Heavy

Nathan might be seeing things.

Timeline: 10+ years after the end of Black 2 (not sure exactly of when)

Setting: Unova

Notes: Strong language, implied/referenced child abuse (WARNING: mostly at the beginning in a flashback), implied/referenced sexual content, hurt/comfort

Characters: Nathan (Nate), Rosa, Colress, Churchill (Church), Zeshi (Nathan's Zoroark), Nate's dad

Prerequisite Reading: Black, Black 2

"You do love me, don't you, son?"

Nate was squarely staring down the TV on his wall. There was nothing that could have broken that determined stare. It was one of his favorite shows, a cartoon about a Purrloin and a Lillipup that had been sent to live with a grandparent in a mysterious city nobody had ever heard of, deep in a secretive, unknown region. Maribelle and Ripper, that was their names. "Yes," he answered offhandedly to his father, sitting at the far end of his bed. Despite his intent focus on the screen, though, he held his comforter tight against his chest and found it hard to really absorb anything anyone was saying on the TV screen…

"Mm. Why won't you pay some attention to me, then? I… I need your help, don't you know?"

Nate was silent for a long moment but his vision glazed over as he saw the small numbers appear at the bottom of the screen, signaling his father had turned the volume down, to the point it was difficult to even hear that there was audio at all to go with the cartoon. He didn't like that at all… He liked Maribelle's voice. She was soothing and sweet. Much better than his father's voice, which was scary and gruff.

"Nate?"

He clutched the blanket tighter. "I know… can I please watch the TV, though…? I can't hear it…" he asked in a voice hardly above a whisper.

"I can't hear you," his father practically purred as Nate felt a hand run over his left thigh, over the blankets, but still. "Speak up for me, please. What was that, Nate?"

It felt as if his voice had died in his throat, so he couldn't reply. His focus on the show lost, he was forced to think about the reality of the situation. He had just turned thirteen the other day… He had hoped his father's late evening visits might have stalled for longer than just a handful of days as they usually did follow his birthday, but it was already becoming quite clear that would not be the case. After a few awkward seconds, his father's hand moved further up, and Nate's body tensed instinctively as a bolt of panic shot up his spine. "Wait," he yelped, scrambling to think of some kind of excuse, anything to try to logic his way out, "I just… I don't see how this is helpful to you, Dad…"

"Oh?" his father scooted closer, or so he thought, given the way his weight shifted on the bed and the way it gave a light squeak. "You don't remember how this helps me? Come on, boy, surely you remember… I can, of course, remind you of how this helps me, just let me show you."

He felt the blood drain from his face, and he started desperately at the cartoon even though he couldn't hear it. Why did helping his father have to be so humiliating and painful? Not to mention, part of him was convinced it wasn't helpful at all… at least, not in the way that required help, anyway. But this was just the way it was, right? This wasn't wrong. He was normal. Everything was normal. No, no, no, there was nothing wrong about the way that hand—

"Nathan! Nathan! Wake up!" a female voice interrupted them. The world around Nate started to distort and corrupt with streaks of black, inky darkness.

"No! I don't want to help you!" Nathan snarled blindly, shooting upright in a bed. Of course, nowadays, in the comfort of his own room, there was nothing above his bed as there had been back in the hostel rooms he had once stayed in throughout Unova. The most he did as he shot out of bed was throw a pillow in the floor and scrabble nails along the wall beside his bed. Yet, when he blinked his eyes and recognized the interior of his bedroom, he found Zeshi looking up at him worriedly, panting, from the foot of his bed. Spacey, his Samurott, was standing next to his bed with a shell-hewn sword drawn preemptively, looking around wildly for whatever had startled her trainer so. Bitty, his Sunflora, who he kept roaming freely in his home, turned from where she was situated in the windowsill, cocking her head at him groggily.

"Nathan," Zeshi's voice entered his head slowly, "are you okay? I'm sorry it took me so long…"

Clenching his jaw, Nathan gripped the comforters over himself tightly, and curled his lip as he looked down at his white knuckles. "It's fine, Zeshi, it shouldn't be your job to be my midnight mental bodyguard," he muttered back at her. A swirl of turbulence in his chest propelled him to toss those blankets off and hop out of bed, smoothing his messy hair, shaking out his clothes to try to air out the sheen of sweat that had been produced from his nightmare. Yet, as quickly as the anger had manifested itself, it seemed to dissipate all at once, and Nathan flopped down into a swiveling computer chair at a desk near the foot of his bed. Leaning over the desk, he clutched fistfuls of his hair and hung his head, letting his forehead hit the wooden surface. Frustrated, he let go of his hair with one fist, and then slammed it against the desk, making the laptop, pen holder, and various other trinkets jostle and jump. "Shouldn't need anything like that at all," he spat at the desk despite the lump building in his throat. In a much smaller, more pathetic tone, he whimpered, "Over a decade later and still, these stupid nightmares! He doesn't even exist anymore! I don't understand!"

"Nathan…" Zeshi nudged his leg, causing him to flinch, but he knew it was her, so he relaxed almost immediately. "That's not your fault… You can't just… be angry at it until it goes away. That's not how that works…"

"Then how?" Nathan demanded sharply.

Zeshi was quiet for a moment. "Nathan… we do this every time…" She whined and pawed at his leg. "I'm sorry that we… we can't fix it, but…"

He felt something touch his other leg and he flinched again, jerking his head to look at who it was. Spacey had put her sword away and, balanced on her nose, she offered him his Xtransceiver. He stared at it dumbly for a minute. A device that he had once loathed, that Spacey had even broken to get him freedom from his father, was one she now delivered to him because she knew this was not the same one as all those years ago, and this one connected him to friends. Friends far and wide that would never so much as hope to hurt him. Shakily, he raised a hand to accept Spacey's offering. Yes, he was better now than he had been all those years ago; he had a real family, even bigger than the makeshift one he had escaped that hell with back then, now.

Yet, as he went to pick up the device, it suddenly flew off Spacey's nose and hit the far wall, as if of its own accord. Nathan scrambled away, practically jumping onto the desk, and, breathing heavily, stared where the Xtransceiver had struck the wall and tumbled to the hardwood floor. Spacey growled and resumed her previous position, sword drawn, while Zeshi fluffed out all her fur and pulled her lips back into a vicious snarl. Strange shadows danced around the darkened room as violet lights lit up around her body.

"Who did that?" Nathan managed to ask at last, his voice cracking partially through. "Sp-Spacey… did you…? That wasn't funny…"

The Samurott indignantly looked over at him and growled, shaking her head.

"No," Zeshi told him, sounding distracted, as if the auditory illusion were straining her concentration, "something's wrong… I just don't know what…"

Everyone jerked their head to his bed as he heard the springs within the mattress squeal and a shape took form on the wrinkled and thrashed sheets. Nathan's breathing all but stopped as he recognized her voice before she even finished revealing herself. "Oh, bravo, Champion Nate," she crooned at him as she clapped softly, "you've really outdone yourself with the place." She flashed him a white smile and flitted her pretty, brown eyes at him. "Hope you don't mind, I just let myself in."

"Rosa!" Nathan breathlessly exclaimed, dropping from his desk. He didn't know whether to snarl at her, to cautiously back away, to run for his Xtransceiver—his groggy, confused mind swam as he tried to figure out what was happening. There was no way she could be there, in his room, was there? He looked over his shoulders, at the bedroom door, shocked to find it was still shut. He glanced at his window then. Bitty was still there; nothing had been moved. More than that, the security around the Pokémon League was a thousand times better than it had ever been before in the past. He knew Rosa had access to all sorts of wild abilities thanks to her partnership with her 'Dr. Colress,' but they had specifically designed protocols around the Pokémon League to combat them! How could they have all failed so spectacularly?

"Oh, do relax, Nate," she teased him with a knowing wink. "You know that no security system can keep me at bay. You don't get wanted for grand larceny and robbery or whatever the terms are like I do in every region without getting good at breaking and entering." She snorted and then Zeshi snarled, jumping at her with her jaws stretched open. Rosa vanished and reappeared a few feet away, and Zeshi caught a mouthful of Nathan's mattress instead. Nate staggered away from Rosa and gawked at her.

"Anyway, as I was saying," she continued as if nothing had happened at all, "it's just been so long since we had a night alone together, eh, Nate?" She cracked a lopsided grin and now, as she sauntered toward him and he backpedaled uncertainly, he could see her more clearly. He hadn't seen her but fleetingly since all that time ago, but the suit she wore then looked quite different from most he had seen her in; it was silver rather than a dark, slate gray, all except for the diamond-shaped visor that she currently had flipped up to reveal her face. Instead of a solid, gray mesh from the neck down, this suit had a more traditional plate of steel over her chest, whereas mesh covered her arms and legs. A chainmail skirt fluttered around her waist. Her brown eyes glittered as she noticed he was looking over her new, flashy suit. "Oh, Nate, you like the new outfit? You always did like how I looked, didn't you~?"

His back hit the wall where his Xtransceiver had fallen, and he bent down to snatch it up. Just as he did, Spacey threw her sword at Rosa, who vanished, leaving Spacey's sword to strike the wall behind her, and she reappeared somewhere else in the room yet again. But Spacey and Zeshi had apparently been ready; when she came into view again, they both lunged at her immediately… only for Rosa to once again disappear, leaving them both to slam into each other.

This time, she reappeared next to Nathan, clamping her hands down over his shoulders. "Oh, poor, sweet, Nate," she whined in his ear, "do relax, it's all only temporary. I'm just here for a visit. It doesn't take long, don't you know?"

He whirled away from her and held out his Xtransceiver, as if it were somehow a weapon, and glared at her. "Stay away from me!" he screamed, feeling as if he might faint. "How did you get in here? Why are you here? What do you want from me? What's wrong with you?"

"That's sure a lot of questions, hon," Rosa dramatically groaned, throwing her head back. "Won't you be a good little ace of hearts, make this easy for me, and just calm down?"

"I'm nothing of yours, don't call me by one of your stupid card names!" he bristled, baring his teeth at her. He abruptly decided he didn't care what she was doing. Why had he cared in the first place? This was Rosa. She was wrong, she was evil, she was a horrible person, a murderer, a cheat—the girl who had turned out to love causing chaos for the sheer joy of causing chaos. That was all there was to it. "Get out! Now!" With that, he pulled the Xtransceiver close and started dialing for the emergency number, the one that would send guards straight into his home without him so much as needing to speak to someone.

"Oh, you want to involve other people?" Rosa asked brightly, perking up in amusement. "Why, I didn't take you for the type, Mr. Tough as Nails! Isn't that what they call you now?" She frowned and raised a brow. "How cute. I wonder if they'd still think you were 'tough as nails' if they could see you now… or if they knew." She grinned wolfishly and advanced on him as he finished dialing the number.

"Knew what, Rosa?" Nathan snapped, growing tired of her games. "That you're a psychopath? Too bad, I think everyone already knows that!"

"Oh, no," she laughed, "I just wonder if they would think you're still tough as nails if they saw how desperate you are for attention, truly. See, I remember a few things Daddy said, Nate." She giggled and clasped her hands together in front of herself, and the diamond-shaped visor on her mask flipped down, those white, soulless, digital eyes lighting up, giving her an even more unnerving appearance. Practically singing in a roboticized voice, she mused, "And considering how you melted for me in seconds all that time ago, part of me wonders if you're really just that needy, deep down. Get you in the right mood and oh, you're as easy as they come, aren't you? Tell me, Nathan… is there anything you're thirsty for?"

"Stop it!" Nathan howled, dropping the Xtransceiver and digging his nails into his scalp until he felt the sting of the pain. "Stop it, stop it, stop it, leave me alone! Why? What do you want?!"

"Nathan… she's gone," Zeshi's voice told him quietly. He looked up after a second and saw that she was, in fact, gone. Of course, for all he knew… she had merely turned invisible again. Shivering, he looked around and saw Zeshi and Spacey limping away from one another and toward him. They had apparently struck one another harder than he had given them credit for. Zeshi whimpered and pawed at her head as she plunked down in front of him. "I don't sense her at all, I think she's really gone… She had someone else with her that you couldn't see."

"Shadow Triad," Nathan whispered. He sank back against the wall as his bedroom door shot open, and an Arcanine was the first in the room, barking and looking around wildly. Such an intrusion might have gotten him to panic a few seconds ago, but in that moment, he felt too shocked or… perhaps numb to react at all as Church's Arcanine turned to him and started to reassuringly lick him once he was sure the room was clear.

Church entered the room immediately after and dropped down next to Nathan. "Nathan, are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked urgently, examining his surroundings cautiously as he spoke.

"Rosa," was all Nathan was able to choke out as he slowly curled into a ball, bringing his knees close to his chest and clamping his arms over his face. Yes, numb, that was the only way to describe how he felt right then. "Rosa was here…"

"R-Rosa?" Church echoed dumbly, looking around frantically again as if that might change the fact he hadn't seen anyone. Zeshi cocked her head and the way she expressively flicked her ears and moved her head told Nathan she was speaking to Church. Nodding, Church turned back to Nathan and went to touch his shoulder.

Nathan cringed and curled harder into his ball, to the point he could no longer see outside of himself. As soon as Church's hand met him, he felt a cold chill ripple through his body, one that made him feel like he wanted to vomit, one that made all his muscles tighten painfully. "Don't touch me!" he snarled, muffled by himself.

"Nathan…" Church withdrew his hand immediately, and there was a pause as Nathan heard more footsteps. "Out," Church ordered whoever else had entered the room. "I've got this under control, thanks."

"You're not the only one that answers these calls, Churchill Pines, these are for the qualified officers to answer as well as any available Elite Four—"

"And yet I rank higher than you and I'm telling you I have this under control," Church cut them off brusquely, in a rude tone so unlike himself. "Champion Nathan isn't feeling well and made the call by mistake. He'd like to be alone. Thank you."

Feeling as if he was going to cry, Nathan remained silent until he heard the drum of footsteps come to an end and his door shut. "You lied," Nathan mumbled, lifting his head just enough so that Church could hear him. "Why didn't you tell them about Rosa?"

"Telling them about Rosa would mean they'd have kicked you out of here and taken you somewhere tiny, alone, until they finished sweeping the League for her, and frankly, I don't know if trying to find her is a good idea anyway… You know what happens when we send people after her and Colress… And you need friends right now, not solitude."

Tensing furiously, Nathan felt his nails dig into his scalp again as he jerked his head up, and he shot at Church, cruelly, "You're not my father! You don't get to just tell me what I need, Church!"

Church flinched at the unexpected outburst, instinctively raising a hand in front of himself. "No, I'm not your father," Church softly replied after taking a moment to regain his composure. Nathan's anger faltered as he saw Church smile sadly. "I'm your friend, and you've obviously had a really bad night… I'm going to tell everyone that Rosa was here, but I'm not doing that right this second… Nathan, you know how she is… She just shows up to rile people up whenever she's not getting along with that scientist friend of hers… But I will say, she usually… usually leaves you alone… Did something else happen tonight…?"

He concernedly furrowed his brow at Nathan, and Nathan just sharply looked away, at the Xtransceiver in his palm. He bit his lower lip and then shook his head. "Had a nightmare. That's it."

"C'mon," Church insisted, sitting down a couple of feet away from him, "you know that's never just 'it.'"

"I had a nightmare," Nathan repeated, this time, staring Church directly in his green eyes, inwardly hoping he'd get the message. After a confused second, Church seemed to understand; he winced and sighed, his Arcanine sympathetically laying at his side and nudging him with his muzzle. Nathan growled in frustration and shot his left fist at the floor. The loud smack was followed by pain blooming in his palm, but he didn't care. "I am the Champion of Unova, I've put in so many systems to help people with shit like I went through, I've helped Hil and N get so much passed, I have three legendary pokémon at my side, a pokémon that controls illusions, and I have vowed to protect everyone as long as I breathe! Nothing should still be getting to me like this! Nothing! Not Rosa and especially not my father, considering he's dead! When will I be strong enough?!"

Frustrated nearly to the point of tears, Nathan curled back into a ball, blotting out the rest of the world. He didn't feel like the valiant, iron-willed protector he had proclaimed himself to be in that moment, even with the anger and sadness filling his chest that made him feel like he would fight the world given the chance. Not to mention, he was utterly fracturing there in front of Church, who he knew had better things to be doing than listening to him rant, like comforting his partner, Lacey, who he was sure would be upset by Church disappearing in the middle of the night to help him. She had a genuine reason to need reassurance like this. She had been a prisoner of Team Plasma for eight years, had been brainwashed and manipulated and tortured. And him? Well… Had he even seen Rosa? There was no trace of her. Zeshi had vouched for him, he supposed… or had she? …Did Church think he was crazy?

"Strong enough to what?" Church asked quietly once he was sure Nathan was done. "Strong enough to fight your own brain? Strong enough to fight enemies you can't see half the time all alone?"

"Yes!" Nathan retorted, muffled. "Yes! It shouldn't matter! I've finally got th-the family I always wanted, and I have Unova, and I have myself, safe and sound, and—and—and I should be able to guard it against anything! I have all I—"

"Nathan, stop it," Church tiredly sighed. "Just… just stop it. You can't fight everything. That's just not how this works."

"Then I can't ever be safe," Nathan all but whimpered, feeling his muscles start to sag under his own weight. Everything just felt so… heavy… "Then… then nobody can ever really be safe."

"No. They can't. You can't keep everyone safe all the time, forever." Church grunted and Nathan heard the shifting of fabric, as if he were moving closer. "But Nathan, nobody has ever been as safe as they have under your championship before. You're safer than ever before, just like you said, your father's not even here anymore. We'll find out what we can about how Rosa got in here, and we'll take every precaution that we can to keep it from happening again… If Rosa had actually attacked you, I am confident you would have defended yourself just fine, Nathan…" He trailed off and after an uncomfortable pause, he added, "You can't fight everything in the way you're thinking. I know you're not good with words, but that's the only way you win these battles. Stop telling yourself you have to be the best at defending and tell yourself you're good at it now… because there is no such thing as best. You'll drown yourself chasing your own tail, Nathan."

"If I'm so much better now," Nathan asked hoarsely, still muffled, "then why do I feel the same as I did back then all over again? Every now and again, these awful nights, where it's just as bad as before…"

"Because you're human," Church laughed softly. "And… you've been through some fucked up shit, I'm not gonna lie to you. That's never going to change and you're probably always going to have nights like this, man… But think of all the good nights. I'm sure you have so many more of those now… don't you?"

Nathan let out an ugly snort at hearing Church cuss, given that wasn't exactly common, which was followed by another, irritated groan. Surely, he wasn't in a good enough mood to be amused! Still, he thought about what else Church had said, and he begrudgingly raised his head and nodded. He couldn't argue with that; even as awful as the night had been, he wouldn't have traded where he was now for the way his life functioned years and years ago for anything. "Y-yeah… guess you are right about that."

Church nodded slowly and nervously ran a hand through his red hair, brushing a small clump of it out of his face. "And, uh… if it would make you feel better, you can come chill with me and Lacey for the night. In the guestroom, you know…"

Nathan cautiously raised a brow at him. "Won't Lacey freak out…?" Lacey was the type of person to never forget, and Nathan hadn't exactly made a great impression on her when he had first met her, not to mention, Nathan himself wasn't renowned for his patience. He wasn't proud of it, but he had snapped at her on occasion since then (which usually resulted in Church snapping at him, too), and he knew he was far from her favorite person.

"She knows you're my friend and that you mean well," Church reassured him. "She'll be okay. Just…" He narrowed his green eyes at Nathan and said in a warningly tense tone, "Just be nice if you have to interact with her, you know."

Nathan looked down, feeling a small bolt of shame. "You must think I've gone mad… Rosa's not even here, and, and… some champion I am, needing to come stay with my friend like a spooked little kid after a nightmare…"

"Even a champion needs to take care of himself sometimes," Church shrugged, moving to stand up again. He reached a hand to Nathan, offering to help him stand up, and cracked a brilliant smile. "And I don't think you've gone mad. I feel like you've forgotten I've seen Rosa's crazy stunts she can pull." He grimaced. "I know why all these specific precautions for Rosa and Colress were put into place…"

Silencing his internal critic, Nathan accepted Church's hand and allowed him to pull him to his feet. A wave of exhaustion hit him, and he yawned, a wide, powerful yawn. He would never admit it, not out loud, but he truly appreciated Church's kind, judgment-free assistance. This was not the first dark night he had come to help Nathan with, and Nathan was sure it wouldn't be the last, unfortunately. "Thanks, Church…" He wearily shook his head. With friends like you, who needs a blood family, anyway? he wanted to say, to weakly joke, but his pride wouldn't let him.

Grunting, Church nodded. "Any time."

I don't know what I'd ever do without him, Nathan thought to himself as he started to gather a few things to head to Church's for the remainder of the evening. Hell, I don't know what any of us would do without him… He shot the redhead a fleeting glance as he collected his Poké Balls from his nightstand.

Good thing we've still got a long time with him then, huh? I intend to make sure of it. Rosa will never beat me down—or anyone else, for that matter.

Back in that dingy hotel room, Rosa reappeared next to the bed, and she easily undid her metallic suit. Wordlessly, too, all knowing that Colress was curled up silently in the bed behind her. Oh, but she knew he wasn't asleep, even though the TV, the computers on the nearby desk, everything was off and silent in the room. Once she was left in just her comfortable T-shirt and shorts, she climbed into the bed after him, possessively looping her left arm over him as she slipped into place next to him. She heard him grunt slightly from the suddenness of her touch, and she curled her lip as she harshly whispered into his ear, "Do you see how easy it is for me to function without you now?"

"With my inventions," he reminded her in a deadpan, refusing to turn his head to look at her. The sensor projecting from his head pulsed with electricity.

"Your inventions that I can take and leave with," she growled, digging her nails into his shoulder, fury fluttering in her heart. He had threatened her one too many times with violence and that was what had inspired her visit to Nathan. Rather than stand for Colress' brutality, she had screamed at him that she could get anyone she so pleased, that he should have felt grateful to have her, and so, before he could tell them otherwise about listening to her, she had snarled for the Shadow Triad to take her to Nathan's, all while she kept the camera on the chest of her suit rolling. One she knew Dr. Colress had access to on the panels of his labcoat, one she knew he would be watching, given how jealous he could be. She almost purred, "You are nothing without me, Dr. Colress, and you know it, especially after all these years. Don't test me."

He stiffened and then abruptly tore his shoulder out of her grasp. "Don't touch me," he grumbled, still sounding quiet and uninterested in her.

Of course, that couldn't be right, so she immediately snatched his shoulder back and before he had a chance to complain, she bit his earlobe, shocking him into falling still. Letting go once she was sure he wouldn't move, she huskily, but somehow almost desperately, murmured in his ear, "Oh, don't be like that, Dr. Colress…" With that, she drew her hand up and down his arm, lightly, teasingly, in that way she knew would liven all his senses and make him get goosebumps. "You love it when I touch you, and I love it, too…" Feeling a small bunch of emotion rise in her throat in panic, not understanding his lack of a reaction, she whimpered, "And I miss you. Please… I don't want to fight. Do you really want to fight…? I could get anyone I want, but I choose you. I always come back to you… I just want to know you love me, too, Dr. Colress, and I didn't want to get hurt earlier…"

At that, he seemed to begin to melt in her grasp, and he shifted uncomfortably before slowly moving to cover his face with his right arm. "Mm, that… that does make sense, Miss Rosa… I am sorry. I… I never mean to hurt you… I do not understand why I do that… You know that, yes?"

"Of course, I do," she whispered, "but… sometimes, you do hurt me… and you don't listen to reason."

His voice faltered as he choked, "I… don't really know what reason is with you, Miss Rosa."

Starting to worry about why he was acting so strangely and not turning to face her and love on her as he usually did once she started to smooth things over with him, Rosa moved so she could lean over him slightly, and kiss him. "Then, let me remind you," she teasingly said, winking at him. Innocently batting her eyes after, she added, "Please…?"

He watched her for a second, then finally, gave a familiar, soft smile, straining his neck to kiss her back. "I am glad you are back, Miss Rosa," he puffed at her once she broke the kiss after a few seconds. He sounded so tired… but that was okay. It was late, after all. Surely, that was it.

I'm glad you're back, too, she thought, relieved, as she beamed back at him. You… were acting really odd there for a minute… I never want you to act like that again… "Glad to be back, Dr. Colress…~"