Beta: paleseptember10
Featured song: Exile by Taylor Swift (feat. Bon Iver)
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The door to his home office had been tightly closed shut since the night all the secrets surfaced, and it was as if their bubbles bursted and they were prodded awake from a nightmare only to realize that it had become their reality.
God could only count the times they both woke up from a superficial sleep wishing they could feel the warmth of a familiar body, instead of the lukewarm sheets that they just rolled away from.
She could imagine him sitting behind his desk doing the same research that she was doing, and staring at the same stack of documents that she was looking at.
Knowing him, despite her spiteful attitude and selfish behavior lately, she was holding those papers because he felt too guilty for having done what he did. There was no denying that his infidelity went far beyond the physical sense. It was also the very same reason why she had the same thing drawn up.
Maybe she wouldn't be picking up a pen to scribble on the dotted line and sliding it under his office door in another universe, but in this one, she had to be decisive, and hope that there might be a second chance for them to right every wrong in their previous relationship. To start all over from scratch if they ever meet again.
Holding the ticket to exit the intense life she was introduced to barely a year ago to return to her old self-paced life, she closed her eyes and bent down, sliding the folder through the carpeted floor, and when she reopened them, a droplet of tear landed on the carpet, leaving a stain that didn't belong there.
She took a shaky breath and left knowing that he would sign only because it was what she wanted. He would never have the guts to do it if she didn't take action because he wouldn't ever want to divorce her.
…
"You are, due to the absence of a prenuptial agreement, entitled half the assets. My client," he gestured to Christian with the slightest nod in his direction, "has insisted on keeping GEH as his sole possession. However, he is willing to exchange your share with the rest of his assets, including all financial investments and bonds."
Anastasia turned to her lawyer as she was sure that her attorney was expecting one hell of a fight between the couple over the estates, but Ana knew that Christian would be lenient to the point that she could have it all if that was truly her wish.
"My client suggested signing a document promising to be a silent partner instead of selling her shares. She is willing to agree to the following conditions.
"That under no circumstances will she sell, sign over, interfere with the company, and she forfeits her rights to make any and all decisions. Her only request is that she is allowed the shares she is entitled to. If she is unable to make a decision, the other shareholder may make a decision on behalf of her, including taking back the shares. Unless it is regarding the shares of the company, the two parties agree that under no circumstances will they interfere with each other's private life."
Christian stared ahead in shock. On the surface, he appeared put together in a suit, however, one look in his eyes and anyone could see the distraught written so explicitly in them. Of all the things he thought she would fight him on, he had not expected her to fight him on his company. He was expecting her to return everything, and if she wanted to take every last penny from him out of spite, he would've let her because she was his weakness.
His lawyer whispered to him but he couldn't hear a single word. He only remembered nodding, and giving into the terms. He guessed this was probably a gamble that he would have to make because she gambled on him and he had let her down.
If this was her forcing him to trust her with his company like she did with her heart, he would have to accept that challenge. He believed that she wouldn't knowingly betray his trust, but if she ended up in a situation similar to his, then it could only be karma. All he could do was accept his fate.
"My client accepts the conditions," the lawyer announced. "He will have half of…" and he proceeded to read down the list of shared properties.
As the couple tuned the monotonous voice out, they raised their heads simultaneously, and their eyes locked.
There was an array of emotions going through their orbs, but none of them could perfectly describe their complex feelings. There was no anger, no animosity, and no more fight left in them. There would be no yelling, and it was only then did they realize that they actually wanted to be shouting at one another because that at least meant that they were passionate about each other and not defeated like they were now.
It was a sad reality that they were giving into fate with no energy to fight for their love. In that moment, they both gave up on each other because a break from one another suddenly didn't feel so unpleasant. It would still be unbearable, but it would at least be better when they were physically together but mentally absent from one another.
Perhaps they were still in shock and numbed by the series of events and its aftermath, and still not yet recovered, because admitting defeat was not like them.
Other than having to face each other, they also had to face the rest of the world. Forget about their families and friends, their baby did make the news even though the couple had been too preoccupied to make a formal statement, but there was enough proof already flowing around the web to confirm the news.
When there were no more new pictures floating around of the couple, speculations of what they might be up to arose. Fortunately, there was nothing negative just yet and the public could think whatever they want as Baby Grey still had five more months to go.
However, the internal pressure was enough to crumble anyone's psyche when it was the general consensus that abortion was an illegal sin, and no matter how pro-abortion or open-minded one could be, the society had already painted a negative image around moms who had abortions. They were called names, trolled on the internet, and disrespected. It was like the social stigma had already heavily brainwashed the entire population and was now engraved deeply in one's morale.
It didn't matter that it was a free country, nor did the reason behind the abortion matter, because the moment someone confessed that they had terminated their pregnancy, the woman was instantly seen as a murderer who had just committed a crime in the first degree like a psychopath against their own flesh and blood, and then people would begin to look at her differently.
The stigma that the society placed had hindered people's feelings as if there was a cap over it, preventing them to express their true emotions out loud only because those feelings weren't exactly agreeable with the public opinion.
Ana didn't want to acknowledge her relief because she would be labelled as heartless and cold, so she forced herself to amplify the sadness and the grief of losing her baby girl. However, there was no denying that she felt lighter like a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. It was bullshit to tell her that strangers' judgements wouldn't matter because it actually would, in this instance. The judgmental looks thrown her way, the pity in some sympathizers' eyes when they looked at her, and even down to her family and friends who wanted to be supportive but would end up making her feel worse because they all knew how the society would react to it, and that molded their feelings into something that was completely untrue to them.
It was as if there was a certain way that people had to act when the subject of abortion had been broached, even if it betrayed their own principles.
She felt a range of strong emotions but the one she felt most sincerely was the one that she was expected to hide. She felt immense relief but it was sad that she had to worry about how people would subtly think that she was some kind of sick, depressed, hormonal woman that just couldn't wrap her head around the death of her unborn child.
If she hadn't terminated her pregnancy on a whim, they might not be currently staring at each other with longing and regret. Perhaps she would've given them another shot with the help of a professional; at least she would try her damn hardest to fix this marriage. Knowing Christian like she did, she honestly believed that he wasn't intentionally trying to be unfaithful, but she just couldn't act on that belief.
They both knew that they were defensive of their own actions not because it was right, but because they thought they could justify it as being forgivable despite not being totally tolerable. She knew that her throwing the abortion in his face was one of her many selfish and spiteful acts lately, but she just couldn't help but act like a bitch to him because she felt abandoned.
She could understand her mindset. She really could. She knew him, too well. She knew that he truly was trying to seek advice to come around to the fact that he was really starting a family with her albeit the untimely circumstance. When she had calmed down significantly, she was starting to believe him that he truly wasn't out trolling for skirts, and he had been faithful to her in a way.
From that perspective, she felt like she shouldn't be so quick to throw away their legal union, but…
Maybe in another life.
…
It was as if they were just going through the motions, they rose from their chairs in sync when they heard that it was all signed and done, and their eyes darted to the other presence in the room in unison, ushering them out the doors.
She froze as she watched him approach her, and a fleeing thought of him falling on one knee proposing marriage to her weirdly crossed her mind but she quickly dismissed it reminding herself of the mess that they had hoped time could help tidy up, and the wounds that time would heal.
He stretched his arms out and gradually folded her into his chest, all the while looking at her tentatively.
She hesitantly wrapped her arms around his waist and she breathed in his scent. Her face nuzzled into his chest, and the first tear escaped her eyes.
His hand cupped her head closer to his body and he felt himself blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall. He lowered his head and hurried his nose in the crook of her neck smelling her hair one last time, and remembering scent forever. He exhaled shakily, letting his tears run free as it soaked her shoulder.
He sniffled, and sobbed quietly against her neck, only hugging her tighter with each weep. She rubbed his back soothingly, and it was the only comfort that she could offer.
To them, there was absolutely nothing that they could do to heal their pain. They just needed more time.
Apart.
Christian's breathing slowly steadied, but his hold on her did not relax a single fraction. He had to remember what it was like to feel her heart beating against his, and how she would squeeze him back with each squeeze he gave her.
"I forgive you," he whispered in her ear.
This wasn't him trying to get her back or him behaving like his old demanding self. If anything, this was him letting her go. His series of actions lately was a wake-up call that matured him, and it was a growth and development he hoped would continue to progress even if Ana was no longer there to act as a physical reminder and guidance, she would still be his motive.
"I forgive you, too."
He smiled despite the circumstances. They weren't trying to reconcile to save what was left, they were seeking closure so they could heal better, separately.
"I love you, Christian Grey. Always have, always will."
His grip loosened when he felt her pulling away, and he complied, not wanting to part on bad terms by risking to upset her.
"Forever and always."
He leaned down to place one last lingering kiss on the crown of her head before pulling away from her completely, and offering her one last small smile reflecting his tormented heart before walking out of the room.
…
Gone was the meek girl that couldn't stop dwelling on her past, replacing her instead was a young woman in her twenties taking on the world. She was a capable, single lady with a hefty settlement from her divorce.
However, this was only the woman that everyone thought she was on this tiny island just off the coast of Australia. The weather was cozy all year round, and her house was literally off the shore within walking distance. It couldn't be a more ideal place to relax. It was a writer's paradise, and it was what she was not doing as a part time editor for an independent publishing house as she documented her new life little by little.
The relaxing environment wasn't the only thing that had won her over, it was the people who were beyond friendly. They wouldn't make a single judgment about her background, and they would never pry into her personal life. She could finally experience and live the life she should be living in since high school.
She took a leaf out of Kate's book and threw on her tightest tank top and a denim skirt, then she found herself in a new club with a shot of vodka in hand.
Her hips swayed to the beat, and she felt herself rubbing up a few girls as they shared a giggle and continued to dance. She closed her eyes, and for the first time since the divorce officially came through, she smiled.
Not because she didn't have a reason to before, and not because she hadn't smiled in the past, but because this was the first time she didn't see his face when she had her eyes closed and her mind set loose.
She was finally free.
…
A tap on her shoulder made her turn away from the bar where she returned to order her countless number of drinks. She drew the straw in between her teeth as she found herself staring back at the only man she had found attractive enough in the entire night club.
"Hi," she offered shyly, half expecting her ex-husband to barrel into the place but part of their agreement other than to keep the divorce private was that they wouldn't interfere with the other's life because they both knew that there was no stopping them from keeping tabs on the other.
"Hey," he took a step closer to her. "Do you want another drink?"
Her first thought was to refuse but then she thought, fuck it, she had been frequenting this club with her new Aussie friends enough to know the layout of the place.
"I'd like that, thank you…" she trailed off wanting for him to fill in the blank with his name.
"Nate," he smiled as he leaned into her to reach the bar behind her. "And you are?"
"Ana," she grinned at his almost undetectable Australian accent. "You sound a little posh," she giggled after blurting it out, luckily they were both borderline hammered, or at the very least tipsy.
"I am half British and only moved here for my PhD. What about you?"
They talked and exchanged a bit more information with one another as well as a few heated make out sessions on the dance floor as they rubbed up against one another, and their bodies molding into the other's. His hands went underneath her shirt the moment they were swallowed up by the sea of sweaty people swaying and jumping to the DJ.
"Do you want to go somewhere quiet?" He leaned down to ask in her ear as he pressed her against the DJ stand after one of their many handsy make outs.
"To talk," she forewarned, and gave him a look in which he nodded with a serious face.
Soon they found themselves outside on a bench, where they could see the door to the club but not hear the noise, and watch people stumbling out the exit or swaying their way back in after they puked into a bush.
"Ana," he turned to her, getting her attention again, and before she could ask, he grabbed her face and pulled her straight into his lap where their mouth connected once more.
She opened her mouth letting his tongue invade her space. It had been a while since she had kissed anyone, and being kissed by an obviously experienced guy reignited the eutrophic feeling in the pit of her stomach, and the alcohol was only making her hornier. She could feel herself starting to get wet at the ministrations of his hands and his fondling. Her legs parted automatically and her skirt hiked up higher just enough for him to put his finger into her panties.
"Oh…" she gasped at the contact and her kisses were now fueled with another level of need.
"How long has it been?" He teased, his fingertips tracing circles around her clit and running up and down her slit spreading her moisture.
"Too long. Oh god, yes!" She moaned, unaware of how loud she was and how much of a hussy she currently sounded.
"We need to go somewhere private."
"Good call," she giggled, already high in the clouds but she just knew that this man would be good.
Only a fraction of seconds later, they found themselves in a janitor's closet with the lights switched off and the door shut. She hadn't really examined his features yet, and the lighting outside the club sucked either way, she just wished she could share this with Kate the next day. However, she didn't want to be asked about the life she left behind in the States, and she didn't know just how much Christian had divulged to their families.
The last time they talked to their family was when they announced that they would take a break from the rest of the world, and Taylor and Sawyer would be their only contacts. The family was thrilled, thinking that they were taking the time away to spend with the baby… but that didn't happen, and now no one had any idea what was actually going on in their lives.
She didn't run away from it, and she wasn't trying to avoid confronting it but she couldn't and didn't want to live in the shadow of her once glorious lifestyle. She wanted peace and quiet.
"Come back to me, baby."
"Don't call me that, Nate," she chuckled nervously having been caught in her head when her pelvis was actually grinding into his hips, hard, involuntarily as his lips attacked the exposed areas of her skin. Her hands moved down south, fisting his package through his pants, and she immediately caught on that this guy was definitely bigger than average.
Her hands roamed the perfectly sculpted torso as she felt his abs flexed beneath her fingertips as they ghosted over his skin sensually. She smiled against his lips when he boldly pulled her breast free from her bra as he pried into her collar. She reached for the hem just to give him easier access as he yanked her top off, leaving her half naked with her tits falling out of her cups.
"Are you a model?" She asked having been pondering that question since she began to feel him up.
"Are you?" He smirked, flirting back.
"No, I'm serious. Look at you."
"I'm serious, too. Have you seen you?"
"Nate," she whined, and he laughed.
"Yes, I'm kind of a model. You like?"
"Oh yeah," she bit her lip coyly and her hands traveled south where she could feel the straining of his pants.
"Will you go down on me?" He asked, peppering kisses down the side of her neck unable to detach his mouth from her skin.
"You first," she moaned when she meant that to come out as a coquettish challenge. She could feel herself getting more turned on with each stroke of his tongue on her collarbone, and even more aroused at his fingers on her nipples. "Don't rip my panties," she warned him when he crouched down right before her center.
He peered up at her through his lashes and flashed her a sexy grin that made her want to lose her panties the fastest way possible. Her breath hitched as she watched him bury his face into her, and his hands trailing up the back of her legs. She pulled her hair back so she could get a better look at his nose against her slit.
She could still feel the nerves and some slight reservation lingering in the back of her mind, but when the tip of his tongue made contact with her slit, she gasped, and the thoughts were quickly buried by the new sensation and pleasure that was now shooting up her spine making her shiver.
"Shit," she hissed. "You're good," she moaned, her hands fisting his hair and pushing him further into her. She mewled at the light nibbling on her skin. She just wasn't expecting to get with anyone tonight, so she didn't have a condom on her, and what was worse was that she actually really wanted to fuck him.
It had been too long for her, and she just knew that tonight would be good, and if she did manage to sleep with him in the very near future, it would be a satisfying experience. She threw her head back and felt it lolling against the brick wall willing her mind to keep her focus on the attention Nate was paying her down below, and the feeling of how close she was feeling. The climax was just around the corner, building as she got closer.
He just lacked that one extra bit of effort to push her over, and she knew that it was a kill that Christian had. If this was her ex-husband going down on her, he would have her screaming in seconds given how steamy their make out had been.
"Fuck! Nate," her eyes snapped wide open and her buzz was completely killed when she found herself face to face with a security camera's infamous red light glaring right back at her. "Stop!" She yanked and pulled at him. "There's a camera."
"What?" He jolted the head of her shirt down, and then helped her pat down her skirt and smooth over the edges. His eyes followed hers and he, too, blanched.
"Yeah… that wasn't sexy," he commented gruffly as they made their exit out of the janitor's room. "Do you want to go back?"
"Sure," she nodded. "I need a drink anyway."
"So, what do you do?"
"I'm a freelance editor. You?"
"A model, I told you that. I'm also trying to get my doctorate."
"Oh, really. In what?"
"Architecture."
"Oh wow," she gave him a double look as she took his offered arm and linked hers around. "Never would've thought."
"Well, what did you have pegged me as?"
"Well…" she giggled thinking about the first term that popped up in her head when he asked her that.
"Tell me," he nudged. "I won't get mad."
"You won't like it."
"Oh, okay, I think I already have an idea… is this because I told you about my past relationship?" He narrowed his eyes at her playfully. "And you haven't told me yours by the way."
"I did!" She protested recalling the details of their conversation before they got down to business in the janitor's closet.
"Come on, there's no way I'd believe that you've only had one conquest."
"My history is extremely brief, trust me."
"With the way you're making out with me and looking at me in there on the dance floor, I beg to differ, Ana."
She slitted her eyes at him, mimicking his earlier playful gesture.
"So, you're not going to deny that you're a whore."
He laughed. "I knew it!"
"You kind of said it yourself," she shrugged. "Can you blame me?"
"I do have to tell you something though," he stopped her before they entered the bar, and Ana could see one of the bar promoters wiggling his brows at her. The guy was the reason why she and her friends were at this club getting free drinks in the first place, and after this, she was pretty sure that she was going to be seen in a different light.
"Oh yeah, now what? You're actually committed? You're gay?"
"No!" He chuckled, unable to catch the reference to her old life back in the US that he would never know about. "I work here, kind of."
She furrowed her brows in utter confusion. "What do you mean kind of? How can you sort of work here?"
"Okay, so I told you that I'm a model right?"
"Yeah, I mean look at you."
"Exactly, look at me. This is a new club, and they employ guys like me to stay on the dance floor to basically attract more girls to the floors."
"Oh, now I get it. You are just here to seduce young innocent girls, and then every once in a while, you'll get to make out with one, and if you're lucky enough, you get to sleep with them by the end of the night. Tell me, how many Aussie girls have you been with since you really kind of stand out despite having an Australian passport?"
"Now you're just fishing for details."
"Well, be honest. I was being truthful and you just don't believe me, so what can I do?"
"You cannot be serious, Ana. The way your hips moved, the way you ground against me… no, there is absolutely no way that you're not experienced." He shook his head vehemently. "No, just no. And, speaking of getting lucky. Am I lucky tonight?"
She giggled at his awkward change of subject, and she knew that he did it on purpose to shift the conversation about them so they wouldn't be talking about him anymore. She leaned into him and got onto her tippy toes, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she pecked him on the lips once, twice, three times before winking at him.
"Maybe next time."
"You got my hopes so high up now," he feigned complaint. "Next week?"
"You'll have to ask me to make plans."
"Can I have your number then?"
"Yes," she fished out her phone from her purse and handed it to him. "Better text me," she lifted a brow at him sensually forcing him to make a promise, and she knew that no matter how hard she flirted with him, she would only be a notch on his bedpost, so there was nothing to worry about and she could just block him if he got too annoying.
"You can count on it." He finished putting his information into her phone and then sent a text to his cell, taking that opportunity to check the time, it was actually already four in the morning.
"Drink?" She asked, but then noticed that he somehow had his bagpack with him over his shoulder, and she had no idea how she hadn't realized that over the past at least four hours that she had spent with him.
"Rain check?" He grimaced, looking convincingly regrettable.
"Sure," she quipped, internally debating whether to head home or stay out by herself since her friends all left, and she kind of left them earlier to be with Nate.
"I'll call you a cab."
"Oh, no, it's okay. I can call it myself," she declined politely. As drunk as she was at the moment, she was still acutely aware of the potential danger that could be led to her place if she gave her address to this total stranger that just went down on her in front of a security camera.
"I'll wait with you."
"That was mortifying…" she groaned, still couldn't get over the fact that they technically got caught making out. "I didn't know that they install cameras in storage rooms now."
"I think they only do that in the rooms near bars and clubs," he chortled, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her against her as she leaned onto him for support as she waited for her cab to arrive. "It's where horny couples go to have quickies."
"Yeah, and we almost did that. Imagine how that would look on a camera."
"Would people review the footage?"
"Not unless someone has stolen from the room."
"So, no one's going to see me half naked in there with your head in between my thighs any time soon, right?"
"I don't think so. Don't worry," he kissed the top of her head lightly, and when the gesture would normally warm her heart, it was doing nothing and sending no fuzzy feeling down her chest. It was like kisses and affection from men couldn't do anything to her anymore, and she was only interested in one thing from them. "We'll be fine. No one's going to see you like that."
…
It was almost a month later, and the one time she brought a new girl to the club expecting to meet some new guy because she hadn't seen or heard from Nate since the night they encountered the camera; she saw Nate.
She had no idea it was him on first glance as she had sort of forgot his name, but when he approached her on the dance floor and mimicked her move from the last time they met by flinging an arm over her shoulder and pulling her mouth to her. She knew without a shadow of doubt that it was Nate.
"Why didn't you text me?"
"I was busy, I'm sorry."
She scoffed but that didn't stop her from making out with him that night. She still very much wanted to sleep with him but since he didn't even mention it, she just let it slide.
And when he finally texted her asking if she was going to be at the club that night, it had been another two weeks since their latest encounter.
"I thought you forgot about me," she jested.
"I just got back, and you are the first girl I texted. I swear," he took out his phone. "Here, check it if you don't believe me."
He unlocked his phone and she took it, and uncharacteristically scrolled through his message lists only to find out she indeed was the first person that he had texted since he landed.
"So, a hotel?" He asked this time, caging her to the rail behind her on the dance floor as the others bounced around them.
"Have you seen the shots I've downed earlier?"
He chortled recalling just how jaw-dropping it had been. "You're so drunk right now."
"I am," she giggled uncontrollably.
"So, are you going to tell me your story? What's with the rings?"
I normally update on Fridays, peeps. That Monday was a bonus.
As for the epilogue, my beta has given me a deadline but it's turning out to be longer than anticipated. So... it is still very much a WIP (and Nadia's going to yell at me).
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Saph T