A/N: It's been awhile y'all! I'd like 2 thank my editor/beta reader for pushing me 2 finally finish another chapter, she's really the only reason I could get through my writers block. Anyways, enjoy the update and hopefully I won't go another 2 months without writing another chapter. 3

Dropping the brush into the mug of water on his work table, Ben leaned back against his chair and let out a heavy sigh. The stress of his upcoming show and his personal life weighed heavy on his shoulders, which was in turn making his paint brushes feel heavy in his hand as he tried finishing up the last few details of his remaining works.

Running a paint stained hand through his shaggy bangs he stared at the painting with a critical eye. This show was a big deal and something he'd been working so hard for, he didn't have time to slack now that it was in his reach. He would get through the next couple weeks, finish his show, and then allow himself to feel the strain of his current situation.

Pushing himself off the old rickety wooden chair he made his way to the kitchen to fill his coffee cup for the third time that morning. He'd woken up extra early so he could have a few moments to work in peace before the wolves came to drag him off to the rez once again. Checking the time he figured he had at least another two hours before then and in that time he'd try his best to work through the block. He quickly added a generous amount of cream and sugar to his cup and shuffled back towards his canvas when a sudden and curt knock echoed through his living room. Stopping in his tracks he turned his head towards the door and frowned. Great, they were early.

Setting the mug down on his work table with a little more force than needed, he stomped towards the door and grabbed the knob. Whichever wolf it was would simply have to wait for him to finish up his work, he has a schedule to keep after all.

The morning air was chilly as he pulled open the door and it immediately sent a shiver up his back. "You're early and.." The words halted on his lips as he met the piercing onyx eyes on the other side. Jacob leaned against the frame, peering down at him from over those chiseled cheekbones with an unreadable look as per usual and it did very little to comfort him from the sudden cold.

They stared at each other for a moment, and Ben did his best to calm his racing heart but knew that it was futile. How could he possibly slow it when this man only stood a few feet from him?

Finally, he broke his eyes away and cleared his throat. "Uh..you caught me by surprise." It was true, this was the first time that Jacob had come to pick him up and he hadn't exactly been expecting it.

"Can I come in?" Just the sound of his voice sent a certain feeling shooting through his body and he cursed his inability to control it. "Yeah."

Jacob stepped past him and Ben was careful to adjust himself so that they wouldn't brush against each other as he passed. He still wasn't sure where they stood, and having a foggy head from their electric touch didn't seem like a good idea at that moment.

Only after Jacob disappeared into the living room did Ben allow himself to move and shut the door. The lock clicked and he took that moment to let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Would Jacob ever stop making him so nervous? He glanced down at the floor, trying to pull it together when he noticed his appearance. Paint stained coveralls and fuzzy bunny slippers peered back up at him, as if his face could get any redder. He wasn't one that usually cared about his appearance or what people thought of his clothes, but right now he cared a whole lot.

Trudging back into the room he found Jacob standing in one of the corners, staring at the many paintings and sketches lining the wall. He was wrong, he could turn an even darker shade of red. He watched the man for a moment, not sure what to say. Some of the drawings hanging up were of him after all.

"You're really...good." The comment was quiet but it slammed into Ben's chest like a freight train. He couldn't stop himself from smiling, just a little bit. Jacob thought his work was good? He moved a little closer, eyes trained on the man's back. "Th-Thank you. I've put a lot of work into each one, a lot of really hard work." He'd spent so much time inside the past half decade pouring all his time and emotions into piece after piece. It's how he'd managed to keep it together as much as he had. He'd also spent quite a few hours drawing Jacob from memory, trying to capture a little bit of that light he'd so fondly remembered from his days before Edward had come back. Jacob was very different from what was in his memories though, but who was he to talk? His eyes roamed further down Jacob's body, he really had bulked up quite a bit while he was gone. Ben figured he was at least seven feet tall now, and made of even more rock hard muscle. Suddenly, he found himself very close to Jacob. His eyes took inventory of every detail he could see, trying to lock it away for later. Then something hanging in the man's hand caught his attention and the spell was broken. Ben stepped a pace back as he studied the plastic bag. Oh.

"Is that my sketchbook?" His voice was a little higher than intended.

Jacob finally turned to face him, bringing the bag up towards his chest. "Yeah, I found it in the garage. That's why I'm here actually, to make a trade. You still owe me $50 for the work I did on your truck."

Ben stared at the bag, was Jacob only here to collect his money for the tune up? He figured that made sense, but it still sent a twinge of pain through his heart. "Ok, just...give me a second." He bowed his head away from those piercing eyes, not wanting to allow him to see the hurt on his face.

Ben moved towards the kitchen counter, eyes on his wallet as he moved past Jacob. He tried to not think of the warmth, or the smell of pine. He tried to not think about how badly he wanted to touch him, even if just a brush of his shoulder against Jake's arm. He tried to not think about anything other than his wallet.

He pulled it towards him by the chain and quickly popped it open, fingering through the bills and trying his best to pull it together enough to count out the correct amount. He cursed Jacobs' ability to drain him of all brain function by just being in the same room. "Thanks for bringing it by, I'd been missing it."

Ben turned back towards him, and held out the cash. The man studied the money for a moment, and then reached out for it. The warmth that shot through Ben's arm as Jacob's fingers brushed against his nearly made his knees give out from under him. He pulled away and stumbled back into the counter, snatching his hand towards his chest reflexively. "Fuck!" The word slipped from his lips in frustration, he wasn't sure how much more he could take of their accidental touches.

Ben looked up at Jacob and caught the man's eyes, for just a moment he thought he saw something like worry or...hurt in the man's stare but then it was gone. He wanted the scream or cry or both, he hated not knowing what was going on in that thick head. They stood in heavy silence for what felt like hours as Ben's heart echoed in his skull. Then Jacob set the bag on his worktable and started for the door. Watching him walk away without saying anything was the last straw.

"Why didn't you just send someone else, Jacob?" Ben looked down at his hand, chills quickly chasing away the moment of warmth. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt at comfort.

The man stopped, turning to look over his shoulder. "Cause I didn't want to." Ben didn't know what to say to that, so he just focused on keeping himself from crumbling. Was Jacob just trying to taunt him? "I looked through it...your sketchbook."

Ben's head shot up, suddenly feeling very angry. "Wait, what?" He stomped forward, "Is that why you came? Because you feel some kind of guilt over nosing through my shit?" He moved around Jacob, coming to stand in front of him. Suddenly he didn't care how big and intimidating the man was, "Jacob Black I-"

He was cut off mid sentence though, "You nosed through my shit first, so now we're even." His voice was stern and level and it only frustrated Ben more. Why was this so hard?

"Oh...and here I figured we were even after I'd left the garage in tears." He regretted saying it the moment the words spilled over. He didn't like showing Jacob any weakness, but it felt like that's all he'd seen since their first meeting in the woods. Why couldn't they just have a simple interaction that didn't result in anger, confusion, or sadness? Things between them used to be so much easier.

Jacob side stepped him as he continued his way towards the door, "Seth will be by in a little while to pick you up." Ben couldn't just drop this though. He swung around, grabbing the man by the wrist. Sparks of flame raced up his arm but he ignored them, his agitation pushing him through.

"Stop always walking away from me!" Ben's voice rang out in the silence of the room, and then hung heavy between them. Jacob stopped, but didn't turn towards him. They both stood there, Ben fighting himself to say more but finding his mouth wasn't cooperating. His grasp on the man tightened, he could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He was so tired he didn't always want to be fighting with this man but it seemed it was all they were able to do.

"What do you want me to say?" Jacob finally turned to him, stepping closer. "Did you think you'd just be able to come back and have things just be ok between us?" Ben's heart pounded as the distance closed between them. "You're gone, vanished, for 6 years and then suddenly I find out you're alive and home." Ben shuffled back from the accusing words, feeling very small under those black eyes. "But it's not you, it's someone completely new. Someone I don't even know, someone that doesn't fit MY memories." Ben's back hit a wall, panic shooting through him as he realized he no longer had any more room to get away. "So what do you WANT from me?"

Ben shook as the weight of Jacob's words came to rest on his shoulders. He didn't shake from sadness though, he shook with rage. His hands shot out, pushing at Jacobs large chest. "I will not be sorry for existing! I will not apologize to you or anyone else for realizing my own happiness! You can be angry at me for leaving, but do not try to make me feel sorry for not being that girl anymore!" He knocked his fists into unrelenting muscle, tears finally pouring over his hot cheeks. He wanted to scream, he was so tired of being forced to feel like his very existence was somehow a crime against the people he loved.

Jacob backed away from him, obviously caught off guard by his outburst. Ben met his eyes, raising his chin as he wiped a sleeve across his wet face. "Yeah, I changed, but so did you Jacob." He smiled then, a humorless laugh crossing his lips. "And yet I'm still trying to love you again."