A/N: Oh boy! I always said I was never going to be the writer who left my stories hanging and well… sorry. It's not like I haven't had time to write (too much time actually): it's just that I've been lost on this story for a while, but I won't abandon it. In preparing for the new season, I went back and binged my all-time favorite episodes to set my mind straight. Not sure if I got my groove back yet, but I'm working on it. This is very short, but baby steps...

Chapter 10

Two weeks had passed since Noah's birthday and Olivia hadn't heard from a single member of the Stabler family. It hurt to think that they were spending all this time choosing between staying in her life with or without their father or repeating past events and shutting her out altogether. She knew when they said goodbye that day that it could be the last time and she resigned herself to that, but Noah was a different story. He asked for Nathan and the twins almost every day. He even asked for Elliot and this is exactly what she was trying to avoid. She could only make so many excuses and whenever she did, her little boy got so sad.

Although it hurt her heart, this was exactly what she needed, complete radio silence. Elliot and his family inadvertently justified her thoughts and actions. They proved her point: he did what he wanted, when he wanted and to hell with anyone else. She hated being collateral damage and she would not allow Noah to be pulled in. She really was happy to know that he and the kids, well not so much kids anymore, were all doing well. Kathy was a terrible tragedy, but everyone seemed to be thriving and that's all she's ever wanted for them. Elliot's life was with Eli in Chicago now, and that's where she wanted him to be. Her life was here, and it was where she was going to stay.

Since she got to know so many parents at his party, Olivia began making playdates for her son with those children who would soon be in his kindergarten class. Lucy was more than happy to take him around and mingle since quite a few of the kids had young nannies of their own. Today though, Fin was doing her a favor. Lucy had her mother unexpectedly visiting and she had a meeting with the brass so Fin said he would take Noah to a playdate at the Central Park Children's Zoo.

"Are you sure Fin? I mean, he can get a little excited around other children and the zoo is like ground zero for overstimulation" she tried to warn her longtime friend. "There's enough children going that we can back out without feeling too guilty."

Fin brushed her off, after all, he has seen the worst of humanity; how bad could a five-year-old be on a fun outing? "Nah, Liv. Noah's a good kid and besides, he worships me" he said with his smug, crooked grin. Olivia knew that to be true and she also knew the feeling was mutual, so she gave a knowing smile while shaking her head. As it was, they left together this morning: Fin, complete with Noah in an umbrella stroller with an overstuffed bag, and Liv in her dress uniform carrying a change of clothes over her shoulder.

She had just finished changing and begun to dig into her lunch salad when she heard the oddest noise just outside her office. Before she could even put down her fork, there was Fin dragging a broken stroller. After throwing it to the side, he dumped the open bag onto the floor and plopped down on her couch, putting his head back and closing his eyes. Liv leaned to her left to look into the squadroom where she assumed Rollins would have Noah, but she was wrong. Amanda was walking around with her nose in a casefile, as was Carisi.

"Umm, Fin? Where's my son?" Deep down she knew she had nothing to worry about, but you know, friend and seasoned cop or not, the man was no longer in possession of her child.

He sat still as a statue and if she didn't know better, she would have sworn he fell asleep. Finally, he spoke. "I left him at the zoo, the little animal." Liv would have been offended if it were anyone except the man in front of her, and he said it with a smile.

"Well, that solves my babysitting needs for the rest of the day. Thanks" she deadpanned back while taking another bite of her salad.

"Honestly, Liv, I was draggin. That boy has got a lotta energy! I was comin up the street when I ran into Munch. That partner of mine may be old, but nuthin seems to faze him. He took Noah to the deli for some lunch. We didn't get to eat at the zoo. Ya don't mind, right?" He opened his eyes to stare into hers. He didn't think she'd object, but ya never know with some moms and their moods. He was relieved when she started to laugh.

"Of course not. Unfortunately for John, he's probably on the receiving end of a hunger induced meltdown coupled with exhaustion, if you're any indication. Did he misbehave that badly?" She knew her son, but he was always with Lucy so she wasn't sure how he behaved with Fin holding the reins.

"Nah, he was great, mesmerized by everything. Just overstimulated. It was good training for when Jayden wants to spend time with his grandpa." Fin continued to tell Liv all about their experiences at the zoo, yawning intermittently. As he was nearing the end of his tale, she heard a commotion in the squadroom and went to investigate. When she returned, Fin was sleeping comfortably, as best as one can be, on her office couch. She returned to her paperwork, waiting for her son to return.

She didn't have to wait too long. About a half hour later, Sgt. John Munch walked in carrying a passed out and sweaty Noah in one arm, and a bag of take out in the other. Putting her finger to her lips and waving him into her office, John deposited Noah into the big, comfy chair since her sergeant was now sprawled out on the couch, lightly snoring. John stared, shaking his head as Liv made Noah comfortable. They both walked out into the squadroom, closing the door to her office. Rollins and Carisi were down at the medical examiner, so the room was rather quiet.

"I wasn't sure if you had any lunch, I know how you tend to get so involved in things you forget to eat. There's some sandwiches for you and the sleeping schlub in there." Olivia really missed hearing the way those two talked to and about each other.

"Thanks John. For this and for taking Noah. I hope he wasn't too much trouble?" She knew Munch would never admit it to her, even if the kid climbed the deli walls screaming. She was right.

"Oh he was very happy to tell me in great detail and animation, about his morning with his Uncle Fin. And the poor kid was starving! I mean, was Tutola trying to calm him by making him malnourishly weak?" He smiled as Olivia stepped forward and hugged him tight. "Got some time to catch up?" he asked as he pointed to the upstairs lounge. Without another word from either of them, he followed her up.

"How long are you going to punish him, Liv?" John was never one to pull punches, especially when it came to her relationship with Elliot.

"I'm not punishing anyone" she replied defensively. "I will not be made into the bad guy here. He left and got on with his life, and so did I. It may not have been as either of us imagined, but we can't change that. All we can do is move on with the choices we've made."

Before Munch could do anything more than give a shake of his head, he noticed Olivia's eyes go wide as she looked over his shoulder. When he turned around, there stood Elliot, looking a bit lost and out of sorts.

"Speak of the devil. What brings you back to our old stomping grounds, El? Or do I really need to ask?" John spoke with an air of superiority as if Elliot just made his case to Liv himself.

Elliot looked around before settling his eyes on hers as if John were not there. "I...uh...I haven't been back here in so long. It looks different, which is good, I guess. Can we talk Olivia?"

Damn it! Of course this is his first time back here since the day that changed both their lives. And damn him for trying to look stoic and put together when she just knew by his eyes that he was pathetically trying not to run out the precinct doors. Fuck! She blew out a deep breath before speaking.

"Let me get Fin. I'll meet you across the street Elliot." He knew where. As Elliot walked down the stairs, John gave Liv an all-knowing smile. "Stuff it Munch" she exclaimed as she brushed past him but before she opened the door to her office, she turned around and called him back, just as he was about to exit the squadroom. She took another deep breath and gave him a very tight hug. No words were spoken.

It took a minute to wake Fin and she had to take a step back when he jolted up, but after a brief explanation, he just nodded and went to freshen up. It gave her a moment to recollect herself and make sure Noah was still comfortable in the chair (the kid was comatose). When she was ready and closing the door to her office, Fin was making his way back to his seat. With a nod, she left to meet Elliot.

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