Author's Note: Hah! New update! And this time it hasn't even been a month...I think...

I hope you enjoy!

I am working on the prompts I have received and hope to have them published/gifted(?) separately soon-ish. I am also a complete untrustworthy liar, so don't take "soon-ish" to heart! :D

I wrote this in bits and pieces while watching lots of fan videos and listening to dramatic music. It's a mood.

Thank you for reading and love you all!

Also, because FFN is ruining my life and did not show Chapter 8, if you have not yet read that chapter, please do!

Chapter 9

Harry was gone.

Well, not gone. Bellatrix and Narcissa had taken all three children to the Malfoy's villa in the south of France for two weeks, Lady Ophelia Greengrass was bringing her daughter Daphne, and Lady Dahlia Parkinson was bringing Pansy. Sirius liked Lady Greengrass. She had been in Narcissa's year at Hogwarts, and was one of the rare Slytherins that was loved by every house. Lady Parkinson, however, was a Slytherin through and through. Not just whip smart, but as cunning as could be. Her house was primarily matriarchal, but there was an occasional patriarch. When it seemed, her Matriarch was going to pass the Ladyship to her older brother, Heiress Dahlia made it clear exactly which sibling held the most alliances to the other Houses. But, Sirius thought ruefully, this formidable which had always been a steadfast friend of Bellatrix's. The witches were uncomfortably similar. Anything Harry might learn from Lady Parkinson, he was sure to have eventually learned from Bellatrix anyway.

Still, the house felt empty and cold with Harry and even Bellatrix gone. He missed the chaos of the three children, and even Lucius peacocking around on occasion.

His parents and Patriarch had taken the past few days to update him on the Dumbledore situation. The man was still pushing for Sirius to be thrown in Azkaban, and had convinced more than a few of Sirius' old friends that he was guilty of betraying the Potters. No one knew where Pettrigrew was, and though now Mad-Eye and others knew of Pettigrew's animagus form, it was almost impossible to track a nondescript, common rat.

Dumbledore was apparently also claiming that Sirius had kidnapped Harry. Mrs. Crofton was very vocal about how wrong that was. With Lord Black's permission, she informed the Daily Prophet that Harry was placed exactly where he should be, and that anyone claiming otherwise might suffer legal action from the DMCW for harmful interference. It was, after all, quite illegal for anyone but the DMCW to have any say in wizarding family affairs such as child custody cases. To challenge the DMCWs decisions and question their respectability was just not done. Every DMCW officer swore blood oaths to put the children and their best interests above any others. In fact, with the exception of the Department of Mysteries, the DMCW required more strict hiring processes than any other department in the Ministry—including the DMLE. With Mrs. Crofton's testimony, these rumors died down fairly quickly. Any witch or wizard worth their salt knew to not disregard firm statement from the DMCW.

Remus was still MIA. Neither his family nor their attorneys were able to find where he was. Sirius was terrified that he might be dead too. The last Sirius had heard from the werewolf was a month before the Potters went into hiding. He hadn't known about the switch to Peter, but Sirius hoped his smartest friend would see reason. Afterall, Remus had also quietly suggested that Sirius was too obvious a choice.

Then there was this insane Boy-Who-Lived propaganda Dumbledore kept pushing. Thankfully, the article Dumbledore had submitted to the Daily Prophet had never seen the light of day. The Editor-in-Chief of the Prophet, Barnabas Cuffe himself had forwarded the article Lord Black.

"As a matter of principle," Mr. Cuffe had written, "any articles about minors are forwarded to the guardians and their representatives. Children are precious and I won't let our good publication take part in any unseemly deportment when it comes to them. And if I may be so bold, I find this particular article fantastical in the extreme. Of course, if you wish it, I will print the article in whole or in part. But I hope I am not presumptive in immediately discarding such an outlandish, even dangerous, theory."

Needless to say, the Daily Prophet was given a generous donation by House Black, and Mr. Cuffe added to their "favored" list.

Orion had instead written, with Sirius's reluctant approval, a thoughtful article on the bravery and ingenuity of the Potters under a pseudonym. Of how it was clear they had invoked some ancient protective magic to save their son, even at the cost of their own lives. Harry was never mentioned directly by name. It was a compelling, and not untruthful, exposition. Sirius had only been reluctant because any direct mention of his departed friends felt like being stabbed in the heart. He was more than satisfied that his friends were being honored. And, with no remaining Potters to speak for James, Sirius felt like he and his family had to take up the mantle.

While the Boy-Who-Lived article had been dismissed, that did not stop Dumbledore from preaching to his followers. Rumors and gossip were powerful. But, there was no master greater than Walburga Black. For the past month, any moment not spent at home with Bellatrix and the children was spent out socializing. There, she reinforced her husband's article.

"A child's accidental magic can be powerful for sure." She would agree. "But surely even that wouldn't be enough to overcome a powerful death curse. And, I did hear that Lady Potter was almost finished her Runes and Rituals mastery."

This was a much more palatable explanation. Lady Potter, though muggleborn, had a fearsome reputation in within the pureblood circles. Her magical prowess was unparalleled. And, though the Potter family was "light" and more accepting of muggles and muggleborn, they had never allowed their children to marry the magically weak.

No, Lady Lily Potter was the brightest witch of her age, and it would only make sense that she had done something to defeat the Dark Lord and save her child. Her Runes and Rituals Master had never been reticent about praising her. Though her projects were largely kept secret, there was enough information out there to make it entirely possible that she had created some new ritual or runic configuration to help.

"We call it 'Mother Magic' for a reason, after all. A mother's magic was always stronger when it came to protecting her children."

This would always make Sirius snort. His mother was not exactly a paragon of motherly virtue. Their confrontation in the library was never followed-up on. Neither mother nor son addressed it, nor did they seek further reconciliation. The past months were cordial, perhaps Sirius would go so far as to say there were moments of fondness and affection. But this time of peace between them was never meant to last. And now, with the children away and the still somewhat fragile Bellatrix with them, it seemed like all attempts at cordiality had dropped.

He was as much to blame as his mother. Sirius had started the sniping over breakfast. After a sleepless night surrounded by ghosts, he couldn't help but empty his well of emotions onto her.

And she, well…he had not gotten his temper from his father.

It all came to head one day, perhaps ironically, in the library. Father and Grandfather Arcturus had gone out, leaving the two most temperamental members of the house together.

It was his mother's "enough is enough" that set him off.

"Fuck you!" Sirius screamed. "Fuck you. You don't know I feel. How I'm haunted. You don't hear their screams as I do. Feel their blood pouring through your fingers even though you know they died a bloodless death."

"This is the most animated I've seen you. Even Bellatrix has recovered." Was his mother's contemptuous reply.

"Even Bellatr— for fucks sake. It's not a competition!" Sirius was feral. Tearing his hands through his hair, veins popping in his neck, face red, magic swirling around him and distorting the air. "Just let me FEEL. Why could you never understand that? Even if you don't feel why could you never allow me to?"

At this, Walburga cut in. Voice barely over a whisper but sharp all the same. "You think we don't feel? You selfish child. You think we didn't feel every ounce of pain left by you running away? Yes, yes you feel. You feel so much, too much, you always have. Even as a baby you felt every minute pain as if it were a new death. Every joy, every happiness was euphoria. You may feel keenly but don't you dare think for a second that you are the only one in this family who does.

Regulus is dead. And you think we don't feel. Let me ask you this. Is it only Lily and James you mourn? Or do you also hear Regulus's screams? Do you feel his blood?

Because I do. Just because we may not show it as you do, screaming it for the world to seem does not mean we don't feel it. I promise you Sirius, swear it by Lady Magic, we are very much in pain."

His glare froze on his face. Regulus's letters from the library coming to mind. He failed his brother once again, not even mourning him alongside James and Lily. Even in this tragedy, Sirius was still putting his baby brother last.

"Would it comfort you to see me screaming and crying? Hysterical in my misery and inconsolable? You condemn us for not feeling. Condemn us for continuing to live on. But that is the material problem, Sirius. You can't see past your own pain and suffering. You lost a brother. I remind you though that he was a brother you threw away, and even now seem to disregard!

You forget that I lost a son. And yes, perhaps when your father and I saw him sometimes it was your shadow looming over him. But he was my son. My baby. And now he's dead and we don't even have his body to lay to rest."

Sirius didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to respond, but he did know his chest was hurting again and he wanted someone else to hurt too.

"Why hold yourself back now? You're just insane. You're absolutely stark raving mad. You've always been mad, so what is stopping you now, Mother?"

"We're all mad! That is our legacy! That is our blood! The Black madness. A curse we've made our own blessing. Don't think yourself so above us, above it." She was shouting now. Standing up with her fists clenched and magic crackling around her. "You are still a son of House Black. That madness is still yours just as much as ours. You might have painted yourself in red and gold but underneath it all you are still black and silver. Why else did you come crawling back here? Why else do you let your family clean up this mess of yours?"

He pushed down the guilt rising at the truth of her words. Hadn't he come crawling back because he the rose-tinted glass had shattered? Hadn't he just let his family take the lead in clearing his name, contending with Dumbledore, getting him back Harry?

"And you have your own son now." Walburga was still standing, but her hands were unclenched now and magic still visible, but calming down. "You have a son who is not James. Is not Lily. He is a little boy who needs his bondfather to pull himself together. If nothing else, learn from what your father and I failed at doing. Learn to be there for your son, above your own thoughts, your own feelings. Learn to see him for more than the silhouettes of other people that loom over him.

I am not perfect, Sirius. I was not a perfect mother, nor do I think I ever will be. But don't you ever dare suggest that I am so unfeeling, so heartless, as to not mourn my youngest, or fear for my oldest."

With that, she turned and left the library. Moments later he heard the door to her room slam, and knew he would not see her again for a few days.

He collapsed to the floor. Tugging at his hair, he could do nothing else but cry. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he just be better?

Ending Author's Note:

Did you like it? I am a hoe for reviews, even if it's just to tell me you felt feelings. That's entirely valid and I, too, felt feelings while writing this.

Also, I have gotten one complaint that my authors notes, where I sometimes write paragraphs that world-build, are useless and I should just not write...But, like, don't read them?

So, in case anyone else needs to hear this, I give you permission to NOT read the long author's notes. I felt like this was kind of obvious? but...apparently not.

In any case, I have no long world building note for you all today.

I hope everyone is staying safe, sane, and healthy as always! Love to you all, because one can never say it enough, and clearly I am not staying exactly sane.