Hi guys! Another looooong chapter with a bit of drama is here, revealing a little bit more about our dear doctor. Enjoy

P.S.: as always, thank you all for reading and reviewing! I am so glad you like my story so far and don´t mind the long chapters and waiting time …

CHAPTER 10: Sickness

They have not yet reached a solution to the current problem. They have successfully avoided the topic of their feelings so far, and there are several reasons for this. First, the flu epidemic, most often associated with the autumn months, has broken out now, in early March, and so Dr. Clarkson is helping out at in his hospital again. It is overcrowded again and the young doctor, hitherto unaccustomed to such numbers of incoming patients, does not manage to do it himself. The second, more serious reason, is Alais again. Isobel oversees her care, and the little one has no problem with that, and Isobel and Dr. Clarkson are glad that he doesn't have to choose between his mission and his most precious person in the world. However, the problem is her health, not her will to play. The flu also visited the Clarkson´s household and chose the youngest person as the victim. The second day in a row is she lying in a fever in Richard's bed, and next to her, day and night, Isobel, who, with the help of Tom and his car, had moved the most necessary part of her closet into the doctor's closet in the bedroom. Temperatures above 38.5 ℃ to 39.1 ℃ relentlessly hold on to a small, weakened girl who constantly presses her doll to her chest.

- Bonnie's sweating, too. - she remarks when Isobel changes her into dry pyjamas again, after wiping her whole body with a damp terry cloth. - She's not feeling well either, grannie. - Yes, Isobel became a grandmother for this little girl yesterday, and since she suggested it, Alais has been happy to address her this way. It was a bright moment on the first, hard day. - I am not feeling good, Mrs. Isobel. - She continued faintly in describing her symptoms. Isobel, with worries and love in the eyes caressed the little girl and kissed her on the forehead, replying: - Grandpa and I will heal you. Don't worry, darling. And if you want to, call me grannie, okay? - the little patient nodded with joy and, throwing herself around Isobel´s neck, clung to her. - I am glad, you are now my grannie. - that was a precious moment. Alais though, with her doll in the hands, brings her to the present again:

- Then I'll change her, too, honey, but you have the priority. - fastening the last button and placing Alais under the blankets again, the doll still comes to the fore. She is all clean and dressed in fresh clothes. - Here you go, Alais. - and she hands Bonnie to her right away. Alais clings to her once more and then, with big blue eyes, pleadingly looks at Isobel.

- I am a little bit cold. Will you warm me, grannie, like yesterday? - Isobel is happy to comply with this request. She also lies in bed and this time without embarrassment. Now it after all belongs to her and Alais, while Dr. Clarkson spends the nights in the nursery.

- Come here, love. - immediately hugging the burning little body, which definitely does lack the coldness that Alais feels. - And now close your eyes and sleep. You will see that you will be better then. -

- Will you stay here with me? -

- Of course, darling. Sweet dreams. -

- Love you, grannie. - this is the first time she has expressed her love in words, although Alais has felt this way for a long time. She had a father and a grandfather, but she never knew her grandmother. And now that she's found one ... she definitely has to tell Isobel what she means to her. In the eyes of the girl Isobel had noticed a similar emotion for a long time, but even so, the sincerity of her words touch her, leading her to tears.

- I love you too, my dear Alais. - she whispers in silence and Alais clings even more to her, now pushing the doll aside and instead embracing Isobel with at least one arm. - My sweet child. You will be alright. You have to be. For me. For grandpa. - shortly after Isobel kisses her on the head and moment later, tired Alais falls asleep ...

Closing the door of his bedroom, Dr. Clarkson descends into the sitting room and, sitting in his chair, holds his face in his hands. He sighs nervously, while feeling tired from the half day shift spent in the hospital. Addition to the nervousness is fear, a number of worries that have occupied his mind since Alais was diagnosed with the flu with an onset of pneumonia. He almost refused to help in the hospital, and if Isobel and her reassurance that she would take care of the little one, no one would get him from her side. However, the fact that the fever is not declining yet still remains. The body needs to raise the temperature to eliminate the harmful bacteria that cause the disease. I know. The first year of medicine. Plus, it's only the second day. But still. Alais is his everything and both his approach to her and the rationality of his judgment are quite different from those regarding his ordinary patients. With another sigh, still in deep thoughts, Isobel, who had been making tea in the kitchen, finds him in this mood. She hesitates. Should I enter the room and disturb him? In recent days, she has also lacked the courage and straightforwardness with which she has always dealt with Richard.

- Are you all right, Richard? - in the end, however, she decides on that straightforwardness.

- Not really. Alais is sick. - he replies after a while, a little more irritated than he would like. Doctor though immediately realizes his tone of voice and thus he apologizes. - I'm sorry, Isobel, but I'm worried. I don't want to be rude. I know how you take care of Alais and you know her condition better than I do. -

- That's fine. Completely normal. - Richard nods and smiles at her too. - I'll get you a cup of tea. Give me a moment. - and Isobel disappears into the kitchen again. In less than two minutes, she returns with a tray and, serving him one cup, sits down on the sofa. There is silence between them again, but after a few sips of chamomile tea, the doctor expresses his concerns, the reason for his behaviour.

- There are more reasons for my behaviour. - he sighs and looks into the fireplace. - I have never been a superstitious person, but given the story of my family ... it´s almost like a curse. Life span of little Clarkson girls is too short and Alais ... dear Lord. Listen to me. - he sighs again and places a cup of tea on the coffee table in front of him, holding his face in his hands again. Isobel does notice. She too starts to feel the doctor's anxiety. - My Alais wasn´t even 5 when she died of similar illness and now ... - it is hard for him to talk about it, that´s obvious and there is no wonder why. She had never seen him in a similar emotional mood before. - Alais reminds me so much of my daughter. The more time I spend with her, having her here, the more. She is past 4 years of age and having similar, almost identical symptoms as my Ali. The only difference is absence of asthma here. - poor man. Such goodness and self-sacrifice was not rewarded enough. - I just don´t want the history to repeat itself. I don´t want anything to happen to Alais. I love her too much, to lose her. It would kill me. Daingead. - damn it. He can´t omit a light swear word. In the deep concentration of silence again, he barely notices the touch of Isobel's hand on his left knee.

- It's only the second day, Richard. I know you know that too, but in this specific case, even the knowledge and rationality are not enough to reassure you, but I also know that Alais is a strong little girl and can handle it. Everything will be fine. I will not and I am one hundred percent convinced that neither will you allow anything to happen to her. - it´s her time to emit a sigh, also with thoughts wandering into the past and after a moment of silence, in a muffled voice she continues: - As a boy, Matthew loved ice skating. Every winter, from the age of 6, we took him to an ice rink in the city. When he was about 8 years old, his best friend's parents took him on a two-day trip to nature. It was in January or early February and the boys wanted to go v skating. So, they went to the lake. It was supposed to be well frozen, and the ice was basically solid, but Matthew wandered into an area of thinner ice that broke beneath him and my boy fell into the icy water. He developed severe pneumonia. - even then she was afraid for his life and at certain moments she could only pray that he would not be taken from her. - The temperature exceeded 39 ℃, reaching 40℃ for 2 days. He was in pain with each cough and so incredibly weak. I was already alone with him. Reggie was dead, and at times I thought I'd lose Matthew, too. Miraculously, however, the temperature began to drop down after about a week and disappeared completely after two. He was slack for another month, but he did it. Alais can do it too. - fortunately, the symptoms of this little girl do not come close to these scary memories. But she knows that Richard's daughter was not so lucky.

- Matthew was a lucky boy to have such amazing mother, Isobel. And Alais is lucky as well, isn´t she? - Isobel smiles flattered. The next moment, her heart leaps with joy. Richard takes a hand from his face and moves it to Isobel´s, gently squeezing it. - I might be overreacting, I know. - reassurance is important, and only now does Richard actually realize how much he needed it. - I know she is in good hands with you. -

- You have very capable hands too, doctor. - this statement makes them finally laugh. I needed this. I need her.

- Thank you, Isobel. - he says really honestly. Having her here at home, with Alais, really transforms this space, a house into a home.

- Anytime. - She could get lost in those blue oceans now. We will swim or sink together. She suddenly remembers the moment when she began to feel the first sympathies for him at the then-forming friendship and mutual respect. Still hand in hand, they almost jump on the site from surprise when a voice is heard on the 2nd floor.

- Grannie ?! - almost tearfully, with despair in her voice, Alais calls. After a fairy tale from her grandfather and fallen asleep, she expected Isobel to come to her to lie down again, thus waking up in her arms. - Where are you? I need a hug. Please ?! -

- I'm here, darling. I'll be right with you, just go back to the bed and wait for me. - surprised Richard, who has so far missed the familiar title, immediately releases Isobel's hand. She instantly stands up and heads for the stairs.

- Did I miss something? - Richard asks, and his voice keeps Isobel in the sitting room for a while. - You don´t mind it, I hope. -

- Of course not. Do you? - she asks him in return, but fortunately the doctor's answer is just a shake of the head. - Grannie sounds better than Mrs. Isobel and more comforting for Alais. Surely, I will be glad if she continued to call me like this when she is healthy again as well. -

- I'm sure of that. Well thank you. She always wanted to have a female figure in her life. Needed it. -

- And I'm honoured she chose me. -

- She did a great choice. - with another smile and flattery, which also manifests itself in the redness of her cheek, she finally leaves to join Alais. Although the doctor did not leave the sitting room, he hears a sob that calms down as soon as the little one ends up in Isobel's arms. He is relieved. Alais will be fine. She is a fighter. Isobel is right. We will be fine ...

-/-

Day number 5 finally brings better news. The temperature has dropped and the forehead of little Alais is no longer as hot as at the beginning of this drama. Everyone is breathing better, but Dr. Clarkson is the most relieved one. After two strenuous days, he is finally home with his girls, now he is even sitting with the little one in his arms.

- Grandpa? - Alais suddenly interrupts his narration about the world's first unicorn. The doctor will immediately focuses. After all, she had never interrupted this specific tale. It is her favourite.

- Yes, sweetie? - he prefers to ask immediately and is already looking for signs of anything alarming. Alais sniffs under her duvet and bites her lip, asking the first question.

- Now that Mrs. Isobel is my grannie, she will be living here with us too, right? Even once I will be healthy again. She is going to stay. - She got used to the presence of Isobel long ago and very quickly. The nice lady was sympathetic to her from the beginning and the mutual affection grew stronger with each passing day. In the last 6 days, however, it took a completely new direction and Alais formed a strong bond with her. Dr. Clarkson doesn't know what to say. He also does not want to change the current situation. - I love grannie and she loves me. She told me so. I want her to stay with us, grandpa. It´s a great idea, isn´t it? - Dr. Clarkson swallows empty and, still without words, sighs. - Will you ask her if she'll stay here with us? Forever? - Alais chooses the perfect tactic and stares at him longingly with her innocent pale blue eyes. After all, it's a logical solution, isn't it? Yes, Isobel, Alais and I. The doctor thinks, finally nodding.

- I ask. I promise. - Alais is more than satisfied with this answer, so she leans back comfortably on her grandfather again. - Well, it'll be our secret for now, okay? - Alais nods. I won't say a word to Grannie. Yet. Grandpa will arrange it.

- You can continue with the tale now, grandpa. - He wants to laugh. How easily she said it and changed the subject. She has achieved her, so she is satisfied ...

- I don't even know where I stopped, Alais. Aren't we done yet? - he keeps her tense, already closing the book. However, Alais shakes her head emphatically, taking the richly illustrated book she received from her father at Christmas into the safety of her own hands.

- We were here somewhere. - she points to sentences in the middle of 10th page, recognizing only one word. Aon-adharcach. Unicorn. - You read about Iselda, the granddaughter of the famous wizard and Prince Elsbrick. - Alais already knows the story of the sad prince by heart, but she would still listen to it all the time, especially when her grandfather reads it. He has a magical voice! Just like Daddy. Even with this memory, she snuggles even more to Richard. The doctor doesn´t muss this slight change either. He knows how very well, that this book reminds her of Aidan. After all, he also read it for her.

- Ah, I remember, honey. You are right. - he really points his finger at the unicorn word and continues: - Iselda, with her grandfather's knowledge and a large book of his mysterious formulas, created a majestic animal with the body of a beautiful white horse and the horn of a gazelle, in the middle of the forehead. It was a tall creature, with a radiant, soft fur and large eyes whose gaze penetrated his soul. They called this creature, never seen before by anyone, a unicorn. - the fairy tale continues and Alais, really feeling stronger and better, interrupts the grandfather every now and then with a number of questions. The fairy tale thus gains in volume and length. Neither of them would notice time passing until Alais´s stomach begins to squeak. That is a good sign. As appetite increases, so does strength and the disease subsides.

- I am hungry, grandpa. -

- Well, I can hear that. - he smiles when the echo of hunger resounds. - Your tummy is unmistakably hungry, darling. -

- Do you think grannie is back? She definitely will prepare something for us. - just at that moment of desperate question, there is a knock, followed by the opening of the door. - Grannie! -

- Hello Darling. How are you? -

- I am hungry. Grandpa is hungry too. We both are. - Richard raises an eyebrow and looks at Alais in astonishment.

- As I recall, only your stomach squeaked, Alais. - he reminds her of this fact. Alais shrugs and smiles gracefully at both of them.

- You haven't eaten since the lunch either. -

- I'll heat your dinner right away then. - Isobel smiles, even amused, when she notices the doctor's facial expression. He still has remorse for leaving her with so much work in this way. As if it wasn't enough to ask her to take care of Alais when he is not around.

- I'll take care of it today, Isobel. - he shakes his head in disapproval and looks at Alais again. - I think Alais will now welcome your company more than mine. -

- You can stay too, grandpa. - now remorse can be spotted on the face of the little girl.

- And listen to a blot in your stomach, huh? - Isobel replaces the doctor by the bed and giver her something at once.

- I brought you something from York, Alais. - With great anticipation and loud thanks, the gift in the wrapping paper immediately unwraps. Even the doctor stays standing in the door out of curiosity. Isobel is happy to watch the whole scene.

- New dress! - Alais squeaks enthusiastically, immediately putting a piece of clothing to her face, to feel the softness.

- It's a bathrobe, Alais. You grow so fast and yours is becoming small for you. - and indeed. The bright red coloured fabric is too coarse to be a dress. The enthusiasm does not subside though and Alais immediately puts herself in a new bathrobe, with a teddy bear patch on the left flap.

- You are spoiling her, Isobel. -

- Hush, Richard. - waving her hand, then feeling a hug around Alais's neck, she roll her eyes on doctor. She looks at the doctor again and delivers convincingly. - As if you were any better. Now go and prepare the dinner. I am hungry too. - he wouldn't expect such a response from her, but a joking tone, makes him laugh too. Finally, she is happier and in the mood for jokes. He continues in a funny tone too. He bows slightly and humbly announces.

- Alright, ladies, your humble servant will call you once it´s ready. - Alais starts giggling and stops only when a slight cough of hers reminds everyone that she is still not fit. However, she smiles, and when the cough stops, she begins to talk about what they did with grandfather today during Isobel´s absence. However, their common secret, an important agreement, will not be revealed ...

-/-

Isobel took care of little Alais´s sleeping schedule tonight. It didn't take long. The girl was tired and a short story was enough, less than 5 minutes, and Alais once again found herself in the realm of dreams. Meanwhile, Richard has decided to keep his promise to her today. It´s already the highest time. This time, however, I must not spoil it. Not like the last time. He thinks and sighs. However, he leaves the office door ajar. It will be a moment after all. He will find what he has to find and then return to the sitting room. Isobel will be waiting for him there, but he will postpone his planned work on writing his studies for another time. He smiles, but a little nervously. What are you afraid of? If she didn't feel comfortable in your company, she wouldn't fall asleep in your arms. Plus, you have such a great secret weapon now, and that's Alais. Stopping in front of a tall, overcrowded library, he reaches for an inconspicuous wooden jewellery box. He stands on tiptoe and grabs it into hand, wants to pull it out. He succeeds, but the moment he holds the wooden box securely in his hands, something else lands on the floor beside him. It surprises him at first. He's not quite sure what it is. Or rather what a book is it. However, when he picks it up, he immediately recognizes the family photo album. The mood changes a bit and instead of returning to the sitting room as he planned, he sits down in his chair and places the jewellery box on the table, opening the album. His sight rests on the first photo. The very first family photo. On it, in the middle sits his mother, shortly after being forty and three men around her. Father directly behind her, with his hand on her right shoulder. To his right he sees himself in a younger form and to his left a younger brother. It was so long ago. How much did I have here? 16 or 17? He thinks, but doesn't come up with an answer. Turning the page, he finds another photo. My graduation. Graduation ceremony. He meets his father´s face again, and now, in the features of an older man, but still younger than I am now, he really sees an unmistakable similarity.

- Richard? Am I interrupting? - Isobel's voice disturbs him from his memories of that day. Dr. Clarkson turns, placing the album on the table so that she can see it too.

- I just came across memories. I somehow dropped a photo album out of the library. - he smiles and his eyes fall back on the photo. Curiosity overwhelms Isobel again.

- Can I take a look? - she therefore asks, and essentially not waiting for an answer, moves closer. However, she does not take the photo album in her hand, waiting for a nod.

- Of course. - approved. Richard wants to stand up immediately and offer her his place, but she suggests that she prefers to stand. Accordingly, Isobel takes the book of so many mysteries in her hands, opening it again at the beginning.

- This is our first photo together. My parents, me and my brother Niall. -

- You look a lot alike. - Isobel smiles, but stares intently at the figure of the young, then not yet, doctor. He has changed a lot. After a while, she turns the page and gets to the graduation.

- Last day of studies. My father was more nervous than I was, and he didn't calm down until it was over. My mother claimed that with my Hippocratic oath, he smiled for the 1st time that day. -

- I think that every father-doctor experience that stress and nervousness. When my brother Edward was about to graduate, my father didn't even sleep. - he did not experience a similar feeling of relief until he returned home. And with him the whole family. Richard continues to narrate. How his father gave him a new stethoscope and his own surgical instruments. He describes with nostalgia how proudly he and Elliot Clarkson affixed the name of the eldest Clarkson son to the door of the clinic: Richard E. Clarkson, M.D. He also briefly describes the first disagreement, but also a successful case, and Isobel is happy to listen. After all, she finally gets to know him. However, the smile fades a little as soon as she turns the page over again. Another character enters the story of the Clarkson family.

- My wife, Lorien. - wedding photography. Isobel immediately notices the faces of the newlyweds, who, despite the fashion of not smiling in the photo, shine with happiness. This can now be seen in the doctor's eyes too. A hint. A memory. Nostalgia. Even now he begins to talk slowly. How and when they met. Who introduced them. However, Isobel pays more attention to the young woman in the photo. Such a beautiful woman. I could not compare myself to her, even if in my younger years. She very well realizes the two of them could be at the same age, when getting married. However, … I was never so pretty as her and yet I thought ... now I look even worse, unlike him. Still handsome and attractive man. If he wasn´t so oblivious, he could have had any of the younger nurses. Lorien Clarkson was a stunning beauty with long, reddish-brown hair and piercing blue eyes, slim figure and loving smile…

- I wouldn´t recognize you without that moustache. - she rather turns her attention to the doctor again. And indeed. His upper lip seemed almost naked, revealing nice countures. Blue eyes have, even though having only grey shade on the black and white photography, almost piercing, mesmerising look of happiness. Young doctor was a handsome man, no doubt. Dressed in the formal attire, wearing traditional Scottish kilt, that revealed well-muscled legs.

- Later addition. - He pauses again for a moment, also looking at the sheets of photographic paper that lay down on the desk in the photograph album full of memories.

- And this? - Isobel points rather on a different photo, depicting another young couple. After a short hesitation if it is even wise to continue, if they rather should not move to sitting room, doctor Clarkson decides to reveal another piece of his past. Slowly, leaning a bit forward, he begins to talk again and his will to discuss the union between them today, with each revealed memory, slowly fades away.

- That´s my brother Niall and his wife. -

- Hm. - Isobel looks mildly surprised. - The fact, that you two look very similar does not surprise me, but I have to admit, that your and his wife look almost alike as well. - exactly. There is a slight difference, like the countures of cheek bones or the shape of the lips and probably even more would be recognizable if she saw them directly. Richard smiles for a while.

- Lorien and Leana were second degree cousins. -

- Oh. - mystery solved. Isobel is eager to listen, even though it´s a bit strange to reveal all of these well-protected secrets of her dear friend. More than a friend.

- Elliot met Leana on our wedding and 2 years later, after he finished his medical studies, they married as well. All of us were very close and when Alais and Aidan were born, we became even closer. They were only 4 months apart. - turning the page again, he points on a picture of 2 little children. - Here. - he says with a hint of pride. Those children are approximately 2 years old. Both having curious but happy look, sitting on a small bench with wooden pony and little doll at sides. - Inseparable like twins. - he sighs again with the next memory. - After Lorien died, they were growing up together, even sharing a bedroom. - immediately he returns to the time before the big loss. - Those were beautiful times. Hm. All of us together, in our big townhouse. Mum and dad still alive. Women taking care of the children. Clarkson men working on our clinic. Joyful, happy, careless. - turning to another page, she can see the entire family. Two sets of young families with grandparents in the centre of the photo, each holding one grandchild. - We were gifted only 8 years of knowing each other, 4 of them being a married couple. - next photo shows only the family of Richard Clarkson. He holds a little girl, much younger than Aidan´s Alais. Lorien, sitting on a chair is resting her right arm on her visibly enlarged abdomen. - Here there are already all of us. 2 months before ... - the last words he omits. - My little angel made it easier. She was the reason I was waking up and having the will to live. I suppose you know that feeling. - he gives her a short sad look. The mood changes immediately. The chance that the mood will be as joyful as before are now very low.

- I do. - Isobel nods, remembering similar times. - Had it not been for Matthew, I would gone mad after Reggie had died. - Matthew was older then, of course and lived much longer than doctor´s daughter. Now he is gone as well. Like Reginald, like Lorien, like Richard´s daughter Alais.

- Nothing lasts forever, does it? - it´s more of a statement than a real question. - Pneumonia hit her hard. Ali had asthma. We couldn´t have done anything, just trying to make it easier and not as painful. - with a heavy sigh, he again can see the last moments. - She died in my arms, with a tired smile on her lips. I still can recall that last words: I will meet mommy, won´t I daddy? And Alistair too, right? She asked and then ... - he takes a deep breath and frowns. Again, the sadness and the returning anger break through him - Ali was gone, all was lost. I just could not stay at home. An angry, soulless man, jealous of my own brother and his happiness. - even though Isobel lost her husband and now her only child as well, it can´t be compared, is not the same and she knows it. They are silent for few moments. Doctor obviously hesitates. Should he continue, or rather stop? - At first, I just moved to another town in Scotland. - she needs to know this as well. I owe it to her, don´t I. - It was still too close and thus a year after, 1892, I accepted the offer of father´s friend and moved to Downton. As soon as the Boer war began, however, I volunteered and left. Daingead. Not even that cursed hell claimed my life then. - the anger is arising anew. All those memories flooding his mind. Horror pictures of the brutalities he saw and believed that this is a promise of upcoming death, his salvation. - One would think that a shattered rib in such bloody conditions is a certain death but no. - he clenches his teeth and fists, shaking his head. Isobel´s shock is rising. My goodness. Her rich imagination sees it all in such detail. She can imagine all of his emotions coming to the surface even now. After all, she found herself in a similar hell, she wished for death herself, and not so long ago. And yet her doctor promised her that one day it would get better, that one day she could be happy again. - Those damn men could not even aim properly. - shattered rib, field hospital, it´s a miracle that he lives... then something startles her.

- I thought you were a physician there, not a soldier. - according to her knowledge, hospital tents were never directly attacked. He should have been safe there. Major Clarkson shrugs his shoulders.

- With lack of soldiers, even a doctor was given a gun and accepted as a soldier. I wanted to, had to go and either kill or die, hoping for the later. The result is though here. - he chuckles angrily. - After two years on the battle field, I was sent home. Back to England. Even more bitter, I guess. Anyway, I wanted to see my parents and Niall´s family too. Haven´t heard from them for almost 3 years. I stayed 2 months and then returned to Downton. Doctor Fauver retired immediately and I had finally too much work to think about anything else than the hospital or medicine. Here I was able to forgive my brother, even though there was never an actual reason to forgive anything. We stayed in contact until his death. - work. Distraction. That could help. Is helping her now. Little Alais is the best distraction the life could have brought her. And you have almost drowned yourself in self-pity and inactivity. Changing his tone from bitterness to a hint of resignation, doctor Clarkson continues with his story. - I was so proud when Aidan had been accepted to the university and wrote regularly about his studies and lecturers, professors, that even I knew, studied with them. We became even closer after Niall died, 2 years before his graduation. My dear Aidan. A son I never had. I was so proud when I attended his graduation and met his future wife, Maevis, his classmate. A young, clever, beautiful and kind woman. They married the very same year and for 6 years could not have any children. 2 miscarriages in early stages. Then his mother, my sister-in-law, Leana died and as sad as it was for him, for all of us, just few days after the funeral, Maevis found out about her pregnancy. Even though for the first 3 months, all of us were really nervous, Alais was born and survived. I became a proud grandfather, even though not being by her side. One and half year later, Maevis miscarried again and at that time did not make it, leaving my Aidan with a baby daughter. History repeated itself. A single, widowed father with a little orphaned daughter. - squeezing the root of his nose, he tries to drive the few tears back into the tear ducts. It's still so fresh and unfair. Isobel sympathetically places her left palm on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. She wants to say so much, yet it would be too little to lower this kind of pain. Or wouldn´t it? Partially it helps. - Aidan was left alone and because of the outbreak of Spanish flu here, I could not be there with him. It took another 3 months. I did not even attend the funeral. At least we could stay in telephone contact on daily basis. I have even heard Alais ´first words when she was smaller, listening to her voice almost daily and later received so many pictures from her. - all of them are present on the notice-board and Isobel sees them as well. - Life seemed to be treating Aidan better again, up until 3 months ago and that stupid tumour. - uttering these next words, materialized his fears. It is at this moment that they will be fully manifested. - Now? I am an old man with a 4 years old wonderful little girl in care and tons of worries that I will die too soon, to be here for her, to protect her, to give her the life my little angel deserves. - Now he really wants to break something. Maybe porcelain like Isobel a few days ago, maybe weeks. - Shit. - control of his good manners is lost, though Isobel completely understands. Her vocabulary was unladylike as well, when she was home alone. - So much fucking misfortune. Poor child. - silence follows, leaving both to think again. Finally, Isobel speaks, caressing his shoulder again. - It will be better, Richard. You have promised it to me and I promise it to you. Don´t bother yourself with age. My dear doctor, you are in a better shape, condition, than most of the men in the village and Alais is a sweet child, happy to have you. -

- Hm. - he sighs again, slowly calming down. - I was supposed to be a grandfather in this stage of life, not a father by role and responsibilities. Can´t you see, Isobel? I am her only relative, only family. Unlike... - he stops suddenly.

- Unlike my little George. - she finishes instead. Similar ideas occurred to her as well, when she was thinking about her grandson whom she has not seen for almost 3 months now and Alais. Seeing similarities but mostly differences in their lives. - He still has a mother and a big family to be here for him if God forbid something happens to Mary. -

- I am sorry, Isobel, to think like this, but yes. Could you imagine that? My God, Isobel. I am so sorry, yet ... -

- You are right though. Try not to think about it now. - turning his head, Richard finally faces her completely. From his lips, she can hear the words, she herself said so many times already.

- It should have been me, not Aidan. -

- Don´t say that, Richard. -

- It´s the truth. -

- Just a month ago, I said the same thing and what did you answer? Hm? - she tries to use his own words against him. He would like to roll his eyes, but he disagrees.

- It´s different, you know that. -

- There must be a reason God did not take you instead of Aidan. - and it might be that I need you too. She thinks silently, but ... Richard can see it in her eyes now. It´s not that shocking as he thought such realisation would be. And Isobel? How she would like to return the hug now, the night in his arms, this time taking him in her arms instead. She would press him to her chest and kissed the top of his head, whispered words of comfort and encouragement. She would cry with him. However, Richard is looking at the photography of his beloved family again, obviously in deep thoughts, and Isobel can only explain it in one way. Whatever he feels for me, if he feels anything at all except deep friendships and understanding, he is now beginning to cling to the past again. Everything changes and he no longer has the love to give away. His life is now Alais, and he is her entire universe. His heart has been broken so many times, maybe even by me, he can only love one person and that is clearly Alais. As it should be. As is correct. Richard's thoughts are elsewhere. It's so obvious he can't even feel Isobel taking his hand off his shoulder.

- I'm going to take a look at Alais again, okay? - she finally informs him. The little girl's name is a miraculous trigger for his attention. Suddenly he turns back to Isobel, taking his eyes away from the memories.

- Isobel, would you stay with her today? - Nurse Crawley nods and smiles a little.

- Of course. - she then walks to the door of the study, but before closing it again, she gives him another look. - Alais is an amazing girl, Richard. Everything is easier with her, isn't it? I'm sure of that and I believe you can do it, feel it the same way. - then she lowers her voice, almost whispering. - We can do it. - with these words, without waiting for his reaction, she leaves him alone and prepares for the night with a small patient by her side.

-/-

It's a few minutes after midnight and Richard Clarkson finally closes the book of memories by laying it on the table. He was taken aback. Soaked up in memories, succumbing to fears for the future. Once again. He groans. A little irritated, especially when looking at a wooden jewellery box, which he almost forgot. Damn. After all, this evening should not have belonged to memories but to questions of the future. And I just sent Isobel to sleep. He scratches the back of his neck and looks at the grandfather-clock in the corner again. She will be asleep. Both of them. He wants to grumble again, but it's late and he has another morning shift in the hospital. Accordingly, he gets up from his chair and leaves his study, heading for the stairs. On the second floor though, he stops in front of the door of the children's room, which has become his for an indefinite period. However, his eyes rest on the door of his bedroom. They are ajar, but the room is no longer lit. Hesitating again, but in the end, he decides to peek in. The light from the corridor allows him to recognize two figures. Both are sleeping, Alais snuggling up to Isobel again. From the initial intention of just checking to see if everything is in order, however, it becomes a desire to make sure of it from a shorter distance. He doesn't even know how, suddenly he's standing by his bed. Until a few months ago, he couldn't imagine anything like that - I became a father again and I have an amazing wife by my side. And now? He does not even want to think that this could change, that he could lose any of them. The last few days had caused him such worries as well. However, he must not allow this. In deep thought, he gently caresses little Alais's face and smiles. Who would have thought that she could manage the loss and current situation so bravely? With an amazing distraction in the form of Isobel, it makes sense, but she, too, had trouble moving on and now? She has a granddaughter and Alais has her grannie. Alais is right. Isobel can no longer leave. We are no longer complete without her. Doctor suddenly leans down and kisses the little girl on the forehead.

- Richard? - The voice is very drowsy. His scent woke Isobel from her sleep. The doctor hesitates. I'm an idiot! I shouldn't have sneaked in here.

- I just wanted to make sure she doesn't have higher temperature. - not quite true answer this time Isobel overlooks. She nods understandingly and caresses his forearm.

- She's fine. You won't lose her. -

- I don't want to lose any of you, Isobel. - he sighs, looking into her eyes. - And after tonight ... - if not now, then never. -I love you too much, both of you, to survive any more losses. I love you Isobel. - It's finally out. The words he was supposed to say almost a year ago, perhaps much earlier, are finally spoken and he is incredibly relieved. However, Isobel gasps for breath, being taken over completely. Did I hear right? Did he really say: I love you, Isobel? He prefers not to explain her inability to react and the absence of words, so atypical for her person and that´s why he directly asks. He will no longer make such a mistake as to wonder.

- Are you okay? -

- I love you too, my darling doctor. - she admits out loud. Finally. They are both relieved and smile. Farfetched. Satisfied. Calmed.

- Then you won't mind if ... - he doesn't finish, but he bends down and kisses her on the lips. The doctor's spontaneity pleasantly surprises her. More than that. A gentle kiss, doesn't stay tender for a long time and they both like it. Isobel suddenly moves her palm to the doctor's cheek and gently strokes him. Only when there is a rustle in the room and an almost uneasy um, do they both realize that they are not alone here. Alais. She starts shuffling until finally finding a new position, sinking her face back into Isobel's neck.

- I guess we should say goodbye before Alais wakes up. - Richard smiles and gives her a quick kiss on the lips. Isobel agrees.

- Probably yes, my dear. - It sounds so natural. My dear. MY!

- Sweet dreams, Isobel. -

- Sweet dreams, Richard. Good night. - she also wishes him honestly and instead of him, hugs Alais even more protectively. The doctor stands up carefully, smiling cheerfully and this time, he closes the door behind him, leaving his bedroom with a wide smile on his lips. She loves me back …

- TBC -

I hope that you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. Finally, though our lovely couple shared the first kiss and definitely they are many to be shared. Secrets of the past are being revealed completely and only the future is important now