When Axel woke up the next morning, Saïx had already left. Axel tried to tell himself he wasn't disappointed. It didn't work.

He attended his daily classes, though he desperately wanted to skip them all and go back to sleep. When he told Demyx that, the blond readily agreed. Somehow he managed to get through the class without scribbling in his notes.

After that he walked through the doors of the library to start his second day of work. The blue-haired upperclassman, who was sitting at a desk with a textbook in front of her, looked up at him sharply. "You decided to show up, huh?" she asked.

"Barely," he muttered, shrugging off his backpack. "So what do you need me to do?"

She turned and pointed to a cart of books just over her shoulder. The cart itself looked like it was about to collapse, never mind the fact that at least a million books were stacked on top of it and leaned precariously to one side. If he even laid a hand on it, it would probably fall over.

"Kinda looks like a metaphorical version of my life," he commented.

The girl raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you going to work, or are you going to stand there and stare?" she asked.

"I'm on it," Axel said and walked over to the cart of books.

And at that moment he saw her, standing in the middle of the adjacent aisle.

Xion.

He opened his mouth to call out to her, but as he did so the top half of his pile of books slid off the cart and crashed to the floor.

"Axel, will you please watch what you're doing?" his blue-haired supervisor hissed in the loudest whisper she could possibly manage, which, he had to admit, was impressive.

"No," he whispered back, but his came out so quiet he could barely hear himself.

As he bent to pick up the fallen books, Xion rushed to his side. "Let me help you," she whispered.

"You don't have to do that," Axel said, but she handed him the books anyway.

"Look," she whispered. "Axel. I'm sorry about running out on you yesterday."

"Why the hell are you sorry?" Axel asked. "You didn't do anything wrong. It was all me."

"I ran," Xion said, stepping back further into the aisle, drawing them further from the attention of the blue-haired girl at the desk several feet away. "I shouldn't have. That's all. I'm sorry."

"Okay. Fine. Apology accepted." Axel glanced at the cart of books. "Are you working?"

"Yeah," she answered. "Why?"

"Just—help me," Axel said. "Please."

She looked mildly confused. "Okay."

"When we both get done here, we can talk," he exhaled. "So long as that—I mean, Roxas isn't there."

Xion raised her eyebrows at him again, but only continued shelving books in response.

Axel tried his hardest to finish the shift without getting distracted, but he couldn't stop sneaking glances over at Xion. Her perfect features were composed in concentration, her deep blue eyes focused on the rows of books ahead of her. He tried his hardest to concentrate the way she did, but no matter what he did, he ended up failing. His hands shook, depositing books on the floor instead of on the shelves. He read labels incorrectly and didn't notice that he'd placed books in the wrong places until the blue-haired upperclassman came over to give him a verbal beating.

He clenched his hands into fists and dug his nails into his palms, wishing for a fix, needing a fix. Needing that coast into nothingness, that slowing of his pulse and relaxing of all his muscles, that giving in to oblivion, which never seemed to actually end in oblivion.

Damn Saïx for taking away his medication. Damn Vexen for telling Xemnas about his frequent trips to the infirmary. Damn Zexion for searching his backpack and—

Zexion. Right. Zexion.

Having paused midway through shelving a book, Axel reached up to put the book back in its rightful place and instead fumbled it, thanks to his shaking hands. The book just barely missed his face and landed on the floor next to him.

"Axel," Xion whispered from down the aisle, and he looked up to see that she was staring right at him, those beautiful blue eyes full of concern. "Do you need help?"

"Uh, no, why?" Axel stammered, pretending to ignore the book splayed on the floor next to him.

"The books go on the shelves, not on the floor," she pointed out quietly.

Damn. So he had been that obvious. He clasped his hands together in front of him and hoped Xion couldn't see how badly they were shaking. "I know, Xion. I'm just getting used to this, okay? I'll be fine."

A smile pulled at the edge of her mouth. "Are you always this clumsy, Axel?" she teased.

"No," he fired back. "Maybe."

She laughed softly and returned to the stack of books on her side of the aisle. Axel glanced around for their supervisor, but, finding her nowhere in sight, he turned back to the book cart. He bypassed the books on the top shelf and bent down to look on the cart's lower shelves. There, he found exactly what he had hoped to find: supplies such as tape, paper clips, scissors . . .

And a knife.

Not a true knife or even a very sharp knife. Just a pocket-sized one, with a retractable blade. It would work, he decided, and slipped it into his pocket.

He checked over his shoulder to make sure his supervisor still wasn't watching him before reaching for the grounded book beside him and returning to his work as quickly as he could.

Finally, finally, the blue-haired upperclassman arrived at the end of their aisle to tell them they were both done for the day.

"You can go," she told them. "See you tomorrow."

"Great," Axel said, but before he could step out, she caught him by the arm.

"Hold on. I need to talk to you before you go," she said, looking up at him sternly.

He took a deep breath, verging on tumbling straight into a full-on temper tantrum, but instead he just tipped his head back and muttered, "Okay."

"I'll meet you outside," Xion murmured to him as he followed the blue-haired girl.

Their supervisor led Axel into another room with a door, one that Axel assumed was someone's office—hers, at least. He swallowed hard when she closed the door, hoped he wouldn't have to go through an actual shouting match. Why else would she have sealed them off from everyone else in the library? She hated people who made too much noise.

"Axel," she said, "I know you're here because Dean Xemnas asked you to be. And I understand that you don't necessarily want to work. But I watched you drop all of those books today."

Axel ran his hand through his hair. "Uh, yeah, right, sorry about that. I just—my hands were shaking and I—"

She frowned, and he stopped midsentence. "Axel, if you drop any more books, regardless of whether your hands are shaking, I'll have to ask you to pay for them, and besides, you'll have to work more shifts to make up for your poor work effort. I don't want damaged books in the library. Do you understand?"

"I understand, yeah. Completely," Axel answered. "I won't abuse the books. I'm sorry."

"Good," she said. "Then I'll see you at the same time tomorrow."

"Yeah," Axel answered. "Tomorrow."

He left her office, scanning the area for Xion. When he didn't see her, he moved outside and was immediately greeted by the courtyard in which he had collapsed right in front of Roxas. Xion approached him just moments after he came to that realization, and he cringed.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, um, everything's great." He threaded his fingers together to keep his hands from shaking and glanced around the area to make sure that Roxas was, in fact, not there. He exhaled. "I—I don't feel the best right now, but it's not a big deal."

Xion opened her mouth, looking like she would say something, but after a second she returned her gaze to the ground.

"Can we talk about that?" she asked, so quietly Axel had to lean closer to hear her.

"Talk about what?"

"You know. What I asked you about yesterday." She kept her eyes on her boots.

"What else do you want to know?" Axel asked, spreading his hands, exasperated. "How often I do it? What kind of drugs? How Zexion caught me?"

"No, Axel." Finally, finally she looked up at him. Her eyes were bluer than the sky itself, and offered an even deeper abyss to fall into. He wanted to let go more than ever, and he wanted his welcoming oblivion to be the one in those eyes. "I want to tell you that I don't care about any of that. I want—I want to help you. I want to be friends."

Axel barely managed to keep his mouth from falling open. No one had told him such a ridiculous thing in a long time. No, the last time had definitely been—

He shoved the thought out of his mind, deciding he'd rather not think about that. "O-okay, Xion, if you insist."

"I do insist," she said, and her face broke into a smile. "Thank you."

Axel was about to respond, but as he did, he watched Xion's face crumple completely into an expression of disbelief and worry. Her stunning eyes were no longer fixed on him, he realized, but on something over his shoulder.

He turned.

And saw Roxas storming up to them, his face scarlet with fury.