my love' comes easily, now, to Octavia. There wasn't one, standout moment when the two women first exchanged "I love yous". It was just that weeks and then months and then years went by, and Octavia's heart gradually softened and she was able to say it. A few years ago she and Niylah had a private ceremony to say goodbye to Lincoln, Indra, and the others. Although they had no seeds to spread and no bodies to bury, Niylah spoke the words, "From the earth, we will grow. From the ashes, we will rise." It was, Octavia thinks, a few days after that ceremony when she first told Niylah that she loves her.
And Octavia knows that she herself lights up whenever mention is made of Trig or anything else relating to grounder culture. Together, she and Niylah will often host sessions where they tell grounder stories and share information about their culture – and again many members of Skaikru attend and listen. Octavia has heard from Niylah that she doesn't love being sometimes viewed as a relic from a dead culture, but that she does enjoy the respect that Skaikru tends to listen with. 'Yeah,' Octavia once said, with no small degree of cynicism. 'Now that they don't have to actually interact with or fear any grounders other than you, now they love to hear about their culture.'
Niylah's radio buzzes, and she grabs it and looks at it. "Gotta go," Niylah says. "Time for that pre-natal visit."
"Have fun," Octavia says. "Hopefully there'll be another healthy baby in a few months." She pulls Niylah back towards her for another kiss, and Niylah heads off for med bay to do her duty as nurse to the expectant mother.
This is the 8th pregnancy since Praimfaya. A total of 10 couples have had their birth control implants removed, and seven babies have been born since Praimfaya. The 8th baby is due two months from now. The Ark continues to provide for its small population. A few years back their soybean crop struggled – but ultimately rallied. Their water recyclers are performing so well that each person has been upgraded from a three minute daily shower to a luxurious five minute one. So the Ark and its people have been easily providing for the seven babies born since the death wave.
Octavia and Niylah have had a few discussions with Miller and Jackson.
It's all speculation now and nothing has been decided. But the possibility of them becoming parents someday is out there. Octavia herself has no burning desire to become a mother - she's still only 22 years old – but she does want Trikru to continue and this would be a way for that to happen. And yes, she is aware that her status as a young female was what gave her one of the coveted 100 spots inside the Ark. Jackson and Miller have readily agreed that if they do go forward with this, they too will ensure that the child learns to speakTrig. Octavia has to admit that she sees both men as fairly docile. All of those factors are making her lean towards saying yes soon.
And if Octavia does become a mother, it would give her brother and Clarke a chance to become an uncle and an aunt.
Since it appears that parenthood is not in the cards for them.
"No rainbows and unicorns out there. That's for sure."
Clarke says the words to Bellamy as the two of them sit by one of the windows with the attached window seat. He remembers sitting with her on a seat just like this, five years ago, the day before Praimfaya.
"No," Bellamy acknowledges, his gaze still outside. "But it's not bad either. Sunshine. Fresher air than the air inside here. We could pitch a tent and do some stargazing someday."
"I'd like that," Clarke says. She reaches for his hand and holds it. "We could look up and identify the constellations."
He smiles. "It's a date, then," he says, with real happiness in his voice. "A night of stargazing. Once we can set foot outside of this place." It sounds good to Bellamy. The landscape during the day appears dull and sandy, but the brilliant night sky with its shining stars – well, that will be a welcome sight.
"That will make a much better date than some of the options inside here."
"What, you mean you don't find watching a badly-acted play or the 20th viewing of a movie to be fun?" He tilts his head. "What about chaperoning the dance party for the kids? That's always a good time."
"You busted out a few good dance moves at that last one," Clarke says as she brings a hand up to stroke his cheek.
"Well, I sure made some of the kids laugh anyway."
They share a giggle at the memory. "I love you so much, Bellamy," Clarke says, meeting his eyes. "I hope you know that. I never loved you just because I hoped we'd have kids someday. I've always loved you for you."
"I love you too, Clarke." He pauses. "It would have been wonderful to have a family with you. I don't know why that hasn't happened, but I love you just the same."
Bellamy is right; neither he nor Clarke knows why they haven't been able to conceive. Med bay is stocked mostly with the spoils from Mount Weather, and although it's well-outfitted, it doesn't have much in the areas of infertility diagnosis and treatment. Both Clarke and Bellamy have been examined more than once and no one can find any medical reason why a conception hasn't taken place yet. Abby once said that "it's not unheard of" for a couple to try for a long time before being able to conceive, especially if they are under stress. But Clarke and Bellamy's responses were aligned. For this many years though? And both are living under less stress right now than ever before.
The two remain quietly sitting together, holding hands and looking out the window.
The day arrives at last. It has now been five years since every door and vent was sealed and the airlock shut.
Miller looks out the window inside his and Jackson's room, thinking back to that day, knowing that he and Bree were the last two people to step through the airlock before it was sealed behind them. He shakes his head. Still too many emotions with that night, no matter the fact that five years out of his 23-year-old life is not an insignificant chunk of time. Some images remain burned behind his eyelids when he tries to sleep at night. His father's voice as he pleaded for Nathan's life. That last desperate hug with his father. But the good moments are there too. The look on Jackson's face when he reached Jackson's quarters, the look of a dead man who has suddenly come back to life.
'You have to turn the page'. Kane said those words to Miller and others more than once during the past five years, and Miller knows he's right. They have lived through the nightmares and survived them. The past five years may have been mostly boring, but they have also been peaceful.
And full of love. Miller thinks that as Jackson emerges from the shower. The doctor dresses efficiently and then joins Miller by the window. He puts an arm around him.
"I know it's selfish of me," Jackson murmurs. "But I still don't want you to go."
"You're just doing your job," Miller says, now also putting an arm around Jackson. "You're protecting people. You're hardwired to do that." He pauses, "Just remember-"
"I know, I know," Jackson says quietly. "There's no need for me to worry. The worst thing out there are the sandstorms, but we've gotten good at tracking them."
"And if the one of the rovers breaks down, we have radios and can call for help. We'll always have two rovers out – we'll go in groups. Everything is planned out."
Skaikru has been planning this for months. Although no one expects there to be much of anything apart from sand and dust outside, they will still send patrols to scope out the terrain. As second in command of the guard, Miller will be on the first patrol – and most of the subsequent ones too.
Jackson takes a breath. "I guess it's just the fact that I've spent the past five years inside here….the idea of either one of us leaving it makes me afraid."
Miller nods. "I get it. This place has provided us with food and air and water. Not to mention the fact that we lived our whole, entire lives here – minus a few action-packed months on the ground before Praimfaya."
He drops his arm so he can turn and really look at Jackson. "It's okay to be…worried for me. To be nervous."
"We've hardly spent any time apart these past five years," Jackson says, with a laugh.
"I don't think we've ever gone more than a few hours without seeing each other," Miller agrees. Sometimes it's just Miller popping his head in to med bay or Jackson observing Miller working with the cadets. But they are – as their friends tease – 'joined at the hip.' "So it will take some getting used to."
"And I need to remind myself that you can take care of yourself."
"I can," Miller says with a firm nod. "And keep in mind that the worst thing I face out there might be getting sand in my hair."
When the airlock is finally opened, it's almost anti-climactic. People are allowed to go outside in shifts, so as to avoid a stampede. They appear to enjoy breathing fresh air and feeling the sun on their faces. They amble around a bit. And then they go back inside the Ark for their next work shift or their next meal. Miller's joke about people getting sand in their hair wasn't too far-fetched.
Raven and her team have been getting the air filtration systems ready so that the Ark can begin to enjoy fresh air from the outside. Because of this, the air inside the Ark already feels fresher.
And several people have asked to do what Clarke and Bellamy want to do – sleep outside in a tent, look up at the night sky. The Council doesn't want everyone outside at once, and in any case, they have only four tents. So it was decided pretty easily that if you wanted to enjoy a night out, you sign up for a date and you get "your" tent on that night.
Two rovers head out on the first scouting mission. Miller is with Major Costa inside one. Octavia and Niylah are inside the other. Niylah is not an official member of the guard, but she has trained them in grounder combat techniques – and as a grounder, her knowledge is valued on this scouting mission.
"I'd rather be riding a horse."
"Me too. But this isn't all bad."
Octavia and Niylah are inside their rover as the scouting mission continues. They keep Miller and Costa's rover within their visual range at all times. It's not hard to see it, even without the binoculars. The rovers are dots of black against the endless beige landscape.
"Hey." Octavia glances at Niylah, though being careful to keep her eyes on the landscape. "How are you?"
Niylah forces a smile. "Come on, Octavia," she begins, her voice soft and yet bemused. "I've been so careful not to get teary-eyed or to make any comments or let my jaw drop."
"You didn't have to. This was your home. And now it's a wasteland."
"You know me too well," Niylah says. She wants to reach for one of Octavia's hands and hold it, but Octavia's hands are on the steering wheel where they should stay. Niylah leans back against her seat.
"Didn't take a genius to realize this would be upsetting. Seeing it outside a window is one thing. Driving through it is another."
"A whole civilization," Niylah muses, "a whole people and culture….just gone."
"Other than us," Octavia says firmly. She speaks in Trig.
"Other than us," Niylah agrees, also speaking Trig now. After a pause she adds, "You know even if we do decide to have a child or children with Miller and Jackson…it won't be enough to bring back Trikru."
"No. But it's a start. It's something." Octavia's tone is straightforward, factual.
"Admit it. You want to see me wearing one of those adorable, shapeless pregnancy dresses the other moms have worn."
"I kinda do," Octavia says, tilting her head and almost hinting at a smile. "I love you," she adds.
"I love you too."
There is not much to love during today's scouting mission though. After several hours, both rovers head back towards the Ark. On the path they took today, they have truly seen nothing other than dust and sand. Tomorrow they will map out a different route and see if they discover anything different.
Clarke and Bellamy's turn to enjoy one of the tents comes up five days after the Ark is opened. They join a handful of others and drag their bedding and various other supplies to their assigned tent. They carry their dinner from the mess hall too so they can enjoy it outside. The weather forecast tonight, unlike last night, is cooperative. No sandstorms are predicted.
Their tent has what can be termed a porch – an extension with a piece of fabric that folds down to the ground, allowing them to sit propped up against their duffle bags and look up at the sky. Bellamy leans against the duffle bags, and Clarke leans into Bellamy, resting her back against his front.
"That's definitely Orion's Belt," Bellamy says.
"Yes," Clarke murmurs. "It's beautiful."
The lack of light pollution makes it easy to look up into the night sky and see the gleaming stars. The night is a warm one so far, though they expect the temperature to drop and so they dressed accordingly. The air is indeed sweeter than the air they are used to breathing, though it does contain a twinge of something unidentifiable and somewhat chemical, perhaps a remnant of Praimfaya.
"I was talking with Ethan just the other day about the constellations. I think he appreciates them even more than I do."
"Has he been out yet?" Clarke asks.
"Yes. A couple days ago he stayed in a tent with a few others. He gave me a full report on the constellations."
"When we first landed on earth…did you stargaze at all?"
Bellamy chuckles. "I wanted to. I thought about it a lot. And then…."
"Yeah," Clarke picks up. "Then when night actually fell, we either had a crisis to deal with or we'd collapse into our tents exhausted."
"Or both."
"Usually both," she agrees. "Not much time for actual sleeping, let alone stargazing." Clarke pauses. "I wish we'd been together back then," she reflects.
"We were together. Not….together together but I think all the pieces started falling into place."
"I just wish I'd seen it," Clarke says wistfully. "I think I knew it deep down but I could never admit it to myself."
"Well, better late than never. We're together now." He plants a kiss on the back of her neck, gently moving her hair to the side. "I'm so grateful for the day that you came to me and asked if I wanted to co-parent with you."
"And I'm so glad you said yes." Clarke laughs, "I think still even then I was lying to myself about how I felt about you. At least partially."
Bellamy breaks one of his hands away from Clarke to rummage around inside his pocket. This feels like the right time. This certainly feels like the right setting, outside under the night sky, the brilliant stars shining down upon them, wrapping them up in their enchanting spell. Bellamy has been scavenging materials and molding them into a shape. It won't be as pretty as the necklace that Octavia made for Niylah years ago, but hopefully it will do.
"Clarke," Bellamy begins, and for a second his voice almost catches on that one syllable. He's suddenly just a bit sweaty, not only because the evening is a warm one. "Will you marry me?"
Clarke shifts, turning around to meet his eyes. She replies without a moment's hesitation. "Yes! Yes I will!"
He presents the ring to her. It's not much, just a tiny piece of metal that he smoothed down best he could. But he slides it onto her finger and it fits perfectly. Then he just looks at her, trying to discern her features against the darkness of the night. He can see the sparkle and elation on her face.
Marriages have occurred during the past five years, though not many. Back when the Ark was in space, marriages tended to happen only when a couple was ready to have children. Those who didn't want to or who couldn't have kids tended to not marry. And since Praimfaya, people haven't felt too many strong attachments to this tradition, and thus wedding ceremonies have been few and far between.
But this is one tradition that Bellamy doesn't want to part with, and he's glad to see that Clarke feels the same way. After their kiss, they are both overcome with jubilation. They get to their feet and do a bit of shrieking and dancing, causing a few of the inhabitants of the other tents to come running to ask what is wrong.
Bellamy and Clarke share the news at breakfast the following morning. They didn't sleep as much as usual the night before. Too much celebrating, both of the sexual variety and of the too-excited-to-sleep variety.
They are seated at the same table as usual, alongside the same group as always: Miller, Jackson, Kane, Abby, Octavia, Niylah, and Raven. Once everyone has their tray of food and is seated, Bellamy and Clarke exchange a look.
"We have an announcement to make," Clarke begins.
Bellamy knows that Clarke is trying to keep her tone somewhat even and not too excited. But he almost needs to bite his lower lip upon seeing how clearly she has failed. Abby immediately sets her spoon down and notices something.
"Clarke," Abby breathes. "You're wearing a ring."
Clarke and Bellamy look at each other. "We're getting married!"
The table erupts with happiness. No one holds back, and just like last night, others charge up to the group, asking what the excitement is for.
Bellamy has read about wedding traditions from earth before the first apocalypse. He knows that right now they don't have hardly any of the material items that were typically used in wedding ceremonies. But that's okay. They can write vows. They can swear in front of their family and friends to be together through both tempest and calm. Their friends and family can get up and speak and toast them, even if they have nothing to drink to other than water. They can do it under a starlit sky, and the musicians in the group can serenade them. It will still be a joyous occasion.
They make plans to have the wedding celebration in about four weeks.
It has been nearly four weeks since the Ark was opened. Miller and the other guards continue to patrol and explore. They continue to find nothing.
Until one day someone finds them.
It happens during a Council meeting one morning. Miller knocks and enters right away, holding one of the tablets that shows the camera feed from outside the Ark. Raven notices it on her tablet a second after Miller enters the room.
"What the-?" Raven begins.
"It looks like 5-7 people are approaching the Ark on foot!" Miller says.
"People?" Clarke asks, bolting up from her seat.
"People," Miller confirms, handing her the tablet.
TBC