The wind whipped round us, lashing our hair against our cheeks and fanning our cloaks out beside us as we stood assembled in the courtyard of Cair Paravel.

King Peter was in his gleaming armour, and he made some commands to his generals, sweeping his arm in a broad gesture. The fact that he was not dwarfed even by centaurs showed his power. The centaurs shouted out their commands, and at once the milling soldiers snapped to attention and got into formation. Their well drilled moves and gleaming eyes inspired confidence in victory. Confidence, but not certainty.

King Peter climbed the steps to where we stood in an assembled group: Susan and King Edmund in travelling cloaks along with myself and Prince Corin and the rest of the small company bound for Tashbaan. Queen Lucy wore her court robes and wore a noble expression to match her eldest brothers. She lifted her chin as he nodded to her. Then he gave her a little smile and she flung himself into his arms.

'Take care, take very good care, take the best of care,' she murmured as she hugged him, armour and all. 'And write.'

'You too, Lu,' King Peter said, stroking her hair fondly. He kissed her brow. Then he turned to his other sister. 'Is this the last time you will sing me off?'

'Never, Peter! How can you say such a thing? I'll always be here to sing you off,' Susan said, her voice almost sharp with reproach.

King Peter exchanged a look with his brother, and in it I read that King Edmund needed to school Susan on the realities of a marriage to the crown prince of another land. Edmund exhaled heavily through his nose. After King Peter embraced Susan, he came and clasped King Edmund's forearm.

'You know the duty I charge you with,' King Peter said.

'I know,' King Edmund replied. They shared a long look, then Peter turned and clattered down the steps and mounted his horse.

The army rode off with clatters and jangles, their armour bright in the diffused light from the clouds. Susan stood at the top of the steps flanked by King Edmund and Queen Lucy, and she sang the while the column filed through the gate. After the rear guard passed through, the portcullis lowered with a clang.

Susan sighed shakily and wrapped her arms around herself, watching the army filing down the road. Above Cair Paravel's tallest tower, the High King's red banner with the golden sword came down to show his absence. Soon King Edmund's yellow banner with the broken wand and Susan's green one emblazoned with the horn would follow within the hour.

'Come on,' said King Edmund, tugging on Susan's elbow gently. 'The captain'll want to be off with these winds.'

Susan wiped her eyes with the crook of her finger, sniffed and nodded. We walked round the side of the castle and proceeded through the sea door and down to the quay where the Splendour Hyaline lay in wait, her purple sails puffed with the breeze, straining against her stays and glittering in the morning sun.

Corin bid farewell to Queen Lucy first, and he tried to look somber on her behalf but failed miserably. She had only just let him go when he gave a whoop and tore up the gangway, shouting from the deck, 'I'll bring you your heart's desire back from Tashbaan!'

'You'd better!' Queen Lucy shouted back before she turned to Susan. She pressed her lips together and twisted her fingers, trying hard to look decorous and queenly. She gave it up in the end though and threw her arms around her sister. 'Whatever happens,' she said in a choking voice, 'Remember that your home is here.'

'Honestly, Lucy, you're being ridiculous,' Susan said. 'Of course I know that.'

Queen Lucy gave her sister one more kiss, and then Susan followed Corin onto the ship. Lucy looked to King Edmund. 'You know what I meant.'

'I know,' he assured her.

'We've not been apart like this before. Don't let it last. You must bring her home.' She gripped her brother's hands.

'I'll do all I can,' King Edmund promised.

'Bring her home,' Lucy repeated. Then she hugged him and kissed his cheek. 'And yourself too.'

'Make sure the castle stays in one piece, eh? I'd like to have a home to come back to,' he returned, chucking her gently on the shoulder. She smiled thinly.

A messenger came and said the captain was ready, and then we were going up the gangway too. Edmund stood at the railing to wave goodbye to Queen Lucy; Corin and I stood between him and Susan.

'She has free choice. Bring her home. You'd think they could make up their bloody minds,' King Edmund muttered mutinously. He frowned. 'Make yourself ready, my lord. I have a feeling adventure awaits.'

'You say that as though it's a bad thing,' I observed. 'My father spent his whole life longing for adventure.'

'That's how you know he never had one. Because in all my wide experience, adventures are far better in the telling than in the living.'

Susan did not speak to me while we were on board. She swept past me with cold looks and when forced to commune with me, she did so in the most remote way possible.

One afternoon she stalked past as I was playing chess with Tumnus. I twirled my piece in the air, following her with my eyes. Then I sighed and turned back to the game, planting my piece and folding my arms on the table.

'I don't suppose you have any questions about why she's upset,' Tumnus said.

I shook my head. 'It's fairly obvious. She doesn't want me here. I imagine she thinks I am out to thwart her courtship.'

'Are you?' Asked Tumnus.

'If I am, it's not for the reasons she might imagine.' I rubbed my mouth. 'At present, however, I am on a fact finding mission above all. So much King Edmund has charged me with.'

'He fought for you to come, you know,' Tumnus said.

'Did he?' I could not restrain my surprise.

'Mm,' he said as he surveyed the chess board. I didn't want to tell him that he was losing rather badly. 'Queen Susan flat out refused when she heard you were to said with our company, but King Edmund insisted. Said you were a valuable addition. It all got rather heated and in the end, King Edmund won out by saying he refused to go without you. Once Queen Lucy backed him up, the High King decreed it, and Queen Susan had not choice but to accept.'

My cheeks grew warm. 'I didn't know I was worth so much strife,' I confessed.

Tumnus frowned a bit and rested the pad of his finger on the tip of the bishop before moving to the castle. He took the knight I had left as a trap. Then he turned to me. 'The Kings and Queens often see more in us than we see in ourselves.'

At that moment King Edmund strolled by and scanned the board. He chuckled. 'You're playing a losing game, I'm afraid, Tumnus. He'll have you in checkmate in less than ten moves.'

'Where? How?' Demanded Corin, peering over King Edmund's shoulder.

'Watch and see,' said King Edmund, and though Tumnus made a valiant effort he had to yield in eight.

'That's quite enough for me to know that I am outmatched,' Tumnus declared, rising.

King Edmund took his place at once. He called for his chess set and rubbed his hands. 'Excellent. A proper match at last.'

'It won't be, because you beat everyone,' Corin drawled with a roll of his eyes. Despite this, he drew up a stool to watch.

'You mean I beat you,' King Edmund corrected as the ordinary board was cleared and he started to set up his famous chess set with the dwarf wrought pieces in solid gold and silver. I picked up the queen and marvelled at the detail.

He whistled to get my attention. 'Lord Peridan, there's a game beginning lest you forget.'

I wrinkled my nose and began to set up properly.

The game was rather exciting as chess goes, swinging back and forth between me and King Edmund. I enjoyed the challenge of playing him and balancing my offence against my defence. He grew sharper and more focused as the game went on, leaning forward and scanning the board, his lips moving as he calculated. His interest drew the attention of the other lords, who started to offer their own strategies to me. I ignored them, however, and ultimately planted my knight to announce 'Check mate.'

King Edmund did a double take. When he saw this was true, he gaped, and then he laughed. 'Good game indeed,' he declared. Then he started setting up for a rematch at once. 'Of course, I can't let that stand and must demand satisfaction.'

'If you think you'll get it,' I quipped without thinking. The unease of the assembled lords made me curse my daring the next moment.

But Edmund laughed, wagging his finger. 'Those are dangerous words, my good lord. You have yet to see my competitive side.'

And so we started playing chess almost all day, every day. There is little else to do on board ship, and so almost as soon as we finished breakfast, Edmund would collect his chess set and approach me with lifted brows. Of course I assented, and not only because I wanted to pass the time. Playing with him was fun. Because he seemed to think the same, I once again had the feeling that we could be friends.

As a testament to his boredom, Corin watched most of our games and started a tally of who won more. Edmund and I were always within a couple games of each other.

'I don't get it,' Corin announced as he watched us, his chin on his stacked fists. 'What's so exciting about chess? I'd rather be practicing swordplay. Lord Peridan, you should teach me to double wield!' He brightened, evidently hoping this offer would make me turn away from the game.

'Perhaps later,' I said vaguely as I thought through a strategy.

'Or perhaps you can engage a sword master and let us play,' Edmund said, glancing at Corin. Then he turned his eyes back to the board, scanning it twice over.

Corin sighed, buzzing his lips. 'Why do you always play chess though?'

'It is the cousin of swordplay,' I said, quoting my teachers. 'Chess teaches strategy, using and adapting a series of moves.'

'A good chess player is a worth ally,' Edmund added. 'One who can see all ends.'

'Think on his feet,' I supplied.

'Understand there is more to winning a battle than brute strength,' Edmund rejoined. He frowned. 'Are you sure you didn't move the pieces while I was talking to Susan just now?'

'I call the prince to witness,' I said, indicating Corin.

'He didn't move anything,' Corin said.

'You see? You were losing all on your own steam,' I said coolly, sitting back and folding my arms.

Edmund stared at me, and for a flash of a moment I was worried I had overstepped. But his face split into a grin and he laughed. 'We'll see about that. I've gotten myself out of worse spots before.' He punctuated this with a wink.

It was nothing—a wink of camaraderie. But it sent a shiver all the way down my spine. Edmund flicked a lock of hair out of his eyes with an impatient movement of his fingers, and I gasped silently as the trickle down my spine pooled in my gut. I could not deny it—I desired the King. This was the feeling I had been searching for with Susan and never caught.

I managed to get through the rest of the day in royal company, but that night I slipped onto the deck and paced the length of it over and over. I told myself that I was lonely. It was like a trick of the light, a mirage. I had been without any sort of feeling for so long something inside of me was grasping at straws. Yes. That was it. Better that than ruining all, including my blossoming friendship with the King. I had already destroyed the warmth of Queen Susan's acceptance. I could risk no more.

But Orran had been right—I could not change myself. When at last I fell into a fitful sleep I dreamed of him. He invited me to his stateroom for a drink, and once there, I leaned forward and kissed his neck. He didn't kiss me back, but he tipped his head back and sighed and he shifted to make things easier for me. Then he let me do what I wanted and I ravished him with kisses, tasting every inch of his body. I woke in the small hours, drenched in sweat and with sodden bedsheets. I curled up into a ball, shuddering because the dream had been so good.

Once I knew how I felt, I could not close the floodgates. I memorised his face with surreptitious glances. I studied the way he twirled his chess pieces. I had always found him fascinating, but now I realised I found him beautiful too. Desire is a staggering force, something that threatens to wash over you until you drown in it. And yet I wanted to drown.

I was starting to terrify myself. Part of me wanted to him to catch my eye when I was studying him and understand. In fleeting moments, I let myself dream that he might welcome my admiration. The next moment though, I shook myself with the truth. More likely, far more likely, than him welcoming my desire would be public shame, imprisonment, exile.

I hid a bit, spending a good amount of time teaching Corin to double wield despite Peter's warnings. This was so exhausting I could face Edmund more easily afterward. But if I encountered him earlier in the day and he trapped me in a game of chess, concealing my feelings required much more concentration. Yet when we parted ways I felt deflated.

Thus I was both relieved and disappointed when in the middle of a chess game with Edmund the man from the fighting top shouted that Tashbaan was in sight. We all crowded at the starboard side to see the city that called itself the wonder of all wonders.

We were coming into the mouth of the river, and everywhere we looked was inhabited land, crowded with the houses of the rich and the wealthy along the shores. I marvelled at the skill of the helmsman, for the river mouth was clogged with all manner of vessels—trading ships from elsewhere in Calormen and a few vessels with crests I knew from the Lone Islands, and junks and pleasure boats and fishing boats and even a couple of war ships, although I noticed that the Splendour Hyaline was a far grander vessel than any we passed. True, she was the Narnian flagship, but a dozen more Narnian ships were bigger and mightier than what we saw in the river that day.

Dwarfing all of this, however, was Tashbaan, rising to its dizzying heights. I had never seen a city to equal it in size. Despite its quick growth, Lionshaim was a tiny hamlet in comparison. Even the old streets of Narrowhaven did not amass to one tenth of the size of Tashbaan. It was a mass of buildings and people, and thus easy to see why people from there thought they were at the centre of the world. Everywhere else must have seemed blank and empty in comparison. Narrowhaven was all whitewashed buildings, a few with tiled mosaics, some with blue or terra cotta roofs, and the uniformity gave it a sense of peace. Tashbaan was built in stones of all hues of white (mostly on the upper levels) and brown clay and yellow sandstone and grey granite. It was a riot of colour and chaos.

'Behold your future kingdom,' King Edmund said to Queen Susan. But though his words were sardonic, his voice was not. He spoke in quieter tones than I was used to hearing him employ.