The show must go on!

Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .

Keldeo the Critic- Season Six

Episode 8: My Little Pony: The Movie (2017)

"Okay," Keldeo said, "So, before we continue, I've got a few things I need to fix. First off, I forgot to mention Starlight Glimmer in the opening scenes. Have her take out a few Satyrs, only for Trixie to get captured, forcing Starlight to stand down. And as for Capper, I have to say that TheDragonSaver is right. His design is okay just the way it is. Although he should have had more of an Egyptian/Middle Eastern look and feel to him. Maybe a stronger accent, some Egyptian style tattoos or something."

Keldeo nodded and said, "Anyway, we left off with our heroes hiding in the pirate ship, while Capper is aboard Grubber's ship trying to send them in the wrong direction. The heroes are quickly discovered by Captain Celaeno and her crew. I actually love their design a lot, but in my version they don't work for the Storm King, but they're pirates and they don't take kindly to stowaways on their ship."

Captain Calaeno: "You landlubbers are in for the high dive of your lives. . .off the plank!"

Rainbow Dash: "Hey, who are you calling a landlubber, you one legged birdbrain!"

"This leads to Calaeno and Rainbow Dash having a duel, with the rest of the crew preventing the other heroes from interfering," Keldeo said, a smile growing big on his face, "And when I say duel, I mean an actual well-choreographed fight that show off their personalities and styles. Calaeno can start off fighting with one arm behind her back as she effortlessly swings her sword at Rainbow with a confident sword master attitude. But then Rainbow manages to steal her sword with a swipe of her wings, causing Calaeno to draw another sword and fight more seriously. Think of the sword fight between Maximus and Flynn in Tangled. Something like that, only a bit longer."

Rainbow Dash (through the sword in her teeth): "I ain't gonna lose! Not to you, or to the Satyrs."

Captain Calaeno: "Wait. . .the Satyrs? You're against the Storm Kingdom?"

Rainbow Dash: "Uh, yeah. . ."

Captain Calaeno: "I HATE that stupid King! His army's been making our lives miserable for years!"

"So the heroes and the pirates are united in their mutual hatred of the Storm King, and the pirates throw a feat for our eight heroes," Keldeo said, and he shrugged and said, "And I know I said before that I didn't like the 'Awesome' song, but if the events leading up to it were better, I probably wouldn't mind it. So, yeah, the pirates agree to actively help fight the Satyrs, Rainbow Dash sings the song, and then she goes to perform her Sonic Rainboom."

Tempest: "You IDIOT!"

Rainbow: "Huh? What are you-?"

Tempest: "You just sent a signal to our enemies!"

"Sure enough Grubber sees the Rainboom and is tipped off to the ponies' location."

Grubber: "I thought you said they were headed in the opposite direction!?"

Capper: "Uhh. . .they lied?"

"So, like in the original, the heroes hide below deck while the Satyrs arrive and question the pirates."

Grubber: "Nice ship ya got here. . .be a real shame if something happened to it."

Calaeno: "There are no ponies aboard my ship!"

Grubber: "Tell ya what. . .I'm gonna count to ten, and then I'm gonna ask ya again."

Calaeno: "I just told you-."

Grubber: "And last time I checked, we had a big chest of gold aboard our ship. . .and it just might have your name on it."

"Meanwhile, down below, Twilight and Tempest are having a whispered debate."

Tempest: "We need to get out of here before those pirates sell us out."

Twilight: "They're out friends! They won't betray us!"

Tempest: "Oh, like how the cat didn't betray us?"

"In the end, Twilight ejects the group from the ship and rigs up a parasail to bring them down safely. Grubber sees this and glares angrily at the pirates."

Grubber: "So. . .you thought you could lie to me, did ya? Well here's another liar for your crew!"

"Capper is tossed out onto the deck of the pirate ship, and Grubber and the Satyrs jump back onto their own ship."

Grubber: "FIRE!"

"Our heroes land just in time to see the pirate ship get blown out of the sky. The rest of the group is horrified at this, especially Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow Dash: "YOU! You made us ditch them! How could you!?"

Tempest: "We couldn't trust them. If we had stayed they would have just sold us out. That's what anycreature would have done to us."

Rainbow Dash: "Why the heck can't you trust anyone, anyway?"

Tempest: "Because the only one you can trust is yourself. If you open yourself up to others, they'll hurt you. . .They always do."

Keldeo grinned and said, "And here comes Tempest's big song: Open Up Your Eyes. Since she's not the villain in this version, I had to move things around a bit. Now instead of a villain song, the song functions as an explanations for Tempest's actions and attitude towards friendship. The flashback is the same, but the song is slightly changed to reflect the altered context:"

Open up your eyes

See the world from where I stand

If you weren't so sheltered

You'd surely understand

Tempest: "Grow up, you little foals. Friendship can't just magically fix every single problem. Be adults and take this seriously. Others will take advantage of you if you keep up this naive mindset."

Rainbow Dash: "Twilight. . .you're not buying all this, are ya?"

"Twilight doesn't answer right away, and before she can answer, Pinkie points out a huge mountain nearby, causing the group to realize that they've made it to Mount Aris."

Keldeo's Chromebook chimed, and he swiftly answered it. Undyne was onscreen with a huge toothy smile.

"THAT PONY IS AWESOME!" Undyne exclaimed, "I've never sparred with anyone as awesome as her! We compared fighting techniques, gave each other pointers, she incredible! We're totally besties now, and-."

Undyne was cut off when another one of Hoopa's ring portals opened up underneath her. After Undyne fell through and the portal closed, Fizzlepop walked into the frame and said with a bemused expression on her face, "She was actually entertaining, but hardly what I would consider a threat."

Keldeo just smiled and said, "I suppose so. . . but Fizzlepop. . .I have a question for you. . . . . .

. . . Do you wanna have a bad time?"

"THIS HUMAN PUZZLE BOX IS BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD EVER CONCEIVE OF!" Papyrus shouted as he worked on a Rubix Cube.

Suddenly, his cellphone, and Papyrus put down the Rubix Cube and answered the phone.

"NYEH-HEH-HEH! IT IS I! THE GREAT PAPYRUS! . . . WHAT'S THAT!? . . .YOU WANT ME TO CAPTURE A UNICORN THAT HATES PUZZLES!? SAY NO MORE! THE GREAT PAPYRUS SHALL HANDLE THIS!"

Papyrs jumped off of the couch he was sitting in, and immediately fell into Hoopa ring portal that had opened up underneath him.

"So our heroes explore the abandoned city in search of anycreature to help them, until they eventually notice a strange altar in a large pool of water. The altar has a statue of a hippogriff on top, and an inscription on the base that reads: 'If you wish to flee from the Satyrs' wrath, the truth in your heart shall open the path.' This, of course, leads to Applejack's big moment of the film."

Applejack: "Alrighty ya'll. Ah. . .Ah don't really know what ya want me to say here. So Ah'll just say that. . .we're in serious trouble here. Our home's been invaded. . .our friends and family are being captured. . .the Satyrs are destroyin' everythin'. We came here to get help. . .something that's been ripped away from us time and time again. If there's anything that can help us be free from the Storm King and his army of Satyrs, we need it. That's all we want. That's why we came here. Please. . .help us. . ."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Okay, that was kind of a rush job on my part. Applejack's speech should be a big longer and more heartfelt, but you get the idea. Anyway, Applejack's truthful words work and cause the statue to lower into the ground. This causes the pool to turn into a whirlpool which sucks everyone down a secret underwater tunnel. Magic crystals in the tunnel walls cause bubbles to magically appear on everyone's heads so they can breath, and they all arrive in Seaquestria and are greeted by Princess Skystar and are taken to Queen Novo, who gives the group an explanation."

Queen Novo: "The Satyr army was far superior to our own. We had no hope of defeating them, so our only choice was to hide in a place where the Storm King could not follow: beneath the sea. So, we transformed ourselves. . .using this:"

"On a pedestal right next to her throne is the Pear of Transformation, and Novo uses it to turn our heroes into Seaponies, except for Spike, who is NOT TURNED INTO A PUFFERFISH!" Keldeo shouted angrily, then he calmed down and continued, "Instead, he's turned into a sea dragon. CloudyGlow on DevinatArt had a pretty good design for him." (TinyURL: 4v3ya4d6)

"So then Twilight asks if they could use the Pearl to free the other Alicorns from being turned to stone, or even use it to turn themselves into creatures powerful enough to fight the Satyrs, but Novo quickly shoots the idea down."

Queen Novo: "I'm afraid the Pearl is only able to transform creatures into aquatic forms and back into their normal forms. Why do you think we didn't try your strategy when the Satyrs first attacked? And while the Pearl CAN undo the petrification of the other Princesses, I'm afraid I cannot allow you to take the Pearl out of Seaquestria."

Applejack: "But what about that there statue, and the message?"

Queen Novo: "That secret passage was made with the purpose of allowing innocent refugees into Sequestria to escape the Storm King. I'm afraid there is no going back. Your old lives are done, and new life underwater has just begun. Please make the best of it and take solace in the fact that the Storm King's evil cannot reach us down here."

Twilight: "How can you be so selfish!? You don't care about anyone but yourself!"

Queen Novo: "I lost my husband to those foul Satyrs! Not to mention many loyal heroic guards!" (Calms down slightly) "I cannot afford to lose anymore of my people. Please. . .just try to understand. If you took the Pearl, and the Satyrs got their claws on it, then they'd be able to invade Sequestria, and we'd have nowhere else to run and hide. So please. . . just accept it and move on. . ."

"The guards escort the newcomes out of the throne room, and everyone is crestfallen by the turn of events. But then Skystar brings hope."

Skystar: "I really wanna help you guys. You're the first new friends I've had in forever! And I'm sure deep down, my mom wants to help you too!"

Pinkie: "We just need to put a smile on her face!"

Twilight: "That's a great idea, Pinkie!"

"So, like in the original, Twilight had Pinkie and Skystar put on a musical number for Queen Novo so she can try and steal the pearl. The scene goes pretty much the same as in the original, except for one major detail. Throughout the song, we see Tempest' reaction. At first, she vocally denies the possibility that they could change Novo's mind, let alone befriend. But as the song goes on and more seaponies are smiling, and Queen Novo is becoming more and more friendly, we see Tempest slowly gaining a epiphany. Right before her eyes she's seeing the Magic of Friendship at work, and its shattering her worldview and rocking her to her core. So much so that at the end of the song where Queen Novo is about to let them borrow the Pearl, we get a close up of Tempest's face, and there are a couple of tears in her eyes."

Keldeo let out a sigh and said, "Buuuuut, right before that can happen, a pair of seapony guards swim in holding Twilight in between them, revealing that they had caught her sneaking out of the throne room with the Pearl. Twilight's friends are horrified and Queen Novo is furious. And so, as in the original, the group turned back to normal and magically banished back to the shores of Mount Aris."

Keldeo breathed in deeply, and then let it all out in a huff. "Okay. . .here we are. . .the argument scene. Thankfully, not only do I think it's salvageable, but there's also a way to fix it so that no one here becomes too unlikeable or out of character. It begins in the same way, with Pinkie angry at Twilight for not only using her as a diversion, but not trusting her. However, when Twilight speaks, she has some valid points of her own."

Twilight: "Can you really blame me for not being so trusting? Rarity nearly got us sold into slavery. Fluttershy could have caused all of Klugetown to from an angry mob and come after us. Rainbow Dash led the Satyrs right to us. And Applejack. . .well, okay, she didn't do anything wrong; but don't you see? The Satyrs aren't a single entity like Nightmare Moon or Discord or Tirek that can be beaten by friendship. Equestria has been violently invaded by another nation. They're a different kind of danger that has to be fought a different kind of way. I'm the last Princess! I'm Equestria's last hope! I'm taking things seriously, while all of you are treating it like its a game! I couldn't afford to rely on friendship this time!"

"Twilight's friends should all look ashamed of themselves in this scene, except for Spike and Applejack who just looked concerned."

Pinkie: "But. . .they. . . she. . ."

Twilight: "OPEN UP YOUR EYES, PINKIE!"

"There's a moment of stunned silence. . .and then. . ."

Tempest: "No."

"Everyone looked towards Tempest, who has a look of horrified realization on her face."

Tempest: "I poisoned it for you."

Twilight: "Tempest? What are you-."

Tempest: "I was wrong. When Pinkie and the other connect with those Seaponies. . .I saw it. . .I saw a. . .spark. I felt it too. Something I hadn't felt since before I broke my horn. But just because I lost it. . .doesn't mean it isn't real. . .or that it can't make things happen. . .Friendship doesn't fail, Twilight. . .WE failed friendship."

"Twilight stares at Tempest in shock, then after going through various facial expressions, she teleports away."

Spike: "I'll find her! She couldn't have gone far."

"Spike runs off, leaving the rest of the group to try and think of what to do next. Spike finds Twilight crying by herself, going on about how she failed and let everyone down."

Spike: "Twilight, you might have messed up back there, but it doesn't matter to them. They're still your friends, and they're not gonna stop being your friends just because you made a mistake."

Twilight: "It wasn't just a mistake, Spike!"

Spike: "They're still your friends, Twilight! I'M still your friend, aren't I?! Things might not have gone so well for Tempest's friendships, but the friendships you've got, they're strong, Twilight. And friendships that strong don't end that easily."

"Twilight looks at Spike in thought, but before she can answer, some slow clapping interrupts them. Out behind a rock walks Grubber."

Grubber: "Bravo, bravo, nice speech, lizard. I wish I had some popcorn to go with the show."

"Grubber then shoots a crystal bolas from a small cannon on his arm which wraps around Twilight's legs."

Grubber: "And there goes yer magic. . .unicorn and pegasus!"

Spike: "You stay away from her!"

Keldeo nodded determinedly and said with a wide grin, "That's right! We are gonna have a Grubber vs. Spike fight scene and it's gonna be awesome! Remember when Spike took on three Diamond Dogs! Yeah, it's like that, only even more awesome! Grubber has a jet pack and is using cannons on his arms to fire globs of sticky goo and more bolases down at Spike, and Spike is rolling and dodging and jumping around as he trades insults with Grubber. It ends with Spike shooting a fireball at Grubber's jetpack, sending him crashing to the ground."

Spike: "I'll do anything to protect a friend!"

Grubber: "Not bad, dragon. . .Too bad I cheat."

"A magic proof cage comes down and cages Twilight. Spike and Twilight look up to see that Grubber's ship had a cloaking device and had snuck up on them during the fight. Grubber then traps Spike with a shot of sticky goo, and he gets away with Twilight. The rest of the ponies show up just in time to see the ship rocket away and recloak."

"We then have a scene between Grubber and Twilight, which goes a bit differently than the scene between Tempest and Twilight in the original."

Grubber: "Awww. . .the poor Princess of Friendship. . .with no friends! Ha-ha!"

Twilight: "Heh. . .heh-heh-heh. . ."

Grubber: "Huh? Whatcha laughing at? I've won! You lost!"

Twilight: "You don't get it, do you. . .I've still got my friends behind me. . .I've got faith in them. They'll come and save me, and I'm gonna make up for the stupid mistake I made."

Grubber: "You. . .you idiot! No one's gonna come and save you! You're alone! Just like me! The only difference is that I have the sense to look out for number one and ignore everyone else! I made inventions and weapons so the Storm King would stand up and take notice! When no one cares about and ugly little misfit wimp like you, then you don't have to care about anyone else but yourself!"

Twilight: "It doesn't have to be that way. . . You must be a great inventor if you could build all of these devices. They could be used for so much good. I could help you. I could help you find a place. To feel valued. We could be friends."

Grubber: "Heh. . .so you really think I'm that gullible, don't ya?"

"Ah-ha, you see!" Keldeo said with a grin, "Twilight shouldn't doubt her own friendships. Sure, she'd feel guilty and ashamed of her actions, but there's no way she think her friendships had suddenly ended. Sure, my version has Pinkie and the others acknowledge their own faults instead of turning their backs on her, so it kinda works out better here. We also get a bit more of Grubber's motivations. They're simple, but he's a simple guy. And of course Twilight tries to reach out to him."

"Then we have that scene where Capper, Captain Calaeno and her crew, and Skystar show up to help the heroes. Plus, let's have a scene where Capper reveals some backstory on the Storm King so we can, ya know, actually take him seriously!"

Capper: "We gotta stop this Storm King. I can't let this happen again. My home kingdom. . .Abyssinia. . .It was a beautiful kingdom. . with riches and gorgeous architecture. . .but then the Storm King came. . .and destroyed it. . .I saw so many cats be taken in as slaves. . .or get cut down by Satyrs. . .I tried to bury the pain of my past with hustles and thievery and double dealing. . .but no more."

Keldeo nodded solemnly and said, "We also need a flashback of the destruction of Abyssinia animated in the style of Tempest's flashback. SHOW, don't just tell. And not in comics that you need to seek out after the fact!"

Spike: "Tempest. . .you with us?"

Tempest: "I used to think friendship was for the weak. . .that it meant nothing. . .But you all have begun to change my mind about it. I'm still on the fence at the moment. . .(smiles) but maybe you can finally convince me to give it a chance."

Keldeo waved his right forehoof and said, "Okay, we've been drawing this out a bit too long. The next scenes play out pretty much the same. The Storm King arrives and takes the magic. The heroes show up in a Trojan Cake and attack. Pinkie attacks with cupcakes. Fluttershy has a therapy session with a satyr. The ponies use a cannon to break into the throne room. And the Storm King makes a tornado. But there are a couple of changes."

"First off, Spike attacks by himself. Capper uses a sword like the pirates."

"Second, the Storm King doesn't dance around. Instead, he's more threatening."

Storm King: "The Sun and Moon are mine. . . . .I AM THE KING OF THE SKY!"

"Third, Tempest joins Spike and the Mane Five in the cannon. Why? So when the Storm King makes the tornado, Grubber gets thrown off the balcony only to be saved by her."

Grubber: "Wha-? Why? Why are you helping me?"

Tempest: "Because you're like me. . .you've gone too long without having any friends."

"Tempest pulls Grubber up and tosses him to safety so she can help fight the Storm King, who easily blasts away Spike and the Mane Six. We then get a lightning beam-o-war between Tempest of the Storm King, which results in an explosion which knocks them both into the tornado."

Keldeo shrugged, "C'mon, doesn't it make more sense to have a new character who may or may not come back do the whole Disney Death routine. Then at least we get a little bit of tension. But yeah, Tempest uses the Staff of Sacanas to float back down to safety, and the Mane Seven all rush in to hug her."

Keldeo smiled smugly and said, "And yeah, you all know where this going. The Storm King tries turning them all to stone, but then Grubber, who was impressed by their acts of heroism and hears the voices of Twilight and Tempest echoing in his head, runs in and pushes back the gas to save them all. And since we've seen how evil and psychotic the Storm King is through his actions and Capper's backstory, we can feel okay with him hitting the ground and dying."

Keldeo nodded and said, "And then we have our ending. The Satyrs see that the Storm King is dead and pull a The Wizard of Oz and celebrate, the Staff is used to fix Canterlot and free Discord and the Princesses and Derpy (Derpy gets a giant muffin during the end credits), Sia pony sings, Queen Novo shows up and teams up with the Alicorns to reward Tempest for her service by FIXING HER HORN!, Twilight is allowed to do her special Sun and Moon alignment thing accompanied by some enhanced fireworks from Tempest, and we get some closure between Tempest and Grubber."

Tempest: "Well, what are you going to do now?"

Grubber: "Well, gosh, I don't know. I mean, I still like to invent and cook and stuff, but the Storm King did a lot of bad stuff all over, and I helped him do it. Plus I need to help the Satyrs find a new leader. . ."

Tempest: "I really do want us to form a friendship Grubber. What better way to do so that for us to travel the land together."

Grubber: "Really?! You'd do that!? Wow, thanks Tempest Shadow!"

Tempest: "Actually. . .it's. . .Fizzlepop Berrytwist. . ."

"And that was My Little Pony: Friendship Under Siege!" Keldeo declared proudly, "It's a movie that didn't cut out any important characters, didn't repeat things we've already seen in the show, didn't make characters look stupid or unlikeable, didn't force Twilight ot unlearn anything, and most importantly: actually SHOWED how and why friendship is so powerful. If we had gotten a movie like this, it would have blown garbage like Boss Baby out of the water. I know it seems like just some fanfic I wrote, but I still stuck with the characters and events we got and didn't go too far off the rails. We COULD have gotten something like this. In fact, we SHOULD have gotten something better than this. The Brony fandom is really something special. When you think about how big it is, when you see how active and devoted the community is, you just have to admit that the writers really do have a responsibility to give us something complex and challenging. I know there's really no sense in complaining about the past too much, but we can demand for better in the future. Let's hope the next My Little Pony movies is a better experience for us all."

Keldeo's Chromebook chimed again, and Keldeo once again answered the video call.

"This spaghetti is AWESOME!" Grubber shouted as he pressed his marinara sauce covered face close to the screen.

Fizzlepop nudged the hedgehog out of the way with a forehoof and stepped into the frame. She had a small smile on her face, seemingly impressed by something, as she said, "I know what you've been doing, Keldeo. First you send me Flowey so I can send him to somepony that could help him. Then you send me Undyne because she loves fighting as much as I do. And then you send me the most likeable being in the multiverse."

"THAT'S RIGHT! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM LIKED BY EVERYONE! HUMAN! MONSTER! PONY! EVERYONE WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND!" Papyrus shouted from offscreen.

Fizzlepop rolled her eyes in amusement, and she said, "So, yeah. . .this was a pretty good friendship lesson, Sword of Justice."

Keldeo smiled back, "Glad you liked it. Oh, and, speaking of the Sword of Justice. . ."

"I freed them," she replied, and she turned the camera to show Cobalion, Terrakion, and Virizion all sitting at a low table eating spaghetti along with Grubber and Papyrus.

Keldeo grinned widely and said, "Alright! So you don't mind that I don't like the movie, right?"

"To each his own," Fizzlepop said levely, not betraying much emotion, "Just don't ever compare me to Kylo Ren again and we'll be fine. Okay?"

"Deal."

"Very well," she replied, and she flashed a rare genuine smile and said, "'Till we meet again, Keldeo the Critic."

The call ended, and Keldeo said with a smile, "Well, that was fun and uplifting! I'm in the mood for a Pokemon fanfic now! Which one's next on my list?"

Pokémon Tears

By: OnTheSpectrum

There is a legend that says that Pokémon tears can bring people back to life. But what if it was just that: a legend?

Rated: Fiction T - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 27,375 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: Oct 31, 2020 - Published: Mar 23, 2020 - Status: Complete - id: 13529406

Spike: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The End

Credits

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Wiki

Undertale

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Seadragon Spike by CloudyGlow on DeviantArt

Special Thanks

TheDragonSaver