Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Three Houses, all rights to the owners.
Been a hot minute, hasn't it? I had a hard time coming up with ideas for this chapter, but I think I've accumulated enough to put something out. I had to re-read the whole story to remember exactly where I was in the overarching plot.
You know, as much of a plot as this story has, which is very little.
"Professor, why did you bring sparring equipment?" Seteth asks. They haven't even started and he's already tired. "This is a performance review, not a sparring match."
"Aren't those the same things?" Byleth blinks.
"No Professor."
"You aren't reviewing my combat abilities?"
"No Professor."
"Then why is it called a performance review?"
"Your teaching performance, Professor."
"But teaching involves combat."
Seteth sighs deeply. "Professor, please do not make this more difficult than it has to be…"
"You made this difficult by calling it a performance review, when it is clearly not about performance." Byleth points out.
Seteth exhales deeply though his nose and decides to push past the issue. "Regardless, this is about your teaching first and foremost. Please take a seat."
Byleth grabs a seat and holds it.
"Please sit down." Seteth rephrases. Sometimes he swears Byleth must do this sort of thing intentionally. Taking a seat is such a common saying that there's no way Byleth hasn't heard of it… right? "In the chair, not on the floor."
Byleth does so.
Seteth quickly learns that trying to do a performance review with Byleth is like debating with a noble; Byleth has a reason for everything, and it's hard to convince him that he's doing something wrong without laying out detailed logic, and even then he doesn't always seem convinced.
"I have also noticed, and seen reported, that you show an inordinate amount of attention to certain students." Seteth says.
"I do not have a favourite student." Byleth says immediately.
"Professor, while I admire your attention to that rule, I am not nearly as oblivious as many students would like to think." Seteth says bluntly. "However, putting aside the matter of Mercedes for the moment, I have concerns that you are putting all your effort into teaching Petra and neglecting the other students in your class. You have thus far provided very little assistance to Hubert, Linhardt, and Dorothea in particular from what I am aware."
"I do not use magic."
"Even so, you are still responsible for ensuring their growth, and should at least be checking to make sure that they are making sufficient progress in their studies." Seteth says. "At the very least I am aware that you enquire after their health, which is welcome, though once again I should remind you that breaking into students rooms is forbidden."
Once upon a time such a warning would have been delivered with the threat of being fired or imprisoned. Then again, in any other case breaking into a student's room would likely be an act intended to take advantage of them rather than done out of good will.
Again, Seteth has to wonder why on earth Rhea thought Byleth would be a good teacher. He can teach well enough, but he's awful at all the auxiliary tasks.
"Hubert does not need nor want assistance and Linhardt refuses to listen." Byleth states. "Manuela and Hanneman report that Dorothea is making good progress in her studies, however."
"I see." Seteth scribbles that down. Apparently Byleth is not so oblivious to his students' progress. "And what steps have you taken to attempt to help Linhardt in learning."
"I threw sponges at him during early classes until you told me to stop," Byleth says, "and bothered him about assignments constantly. Despite my constant insistance, he refuses to put in effort."
"Understood." Seteth can't say he's surprised. Linhardt struck him as profoundly lazy, and Byleth is only confirming his worries. Despite his methods, if Byleth can't motivate Linhardt somehow (as he has otherwise been quite successful in motivating others) Seteth suspects the boy is simply a lost cause. That's unfortunate, but isn't necessarily Byleth's fault.
For once.
"Onto other topics…" Seteth murmurs. "I must implore you not to bring students, or Flayn, up onto the cathedral roof. While climbing practice is certainly acceptable, please use less dangerous locations."
"Okay."
"And in addition." Seteth says, a bit more sternly. "The cathedral roof is not an acceptable location for dates, and student-teacher romance is against our policy. Please wait until the student has graduated before courting them."
Byleth blinks slowly. "But I've done nothing of the sort."
"And you honestly believe that, don't you?" Seteth says. He rubs the bridge of his nose and mutters under his breath. "Perhaps I should be telling off Mercedes instead…?"
Isn't that a thought? Telling off the student for encouraging the teacher, rather than telling off the teacher for something inappropriate.
Seteth remembers when his job was simple, and he didn't have to deal with teachers ripping curtains off windows, or stabbing fish in the lake with sharpened sticks, or breaking into every room in the monastery through a back window, or throwing their students into lake, or throwing sponges at them, or accidentally romancing them. Even Manuela wasn't this much trouble at her worst.
He prays to the goddess that Byleth won't be returning in a teaching position next year, for the sake of everyone's sanity and the church's reputation.
###
"Professor." Dorothea says, hiding a laugh. "I think Edie has had enough."
"She can tap out whenever she wants." Byleth says calmly.
Edelgard tries to glare at Dorothea, but considering she's currently being pinned to the ground it lacks bite.
Dorothea was delighted when she heard they were going to learn grappling and wrestling today. Not because she particularly enjoys it, Goddess no, but because it's hilarious to watch everyone else react.
Poor, poor Edelgard. Not only does she have a hopeless crush, but she has to deal with wrestling the object of her interest. She'll have to remember to thank Balthus later for teaching the Professor the finer details of wrestling.
"Perhaps you feel like giving up then, Edie?" Dorothea teases. "Unless, perhaps, and I'm just making a suggestion here, you enjoy your current position?"
Edelgard immediately taps out, much to Dorothea's amusement.
"I hope you were all paying close attention to my movements." Byleth says calmly; completely oblivious to Edelgard's fierce blush and either not understanding or choosing not to pay attention to Dorothea's words. "What I just demonstrated is only one basic pin. Note how I bent Edelgard's arms behind her back. This is to make the hold easier to maintain, as human muscles are not designed to have strength in arm movements behind their own back. Sitting on her waist also aids in keeping her contained, as I can make use of my weight to expend less effort in keeping her contained."
"We were all paying plenty of attention Professor." Dorothea assurers with a mischievous smile. "To every muscle and movement. It was quite a captivating demonstration."
Byleth squints for a moment, then says. "I know what you're doing Dorothea."
"Oh?" Dorothea says innocently. "And what is that Professor."
"You are making a joke." He says. "I am teaching you how to restrain people, and so my performance is "captivating", as in it holds attention, like a wrestling hold."
That's… not at all what Dorothea meant. Byleth seems rather proud of himself though, and she's not about to rain on his parade. "Very astute of you Professor!"
"Thank you. Please refrain from further jests, however. This is a serious lesson."
"Of course Professor." Dorothea says sweetly.
"Now, me and Edelgard are of roughly the same strength." Byleth says. "However, if one party is significantly stronger than the other, or of significantly different size, then other holds will likely need to be employed. For example… Bernadetta."
The lavender-haired girl whimpers and steps forward.
"When dealing with someone significantly weaker than you, a technique relying on raw strength can be effective." Byleth says calmly, and approaches the trembling girl. "I would not recommend this for any of you at the moment, but it is worth demonstrating for future reference. It is a very simple technique."
He promptly wraps his arms around Bernadetta, and squeezes a bit. That's it. That's the whole hold.
"Now, this may look simple, and it is, but there is an important factor to keep in mind. You want to make sure your foe's arms are trapped by their side, or else they will still have a full range of movement for their arms." Byleth says, ignoring Bernadetta's panicked shrieking.
If Dorothea didn't know this was a lesson, she could have easily mistaken this grab for an actual hug. Even so, it's highly amusing to watch. The totally-not-jealous look on Edelgard's face is gold as well (even if she fights it down when she notices Dorothea watching).
And this is why Dorothea adores when the professor gives everyone hands-on demonstrations. It's always highly entertaining… even if she does somewhat dread her turn, because she doesn't find having her arms bruised and having her hair ruined by being knocked into the dirt very fun unlike Edelgard… or Petra and Caspar.
Though Petra and Caspar just like learning to fight, unlike Edelgard who Dorothea thinks has less than pure interests.
Hubert is silently shaking his head at Edelgard, who is steadfastly refusing to look at him in return, which only confirms Dorothea's suspicion. Such a shame that Edelgard can't hope to compete with Mercedes.
###
"It was so cute Mercie!" Annette squeals. "You should have seen them!"
"I'll take your word for it Annie."
"They had this little table set up, and Ashe cooked the food, and they leaned sooo close I thought for sure I was going to get to see a kiss!" Annette squeals. "It was adorable!"
"My, that's quite a tale." Mercedes hums.
"I'm totally going to get my twenty gold from Hilda!" Annette says in excitement. "I told her it would be before the ball! Ooh, if only Marianne hadn't accidentally interrupted I would have won!"
"You made a bet?"
"Just a small one! Well, a few small ones. One for Ashe and Petra being official before the ball, another for Leonie and Lorenz happening at all, and another for you and- uh…" Annette clams up, but it's far too late.
"Oh? Do continue." Mercedes says. Her smile has widened, but Annette isn't fooled into thinking she's actually that happy. Her eyes are also half-lidded in what is totally, absolutely, definitely not a glare. "Me and…?"
"W-Well, uh…" Annette fidgets.
"Now Annie." Mercedes says calmly. "I know you're not usually one to make bets."
"Y-Yeah."
"So am I correct in thinking that there is someone organizing all these bets?" Mercedes asks in a sickly-sweet voice. "And encouraging them?"
"Uh-oh." Annette thinks, and swallows thickly. "Yeah."
"And who, pray tell, would that be?" It's phrased as a question, but Annette has no illusions that this is an order. "And how many people are involved?"
"Sorry everyone." Annette winces. "Well…"
###
From what Byleth is aware, Mercedes and Claude do not speak all that often. That's why he's surprised to see them having a conversation just outside the Golden Deer's classroom.
He wonders what exactly they must be talking about. They're both smiling quite a bit, but Claude seems to be tense and nervous.
"Maybe he has an issue Marshmallow is helping him with." Byleth considers, remembering all the things Mercedes has explained to him.
That doesn't exactly explain why Claude is slightly leaning away from Mercedes though, or why his hands are up in the surrender gesture.
"Maybe he lost a competition?" Byleth wonders. "Did Marshmallow beat him at something?"
How curious. He'll have to ask Mercedes later.
"Hey, Teach!" Claude calls, sounding slightly desperate.
Or maybe now. He nods to Claude and approaches. "Claude. Can I help you?"
"Yes, yes you can!" Claude says with a cheerful smile. "See, me and Mercedes here- lovely girl by the way, really just perfect- were just discussing the ethics of friendly, innocent, unintrusive betting."
"Now Claude…" Mercedes scolds. She's also smiling very cheerfully. It's good to see they get along so well. "Flattery isn't necessary, really. I'm only here to help after all. Do pardon us Professor. I was helping Claude with his betting problem. Your help is unnecessary, I can handle this."
"I just wanted to bring in a third party!" Claude says. "Someone with authority to speak on the subject, yeah?"
"If you insist." Mercedes says, still smiling very happily. "Professor, what is the Officer Academy's stance on student gambling?"
"Hey, hey, hey now!" Claude interrupts before Byleth can speak. His grin is also much wider than it was before. Why are they so happy? Is there a joke going on? Byleth is becoming very confused. "Mercedes, mercy! You're putting it in a bad light! It's not gambling. There's no dice or cards involved! It was just some friendly, completely innocent bets between friends! No big sums involved! Just pocket change!"
"That's called gambling, Claude." Mercedes tuts. "It involves leaving money up to chance."
"It's not chance, it depends on people's actions! Carefully thought-out actions!" Claude protests.
"Of which you are not privy." Mercedes reminds him. "Which may as well be chance."
"Well!" Claude claps his hands. "This is very interesting and all, but I promised to help Hilda with something-"
"Oh my, that's quite unfortunate considering Hilda is having lunch with Marianne then." Mercedes says. "That must ruin your plans quite considerably!"
"Uh, yeah, real unfortunate." Claude says cheerfully. That's not something to be cheerful about in Byleth's eyes. Why is he still smiling so much? "Well I guess-"
"-we can continue our conversation then!" Mercedes says. "How wonderful!"
"Yeah…"
Byleth blinks slowly. He feels like he's missing something. There must be some other factor at play he's not aware of. "Is there a question I needed to answer?"
"No." Mercedes says.
"Yes." Claude says.
"Oh, you still wish him to comment on student gambling?"
"Yes- or- no." Claude coughs. "Goddess Mercedes… does it help if I apologize?"
"Whatever would you apologize for?" Mercedes says sweetly. "Unless, of course, you know you did something wrong?"
"Uhh…" Claude says, sweating just a bit.
"You can leave Professor, I'll handle this." Mercedes says. "I'll see you at the normal time, alright?"
"Okay." He says, still completely lost about what's happening. "If you need me to answer a question-"
"I'll come find you." Mercedes promises, and gently turns him around and pushes him away. "Good day Professor."
Byleth walks away feeling completely baffled, and wondering why they were both in such a good mood when the topic didn't seem very positive.
"I must have missed a joke of some sort." He decides. "Maybe I can ask Marshmallow about it later."
He sees Mercedes having lots of friendly conversations throughout the day, and she politely tells him not to worry about the subject when they meet for their usual meal.
He also gets a lot of apologies about something the day after, though everyone avoids admitting what it's about. How strange.
This was a fun little chapter. It's difficult to keep on coming up with new scenarios though. That's part of why this story has been dormant for so long. I don't want comedy to be absent, but it doesn't come to me as easily as it used to.
Also, I guess Mercedes threatening Claude is a reoccurring thing now?