JACOB
December 24th, 2018
"I swear to god, Jacob," Nessie huffs at me, "if you don't pull over this car right fucking now!"
"There is nowhere to pull over!" I explain again. We're travelling up the one-way entrance road to the chalet resort. It's a narrow path, barely big enough to drive the SUV through. The exit road is just about the same size. A line of cars are following close behind us. If I stop, the whole procession will come to a halt.
"Jacob!" Nessie shouts.
"Fine!" I press on the breaks, "go."
Nessie hops out of the SUV and doubles over, breathing heavily. She's done this probably about 5 or 6 times on the way here. Says she needs to get out of the car. She's going to be sick... but then nothing happens.
Just as I predicted, the procession of vehicles behind us start honking.
After about a minute of not throwing up, she gets back in the car.
"Sorry," she whispers sheepishly as I begin driving again.
"It's fine," I glance in the rearview mirror and reach an arm out my window, giving an apologetic wave.
"I thought it was for real this time," she sighs.
"It's okay, love," I reply, slipping my hand inside of her unbuttoned coat and affectionately pet her budding baby bump, "how's he doing?"
"Hungry, probably," Nessie replies with a smile.
"You'll feel better after you eat," I promise.
She nods, "Leah texted me. They got bagels."
"I still can't believe they came," I reply.
"I know… Poor Leah. What an awful thing to happen," Nessie sighs, putting her hand over mine as I feel her tummy, "I can't imagine. She got so excited too. They flew out there and everything."
I nod, "it's horrible."
Leah and Roger worked really hard this past year to get on a list of couples available to adopt Native American children in need of families. The program works to adopt out children of Native heritage exclusively to Native families.
In the fall, a pregnant teen in Arizona had come upon their profile and chose them to raise her daughter. Leah went crazy. She finished the nursery in like three days.
In November, near the due date, Leah and Roger got a room at a hotel near the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. When they finally got the call that the baby was coming, they hopped on a plane and flew out in the middle of the night.
They were waiting for their luggage when Leah got a call from the agency. The teen had changed her mind and decided to keep the baby. Roger told me that Leah was so devastated that she collapsed right there in front of the luggage conveyor.
"I wish there was something we could do," Nessie says, her eyes becoming moist.
"I know, love," I smile at her.
Everything makes her emotional now. It's sweet but also scary. This morning I guess Rosealie said something about how round she's getting so when I came to pick her up she was in the middle of a meltdown. Poor Rose. She looked so guilty.
No, we don't live together yet. My dad still needs my help and Rachel has her hands full with the kids. I offered to have him move in with us when the house is finished but he doesn't want to be a burden. It'd be different if he had someone. Rachel keeps mentioning someone she wants to set him up with but he refuses. Says that Mom is the love of his life; dead or alive. I don't know what we're going to do about him.
When we roll up to the chalet, the drive is packed with SUVs. On the balcony I see Leah and Embry smoking. When I open the car door; I can smell marijuana.
"You better go inside. I don't want you breathing that in," I kiss Nessie's head.
She nods and heads into the chalet.
"You made it!" Leah shouts down at me from up on the balcony.
"Bit early, don't you think?" I smirk up at the two, puffing away.
"Want me to roll you one?" Embry asks.
"Nah, I'm good. Is that legal here?" I ask. I know it is in Washington State. Not sure about BC.
"It's legal in this whole fucking country. Get your butt up here!" Leah shouts.
Leah and Embry are thick and thieves these days. She wasn't kidding last year when she resolved to be nicer to him. He's changed a lot too. I guess we were kind of bullying him a little. His irritability wasn't just his personality. We learned that he was deeply depressed. Acting like a jerk was a mask of sorts. He initially rebelled against the pack when we suggested he get help. Started drinking pretty heavily. Eventually, he did agree to therapy. Started smoking medicinal weed to ease his anxiety. Stopped drinking all together. I hardly recognise him anymore.
I unpack the SUV and bring the bags inside.
"Babe?" I look around for where Nessie went.
Then I see her. Asleep on the couch, near the fire. I smile and go to her, kissing her on the cheek. I pull the throw blanket from the back of the couch over her. She'll nap at any opportunity, lately. The mornings are rough but by the afternoon she'll eat anything and everything. And in the evenings she is insatiable; most nights wanting to go for two or three rounds in bed. I'm not complaining but my dad is getting on my back about the backlog of bikes I'm supposed to fix up. I've been sleeping in and coming in late to compensate for all of the exhaustive nights she's kept me up.
I grab a bagel from the kitchen and head upstairs to the balcony. By the time I get there everyone is either smoking or having a beer. Leah, Roger, Brady, Collin, Embry and Quil. Everyone is laughing their asses off. Apart from Quil.
"Hey," I close the doors behind me, "what's going on?" I take a bite out of the bagel that I now realise is cinnamon raisin. I offer it to Embry.
"Quil's going to jail," Embry teases, taking the bagel from me and shoving half of it into his mouth.
"What?" I'm confused.
"Fuuuuuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," Quil mumbles scrolling through his phone.
"Claire-Bear went to the Dominican Republic for the holidays with a group of her girlfriends. I guess she's posting some racy beach photos on her Instagram," Leah explains.
"D'fuk is this?!" Quil shouts, "15-year-old girls did not look like this when I was in high school!"
I look over his shoulder and laugh, "yeah… she's uh… developed," I reply, attempting to put it in a polite way.
"Yeah! No shit. Thanks, man. I have eyes," Quil glares, "you know there are boys on this little trip?"
"So?" I chuckle, "she's probably posting all these photos for your benefit."
"Really?" he swallows, looking at me.
"Yeah, of course she is," Leah holds out her hand, "give me your phone," she says. Quil just stares at her. She rolls her eyes, taking Quil's phone from his hand when he doesn't immediately hand it over. She starts tapping away.
"What are you doing?" Quil asks.
"Liking all her bikini pics," Leah smirks.
"Leah!" Quil shouts.
I laugh along with the group while Quil's face takes on a red hue.
"And send… there you go," Leah hands the phone back to Quil.
"Send? Wait… what'd you do?" he asks, searching his phone.
"I slid into her DMs," Leah giggles and takes a drag from her joint.
"Oh, man," I laugh, leaning against the rail of the balcony. Brady and Collin are dying of laughter.
Quil's eyes dart to Leah and then he furiously starts jabbing his phone, "looks hot… you wrote 'looks hot'?! … are you insane!? You know her parents have all her logins to her social accounts, right? Fucking delete that. How do you delete that?!" he scrambles, jabbing his phone.
"Relax. She's on a beach in the Caribbean. It looks hot there, doesn't it?" Leah grins.
"Ah… I see what you did," I smirk and point to Leah.
Leah points back with a grin, "sneaky, huh?"
"Fuck you," Quil glares, "I'm going to be recieving another one of Mr. Young's man-to-man chats," he scowls.
"Ah, yes. The man-to-man discussion from the future father-in-law," I snort.
"You get those a lot, huh?" Roger chuckles, sipping his beer.
"I've grown numb to them," I laugh.
Edward always wants to pull me aside to discuss this or that. Recently it is Nessie's pregnant and unwed status. Not that he's disappointed that his daughter is becoming a mother but what can I say? I sold the ring I had intended to propose to her with and used the money towards building our dream house. Edward was the one who told me to hold off on the proposal when I wanted to do it almost 2 years ago. And then Nessie changed her mind about wanting a baby. So here we are. I'm going to marry her eventually.
Quil's phone chimes. He looks down.
"What? What'd she say?" Leah asks.
We all hold our breaths. He grins.
"Quil?" I ask.
"She said, '81°F, wish you were here'... and there is a heart emoji," he smiles.
We all cheer for him.
"There you go. Now you can relax," I give him a friendly slap on the back.
"What do I do now?" Quil asks, looking at me.
I glance around. Everyone is looking at me… Oh… I guess I'm the only other one who imprinted on an underage girl.
I inhale, "I dunno… Don't fuck it up, man," I reply. "Don't think she's going to patiently wait until her 18th birthday… But keep it appropriate… But also don't leave it all in her court; it feels safer for you but she'll resent it... Still… don't go too fast too soon either."
"Sounds so complicated," Quil sighs, scrolling through the photos of Claire on the beach again.
"And most importantly, don't play dumb about your feelings or she'll end up with a revenge boyfriend," I conclude.
"Haha. Rick," Brady grins.
"Who?" Collin frowns, "oh yeah! Rick. The doctor. I totally forgot about that guy. Hey… he didn't get there before you did, did he?" Collin asks me.
I glare at him, "get where exactly?" I dare him to answer me. I know exactly what he's talking about.
"Don't be an asshole, Collin," Embry smacks Collin on the back of the head.
Collin smacks Embry back so he pulls him into a headlock. I shake my head with a smile as the boys scuffle.
I notice that Leah has migrated to a different part of the balcony by herself. She inhales her joint, looking off towards the mountains.
I walk over to her, "how are you?" I ask, "we weren't expecting you to come here this year."
She shrugs, "I needed to get away," she replies, "we stripped down the nursery, donated and returned all the baby's things… it's just an empty room again... but it still feels like it belongs to my daughter," she sighs and then laughs harshly, "it's stupid. I don't have a daughter."
I wrap an arm around her, "it's not stupid… next time will be different," I promise her.
"We don't know that," she replies, taking another drag, "after it happened… the caseworker gave me a link to an online support group for couples who it happened to; when the birth mothers change their mind… it can happen multiple times… 2 or 3 times for some. I suppose we were lucky in a way. We found out at the airport. Some women have the baby in their arms when the birth mother changes her mind," Leah takes in another drag.
"I'm sorry," I don't know what else to say. I feel lucky. Nessie is carrying our baby safe inside her tummy. He's already our's to claim and he isn't even here yet. Our little boy. Our son.
"It is what it is," Leah takes one last drag before throwing the butt off the balcony into the snowbank, "shitty year. Not all was lost. I got my sweet little nephew, Luther. Winnie married Seth, so a sister too."
I nod. It's been a busy year for us too. Rachel had another little girl, Gracie and is already pregnant for a third time; twins, both girls. That's four girls under four. They're due around the time our boy is due. Paul said something about trying one more time for a boy but rumour has it Rach told him that if he ever wants to touch her again he'd better get a vasectomy.
"Is it insensitive of me to ask if you'd consider being our son's godmother?" I ask. I've been afraid to bring this up. "It's not a consolation prize. We discussed it long ago… before everything happened with Arizona."
Leah's head snaps up, "Really?" she smiles, tearing up.
"Really," I nod with a grin, glad that she didn't take offence to the request.
"I would be honoured," Leah throws her arms around me, "of course it isn't insensitive, Jacob," Leah says. "I love you and Nessie. I'm so happy that you're having a baby."
"Thank you," I hug her back.
"I can't believe Sam and Emily were hogging this room all to themselves," Nessie says, walking around the master suite that Sam claimed every year for him and Emily. It has a giant king-sized bed, flat screen TV and the bathroom adjoined to the room has a jacuzzi tub. "We should do it in that tub," Nessie smirks.
I chuckle at her naughty suggestion. Those pregnancy hormones at work again. "Come here," I reach out my hand for her as I rummage through my travel bag, "I want to give you your Christmas gift," I smile.
"Okay!" Nessie grins, hurrying over to me and taking my hand.
"Here," I hand her an envelope, "so you're not lonely without anything to do while we're on the slopes," I grin and watch her open the envelope. She thumbs through the spa package I arranged for her at the resort. She insisted that I go out snowboarding with the guys even though it's out of the cards for her this year.
"Oh…" Nessie's face transitions from a genuine smile to a fake smile, "... thanks, I'll put it in my purse," she says, taking two steps towards the dresser where her purse is before I pull her back to me.
"Hey... What's wrong? You don't like it?" I frown.
"No.. I mean yes! It's great!" Nessie replies but her big glossy doe eyes give her away.
"Talk to me," I request, I take the envelope and toss it on the bed so I can hold her hands.
"It's stupid," she shakes her head, looking down.
"Let me be the judge of that," I tilt her head up to look at me, "what is it?"
Nessie inhales, "I just… I guess," she presses her lips together, "...I thought you were going to propose," she admits.
Fuck.
I feel the blood drain from my face, "I am!" I say quickly, "I mean, I will…I, I, I plan to," I stutter. My words come out disjointed.
"I'm sorry. This is a lovely gift," Nessie says, holding up the envelope. She stands on her toes and kisses my cheek.
"So… you um... You want to get married now?" I ask, feeling my throat tighten, "what changed your mind?"
Nessie's eyes descend down to her pregnant tummy, "I just figured while we're at it… might be nice if his daddy was married to his mommy."
Of course. I'm an idiot… I thought Edward was just being a dick about getting on my case about not marrying Nessie now that she is pregnant… Now I realize it's likely that he was trying to give me a heads up. This has been on her mind.
Fuck, fuck, fuck... I shouldn't have sold the damn ring to put more cash towards the house.
"If you wanted to get married, why didn't you say something?" I ask after a long silence.
She shrugs, "I don't know. I didn't want to spoil it if you were going to surprise me and… and well… I guess I didn't know I needed to. I thought you'd want to propose to me. It's stupid. Forget I said anything."
"Nessie…" I sigh and get down on one knee in front of her, holding both of her hands in mine.
"Jacob, stop. Get up. What are you doing?" Nessie rolls her eyes
Knock, knock, knock…
"You wanted me to propose. I'm proposing," I reply. I glare at the door for a moment and then look back to Nessie.
"I want you to want to do it. Not just do it because I asked you to do it," Nessie says, trying to pull me to my feet.
Knock, knock, knock…
"That came out wrong. I want to do this," I assure her.
"Get up!" Nessie pulls at my arms again.
Knock, knock, knock…
Knock, knock, knock…
I exhale, "what?!" I shout when the knocking becomes too irritating to ignore.
Roger opens the door, "I can't find Leah. Have you seen- Woah," he stops when he realizes what he's walked in on.
I quickly stand, "I dunno where she is," I run my hands through my hair in frustration, grasping a fist full in the back.
"Okay. I need to find her NOW. The adoption agency is on the phone. They have a baby for us but we need to go now!" Roger says, panicked.
I look back at Nessie. Her eyes widen and we both quickly make our way out to the loft.
"Leah!" Nessie shouts over the rail of the loft that overlooks the living room.
"I found her!" Embry shouts up, "she's in the kitchen!"
Roger runs down the stairs as fast as he can. Nessie and I follow.
"What's going on?" Leah laughs at our expressions. She is in her coat helping Collin carry in bags of groceries that were finally delivered.
"Listen. Listen," Roger puts his phone on speaker, "thank you for holding, please start from the beginning."
"Okay," a woman starts speaking, "her name is Sophia. She is almost 7 months old. Up until now, she has been living with her grandmother in Alaska. The grandmother is no longer able to take care of her…"
Leah grabs Roger's arm tightly when she realizes what this call is about.
I look over to Nessie. Her hands are clasped together with a big smile on her face and her eyes full of happy tears. Fuck, I want to marry her.
"A couple was supposed to come to pick her up today but they changed their minds. This is an emergency adoption," the woman explains, "otherwise she'll need to be placed into foster care. She doesn't have any other family."
"Wait. They just changed their minds?" Leah is confused.
The woman sighs, "Yeah… I was getting to that. There was a miscommunication. The little girl was born with a mild case of a condition called Treacher Collins Syndrome. It's characterized by some abnormalities to the bone structure of her face. Mild hearing loss may be an issue down the road. Anyhow, the case was not severe enough to require surgery so I guess it wasn't documented in Sophia's profile."
"So they just didn't want her?" Leah asks, her face full of sadness.
"Unfortunately, that appears to be the case. I understand if you need some time to think about it but-"
"No!" Leah shouts, "she needs us, I'm coming to get her!"
"Great! I just sent an email with all of the details. You'll need to come to Alaska immediately," the caseworker explains.
"We understand," Leah replies, jumping up and down as she squeezes Roger's arm.
"Call me back after you've arranged your travel so we can discuss logistics. Talk soon," the caseworker hangs up.
Roger smiles at Leah, "alright, let's go get our daughter."
Leah bursts into tears, throwing her arms around him.