Content Warning: This story explores themes of suicide and mental health.
PART 2: THE HOUSE OF DAYDREAMS
CHAPTER 7
It seemed that the somber mood of Aokigahara touched SPR before the group even set foot inside the forest. Yasuhara was in the office at different times depending on his class schedule for that day. Mai arrived like clockwork after the school day ended.
Yasuhara spent his time researching the forest from every possible angle he could conceive. Its history, both social and political. The biogeochemistry, flora and fauna, and climate. Land use and natural resources. The tourist attractions in the area, annual visitors, and details from travel agencies to those seeking to make the forest part of their vacation. Then, he delved into the stories surrounding it. Folklore and fables, legends circulating the internet, references in fictional media.
What he chose not to research were the suicides. Yearly averages, bodies found during sweeps, emergency calls and police reports. If anything had been made clear at the Saturday meeting, it was that Lin had more than enough numbers in those areas to satisfy Naru's morbid curiosities.
Mai, for her part, spent her week thankful that she hadn't had a single nightmare since their last case. It was blissful and left her hopeful that Naru would see that there was no need for her to train her powers.
After all, there's no use in training powers that don't exist, she thought.
She'd made her peace with Gene. He was no longer sleeping with the fishes, but in search of the great perhaps. If he'd taken all of Mai's visions with him, then that was okay with her. And with their case in Aokigahara looming closer and closer, Mai spent the vast majority of her week praying to anyone who was listening that her visions would stay well and far away.
"Mai, did you know there's a rap collective called Aoki Boys that apparently gets its name from Aokigahara?" Yasuhara asked one day at work.
She walked behind him and leaned over his chair to get a better look at his computer screen. "What is a rap collective, and why would they name themselves after that forest?"
"Hey now," he conceded, raising his hands to placate. "Big Boss doesn't pay me to research obscure western music initiatives, just our case sites."
"And knowing that is going to help us on the case how?"
"When given a job, I do it thoroughly! You'd be surprised how important the cultural significance of a site can be to its paranormal activity. Or - at least its perceived paranormal activity, I should say," Yasuhara explained.
Mai considered this for a moment. "Oh, you mean like that place in America that Bou-san mentioned during the Urado case?"
Their spines shivered simultaneously at the memory of that house. "The Winchester Mystery House. It's supposedly haunted, but how much of that is actually paranormal and how much can be blamed on its bizarre history that gives it notoriety? When you have so many tourists walking through a single house every day, there's bound to be strange things happening: both psychic and completely visible."
She walked around his chair to face him. "And when exactly did you become such an expert on all of this?"
Her friend straightened his back and adjusted the glasses on the bridge of his nose. "While you were in a funk, I'll have you know I took advantage of those months we had a more," he fumbled for the right word, "approachable boss and asked plenty of questions."
"I was not in a funk," Mai protested, turning to walk to the kitchen to prepare tea. Heavens knew they all needed some.
Yasuhara rose to follow her. "You're right. You are in a funk. Present tense. Speaking of which, how did the whole contract-signing meeting go?"
Mai ignored his quip and chose to answer his question while setting the water to boil. "After he explained it all, I signed the contract as is. He hasn't said anything about a training schedule since then. But if he does, then he won't find anything worth his time. I haven't had a dream in weeks, and Gene has moved on. I think I'm in the clear."
Yasuhara raised an eyebrow at her optimism before shaking his head. "We also haven't been on a case since then. Just because he was guiding your visions doesn't mean he was the source."
Mai bit her lip and chose not to respond. A heaviness fell over her chest. This wasn't something she liked being reminded of and tried her best to ignore it when the thought popped into her head.
He continued. "Remember when Madoka hypothesized you were having visions of your own, just not guided by Gene? Her concern is still warranted. What if they come back, on this case of all places?"
Mai let the teacups slam onto the serving tray just a touch louder than she'd normally let them. "Then I guess I'll be glad for the training if that moment does come."
At 10:00 AM the following Saturday, Mai arrived at the office with the rest of the SPR team to pack the vans and make the trip over to Fujikawaguchiko. They'd be staying at a small inn near the nature reserve. Thankfully, it had laundering facilities, so Mai had packed a little more than a week's worth of necessities.
They packed their suitcases in Bou-san's car while the rest of the office's supplies and equipment was stowed meticulously throughout the company van. Mai watched as Lin, Bou-san, and John carried the equipment from the building and down the stairs to where the van was parked on the street near the office's side entrance. Yasuhara checked off bits of equipment from their inventory list as each item was accounted for.
As an investigator, Mai assured that each piece of equipment had all of its accompanying parts, wires, and adapters before arranging them into the van and giving Yasuhara the 'okay' to check the device off of their list. However, as she placed each item in the van, Naru took it upon himself to reshuffle her work, even if it were just by a few centimeters.
When all was packed and he stepped away to have a word with Lin, Yasuhara leaned closer to Mai's ear and whispered, "Is it just me, or is Big Boss a bit more…"
He searched for the proper word before Mai supplied, "Controlling? Picky? Anal-retentive?" She grinned at her best friend, and they both doubled over in laughter that they couldn't squelch.
Mai covered her mouth with her hands when Naru rounded the corner. "I assume you're talking about something work related?"
"As a matter of fact, we were!" Yasuhara covered. "Mai just told the best joke about ghosts. Why don't you tell him, boss?"
Mai choked back another laugh, using the extra time to come up with something to say. "How do ghosts stay in shape?"
She could feel her unease rising as Naru glared at her in spite of her inability to stop giggling. "They exorcise regularly!"
Naru didn't take on the expression she expected. Instead of an impatient sigh, he looked surprised and a little horrified. He swallowed, looked to the side of both of them. "I've never known a ghost to exorcise itself and certainly not on a regular basis."
"Oh, come on Naru, it's a pun on words," Yasuhara said. "There's no point in trying to analyze a joke. It takes the fun out of it."
Mai didn't reply immediately. Naru seemed ill at ease, and she knew from their previous conversations that these social situations were difficult for him to navigate without approaching them logically.
He swallowed again and finally met her eyes. "Then perhaps you'll come up with a better joke on our way. The drive will take about two hours."
Mai stood, confused. "I thought it was only an hour drive between Dougenzaka and the nature reserve."
"Not if you want to avoid those pesky toll roads," Yasuhara teased.
Mai was tempted to make a big deal about Naru being cheap, but decided against it for two reasons: it was the most Naru-like thing he'd done recently and the familiarity brought her comfort; and, she knew it to be untrue.
Naru was many things, as far as Mai was aware. He was impatient, especially with regards to ignorance. He was reticent, unapproachable, and swollen with self-importance. But, she also knew him to be loyal, intelligent, and annoyingly self-sacrificing.
'You give up on people so easily,' he'd told her that day outside of Yasuhara's school when his schemes with the hitogata had worked against all odds. Naru may have been inherently untrusting, but Mai admitted that it was she who always seemed to lose faith in others.
It's not like Naru is ever wrong. If there's a reason he wants to go this particular route, I'm sure he has his reasons, Mai reassured herself.
"Well, we'll need all the time we can get to come up with a joke that Dr. Oliver Davis approves of," Mai said, decidedly.
Yasuhara's face brightened. "Can you just imagine the smile on his boo-tiful face when we finally tell it?"
Mai kept a smile plastered to her lips, trying not to think about smiles and his beautiful face - or the lack thereof, and nodded eagerly.
Naru finally sighed and shook his head at their foolery, exasperated. "Ah, come on Naru, that's not the spirit you should be in at the beginning of a new case!"
With everything packed away, the SPR team settled into their respective vehicles to finally begin their trip. The irregulars huddled into Bou-san's van. Mai and Yasuhara, on the other hand, were required to ride in the company van as a safety precaution and to avoid paying the federally required mileage rate.
Yasuhara moved to the front of the van to take his seat, but Mai stayed behind in case Naru needed help while he looked over the equipment's organization one last time. Her boss was the type of man who lived life with his hand firmly shoved into his pockets while talking to you, whether he was pleased or dissatisfied with your work. As she watched him work, Mai wasn't sure what he was checking for, but she sighed with relief when he finally stood without making any more adjustments to the way the van was organized.
For a moment, they just stood in the van's trunk sharing a look of equal contentment and tiredness.
"Did Gene tell you that joke?" he asked, surprising her.
"What?"
Naru leaned his back against the wall of the van. "For about a year, the lab back in England only knew about Gene's powers and performed tests exclusively on him. He used to make up puns and jokes about the lab work." He shrugged his shoulders. "The one about exorcising spirits was one he told a lot. It seems like something he would have told you at some point to cheer you up."
Mai stood without saying anything for a moment, feeling the weight of his anecdote rest heavily on her chest before warming like a comfort. It was so rare that Naru ever mentioned his past or his brother.
'That's a personal matter. This is work,' he'd said when she'd tried to broach the subject with him. He was being open with her for once, and it was an effort not to jump up and latch onto this moment with all of her might.
She swallowed the grief in her throat. "No, I don't think we ever told jokes," she paused, considering. "It might be intuition though. Like how I picked up on Naru as his nickname for you?"
She could see that he thought about it for a moment before nodding once, and she felt her chest swell with far too much pride at the approval in such a simple gesture.
"We'll start working together on your powers during this case," he said.
Mai could already feel her throat go sore from screaming, then silent with suffocation. She felt fingers enclose around her throat and metal rings leaving imprints in the skin of her neck as they squeezed.
She inhaled, shut her eyes for the length of that breath. What was that thing she'd just said about trusting him?
If there's a reason he wants to go a particular route, I'm sure he has his reasons.
She wouldn't protest his decision, even if she didn't particularly like it.
"Is it really safe to intentionally use my powers during a case?"
"In visions, cognitive ability is low. So in order for a coping strategy to work, it has to be something you've worked on consistently. We can go over the steps on how to remove yourself from a vision as many times as you want, but it's doubtful you'll even remember those steps once you're panicking in a vision. It needs to be a skill that you've practiced and mastered in a controlled environment. This case provides us with that opportunity."
It made sense. She hated it, but it did make sense.
"Alright then," Mai responded, unable to think of anything else to say. He took his place in the passenger's seat of the van, and Mai climbed in to join Yasuhara in the back. As they pulled away, Mai looked out the window as the city streets gave way to country roads, the buildings morphing into parkways.
After months of asking him to talk and her pleas falling on deaf ears, Naru was finally giving her the attention she'd sought after. Hell, he was about to start dedicating large portions of his days to spending time with her. But that time would be for discussing her powers and not the things that truly matter.
She sighed. I think I was better off when he was still ignoring me.
Like most small towns, Fujikawaguchiko lay just off the expressway. Mai stared out the car window as patches of wilderness became sparser and the inclinations of a town became more obvious. She hadn't known what to expect when they arrived, but she was sure there would be something strange about a town that shared a border with the suicide forest. If anything, Mai was surprised that the town seemed so...normal.
The Kato Inn stood at just two stories tall. It was supported by blue wooden beams that could barely be seen underneath the wisteria that wrapped around them. When they pulled up to the driveway and Mai exited the car, it felt more like coming home than arriving at a new place.
"It smells like honeysuckle," Masako noted, and Mai turned around to nod enthusiastically.
"It's really beautiful here!" Mai agreed.
"Beautiful? If by 'beautiful' you mean 'creepy', then sure it's beautiful."
The girls turned to see Ayako stepping out of the car as Bou-san struggled behind her to get all of their luggage out in one piece.
"How is it creepy? It feels so welcoming here."
There was something homey about this place that Mai couldn't quite describe. Walking up to the front door, it felt more like she was returning rather than this being her first visit to the inn. It was a warm blanket after a cold day of playing outside or the taste of a cookie that only your mother can make. Something in the air was more breathable here.
Masako seemed to agree, staring up at the building with the same awe that Mai felt.
"Hate to break it to you two, but I have to agree with the old hag. This place gives me the heebee jeebees." Before Ayako could recognize the insult for what it was, Bou-san hurried to change the subject. "So, are you going to give me a hand with these bags or am I expected to grow a fourth arm?"
"Oh, my goodness, Bou-san! I'm so sorry. Here, let me help." Mai ran over, but before she could grab her own suitcase from the trunk, she balked. "Fourth arm?"
Bou-san and Yasuhara doubled over in laughter while Ayako rolled her eyes and John and Masako looked scandalized.
"I'll just pretend I didn't hear you say that," Mai concluded.
"Ahem!"
Their peals of laughter stopped at the sound of Naru clearing his throat. His glare didn't show disappointment, just his usual impatience.
"There is a separate room for each of us. Be in the dining room on the first floor in an hour. We'll eat then go to the case location with the equipment. Any questions?"
The first floor of the Kato Inn consisted of a small front desk, a dining area, and stairwells on either side of the building. To the left of the front door, the reception area opened up to a seating room with a mix between sofas and lounge chairs. The doorway at the back led to the modest cafe while those on either side of the building gave guests access to their rooms on the second floor.
Mai climbed the flight of stairs with the rest of the SPR team until she came to the room with the number "16" mounted on its door in brass. A bed sat against the wall with a nightstand on either side. Across from it was a TV mounted above a chest of drawers.
The room was quaint, but the view was outstanding. The window was a singular pane of glass that extended from floor to ceiling. Lake Saiko stretched across the landscape, its silver waters reflecting the high-noon sun like a mirror. Beyond the water, the misty skyline of trees and mountains extended for miles. Autumn was setting in, so the leaves of the trees adorned the scenery in shades of yellow, orange, and purple.
Everything was still in the way that things can be only in complete bliss. And as Mai dropped her bags and took in the paradisiacal landscape below her, she, for once, felt calm.
The second floor of the Kato Inn consisted of a singular hallway that ended with stairwells on either side of the building. To the left and right, the doors of unoccupied hotel rooms lay in wait for their next guests. Sounds from the downstairs cafe could be heard by those on the second floor as people took their mid-day meals in utter disregard of what was going on just down the road.
Naru climbed the flight of stairs until he came to the room with the number "17" mounted on its door in brass. A bed sat against the wall with a nightstand on either side across from a TV mounted above a chest of drawers.
The room was too big, and the singular pane of glass that extended from floor to ceiling only made it worse. Past the parking lot and scenic road, the verdant skyline of Aokigahara extended for miles. The humidity leant to the moisture in the air, giving the scene a hazy effect that left Naru nauseous as his vision wouldn't come into focus.
The "Call of the Void", or the high place phenomenon, is a sudden, strong urge to do something incredibly stupid, such as jumping off of a high place - or even pushing someone off. Several studies have shown that this is caused by normal processing of the human brain. Cognitive dissonance, the mind's way of dealing with ambiguity. When approaching a ledge and a dangerous drop, the survival instinct causes the body to pull away, but the brain's motor systems don't reciprocate the need to re-establish balance. The body's solution is to consider jumping. It is typically a thought that is quickly dismissed.
Naru looked out of the hotel room's window. First, he looked out to Aokigahara until it blended in with the horizon, then his eyes travelled lower and lower until he was staring straight down to the parking lot below. He kept staring for one heartbeat, two heartbeats.
He pulled the curtains closed before he could count the third.
After thirty minutes, Mai decided to go down to the cafe early. She hadn't brought too much stuff with her, so she didn't have very much to unpack.
The dining area was rather empty, as most of the guests had already taken their lunch. The windows at the back of the room were similar to those in her room upstairs: they extended from floor to ceiling and looked out onto the lake and semi-deciduous forest beyond. At the center, a door allowed guests to have their meals on a wooden deck that wrapped around the back of the inn and enjoy the scenery and waterfront breeze.
When she walked in, Mai smelled the aroma of hot drinks and side snacks that had been left out for peckish guests during the restaurant's off hours, and she helped herself to a cup of tea and slices of toast before settling into a chair near the window.
She didn't know how she should expect this case to go. Granted, they would be spending their nights in this inn off-sight of the actual case, and she had yet to step foot into the forest. However, if her instincts were anything to go by, Mai couldn't help but feel at ease with the warm decor and expansive scenery. To her, it felt as though she could take a thousand pictures of this area and not one would be able to accurately recapture its splendor.
She was pulled from her daydream when the chair across from her was pulled out from the table. Turning, she was surprised to see Naru sit across from her with a plate and cup of tea much like her own.
In the time she had spent working under her less-than-verbose boss, Mai had become adept at interpreting his non-verbal cues. In particular, she found that the direction he faced his upper body and the direction of his stare to be key factors in reading his emotions.
If Naru's chest faced you while he looked down, he was listening to you and considering what you had to say. The same was true if he stared you in the eye, but if his eyes met yours with an incredulous gaze while he faced away from you, it was probably because he had something better to do and you were wasting his time.
If he faced away and wouldn't meet your eyes, he was probably uncomfortable but nevertheless willing to stay and face that discomfort with you. Otherwise, he'd just leave. But for as much time as she'd spend with Naru, she never knew what it meant when he looked up. This was mostly because he rarely looked skyward, and no instances came to mind in recent memory.
Right now, he had chosen to sit directly across from her, which meant he probably intended to speak with her. But by the way he picked at the food on his plate without actually eating any of it, Mai thought he was probably trying to figure out how best to say it.
Knowing Naru, he'll probably still say it poorly, she thought. But she knew in her heart that she'd never hold it against him. Where the others mocked him for his lack of social skills, she had been trying to do everything in her power to encourage him on the rare occasion he tried.
She smiled as though to encourage him, and he said, "We should start working with your powers soon." Her smile faltered. "The group will meet here for dinner each evening; I figured we could train before we go back to monitor the cameras for the night."
Mai looked down at her plate and took another bite of food to prolong her silence. She ran through all of the things she wanted to say: I don't need your help. The dreams terrify me. Please don't make me do this.
But when she looked back up, she saw that Naru was still looking away and realized he didn't want to be doing this either. Maybe, it was because he had better things to do with his time than teach her. Or perhaps, he didn't see a point to it either. But just for now, Mai let herself believe that Naru knew she didn't want to do this, but also knew she desperately needed help - even if she didn't want to admit it.
Mai swallowed her pride. "Well, it isn't like I have anything better to do," she lied. "Where should we meet?"
He finally looked her in the eye. "Hang back after dinner has ended. I should have finalized the details by then."
She nodded, and the rest of the SPR group filed into the restaurant just as the clock tolled the hour. They murmured their pleasantries, pulled their chairs up to the table, and made conversation of the case to come.
Bou-san and Ayako admitted that the scenery was, in fact, beautiful. Though, they double-downed on their assertions that the ambiance was ominous. John seemed to agree with the case's menacing nature but approached the venture with optimism. Masako offered that the calming landscape was welcome when juxtaposed against the dark context of their case, and Mai nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Lin seemed indifferent to the quantity of danger in this case, but the quality had piqued his interest.
The group continued on with their late lunch in the shadow of Lake Saiko and the mountains beyond; their chatter remained a pleasant hum as their plates emptied, then stacked, then disappeared back into the kitchen.
Everyone was full. Everyone was happy. Everyone was fine, except for the one who'd kept quiet for the entire length of the meal.
Note: These last two chapters (six and seven) were difficult to write, not for any reason other than they were boring. Sometimes, a story just needs moments of straight exposition. The info in these two chapters were necessarily, but not emotionally fulfilling to actually write. I prefer writing those scenes with character reflection, character growth and analysis, etc. (That's probably obvious - it's taken ~25,000 words for the case to even be introduced). All I can say is that, from here, the story is a wild ride both in terms of plot and character moments, and I'm excited for you to read every bit of it!
Fun Fact: I've been planning this story out for the last two years, mostly as a series of disconnected scenes on sticky notes. Whenever I'm in class or work and an idea for a scene, quote, or even a character's mindset passes through my mind, I write it on a sticky note. Now, I have a literal bag full of sticky notes with one-off quotes, scene ideas, or even realizations about how a character might think or feel. They make NO sense on their own. Most of the process of writing this story has been deciding how all of these scenes and quotes are connected into a story with a case, character development, etc. Hopefully, I'm doing it justice!
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, please know that you are not alone. You can always reach out to a family member, friend, teacher, counselor, or community member. In addition, below are some major hotlines and crisis resources. Please note that these lists are NOT exhaustive. In addition to phone hotlines, many of the resources also offer a text or chat option. Visit the websites for more information. Some resources offer 24/7 crisis support, while others provide information and referrals in non-crisis situations.
National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1 800 273 8255 or suicide prevention life line dot org
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 800 799 7233 or the hotline dot org
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1 800 656 4673 or rainn dot org
SAMHSA National Helpline: 1 800 633 4357 or samhsa dot gov
National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline: 1 800 950 6264 OR Text NAMI to 741 741 or nami dot org
Trevor Project TrevorLifeline: 1 866 488 7386 or the trevor project dot org