Chapter 10

Push and Pull

Reid was groggy and his head was pounding when he opened his eyes. Everything was blurry and he saw the dark figure sitting in the chair at the side of his hospital bed get up and move closer to him. At first, he was frightened. Then he felt something sliding on his face and the room came into focus.

"Thought you might want these," Hotch said as he softly pushed Reid's glasses up.

"You're here," Reid said with a dry, cracky voice. Hotch handed him the glass of water that was sitting on the small table beside him, urging him to drink it.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier," Hotch said, "I just thought that Morgan would be more…focused."

"Morgan was here?" Reid asked.

"You don't remember?" Hotch saw the look of panic on Reid's face, "its okay, you have a concussion. Do you remember what happened? The boat?"

"The boat!" Reid said, sitting up in bed, "Hotch the unsub, part of his ritual, I think, its pouring out whiskey. There was a bottle at—"

"Its okay," Hotch said, grabbing his hand, "you told Morgan, we're on it."

"I did?"

"Not in so many words, but yeah."

"I thought I was imagining it." Reid said.

"Talking to Morgan?"

"No," he said laying back down, "the smell of whiskey. I thought it was some sort of…I don't know. Nevermind." Hotch looked at him and he knew he wasn't going to be let off the hook that easy. "He was…" Reid said, fidgeting with his gown, "he was about to kiss me. Or at least I think he was."

Hotch let go of his hand, sitting back tall in the chair he was in.

Reid smiled, "but I was thinking about…someone else…and that made me think about the taste of whiskey…so I thought I was imagining it." Hotch sighed heavily. "I'm sorry," Reid said, "I didn't mean to—"

"No its okay," Hotch reassured him. "God I was so worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"I know," he said, standing up. He brushed his thumb over Reid's forehead, gently tucking his hair behind his ears, "I just hate that someone hurt this beautiful brain of yours." He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss against Reid's forehead. "You should get some rest."

"Can you stay?" Reid asked.

"Of course," Hotch answered, "I'll be right here," he said as he took off his blazer to hang it on the chair behind him.

Reid started shifting his body toward the left side of his bed. "No, I mean, can you stay here?"

Without speaking, Hotch took of his tie, hanging it next to his jacket, and unbuttoned the top of his shirt. He sat on the bed next to Reid, hooking his arm behind Reid's neck, as he slid down so he was laying. Reid rested his head on Hotch's chest. He ran his hands through the unruly mess of curls on top of Reid's hair, gently untangling them. Reid hummed softly.

Morgan and JJ were standing just outside Reid's hospital room, as Dave arrived with four coffees in a tray. It seemed like they were arguing. As Dave approached closer, he could hear them.

"Oh no, I am not going in there and waking them up, that is all on you," Morgan said.

"Me?" she replied, "I wouldn't even know what to say. This is so weird."

They saw Rossi approaching and in unison said, "Rossi!"

"I already paid for the coffee, what do you want from me now?" He joked. Then he looked around, "where's Hotch?" Morgan pointed inside the hospital room. "Ohhhhh," Rossi said, "and I suppose you want me to go in there and wake him up?" They both looked at him, nodding. "Okay," he said, handing them the tray of coffee, "why don't you two take these over there, and I'll be right back."

He slowly crept into the room, when he was at the right side of the bed, he quietly cleared his throat. "Dave?" Hotch asked confused. Rossi put his finger up in a shushing motion then pointed to Reid who was still asleep on Hotch's chest. Hotch gently pulled his arm out from under Reid and stood up.

"Sleep well?" Rossi teased as Hotch grabbed his jacket and tie and followed him out of the room. Hotch's face turned ghost white when he saw JJ and Morgan sitting down just outside the room.

"Good morning," he said, in a serious tone, "Dr. Reid has a concussion and he won't be able to fly for a few days but he should be released later today. He-"

"Hotch!" Reid yelled from the other room. They all ran in.

"I'm here, what is it?" he said as he ran to Reid's bedside.

"The boat," he answered. They all stared at him confused. "It was Brad's father's." Clearly the team still wasn't understanding. "His father was a cop too. He died. The Sheriff was his partner and is now Brad's step dad. The deputy is around the same age. What if this isnt' about cops but about certain cops. They would have all been on the force around the same time, with the exception of Brad."

"Then why go after him?" JJ asked.

"Because the person that he is really mad at is gone so he went after the next best thing," Reid answered.

"Okay," Morgan said, "so someone who they all put away?"

"That would make the unsub at least in their 40s," Rossi added, "and arsonists tend to be younger."

"Your phone?" Reid said to Hotch, who complied and handed it to him. "Brad," he said after dialing, "you never answered my question about how you got into comic books. I know this is going to sound weird but…were they your dads?" Brad answered that they were already on the boat when Brad's step dad first brought him there.

"I'm sorry to ask this but," he started, "how did you dad die?" Brad explained that his dad committed suicide when he was six. "Do you…does the sheriff have any kids of his own?" after a brief pause, Reid asked, "and the deputy?...okay how old is he?...when was the last time you saw him?...okay…thanks."

"Have ,Garcia pull up everything she can on a William Reeves," Reid said to the team. "He's 28 years old, his dad was the first victim.

"What makes you think he did it?" Morgan asked.

"Comic books," he responded. "Brad said he didn't go onto the boat until after his dad died and that he barely changed a thing. But the place was set up like it was for a kid. Comic books, an old Nintendo, movie posters on the walls. It would have been the coolest place to hang out as at a kid."

Morgan shook his head, "especially when your dad's friend lets you drink whiskey when you're there."

"Oh my god," JJ said.

"Okay but why now?" Rossi asked.

"Because, the day before the deputy died, Brad introduced a new fund, in his dad's name, to help officers struggling with depression. And William was there."

"That makes sense," Morgan replied, "the guy that victimized you being honored like that could trigger this kind of anger but why kill his own dad? Why the sheriff?"

"Do you think they knew?" JJ aksed.

"The Sheriff, no—" Hotch answered, "there's no way."

"The sheriff was never a target at all," Reid said, "Brad lived at that house too, he was just not home during the fire. We need to pull the records from the suicide."

"You don't think it was a suicide?" Hotch asked.

"I think maybe William hates Brad because he feels like his dad saved Brad. What if his dad found out and killed the man that was hurting his son? But in his mind, it was too late. The damage was done."

Morgan continued, "Okay. So he's always been pissed at his dad for not figuring it out sooner. And maybe for keeping his mouth shut and letting everyone remember this guy as a hero. Then, he sees that man's son naming a fund in his honor?"

"And he realizes," said Rossi, "that he was just a few years younger at the time. In his mind, Brad was spared from getting old enough to become a victim of his dad."

(they catch the guy)

The rest of the team headed for the jet, while Hotch and Reid shuffled into Hotch's SUV. He still wasn't cleared to fly so they were making the drive back to Quantico. The rest of the team offered to drive with them, but Reid said it would be better if the trip was quiet, his head was still bothering him. That was true, for the most part, but really he was looking forward to the chance to be alone with Hotch, away from the craziness. They hadn't spoken since the night in the hospital.

"You feeling okay?" Hotch said, watching Reid stare out the window.

"It's a lot better, still some ringing in my ears."

"That'll go away," Hotch said. Luckily there was no permanent damage to Reid's ears like Hotch had suffered once. "You know, even with a brain injury you were the only one that put those pieces together?"

"I was the only one who saw the comic books," Reid said, "how would anyone else have known?"

"I was trying to give you a compliment."

"Oh. Thanks." Reid smiled.

"So umm," Hotch continued, "speaking of seeing the comic books. At the hospital, you said…you said he was going to kiss you?" Reid let out a small, mmhm. "Were you going to kiss him back?"

"Would that bother you?" Reid asked blankly.

"It shouldn't."

"That's not what I asked."

"Yes," Hotch sighed, "yes it would bother me."

They sat silently for awhile. Then Reid finally broke the slence. "It bothers me when she calls."

"What?"

"When your phone rings," Reid answered, "I can always tell when its her, because you look up at me with this apologetic look and then you leave the room to answer."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. That's the part that hurts. When I thought that what happened was just…physical…just you wondering what it would be like to…when I thought I was just some experimentation it sucked, sure, but I could get over that. What hurts is you pulling me back in over and over but keeping me at arms length. Knowing you want this just as much as I do but you're too scared to admit it. That's excruciating."

"Its not that simple."

"Then explain it to me."

Hotch gripped the steering wheel. "That night when we-you said I was in control. Maybe, in some way, yes. But the truth is I've never felt more out of control in my life. You say I keep pulling you back in, and I don't want to. I tell myself to stay away. Then I see you and its like I have no idea what I am saying or doing and suddenly I'm offering to practice public speaking with you or asking you to help Jack with his math homework or putting myself in a car with you for fourteen hours straight just to be near you."

"And Beth, do you feel that way about her?"

"That's not fair."

"Do you think about her when you lie awake at night unable to sleep?"

"Reid, stop."

"What about when you dream?"

"Please."

"Or when you wake up with a tent in your sheets and you know exactly what you need to do to get rid of it, who do you think of when you're—"

"That's enough!" Hotch yelled.

For what seemed like an eternity, they drove in silence. Finally, Hotch couldn't take it anymore and he turned on the radio. Reid began switching the channels incessantly. Then Hotch turned the radio off. A few moments later, Reid turned the radio back on. Hotch stared him down, only returning his eyes to the road when Reid lifted his hands up and sat back down, allowing the station to remain on. It was classic rock. The station played so long eventually they began hearing the same songs twice. Reid didn't bother to change it. It grew darker. Hotch yawned a few times. Reid had to pee, but he was too stubborn to say anything. He figured he could hold it until Hotch decided to stop. He could hear Hotch's stomach rumbling and knew he was hungry. Still, the two held out, neither saying a word.

Eventually, Hotch pulled off at an exit and pulled into a hotel. "What are you doing?" Reid asked.

"I've been driving for eight hours straight," he answered, "I need to rest."

"I can drive the rest of the way," Reid sniped.

"You've been awake the whole time and you have a concussion. No."

"I just want to be home."

"And the way you drive, I can get a few hours sleep and we can probably still be there sooner than if I gave you the keys now." Reid glared at him. Hotch went to the check in counter while Reid made a b-line to the restrooms in the small lobby. It wasn't a dingy road side motel, it was clean enough, but Reid still hated using public restrooms and wished he could have held it until he had time to go settle down in a room and wipe down the surfaces in a more private bathroom. When he came out, Hotch looked upset.

"They only have one room. We can drive a few more miles to-"

"It's fine." Reid said.

When they got to the room, Reid wanted to take it back. There was only one bed. Granted, it was a king sized bed, and seeing as they both had squeezed into a tiny hospital bed only two days earlier they'd both fit.

"I can take the floor," Hotch offered.

"I'd prefer it if you slept in the car," Reid snapped back. "Sorry," he quickly back pedaled, "I'm just tired and hungry."

"There was a diner across the street," Hotch said. They silently agreed and started to leave.

"Wait, Hotch," Reid said. The older man turned around. "I'm sorry, about the car, I was just—"

"It's okay," Hotch said.

"No its not, I was acting like a jealous ass."

Hotch laughed. "When you were unconscious I exploded at that deputy, in front of the whole team."

"I know," Reid said, "Morgan told me. Actually, he and JJ kinda reenacted it. They kept looking at me, waiting for me to explain why you were acting so weird."

"Did you?"

"No."

"You're stronger than I am," Hotch answered, "Rossi cracked me."

"You told him?!" Reid nearly yelled.

"I didn't have to tell him," he replied, "he's David Rossi."

"But you confirmed it," Reid said, "great."

"He won't tell anyone," Hotch realized that might not be Reid's concern. What happened between them was private. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told him anything."

"You know what this means?" Reid asked. Hotch looked at him unsure. "You're paying for dinner." Hotch laughed and opened the door. Reid followed him out. Dinner was calm. While they waited for the food, Hotch pressed Reid on how he figured out that William Reeves was the unsub. He made him break down his logic, step by step. He explained that in the hospital room, like always, Reid's mind was working faster than he could communicate to the rest of the room. He was making connections no one else saw. Which is fine when they are under a time crunch. Great actually. When he was younger, Gideon and Rossi used to do it all the time. But then, they'd sit him down and go through it in depth. That is what made them more than just great profilers, but great mentors as well. Eventually, he learned to do the same. Soon, it would be Reid, Morgan, and JJ's turn to take on the role of mentor and teacher.

The shop talk was a welcome distraction from the still unsettled questions that lingered between them. Still, when they fell into this familiar dynamic, it was comfortable, simple. And he truly loved watching Reid's mind work. And Reid loved the way Hotch would listen to him. When they were on a case, Hotch would sometimes cut him off when he was rambling, mostly because they needed to act quickly. When they were just talking like this though, he never did, and he never got that glazed over look in his eyes that everyone else got. Overall, it was a pleasant meal. Until Hotch's phone rang. He stared at the caller ID, remembering what Reid said earlier, and let it go to voicemail.

"I think I liked the apologetic look better than this guilty one," Reid said.

"Okay so you're upset if I answer the phone and you're upset if I don't," Hotch snapped, "what exactly do you want me to do?"

"Nothing," Reid said, standing up from the booth, "I don't want anything from you." He walked out of the restaurant and started heading back to the hotel. They shared a large parking lot. Hotch threw a bunch of cash on the table and hurried out after him.

"Hey, Spencer wait," he yelled once he was within a few feet of him.

"Leave me alone!" Spencer screamed as he kept walking.

"I can't," Hotch yelled after him, "Don't you see that? I can't do that!" Reid stopped walking and allowed him to catch up. "I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like you broke me."

"I broke you?" Reid yelled, "I broke you? How could you even say that? You're the one who told me to stop blaming myself for other people's failures." Hotch looked back at him, defeated. "Do you remember that? When I poured my heart out to you. When I told you how painful it was to love someone who chose to be with someone else. And then you put me in the same position. And you know what the worst god damn part is. I don't even care." He walked up to Hotch, wrapping his hands around his tie, bringing their foreheads together. "I don't care that tomorrow morning I'm going to get my heart broken all over again because right now all I want is for you to be kissing me."

Their lips collided. Reid was far more aggressive than he was their first time together. He fought for dominance in the kiss. He grabbed hold of the man in front of him like it was the last time he may ever touch him. And he was met with the same. When they finally parted, panting, Reid took him by the hand leading him back to their motel room. As soon as the door was closed, Reid found himself pinned against the back of the door and hungry lips were on his once more.

"This doesn't mean—" Hotch said, breaking the kiss.

"I know." Reid said as he started undoing the man's tie.

Hotch reached for Reid's hands, "are you sure we should—"

"Shut up," Reid interrupted, "don't think. I'm tired of thinking. I just want to feel."

Again, their lips crashed together. A rough, calloused hand made its way under Reid's sweater, sliding up until it reached an already hardened nipple. "Hotch," Reid wimpered.

"I think we're on first name basis now Spencer."

"I think you're wearing too many clothes, Aaron," Spencer teased as he continued his work with the tie. In turn, Aaron lifted the sweater above Spencer's head, smiling at the way it russled up his hair.

"God you are so gorgeous," Aaron whispered as he planted kisses down Spencer's jaw line and neck, then down to his chest and stomach, as he lowered himself to his knees. He made swift work of Spencer's belt and zipper, and in one motion pulled his pants and boxers down so they were at his ankles. He was eye to eye with Spencer's cock. He paused to admire it. It was long and thin, but not to thin, and a beautiful pale pink. "So gorgeous," he repeated as he teasingly kissed up Spencer's thigh.

Spencer threw his head back and it collided with the door. "Careful," Aaron smiled, "don't give yourself another concussion."

"Your mouth is doing far too much talking," Spencer replied, desire dripping from his lips. His pleas were heard because suddenly there was a warm, flat tongue at the base of his shaft sliding slowly up his length and then a mouth around him, sucking at the tip. This was Aaron Hotchner's first time with a dick in his mouth and he was already off to a glorious start. He started bobbing his head slowly, humming around it like it was the greatest thing he'd ever tasted. The vibrations drove Spencer wild. "Fuck," he whined. Two dark eyes looked up at him, and Aaron smiled. A huge smile, with dimples showing right under the cock that was still in his mouth. It was beautiful. Then he continued, picking up the pace.

"Slow down," Spencer said, "I'm not gonna last like this."

Aaron stood up, bringing his lips back to Spencer's, shoving his tongue in his mouth and allowing him to taste himself. He whispered in his ear, "I just want to make you feel good. Just tell me what you want."

"I want you inside of me," Spencer whispered back.

The words sent shivers up Aaron's spine and his already throbbing erection twitched. "Good god," he moaned, "you're gonna be the death of me."

Spencer kicked off his shoes and stepped out his pants. He started unbuttoning Aaron's shirt and slid it off of his shoulders. Aaron removed his own pants and boxers until they were both completely nude. Spencer pushed him onto the bed. "You don't happen to have lube in your go bag do you?" Spencer asked.

"No," Aaron replied sheepishly.

"Wait," Spencer asked, "have you never…"

"You know I've never been with a man before," Aaron answered.

"Women have anuses too," Reid said matter of factly.

"Thank you Dr. Reid," Aaron laughed, "the answer is still no."

Reid teasing slid his hand up Aaron's thigh, "do you want to?"

"God yes," Aaron sighed, sitting up and wrapping his hands around Spencer, grabbing his ass, "you have no idea."

Spencer smiled, "Its been awhile and we don't have any lube so we're going to have to take this slow," he whispered in Aaron's ear."

"We don't have to," Aaron replied.

Spencer laid down on the bed next to him, "I want this so bad," he said, as Aaron rolled over on top of him, supporting his weight on his forearms.

"I guess it's your turn to teach me Dr. Reid."

"Give me your hand," Spencer whispered. Aaron shifted his weight to one arm and gave his right hand to Spencer, who began to suck his index finger, coating it in a slick layer of spit, "Gently," he said, "bring your finger to my entrance and start to circle around it." Aaron complied, making Spencer moan. "Okay, he said breathlessly," press it in slowly.

Aaron started to press, slowly. He felt his finger pass the first tight ring of muscle as Spencer winced. He stopped, "are you okay?"

"Keep going." Obeying his commands, Aaron pressed in further, then looked at his lover for further instructions. "Make slow, small circles with your finger, and start moving it in and out." The sounds that came from Spencer as Aaron complied were breathtaking. "Another," Spencer demanded.

"What?" Aarron asked.

"Another, please Aaron," he begged.

Understanding, Aaron lowered himself down. For the first time, he got an incredible view of the tight hole he was now fingering. He spit on it, eliciting a moan from Spencer, then slowly added a second finger. "Sizzor," Spencer panted. It took him a minute to understand, but then Aaron started to make a sizzor motion with his two fingers, spreading Spencer further.

"Another!" Spencer yelped. Aaron added a third finger. "Hook it" Spencer said, "like you're trying to touch my belly button from the inside." Aaron obeyed and started to press in. Changing his angle every few thrusts. "Oh god there," Spencer yelled as he started pushing back, fucking himself on Aaron's fingers. The sight was incredible. Aaron watched in awe as his fingers disappeared inside of the beautiful man. He almost forgot that this was just to get Spencer prepared until Spencer started panting, "please, god please I need you, fuck me please."

Aaron slowly pulled his fingers out and spit on his hand again, coating his dick in as much as he could. He hovered over Spencer, who eagerly placed a leg on top of each of his shoulders. He lined his dick up with Spencer's entrance and slowly pushed in. He barely had the tip in and could see Spencer was in pain.

"We can stop any time," he said.

"No please," Spencer whined, "its okay just go slow. Shakespeare. Remember?"

Aaron nodded and began pushing in again. "So tight," he moaned. He kept pushing in slow until he was fully sheathed. Spencers nails were digging into the back of his thighs. He could stay just like that forever and die a happy man. He allowed Spencer to adjust to his size, while he gently stroked the younger man's face.

"Aaron, please move," he said. Aaron began to slowly move his hips in small motions. Spencer was still whincing below him. When Spencer's face relaxed, he began making slightly larger motions, keeping the same slow pace. "Faster!" Spencer cried.

He picked up the pace until he was thrusting in and out relentlessly. He remembered how Spencer reacted when he'd had his fingers at a certain angle and tried to recreate it. He knew he succeeded when the man below him started screaming profanities and nails were scraping down his back. "Fuck me! Fuck me!" Spencer yelled.

"Oh my god!" Aaron cried as he fucked the thin pale body hard into the mattress. He brought his lips down to spencers, keeping the brutal pace, exploring the warm mouth with his tongue as it moaned into him. Then, he wrapped his hand around Spencer's leaking cock and began stroking it to match his thrusts. Spencer grunted, "I'm so close."

"Come for me baby," Aaron pleaded, "please come for me." Spencer obeyed, and soon Aaron's hand and both their chests were covered the warm liquid. Aaron continued to fuck him, prolonging his orgasm as he kept hitting his prostate. A few more thrusts and Aaron followed, spilling himself into Spencer. He stayed inside, breathing heavily, before slowly pulling out.

"That was incredible," Aaron said as he collapsed on his back, "you were incredible." He propped himself up on his elbow, looking back down at Spencer, "are you okay?"

"I am so much better than okay," he panted as he looked down at his stomach. "I'm gonna go shower." He got up and started walking toward the bathroom, pausing in the door way, "well…are coming?"

Aaron jumped up and ran to him, wrapping his arms around him as they both laughed. He turned on the water waiting for it to get warm and they got under. Aaron kissed him sweetly on the mouth under the water. After washing their own bodies, Aaron grabbed the shampoo and started washing Spencer's hair. "Do you remember when you cut your hair," he said, "and Emily asked you if you joined a boy band?"

"Mhmm" Spencer answered as he leaned into the strong hands massaging his scalp.

"I didn't realize what I was feeling then, but all I wanted to do was run my fingers through it and tell you it looked incredible."

Spencer leaned back to rinse it out, then grabbed the conditioner and started coating it. Aaron looked at him puzzled. "You don't condition your hair do you?" he asked. Aaron shook his head. "You don't want to know what my hair would look like without conditioner."

Aaron laughed, nuzzling his head into Spencer's neck, "I'm sure you'd still look perfect."

"You're gushy after sex," Spencer teased.

"And you're feisty," he said back, tickling spencer's stomach. Spencer was giggling and suddenly stopped. "Whats wrong?" Aaron asked.

"Nothing."

"Spencer," he said sternly.

"Aaron," he repeated in the same tone.

"I like it when you call me that," Aaron said, kissing him again.

"Me too," Spencer replied, "I'm gonna miss it."

"Oh," Aaron said quietly as Spencer turned off the water. "You said—"

"I know what I said. I'm not upset with you. I know what this was. And I know that tomorrow we're going to be Agent Hotchner and Dr. Reid again."

Aaron grabbed two towels and handed him one. "I'm just not ready. Maybe one day—"

"Don't-" Spencer said putting a hand on his face, "don't give me hope. Just keep being Aaron until the sun comes up."

Aaron brought him into a strong embrace, planting a kiss on his forehead. "I can do that. Let's go to bed." They dried off and Aaron went to his go bag and took out a tshirt for each of them. Spencer slipped it over his head breathing in the smell then put on a clean pair of underwear from his own bag. They got under the covers, laying down almost the same way they did just two nights earlier in a small hospital bed. This time, clinging to one another tighter. As much as they longed to stay awake to savor it, they were both exhausted and quickly fell asleep.

The light from the sun through the windows woke Spencer up. He was alone in the hotel room. He got up and got dressed. He looked down at the shirt he slept in, carrying it toward the already packed bag sitting on the table, then changed his mind, stuffing it into his own. As he was zippering the bag, the door opened. The sun was glaring and all he could see was a silhouette of a tall man holding two large cups of coffee.

"You almost ready to head out?"

"Yeah Hotch," he said, putting his bag over his shoulder, "I'm ready."

****************this is not the end I promise! Please review!