Chapter 10: Warning Signs
"Would you at least try to stand still?" AJ asked as they stood at the door of Trish and Frank's house.
"I'm currently about ninety-four percent caffeine, anxiety and sarcasm. This is standing still," Mac shot back as she swayed back and forth slightly and fidgeted with her nails. She had given up entirely on sleep by 4:00 AM and opted for an early coffee run which turned into coffee with an espresso shot at the coffee shop down the street followed by a second one which she'd drained before making it back to the hotel.
"Oh, it's going to be a long day," AJ muttered under his breath as he ran his hand over his face. "As soon as I hear back from my contacts, I will tell you Mac. Try to calm down," he regretted the words the moment they were out of his mouth. He knew that they were going to trigger another of her hyper-speed tirades. Just as she opened her mouth to say something, the door opened and he momentarily believed in the benevolent mercy of a higher being.
"Admiral, Colonel," Frank said politely as he held the door open for them to walk in. "She's out back," he added as he gestured for them to follow him. They went to the large patio that was shaded from the morning sun by the house. As they stepped through the door, Trish turned and managed a weak smile at AJ.
"Admiral Chegwidden, I'm so sorry for yesterday," she said quietly, skipping over the usual pleasantries.
"Please, call me AJ. And you have nothing to apologize for," he told her.
"Only if you'll call me Trish," she replied. He nodded before she added "I hope you will as well, Colonel," she motioned for them to sit at the table. She watched Mac as she settled into the chair opposite her. "He'd hate seeing you lose sleep over him, Sarah."
Of course she'd be just as observant as he was when it came to the things Mac didn't want anyone to notice.
"Well, it's far from the first night I've lost sleep worrying about him," Mac admitted. When she thought back about it now, she couldn't even calculate the number of hours of lost sleep that Harm had caused her over the years. She tried to fathom how she would survive moving forward, one could only exist on caffeine for so long. How Trish had handled it for so many years was astounding to her. "Likely won't be the last either," she added without meaning to say it out loud.
"It doesn't get easier, but you learn to manage it better in time, dear." Trish reached across the small table and put her hand over Mac's. The look on her face was a combination of understanding and commiseration. Mac put her other hand on top of Trish's and nodded.
The two of them were inextricably bonded now, members of the same unwilling sisterhood; the ones who lived in a constant limbo of uncertainty. Unable to celebrate a return or mourn a loss, they were adrift in forgotten waters between honored shores. In many ways, they were condemned to the shadows of the unknown, just as were the men they loved.
Mac was barely starting to understand the full impact of the perpetual numbness she already felt; she again found herself marveling at how Trish had dealt with it for so long. She suspected the fact that she'd had Harm to focus on when Harm Sr was lost helped. Harm's words from one of his letters came back to her now. It's too bad we didn't go with a three-year deal rather than a five-year. Her heart broke again at the idea of having missed out on the opportunity to have a baby with him.
"Thank you for bringing me his letter and his things," Trish said quietly. "I'm sorry that you had to receive the news the way you must have."
"He was trying to protect you," Mac replied. "He didn't want you to have to find out from a stranger. It's the only reason he listed me as his next of kin."
"One of the reasons, perhaps, but not the only reason." Trish held Mac's gaze and they shared an unspoken understanding in the moment. Mac could feel tears starting to sting her eyes as she looked at the woman who might have been her mother-in-law by now had she and Harm found a way to put aside the fear and work around the protocols that had stopped them from being together.
AJ's phone rang then and Mac saw Trish tense at the same moment that she did.
"Excuse me," AJ said quickly as he stood from the table. As he opened the phone and began walking toward the far end of the yard, Mac heard him say "Talk to me Hetty." She wondered who it was on the phone and whether it would be good or bad news. Or no news, which at the moment felt like it would be even worse than bad news.
Trish looked at Frank now. "Would you mind giving Sarah and I a moment, darling?"
"I'll be in my office," Frank nodded and left the two women sitting there, still holding tightly onto one another.
"Harm loves you very much, Sarah. I hope you know that," Trish told her unexpectedly. "He's not the best communicator when it comes to how he feels. He takes after his dad; great instincts, very loving and loyal, lousy communication skills when it comes to conveying emotions."
"One more thing he and I have in common," Mac admitted. "But yes, I know he loves me. I love him too." Her voice cracked as she said it. Why had it taken all of this for her to finally say it? "I should have told him that a long time ago, but I let stupid reasons get in the way."
"It happens to the best of us," Trish's smile became a little sad now. "There's something I want you to have." She picked up a small velvet pouch from the table that Mac hadn't noticed until now. She opened it and handed it across the table. Mac's breath caught in her chest as she tipped the contents into her palm and a diamond ring slid from the bag. "It belonged to Harm's grandmother Sarah. And then me, for a time. I told Harm to take it for you a while back. However, my son being who he is, insisted he wanted to bring you here to meet Frank and I properly first. If you and I got on well, he was going take it. He likes to project the 'tough, fearless, Navy pilot' image, but deep down he's still a Mama's boy in many ways. He wanted to make sure you and I would play nice with each other. I don't think he likes the idea of the women in his life not getting along." Her smile was warmer now somehow. "You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, but I hope you'll keep it. I know Harm wants you to have it."
"Trish, I…" Mac's voice failed her completely as she looked at the ring again. A single, shining diamond on a delicate, antique gold band; it was perfect, elegant and clearly a well-loved family heirloom.
"It was meant for you, Sarah. It always has been," Trish told her with a sigh. "I'll give you a moment," she added before getting up and walking into the house.
Mac sat there staring down at the ring in her hand and running a gamut of emotions. She was happy, confused, angry, crushed, and probably a hundred other things that she couldn't identify in that moment. He'd been intending to give her his grandmother's ring but wanted to make sure his mother approved of her first, yet he'd never been able to tell her that he was in love with her. She reminded herself that she'd never told him she was in love with him either. Maybe they really were perfectly matched. They'd both spent so much time denying to one another what was obvious to anyone around them. Without a tinge of hesitation, Mac slipped the ring on. She felt an unexpected sense of calm come over her as she settled it into place. It fit her exactly and felt as though it belonged there.
She didn't get to enjoy the sense of peace for long. AJ walked partway across the yard then and called her name. She stood and went to where he waited for her.
"Do you trust me?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"What?" she asked confused. The call he'd taken had definitely not been a no news call.
"Do you trust me?" he asked again.
"Of course," she nodded, though if she were being totally honest, she wasn't as sure of her answer as she would have been a week ago. She was certain AJ knew way more than he was sharing with her.
"I can't explain right now. I have to leave, I'll be in touch as soon as I can. Whatever happens, stay with Trish and Frank until you hear from me. They may need you. Do you understand?" There was a tension in AJ's voice, an undercurrent that Mac recognized. It was the same tone that any CO unconsciously took on when they were about to split up their unit and there was something incoming. Her training and instincts both kicked into high gear.
"They're in danger," there was no question in her voice.
"Keep your phone charged," he told her before he walked away.
"AJ!" she called after him. He turned back to her. "Whatever it takes," she said as she stared at him. He nodded and disappeared around the side of the house.
Mac stood there for a moment, her mind racing as it tried to fit the pieces together. If, and that was a big if right now, if Harm was still alive and someone had him… The idea made her feel like she was going to be sick, but she forced herself to focus on the train of thought. If someone had him and was trying to get information from him, she was certain that there was nothing they could do to him directly to get what they were looking for. He was too well trained to break, especially after only a few days. However, if they put his mother in front of him and hurt her…
The dream she'd had on the plane came back to her now. Harm's voice was as clear to her as if he were standing beside her. Please protect them. She turned and looked at the house. Suddenly the home which had seemed so open and warm yesterday felt exposed, fragile and dangerous. Her blood seemed to freeze in her veins as the full weight of the realization hit her. Harm was alive, she was positive of that now, and that meant that his family, her family she mentally amended, was in danger.