Here we are again. Lying on the floor. I can hear my name, under the bedroom door. You can change my day with a single word. You will never know how much it hurts. I hate the way I blame myself. I hate it when I cry. I hate it when the makeup's running down my eyes. I hate the way you look at me, I know I'm not what you want. And I'm not coming back, I'm already gone. So are you gonna give me a reason to stay, or are you gunna let me throw it all away? If I'm already broken, there's nothing left to break. So don't try and give me a reason to stay
6th January 2020
"Yay. Back to work again" Morgana grumbled as she took her iron tablets and anti-sickness medication. "And I feel fucking dead". January, the first month of the decade now, as usual was wrought with cold and flu viruses, alongside some rumour of a new type of cold that killed people. It didn't help having morning sickness, both Merlin and Morgana had spent the first week of the decade cooped up in bed feeling as though they were going to die.
"You've got this" Merlin smiled. "At least you don't have to invigilate".
"Pregnancy perks" Morgana smirked. "Mithian still has to invigilate and she's pregnant. Yet she doesn't have morning sickness so won't be running out the room every so often. Haha, instead I get a lovely nap during a free period".
"It's my birthday soon, hopefully I get a day off invigilating for then" Merlin mused.
"Your birthday's soon? When is it?".
"Sixteenth. Turning twenty six".
"We're so old" Morgana chuckled.
"Tell that to Morgause" Merlin joked.
"Honestly, I'm just. I'm just done with her" Morgana sighed as she sat at the table.
"She still not said anything?" Merlin asked.
"No" Morgana sighed. "She's left me on read. Today will be awkward".
"Extremely" Merlin agreed. "Well, Mrs Emrys. Ought to get used to the new name".
"I sure have" Morgana smirked. "Mr and Mrs Emrys".
"The school power couple: Mr and Mrs Emrys" Merlin grinned as he waved his hand in front across the garden, as though he was attempting to show off the horizon.
"I like it" Morgana chuckled. "Provided that we don't get shut down, world war three and that".
"Trump is a fucking idiot, someone needs to take his phone away" Merlin sighed.
"Well, provided that we're not at war, he may get kicked out in November".
"He bloody better" Merlin muttered. "Sick of the evil cheese puff"
"Well, let's head off soon. Amhar needs to go to nursery and I'm not driving".
"No" Amhar said.
"Sorry mate, you go every day" Morgana said.
"No" Amhar repeated. "Mama".
"I know sweet, but mama has to work" Morgana sighed.
"Yeah" Amhar agreed sadly. "Bye bye mummy".
They headed to work, Merlin parking in his usual spot and stopping off at her classroom and then the staff toilets before going to the staffroom. Everyone was sat on the chairs around, a meeting in progress. Merlin was already there too, yet while Morgana thought she'd be able to work, she was beginning to have her doubts after spewing up either breakfast or last night's dinner for the past half an hour.
"How are you?" Merlin whispered.
"Still feeling sick. Urgh, stinks of coffee" Morgana replied.
"So that's that for the mocks" Nimeuh summarised. "I believe that Morgana and Merlin have an announcement to make".
"Well, I changed my name to Mrs Emrys, we got married" Morgana grinned as she held Merlin's hand.
"You got married?" Will cocked an eyebrow.
"I can't fucking believe this" Morgause muttered as she left out the side door.
"What! They're married!" Freya shrieked.
"I knew it!" Mithian smirked. "I knew you two were hiding something".
"No wonder you didn't want to go Oxford street with me!" Sefa mocked offence. "Too busy getting married".
"Congratulations!" Mithian added as she waddled over to them. She was due in a months time, and her bump had grown a lot over the Christmas period. She reached out to them for a hug which Merlin and Morgana gave back. After many congratulations, given there were no bells, many people were religiously checking the time and realised that it was time to go to form or to head to the hall to invigilate.
"Well, I have to go. Maths is first so we're briefing the kids" Merlin sighed.
"Good luck" Morgana sighed sympathetically.
"You too" Merlin offered. "Especially with Morgause".
"She has the lower sixth form, Sefa has first form and I believe that Morgue is busy all day".
"That's good then" Merlin smiled, leaning in to kiss her.
"Nope" Morgana coughed. "Coffee". She closed her eyes hoping the roiling in her stomach would stop. Or at least hold off until she was in the safety of the toilets.
"Take care".
"You too" Morgana half heartedly said, turning in the direction of the english area and legging it. She wouldn't make it to form, not that she cared. They had mocks anyway, Mithian or Morgause could sort them out.
'Why the fuck didn't I accept the doctor signing me off for longer?' she thought to herself as she knelt in front of the toilet bowl heaving. She could hear someone waiting outside—huffing and puffing, clearly Morgause yet remained there knelt over the toilet until she knew lessons had started. Morgause had the sixth years anyway, while Sefa had the second years.
"I think I'm dying" Morgana muttered to herself as she tried to breathe once more. Someone kept knocking at the door, Morgana tried to ignore whoever it was but they kept knocking.
"Sorry, it's me!". Ah, Mithian. "Baby keeps kicking the bladder. You okay in there?". Morgana coughed and opened the door, going to what used to be the sickroom next to the staff toilet. Yet they still had kept a bed there, so she lay down on it, it now being used as a staff rest room which she had somewhat been 'allocated'.
"So sorry" Mithian apologised again as she went into the toilet and locked the door. "You okay?" Mithian asked as she emerged. Morgana was still laying down on the bed staring up at the ceiling.
"I'm fine" Morgana insisted through gritted teeth. "Perfectly fine".
"Do you know what's up with Morgause lately?" Mithian asked as she sat on the bed. "I mean, I'm the pregnant one so I'm meant to be hormonal. Wait, you don't think Morgause?".
Morgana laughed bitterly. "No. Morgause isn't pregnant. I don't think so anyway. I mean, I told her about the marriage on Boxing Day as Merlin and I eloped, she got pissed of and we haven't spoken since".
"Damn" Mithian whispered. "I mean, you were so close. And now".
"I know" Morgana sighed. "Look I, I wanted to apologise about what happened all those thousand odd years ago. It was wrong of me to do what I did and I uh, I really do regret it. I'm sorry".
"Apology accepted" Mithian smiled. "I need another coffee. Baby kept me up all night. You want one?".
Morgana retched and darted off the bed into the toilet once more. Mithian watched in surprise, mouth wide open.
"Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant" Morgana said as she turned around from the bowl. "So I've gone off coffee. Please don't drink—or mention it in my presence or I will vomit everywhere".
"Congratulations" Mithian exclaimed. "Don't worry, I'll bear that in mind. When you due?".
"July, so it's still early".
"Of course, won't tell anyone. Congratulations, that's great! No wonder you were off for a while last term".
"Did you have morning sickness to the point of hospitalisation?" Morgana asked.
"No" Mithian replied. "If that's the case, you really shouldn't be in".
"Well aren't you lucky" Morgana muttered.
Merlin walked in with a chuckle. "Been looking for you. You okay?".
"Bleh" Morgana replied as she lay back on the bed, while Merlin shut the door. There was a door to the toilet and room combined, along with a separate toilet cubicle.
"Oh my god, the kids are thinking they're having their exams cancelled" Merlin chuckled.
"I heard that" Mithian added with a smile. "Lucy and Harriet, wasn't it?".
"Cant forget Millie" Merlin chuckled. "Poor thing was confused as usual".
"So what exactly happened?" Morgana asked.
"Well, Lucy said we're going into World War three so that we won't be able to sit our exams because we'll all be dead".
"GCSE's have never been cancelled" Mithian shrugged. "Wishful thinking probably. I don't think they've ever been cancelled?".
"It's every sixteen year old's dream" Merlin shrugged.
"Well Trump is a fucking idiot" Morgana sighed. "Well what do you all think, world war three or nah?".
"Well let's see what happens between you and Morgause first" Mithian joked.
"Well we need to teach Amhar to say her name properly for a start" Merlin chuckled.
"What does he call her?" Mithian asked.
"Morgue" Morgana replied.
"What!" Mithian gasped as she began to laugh. "He calls her Morgue. As in the dead person part of a hospital".
"He does" Morgana smirked as she bit her lip. "Well, what do you think? Are we going into world war 3?".
"Trump is a fucking scoundrel" Mithian shrugged. "Why would he try to make a deal with someone and then kill their general".
"It's trump, he's an evil orange" Morgana shrugged.
"2020, I highly doubt we're going to break out in World War 3, climate change and all that" Merlin added.
"Let's hope you're right, Merlin" Mithian agreed.
"Anyway, I'm going to try to get shit done before I have the second years, probably book another doctor's appointment and avoid Morgause" Morgana decided as she sat up. She briefly leant against the bed once more as the world began to spin, yet slowly got up and stood.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Merlin checked.
"I'll book another doctors appointment tomorrow, probably" Morgana sighed. "I've heard it gets worse before it gets better etcetera but this is unbearable".
"As is you not talking to Morgause" Merlin grumbled. "I have to say, I do miss her. I never thought this day would come".
"Well I thought I'd never end up married to you and pregnant but here we are" Morgana shrugged. "Thats life. Unpredictable".
"Plus World War 3 is about to start" Mithian added. "So maybe exams will be cancelled".
"World War 4, you mean" Morgana corrected. "Morgause and I are currently at World War 3".
"It really does feel that way" Merlin muttered.
"Well, come on then. Back to work" Morgana sighed.
"Will told me I owe him an explanation, I ought to do exactly that" Merlin chuckled.
"Have fun with Freya" Morgana offered.
"You too with Morgause and Alvarr" Merlin replied.
Morgana walked over to her room, Mithian went to the staff room for her coffee and Merlin went to the maths block. Morgana sat down at her desk and went on her computer. She heard footsteps outside yet given that they were now in the main school building instead of the separate english and performing arts block, it was rather expected. Yet the repeated footsteps, not exactly the most expected. Not at all. She checked her watch—around half nine, so first period was over. Sefa had the first years and they did take a while to pack up, Mithian was walking as little as possible. Morgana looked up to see whoever was pacing. Morgause. Her sister knocked on the door and then let herself in.
"Congratulations, Mrs Emrys" Morgause sneered. "Can't fucking believe you, I thought we were close".
"Morgause, we are close" Morgana sighed. "Me and Merlin getting married has not changed that in any way".
"Except for the fact that you're legally fucking bound to one another, till death do you part but hey, now you have it all. You have it fucking all".
"What are you talking about" Morgana asked.
"You've got it all, haven't you. Everything you ever wanted. The house, the baby, the husband. Funny, how you were in the car at the time" Morgause raised an eyebrow.
"What on earth are you saying!" Morgana exclaimed.
"I think we both know what I'm saying" Morgause shook her head.
"Morgause I don't know why you're being like this!" Morgana sighed as she put her head in her hands.
"Your car is out of service, you go with Arthur and Gwen. Then the both of them die, yet you and the baby survive".
"What the?" Morgana asked bewilderedly. "Morgause, what the hell is going on with you!".
"Just think about it. If they didn't crash, would you still have the baby, the house and the husband?" Morgause retorted as she shut the door and left the room. Morgana ended up going home once more, curling herself up in bed with her 'special' bowl. Morgause's words echoed around her head.
'Why did Arthur have to keep all those secrets. Why did the car have to crash? Why did my baby have to die? Yeah, I fucked up there with Alvarr and got pregnant. Yeah, I fucked up seeing as I had morning sickness and didn't want to drive so went with Arthur and Gwen'. Morgana found herself playing the events over and over again in her head. She lay on her back staring up at the ceiling, given that even slight movement of anything would make her more nauseous. The sound of the front door opening, Merlin walking in with Amhar took her out of her thoughts.
"Morgana" Merlin called as he stood outside the bedroom door. "Can I come in?".
"Okay" Morgana gasped, Merlin opened the door and let himself in.
"What happened, love?".
"Morgause" Morgana sobbed.
Merlin sighed. He knew it'd be Morgause. "What's she done this time?".
"She ... she was saying ... about how ... it's ... my ... fault" Morgana hiccuped. "That ... it's ... my fault ... the ...car crashed".
"What a load of fucking bullshit" Merlin rolled his eyes. "Look, it is not your fault. It's no ones fault. You can be the most cautious driver in the world yet still, you can't control other people".
"I know" Morgana sniffed. "I know. But still".
"Morgause doesn't matter" Merlin said sternly. He had his 'teacher voice' on. "We both know it is not your fault. We just made the best of a shitty situation".
"Yeah" Morgana breathed shakily. "I guess we did do exactly that. Make the best of a shitty situation".
"Yet it's now become the best situation" Merlin smiled. "I was once told, that you're the darkness to my light. Yet if you flip that around".
"The light to your darkness" Morgana completed. "That, that makes sense".
"The hatred to your love, flip that around and it becomes the love to your hatred".
"So because Morgause hates the fact that we're married, it just makes our love stronger" Morgana chuckled.
"More or less" Merlin laughed. "Fuck her".
"Merlin, that's incest".
"You get what I mean. Even without the crash, it doesn't mean that we wouldn't have been a couple. We easily could've figured things out and still ended up like this".
A/N: It snowed yesterday and actually set! It hasn't snowed in YEARS so that was nice