Lillian and Saturday mornings weren't exactly on the best of terms. There were never any good cartoons on anymore and Friday night let her have way more fun. After years of squabbling over lost sleep and wasted time, Lillian and the early weekend had arrived at a mutual understanding: they would both ignore each other and stay far apart.

Saturday afternoon though, creeping up on her bed and poking its sunlight in her face, was still a total rat-bastard.

Lillian groaned to her senses. She found one hand down her panties while the other clutched her cell phone like a bottle of Jack. Sitting up, static charge from the bedsheets sent her pigtails springing in a hundred different directions. A glance in the mirror confirmed the worst. She looked like a snake-haired gorgon and felt like shit.

Between the ache in her jaw, the dampness between her legs and the empty bottle beneath her sheets, she pieced together a rough timeline: after slamming her door on Zoey, she'd nabbed the emergency Mickey hidden in her jewelry box and chugged the whole damn thing. Then, she'd browsed Agent Z's entire photo archive (from 'A -android' to 'Z - zipper panties'), gritting her teeth as she finger-blasted herself raw.

Oof. Just sitting up made her legs ache. Like, if it was possible to have hate sex with yourself, she was totally set to dish on one of her grandma's daytime talk shows: "Jerry, I Can't Hit My Dumbass Friend so I Totally Hit My Spot."

"Christ, Zoey and Miss Yu. That's so fucked up."

Her dehydrated brain debated crashing for another five hours but her stomach held veto power. So Lillian combed her hair until it was only halfway crappy, wiped herself clean and squeezed into jeans and her Buchimaru-kun t-shirt (the panda mascot was totally vintage, m'kay?) Breathing deeply, she braced herself to face the day.

Holy crap, what smells so good?

The loft's main hall was eerily calm and quiet: Suki, in her pink KumaBear apron, flipping pancakes on the griddle. Zoey, finally fucking wearing pants, munching on a piece of organic bacon while she browsed her Twitter feed.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Kuroko-chan!" Suki's smile dazzled with all the sunshine and pep of a 1950s housewife. "I'm making pancakes for mina-san! Itadekimasu!"

The pile of flapjacks towered above Suki's head. "Wow... like, the flour going bad?"

"Iyai! Suki-chan's baking because her heart is filled with doki-doki happiness!"

Happy, huh? Zoey glanced up at her but said nothing. Still, silence was hopeful. Maybe last night had been a total fever dream - brain stress from spending all that cash and getting stuck on that crappy bus, right?

Of course it fucking wasn't. "Aiko's still asleep, so try to be quiet."

"Fucking kill me…"

Lillian slumped across from Zoey, drowned her plate with syrup and started dunking chunks of pancake into her meal. "Get any sleep last night, haystack?"

"Lillian, when you ignore my preferred names and pronouns, it really makes me feel invalidated. Aiko and I are -" she hesitated, "Aiko and I are together and if you have a problem, I'm sorry but that's -"

"I don't care."

"Huh?"

"I. Don't. Care. If you're fucking Miss Yu, well... good for you."

"Oh." Zoey deflated. Probably had three more speeches rehearsed. "So… we're good?"

"I mean, it's nasty as hell to picture but whatever."

Zoey scooched a little closer. "I'm discovering so much about my sexual identity. Can I confide in you? You know, girl talk?"

"No."

"Not even -"

"No."

"Just a -"

"Zoe, I wanna pig out on syrup and drink my coffee. Whatever the hell it is you two do, I don't freakin' wanna know."

"Fine," Zoey huffed. "I just thought coven sisters were supposed to support each other."

Lillian let that barb stick without comment.

Off in the kitchen, Suki hummed to herself as she continued adding to Mt. Flapjack. Lillian sipped her coffee. Zoey's leg tapped, impatient to share.

"I'm a bottom."

Lillian's coffee spewed across the table.

"A bottom?"

Lillian's boots crunched across the apartment complex rooftop. She wasn't sure whether to take a drag from her cigarette or a hit from her asthma inhaler. Ever-smiling Suki-chan watched her pigtails stomp left and right, smiling serenely like an enlightened Buddha.

"A bottom? No fucking way! Zoey's a take-charge, badass bitch! Like, back me up here, Suki! You always say she's a seme, right?"

"Senpai is senpai, Kuroko-chan. Isn't it subarashi that she's found her koibito?"

Lillian spun on the chubby girl. "Are you fuckin' high or something? Cause I swear to god you were losing your shit last night!"

Her smile faltering, Suki turned away. Wait, wha-?

"Iyaa~! Lemmie go, Kuroko-chan! Tasukete!" Seized by the chin, Suki flailed helplessly as Lillian licked a thumb and wiped away the ganguro girl's cakey white eyeliner. Black, wrinkly bags surfaced under bloodshot eyes.

"Fuckin' called it! You totally didn't get any sleep last night! Like, is your brain even working anymore? What happened to you?"

"I saw za lighto, Kuroko-chan. Everything makes sense now." Suki pulled away, grinning through her baggy eyes and spreading her arms like a gospel preacher.

"Remember last night how I said this was all like a shoujo manga? Well this morning, it hit me: I always thought I was senpai's co-star, her love interest, but I'm not. Lillian, watashi wa supporting character desu! I've always been a supporting character!"

"Suki..."

"It's true! Hontoni! I helped Zoey find our apartment, I help her study by making snacks and cheering her on; I help bring her BL stories to life by being her manga-ka! And now, it's my job to help Zoey-senpai find true love by being as cheerful and genki as I can! Go, fighto, win!"

"Like, what the eff is wrong with you?"

A mad giggle escaped Suki's tripped-out lips. "This morning, I met Yumi-san when she woke up to use the toilet."

Lillian grimaced, imagining Suki-chan camped out gremlin-style in front of the washroom. "And?"

"I asked her to touch the Obsidian Heart."

"...Oh shit."

"Ano, remember how it zapped us when we thought of senpai? Well, the same thing happened to Yumi-san: she jumped back, shaking her hand like she'd touched a live wire."

Suki tilted her head back, the better to contain her tears. "Yumi-san, she really cares for Zoey."

Back in the apartment, Zoey's back lay defenseless as fuzzy socks scraped across the linoleum. "Bzzzap!"

"AAH! Aiko, what-?"

The ex-teacher clapped her hands, laughing. "Psych! Sorry, kiddo, couldn't resist. Must be the dry air, cause I've been zapping everything today!"

Lillian needed a serious puff from her inhaler. "So… that's it? Just, game over, Suki? Like, newsflash: we just flushed two hundred bucks down the drain so you could tell Zoey you've got the hots for her! You're gonna let Miss Yu steal her?"

"I have to. They're koibito." Then a dark worry struck Suki. "Ano, are you gonna make trouble for them, Kuroko-chan?"

"I told you, I'm over the boss." So long as she had her jack-off photos, she was good. Suki nodded.

"Yosh. It wouldn't be very kawaii if you caused problems and Suki-chan had to -"

But she paused, perhaps realizing she'd been monologuing aloud.

"Nandemonai. All that's important is that senpai is happy. Everything will turn out right."

And Lillian watched the chubby weeb skip to the rooftop stairway, honestly wondering. Maybe Suki was right, maybe everything would turn out all right.

Suki was totally effin' wrong.

That comment about being a 'bottom'? Just the tip of the freakin' iceberg when it came to Zoey's new puppy-like simping around Miss Yu. What do you think, Miss Yumi? What should we watch on TV, Miss Yumi? Is this okay, Miss Yumi? In high school, Lillian had watched plenty of bitches lose their minds over some cute boy. Zoey seemed to have handed over her brain whoesale!

And that wasn't even touching on the... well, the touching. Miss Yu was constantly getting up in Zoey's space. They'd sit side by side for meals, where Miss Yu's free hand was always freakin' slipping beneath the table to paw at Zoey's thigh. Watching TV on the couch, she'd squash Zoey against an armrest and stretch an arm around the black girl's shoulder like some cheesy dork at the movies. Except Miss Yu's hands kept moving - working down Zoey's spine and back up underneth her top.

Worst of all, the Asian bitch couldn't read the room if her life depended on it - Zoey would squeak and stutter, clearly weirded out by getting felt up in front of her besties. Suki would stare at the wall and hum to herself, but for Lillian, no amount of nosediving into her cell phone could reduce the friggin' awkwardness.

And somehow, even though she kept getting humiliated to the max, Zoey still had the hots for Miss Yu and would try to to feel her back: reaching over to hold hands or leaning her head on the taller chick's shoulder.

Every time, Miss Yu clicked her tongue and gave a quick "no." Zoey would scoot back - instant twatblock!

"It's like Miss Yu's training her like a friggin' puppy," Lillian confided to Suki. "Do this, no - not like that. She keeps calling her 'good girl' and creepy shit like that."

"A puppy," Suki-chan sighed from La-La Land. "Lillian, if they got a puppy, it'd be like their little fur-baby! Wan-wan!"

But the lovebirds saved the weirdest shit for Saturday night dinner. Miss Yu cooked up a sweet chili stirfry - good shit. Lillian savored every gulp while browsing Reddit on her phone, when a hot local post made her gag.

"Omigod, shut the front door! Like, some dumbass thot gets drunk and smashes her car into a pizza parlor, and now Mayor Hackley wants to jack up Glenberry's legal age to 22! What the actual fuck?"

"Daijobou? Is shoujo-san okay?"

"Suki, priorities! I just spent a hundred clams on my fake ID! I'm not paying up just to get that shit reprinted with a '22'! Zoe, this is like, anti-teen or racist against young people or something! We gotta reblog this shit, get a protest going!"

Miss Yu grimaced. "Ugh, can we not talk politics at the table?"

"Dude, where've you been? We always bitch politics! Like, just cause grandmas like you can buy your booze legit -"

"Lillian, maybe save it for later? Not everything needs to be political."

Her spoon clattered.

"Like... excuse me?"

"What?" Zoey's expression was way too freakin' casual considering the bombshell she'd just dropped. "I just said -"

"Not everything needs to be - Bitch, you told us everything's political!"

"Not meal times, Lilly Pie."

When Zoey said nothing in objection, Lillian knew something was horribly wrong.

"Um, meals are totally political, grandma! Breakfast is political! I can't eat Lucky Charms any more 'cause that triggers the Irish! Captain Crunch props up the military-industrial complex so he's out too! And I had to throw out all my Frosted Flakes cause that encourages animal exploitation!"

"Aw kiddo, I love Frosted Flakes. Theyyyy're great!"

Zoey perked. "Really? Hey um, maybe pick some up on your grocery run? We could... share a bowl?"

"Kiddo, I'll share your bed but nobody messes with my Frosted Flakes."

Mouth gaping, Lillian glanced to Suki for back-up. The ganguro girl just smiled like a happy little lobotomy patient. "Oishi! Your stirfry is subarashi, Yumi-san!"

"Tabe suginaide kudasai, Suki-chan. Anata wa futorudeshou."

Suki's smile dropped.

"Um... arigato?"

Miss Yumi clucked her tongue, a very disappointed teacher. "Anata ga watashi o rikai dekinai no wa kanashī kotodesu..."

"Hai!" Suki-chan chirped in agreement. "Can watashi have some more nummy stirfry? Onegai?"

Chuckling at some perverse joke, Miss Yu pushed over the serving bowl. Lillian just stared at the pod person who'd replaced her boss bitch.

The weekend abnormalities kept piling up:

"Zoey, wanna head to the mall? Like, hand out petitions against that 'Drinking at 22' law?"

"Thanks but it's exam season. I should probably prioritize my education over social activism."

"Zoey, the Santa Claus parade's comin' up this afternoon. We're totally gonna storm the crowd, right? Hand out pamphlet's about Wicca and the All-Mother, right?"

"I don't know, Lillian. We should probably respect others' religious beliefs and give them space to celebrate in their own way."

"Hey, Zoey - check out what's trending: some airport security chick got reprimanded for doing 'unauthorized cavity searches'! Look - she's one of those Muslim chicks with a head-towel! Horny hypocrite, amiright?"

"Lillian, police and security services may be fundamentally corrupt but it sounds like the mainstream media's singling out this woman for her religious headwear. That's sad."

Lillian nearly lost it.

"What the flying fuck is coming out of your mouth? You're defending headscarves? The bag they put over chicks' heads because dudes turn into raging boner monsters if they see long hair?"

"Lillian, there's more to it. Aiko linked me an article: for women who choose to wear them, the niqab, the hijab and the burqa are powerful icons to demonstrate their religious devotion, no different from a crucifix necklace or a Jewish yamaka."

"You totally said those shitty bath towels are like, a tool of female oppression 'n shit."

"Did I?"

"Umm, yeah! It's totally up there on your Twitter feed: Dear Muslim men, let's make a deal: I'll put on a niqab when you clamp tiny iron maidens over your dicks. #StopControllingWomen."

Zoey blinked. "Wow, that was harsh of me."

Lillian seized her her pigtails and fought back a scream.

And if you hadn't spent the weekend chatting up Zoey, the proof was there on her Agent-Z Twitter feed. Where her political affiliation was once listed as radical socialist, the label now read left of center.

There was no other way to put it: Zoey was mellowing out.

"Miss Yu's freakin' behind this," Lillian griped to Suki. The slacker bitch who couldn't give a crap about cleaning or working or making something out of her life was dangling her poison above Zoey's ear. Drop by drop, she was infecting their friend with her 'why me worry?' attitude.

"Ano, it is nice to be nice to others," Suki-chan pointed out.

"Yeah? Well it'd be nice if our freakin' coven sister hung out with us for anime night! We do this every Sunday!"

"But senpai is studying in her room."

"Omigod, did you not see Miss Yu creep in there with her? Green jacket, tight skirt, riding crop? What the hell kind of tutoring is she doing?"

Across the loft, Jimmy Hendrix' Purple Haze started up again. "Ooh, senpai must have done a good job," Suki-chan observed.

"Suki, they've been playing that every friggin' fifteen minutes!"

Violet eyes gave a defiant twitch, but Suki-chan swallowed up that little insurrection. Smiling and cramming her mouth full of popcorn, she pointed to the two anime dudes getting hot and heavy on screen.

"Isn't yaoi fun, Kuroko-chan?"

"It was fun watching together."

Shit, it seemed a lifetime ago. Suki would pop in one of her guy-on-guy DVDs, she'd nuke the popcorn and Zoey would give a mortified disclaimer about how problematic the characters would be; how they'd encourage "unhealthy relationship dynamics". Still, whenever the tall dude totally pinned the smaller gimp to the wall and started feeling up his bulge, Zoey'd totally be squealing and cheering with the rest of them.

Isn't even that hardcore, Lillian grumbled. Like, give her five minutes on a laptop and she could be shlicking off to something way hotter than these 2D twinks.

Time to change topics."Whatcha sketching?" Suki had been busy at work in one of her art pads.

"Storyboards for our next Social Justice Warrior doujin! Tomorrow's when me and senpai update our blog with new pages!" A horrible thought. "Ororo! Senpai never gave me the script for the new pages!"

Good luck with that, Lillian scoffed as Suki-chan toddled across the apartment and rap-rap-rapped on Zoey's door. After some awkward shuffling, the black girl squeezed head and bare shoulder around the doorframe. "... yes?"

"Senpai! Tomorrow's our doujin update day! You have the script for me, right?"

"Ohh... that." Zoey scratched at her sweaty brow. "Um, maybe another night?"

Suki's magical sunshine shattered. "But... we always update on Monday nights. Our readers are counting on us!"

"Zo-eyyy," crooned the siren call from inside. "Are you being a good girl?"

A small, pained look crossed Zoey's face. "I have to go."

The door clicked shut and Suki just stood there, stupefied as Purple Haze blasted her in the face. "But... our readers..."

It was freakin' painful watching Suki-chan toddle back to the couch, to see her try and scrape together a reason to go on.

"I... I need to support senpai by giving her alone time. That's my job."

Lillian scoffed, left for her room and returned with a black pen and one of her D'nD planning books.

"Siddown. Like, I'll write you a scenario." She'd totally created her own high fantasy kingdom; scripting a single comic book should be a cinch.

"A-arigato, Lillian. You're a real tomodachi."

"Okay, so here's what I'm thinking: your James Bond guy -"

"John Link."

"Right, well John infiltrates the evil corporate CEO's mansion to seduce the prick, but it backfires: the Social Justice Warrior's the one who falls for the evil dude. He becomes the boss' new right-hand man, starts helping him spread capitalism."

The proposal left Suki-chan aghast. "B-but the hero would give up everything he believes in and stands for! He wouldn't be himself anymore!"

Lillian looked up with gravely bitter eyes. "I know."

Panting face-down on the bed, Zoey squeaked as Aiko's riding crop flicked through the air. "You know, if it's too much we do have a safe word."

"I know," she blurted, "b-but it's all good. I can keep up! This is something you like, right?"

Aiko just looked at her. Zoey swore she could look right through her, see her every secret shame. In the end, Miss Yumi only shrugged. "Okay. I mean, I'm not complaining."

Aiko retreated to the desk and cracked open a beer. Sighing, Zoey retrieved her phone from underneath her pillow and resumed browsing Reddit. She jumped in surprise when arms wove around her. "Oh, that legal age story again?"

"It is pretty problematic."

"But not your problem." Aiko took her phone, shut off the screen. "Let the fat cats at city hall sort it out. Lucky thing you've got a sugar momma to buy you all the booze you want."

"Th-thank you, Mistress."

Zoey braced herself for the next round. Instead, Aiko let her go.

"Stopped by the thrift store on my afternoon walk. Picked you up some outfits."

Zoey spied the paper clothing bag near the door. "F-for me? Wait, was this with the grocery money?"

Aiko coughed. "I... found a 20 on the sidewalk. Figured I'd treat you."

"That's... I mean, thank you, Mistress."

Giddy and curious, Zoey went over to browse. All her cybergoth outfits were special orders from small, independent seamstresses on Etsy. What exactly had Aiko found for her?

She held up the first top, a tummy-bearing tee in pastel pink, the sequined logo blaring Mommy's Girl.

"Oh..."

"Didn't know your size so I just figured, 'go for smaller'."

"It's... not my usual style."

"Are you sure? Because my good girl would look so sexy in these. Whaddya say? Try it on for me, kiddo?"

Even as goosebumps shivered down Zoey's arms, even as she ran a mental list of the many problematic aspects of the clothes, deep down she already knew her answer.

"Of course, Mistress."