CHAPTER 10

I awake with a start.

Another dream. Another memory.

This one felt… different. A floodgate of sorts.

I remember getting my memory wiped, and all of a sudden I feel those memories trying to break down the wall they are hidden behind.

Instead of focusing on the memories that are fighting to break through to the surface, I try to focus on the ones I already have. Thomas. My mother. The memory wipe. Each of those memories had something to do with the Lab. I don't know if that means anything, but it is a pattern, which is a start to figuring out the truth.

I want to be a doctor. I don't know why, but for some reason that is the part of my dream that I can't stop thinking about. I remember not remembering. But… I guess that's not entirely true. I did remember something. I remembered Thomas. And I remembered that I want to be a doctor.

No wonder I'm a Medjack.

And no wonder I recognized Thomas.

He was my boyfriend. But then… why do I feel so drawn to Newt?

I shake my head. I guess I don't have to worry about how I feel about Newt. He won't even talk to me. There's no point.

I shake my head again, trying to clear my mind.

It's early. I can tell by the golds and oranges and pinks that are flowing through my window. I get up and walk to the window.

I change into my usual loose gray shirt and baggy brown pants and make my way down the ladder and to the dining room. It may be early, but that doesn't mean anything in the Glade. Frypan is already awake with breakfast all ready. The Runners are at a table looking at some papers, getting ready for their day of, well, Running. I catch Minho's eye. He waves slightly and then turns back to his papers.

Suddenly the overpowering aroma of pancakes and syrup draws me to Frypan, who of course has prepared yet another amazing meal. One look at the giant stack of pancakes makes my mouth water. I grab a tray and begin to fill it up with pancakes, syrup, strawberries, blueberries, and sausage.

'This looks amazing, Frypan,' I say.

Frypan laughs. 'Thanks, Grace. Enjoy.' He walks back into the kitchen.

Just as Frypan walks away, the door opens. Out of habit I look over to the door, and I instantly regret it. Newt walks through the door, awkwardly makes eye contact with me, and shuffles over to the table of food. He fumbles with the pancakes for a moment. Newt glances back at me and I shudder, nervous. Then the unexpected happens.

He smiles. At me. Like… definitely at me. I look over my shoulder and notice that the Runners must have left out of the back door, meaning there's no one else in here that Newt could be smiling at.

'Um… hi,' I say, a little surprised.

'Hey,' Newt says back. Suddenly his smile seems a little less… happy, and more nervous.

Oh boy, I think. I'm about to try to make conversation with him when he says, 'Mind if I sit here?' gesturing at the bench across from me.

'Oh, go ahead,' I say with a forced smile.

We sit there in awkward silence for a while, just eating breakfast. After what feels like an hour, even though I'm sure it's only 10 minutes, I stand up.

'Um, I'll see you around. I have to go to the hut, see if Clint and Jeff are up yet.'

Newt nods. 'Checking in on Tommy?' His tone sounds accusatory, which almost sets me off.

After a moment, I take a deep breath and just say, 'Yeah.' I don't want to be upset today. I have far too much on my mind, and I need to ask Thomas about my dream.

I shake my head and pick up my tray. I wash it, put it away, say goodbye to Frypan, and leave the dining hall.

'Hey!' Clint smiles when I walk into the hut. 'How's my favorite Medjack?'

I smile a little but remember just yesterday when Newt said the exact same thing to me. 'Hey, Clint. I'm good. How are you guys?'

'We're good,' Clint says. 'Moved Tommy upstairs last night.'

'Okay,' I say. ' Is there anything you need me to do?'

Clint and Jeff look at each other. Jeff clears his throat. 'Actually, we were hoping you'd be able to go full-time on Tommy.'

'Oh. Okay, yeah.' I say, a little confused. 'But, um, why just me?'

'Usually when guys get Stung we have one of the other Gladers take care of them, so we can keep working with the rest of the people who get hurt,' Jeff says.

'And…' Clint says, 'Tommy likes you. He's calmer around you. So… we thought it would be best if you watched him.'

This will give me the chance to talk to him about my dream, about our past. I smile. 'Yeah, sounds good. I'll go upstairs.'

'Okay, we'll check on you two in a bit. Just yell if you need anything,' Clint says.

I nod and make my way upstairs. I get to his room and knock on the door before entering.

'Come in,' his voice calls from inside.

I open the door and walk in. Thomas is sitting on the edge of his bed, looking out the window.

'Hey,' I say.

'Hey!' Thomas smiles at me.

'How are you feeling?' I ask.

'Not bad,' he responds.

I sit next to him on the bed, and we just stay there for a few moments, next to each other, looking out the window at the Glade.

I am the one who breaks the silence. 'I had another dream last night. A memory.'

'Oh?' He looks at me. 'What was it about?'

'I was laying on a table. There was a woman in a white lab coat, and a man with glasses and an identical coat, and they were erasing my memory. You were looking in through a large window, and you looked terrified.'

'I remember that day. They wiped my memory right after yours. And then they tossed me in the Box. That was the day they sent me to the Glade.'

'I remember something else…' I say. 'They couldn't wipe my memory at first. They tried, but it didn't work. I remembered everything. And then when they tried again, I lost almost everything… except I still remembered two things.'

'What were they?' he asks.

'I remembered you,' I say, 'and I remembered that I wanted to be a doctor.'

'What did you remember about me?'

I blush. 'I remembered that you were my boyfriend, and I remembered your name. But… no details.'

'That's interesting,' he says, thinking. 'It's like how we remember our names but we don't remember anything else. I'm guessing you don't remember why you want to be a doctor, you just know that you want to be one?'

'Yeah, exactly.' I say. I tell him about my analogy of the floodgates, the memories trying to pound their way through a wall inside my head.

Thomas nods while I explain it to him, but doesn't say anything.

'It's like I know everything about my past, but none of it will come to the surface. It's like… when something is so familiar, and you know you recognize it, but you can't explain that recognition, and you don't…'

'I know,' Thomas says, interrupting me. 'I know.'

'It's so…' I grasp at empty air. 'It's so frustrating.' All of a sudden, I feel tears well up in my eyes. I'm not upset, just angry. Angry at the people who did this to me. Angry at myself for not being able to remember. Angry at everything. Who would take away the memory of a bunch of teenagers? Who would kill a girl's mother and then kidnap her? How could someone be so evil?

'Hey, you're okay,' Thomas says softly.

I lay my head on his shoulder and try to control my tears. I shouldn't cry over something like this. I take a deep breath. If anything, they did me a favor. They gave me something to fight for… whoever 'they' are.

I take a few more deep breaths and sit up, wiping my eyes. I shake my head and exhale.

'You good?' Thomas asks.

I sigh. 'Yeah. I'm good.'

'Do you want me to tell you a story?' he grins.

With a laugh, I nod.

'Okay,' he says, still grinning. 'So there was this one day in the Lab, two months after being placed in isolation prisons or whatever. They had finally let us out and so, naturally, we decided to go to the cafeteria. We were standing in line together getting some food, I think it was supposed to be mashed potatoes and gravy, but it looked all gross and chunky and stuff.'

'Ew, that's disgusting,' I laugh.

'Well, we couldn't eat it, obviously, because it was gross. So I decided to accidentally throw a spoonful of potatoes at you. You retaliated by dumping your entire bowl of mashed potatoes on my head, and we caused a complete food war in the cafeteria. It was freaking awesome.'

I look at Thomas, and notice that he has smile wrinkles by his eyes and mouth. Clint had said something about Thomas always laughing and joking around. And now I can see it for myself. Even though he just went through the Changing, something that is supposed to be the most painful thing, both emotionally and physically, he's still smiling. He still looks happy.

'Did we get in trouble?' I ask.

'Oh definitely. They threatened to isolate us again. But then one of the Creators started laughing, and they just fell to my charm and charisma.'

I roll my eyes. 'Charm and charisma?'

'Oh, yes,' he says. 'That's the only reason they let us out of there.'

I laugh, and so does he.

I hear footsteps on the stairs, and a few moments later Jeff pokes his head through the door.

'We just got back from breakfast. Tommy, are you hungry?' he asks.

'Oh, I'm starving.'

Jeff carries a tray of pancakes into the room and sets them on the bedside table. 'You know, Tommy, you look like you're feeling pretty good. Wanna go on a walk later today, get some of your strength back?'

'Yeah, for sure,' Thomas mumbles, his mouth stuffed full of pancakes.

'Alright,' Jeff says. 'Then you're going to have to get changed. You've been wearing those clothes for two days.'

I laugh, causing Thomas to blush.

'Yeah, yeah, I'll change. Thanks for the food, Jeff.' Thomas says. Jeff leaves the room, and Thomas and I are alone again. He turns to me and swallows a mouthful of pancakes. 'So… you okay with taking me for a walk?'

I smile. 'I'd love to. But… Jeff's right. You definitely have to change.' I laugh as he reaches for a pillow. He swings it at me, but misses.

'I'm guessing you never played baseball, huh? Swing and a miss!'

He laughs and tries again to hit me, this time brushing my arm. I dash past him, grab a pillow, and nail him right on the head.

After a few minutes of attacking each other with pillows, Thomas finally surrenders, out of breath.

'Okay, okay.' he pants. 'You win. I'm… clearly out of shape.' He sits on the bed, breathing heavily.

'I'll go get you some water,' I say. I go downstairs, grab a cup out of the cabinet, and fill it up with water.

'Ahem.' Someone behind me clears his throat.

Startled, I turn. It's Newt.

'I need to talk to you.'