Hi guys! I had this one shot ready for a while but I couldn't find the courage to publish it!
There is something in happy stories that makes me flinch. I have a weakness for stories with a bit of angst and the cheerful ones always make me think of writing bullshit. But hey, sometimes you have to try to challenge yourself.
I hope you are all well, sometimes life gets in the way and we think everything is more difficult. Or at least, that's what's happening to me.
Thank you all and...if you have any ideas or prompts, don't hesitate to write me!
Here we are:
71. I can't stop thinking about you. - laiscbranco27, Guest.
73. Will you stay the night? - Claire-Wayne, yournameisyours.
"Halstead."
"Hey, it's me. Listen, I'm in the new club in the City I told you about and…"
"Will, what do you want?"
Jay stretched his legs out on the couch and held back a yawn. It was late, he was sleepy and his brother had decided to call him to chat. He would kill him.
"Yeah, no, could you come here?"
"Stop it, I've had a hell of a week. Bye Will, goodnight."
He was about to end the call when Will's amused voice made him stop.
"Hailey is really very drunk, bro. You could come and get her."
Jay snorted loudly as he stood up, "Send me the address."
And after a few minutes he was already in the truck.
Finding a parking was more difficult than he thought, but he managed to get to the entrance of the room in no time. The music and lights reflected on the street and even the canal and Jay had to admit it wasn't bad. He made his way to the entrance really hoping not to have to use his badge to get in, but Will's red hair head caught his attention a few meters before the door.
He strode over to him, only to notice Hailey, Kim, and Vanessa sitting on the sidewalk. With a simple glance he could be sure enough that they were really - really - drunk.
"My favorite Detective!"
He didn't have time to speak before Hailey's voice rose above the others. He saw her get up and stagger towards him and, before she could fall to the ground, he grabbed her arm and held her upright.
"Jay!", Kim greeted him with a big smile, "I love you, you know?"
Jay laughed and rolled his eyes, "Yeah, Kimmy, me too!"
"What's happening?"
"You should tell me, Will. I was sleeping."
"No, you were sleeping! Jay! I'm so sorry!", Vanessa whimpered still sitting on the sidewalk.
Jay brushed it off with his hand, before focusing on them again, "Can anyone explain to me what happened?"
"Uh, you're so bossy even outside of work", Vanessa pointed at him before poking his tongue out, "You know, doc, your little bro is my boss!"
"No, V. He's soft, not bossy."
"Only with you!", Vanessa's indignant scream woke the two men from the astonishment into which they had fallen. Will mouthed a 'What the hell is going on here', to which Jay shook his head in resignation. Resigned and a little embarrassed, actually. The hand Hailey had slipped into the back pocket of his jeans was distracting him enough and he had to focus on the absurd conversation going on in front of him not to think about Hailey's small body pressed against his.
"We wanted to hook someone…but I don't think we know how to do it anymore."
Kim's exaggeratedly sad expression made him smile.
"She was like the Grinch!", Vanessa pointed to Hailey, "Just because you don't want anyone, you don't have to look bad at everyone!"
Hailey was about to retort when Kim staggered to her feet towards Jay and Will.
"We've known each other for a really long time!"
"Yeah, maybe six years…"
"No, Jay! It's seven!", Kim laughed leaning on Will.
"Seven? But there are so many years!", Vanessa exploded with wide eyes.
Jay forced himself to restrain himself from laughing at their overly expressive faces. He had never seen them like this, but they were the funniest thing of his entire week.
"Yup, seven…I was on patrol, he in Intelligence…"
Vanessa whistled in admiration, "Seven years, almost married!"
"Yep, like my work husband!"
"Hey no, he's my work husband", Hailey waved a hand at Kim staggering slightly.
"But I've known him longer!"
"No, he's Hailey's work husband! At work, in life, it doesn't matter…", Vanessa muttered waving her hands in front of her face, then squinted at him and continued, "Where were you before Intelligence? I know little about you, Jay Halstead! Why do I know you little?"
Kim and Vanessa's voices crossed and Will chuckled hiding behind a hand.
"He was in organized crime!"
"Uh, that's hot!"
"I was in organized crime too!"
"I know, V", Jay chuckled grabbing her arm to stabilize her on her feet.
He deliberately avoided Will's gaze after Hailey and Kim's heated exchange because he knew that if he looked at his brother, he would probably blush. And it would never give him this satisfaction.
"Okay, let's go. I'm taking you home."
Jay reached out and pinned Kim under his shoulder and grabbed Vanessa with his free hand. The other arm was occupied by Hailey who had all the weight against him.
"Uh uh, they don't come with us", the blonde denied with a shrug. The heads of the four present turned towards her and the fake angelic expression made him giggle.
"You don't want me anymore?", Vanessa's expression dropped and Jay almost expected her to start crying.
"Of course I want you, I love you! But now I'm going to his place."
"What ?!", Jay and Will gasped at the same time.
"Yeah, I've decided I sleep with you."
"But…I…uhm…you're really drunk."
Jay laughed nervously, brushing a lock of blonde hair that, with the wind, had ended up against his face.
It wasn't the first time he'd imagined Hailey rolled up in the sheets in his bed, but now, in front of Will, he felt much more vulnerable and would never let his feelings for Hailey cause him to waver.
He felt Will's equally confused look on him but carefully avoided it.
Vanessa, with her eyes closed, moved her head to the rhythm of the music in the distance, while Kim was playing with the buttons of his jacket.
"Jay? Can we just go home?"
It was just a sigh against his neck but it was so sudden he couldn't hold the tremor down his spine. Hailey's warm breath continued to slide down his neck and her loose hair tickled his chin and he had to use all his willpower not to leave Kim and Vanessa on the street and walk away with Hailey.
He woke from his thoughts feeling her cold fingers slide along the skin of his wrist and then into the hand he had held on her hip to hold her upright.
"Okay, let's go home, come on."
The trip to his car was silent and he mentally thanked Will for catching Vanessa and dragging her down the road.
"Good luck, little bro", Will laughed as he closed the door behind an already asleep Vanessa in his back seat.
He shook his head, rolling his eyes.
Will would never let this evening slip into thin air and Jay knew it would make his life hell. By now calling him for his shit with Hailey seemed to have become his favorite hobby, and whenever he could, he exhausted him by questioning him about his feelings. Jay sighed shaking his head and leaving behind his brother's amused expression.
Getting to Hailey and Vanessa's place was relatively easy.
The only awake in the car was Hailey, who had been looking out the window all the way, muttering something to herself.
What turned out to be more complicated was dragging Vanessa to her bed. When he saw her slide down the steps of the stairs, he grabbed her and carried her onto his shoulder and heard Kim's hysterical laughter follow him into the bedroom.
Returning to the kitchen, he caught a glimpse of Hailey sitting on her bed, still dressed looking into space. He shook his head in amusement before hearing Kim mutter a curse.
"Hey Kimmy", he whispered to find her crouched behind the kitchen counter.
"Do I sleep here?"
"If you want I'll take you home."
"No, it's okay. You sleep here too, right?"
She almost looked scared. A flash of hope flashed across her face as he slowly nodded, "I can take the couch, sure."
She nodded thoughtfully. Her eyes slid along the kitchen table and Jay wondered if she remembered his presence. Suddenly she seemed to be so far away and so sober. The glint of alcohol in her gaze was completely gone and Kim stood there against Hailey's silent kitchen, staring into space.
"Tonight was the first time I drank since…well, you know…"
Kim laughed harshly as she fixed her gaze on her hands. Now she looked so damn sober it almost scared him.
"I feel like my hands are full of blood."
He saw her shake her head and stifle a sob. He couldn't even imagine what she might think and the fact that they were all so reserved didn't help. It was never easy to express their feelings, but Jay knew from experience that hiding them could be seriously destructive.
And by now he knew Kim enough to know that she had bottled up all her drama by hiding it behind a gentle smile.
"Kim…", he reached out and stroked her arm. The sigh that slipped from her lips nearly killed him. She hated seeing the people he loved suffering and would do anything to help her. A small part of his mind rebelled at the thought of Adam not being there for her, but perhaps - he rationalized with a slow breathing - she wasn't letting him in. Maybe she had ruled him out and Adam didn't know how to help her. It was possible, it was very likely. He could understand it and could almost feel the sense of worthlessness Adam might have felt in those months.
"I'm so sorry, Kim…"
"God, I'm so pathetic", she bit her lip, angrily wiping the streak of tears from her cheek. He shook his head before letting his arms slip around her shoulders. Kim broke into angry sobs, clenching her fists in his sweatshirt.
"Hailey will kill me", she muttered, after what seemed like ages, pulling away slightly. He looked at her with a confused gaze, so she continued, "I'm crying against her work husband."
"Shut up", he laughed shaking his head and walking away from her.
"Jay? Oh."
Hailey came around the corner with her hair wet from the shower and putting on a sweatshirt.
"Hey, you feeling better?", he handed two glasses of water to the two women now sitting at the table, "Vanessa's already sleeping."
He noticed Hailey sidelong at Kim's red eyes, but just as quickly shifted her gaze to him. Jay gave a quick nod and the kitchen sank into silence.
He had always appreciated being able to communicate with her with a look. It was something born without even realizing it when he still had to figure out if he liked working with her. It had been easy to learn to have her by his side, the hardest part was accepting her calling him on his shit. She had that ability of her own to wear him out and get him to do the best thing. Though often the best thing was what he wouldn't do.
It was nice to get into a shooting and to know he had Hailey watching his back. He trusted the rest of the unit, but Hailey was just Hailey.
"I'm going to sleep with Vanessa. Thanks Jay, see you tomorrow."
Kim slowly stood up squeezing Hailey's shoulder and leaving a quick kiss on her hair. Her brows raised in an unspoken question that made him giggle in amusement. It was strange to see them outside work, not as collected and controlled as in the office. They were more human and full of feelings that, if he was to be honest, didn't think he could handle that long.
He followed the figure of Kim disappearing into the darkness but all he could think of were the bright blue eyes staring at him from the other side of the table.
Hailey's concentrated expression worried him, she looked at him biting her lip with her eyes reduced to two slits. Whatever her drunken mind was thinking, Jay knew it would get him in trouble.
And in fact, after a few seconds of silence, "Will you stay the night?"
But what made something flutter in his chest was not her question, but her tone, so crystalline, as if it were a matter of course for him to stay. As if he did it every night. And well, if he had been honest with himself, he would have admitted that the idea of coming home and getting into her bed every night would have been the thing he had wanted to do for months. But of course he couldn't admit it, he couldn't be honest with himself because it would awaken all those feelings he thought he'd buried forever all those years ago with Erin.
He blinked and realized he hadn't answered her yet. Her expression, previously so calm and focused, was now darker and what he read in her eyes was disappointment. Disappointment? No, he was probably the one who couldn't read it well. Bullshit, he told himself, because he could read her better than himself.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll stay, of course."
He nodded slightly noticing a slight redness rising up her cheeks.
Hailey stood up and reached out to him, "Let's go to bed, come on."
That strange, hateful, sensation in his chest made him flinch. He hated feeling vulnerable, but he always felt that way in front of her. In front of Hailey, he was the most human person who could exist and he hated being like that.
He let himself be dragged up the stairs, their footsteps sounded muffled in the silence of the house and her blond hair was the only thing he could see.
He followed her in silence, the trail of her perfume was the only thing that, absurdly, kept him rooted to the ground. His head was far, far away. It wasn't the first time he slept in her bed with her. But he knew she'd been drinking - hell, he'd seen her drunk - and he felt almost like he was taking advantage of her. The composure she was maintaining in front of him seemed to him only a facade because he had noticed her eyes darting nervous from one side of the kitchen to the other several times and really, the last thing he wanted was to wake up in the morning and see her repentant expression.
It took him a few minutes for him to change in the bathroom and by the time he got back to his room, Hailey was already wrapped in blankets in what he had learned to be her side of the bed.
A slight smile slid across her lips and his heart began to beat a little faster. He looked away but the reflection of her blond hair distracted him from anything else he could think.
He slipped into the bed next to her, keeping a few centimeters away and, once the lamp on the bedside table was turned off, the only light came from the street lamp outside the window.
Although the darkness hid the blue in her eyes, Jay could almost feel them glow as Hailey stared at him.
"I have to tell you something."
Her voice was only a whisper, but in the silence it almost felt like Hailey had just screamed. A weight crashed into his chest and he clenched a fist into the blanket beside him.
"Vanessa said that I didn't want to hook anyone, because I didn't want anyone but…", he heard her suck in air between her teeth and he forced himself to look at the ceiling.
"Jay, look at me. Look at me, please. Jay."
The slow movement of his head on the pillow seemed to last forever, but then he met her gaze and for the first time he saw Hailey look at him with awe.
"I don't want anyone because I can't stop thinking about you. And it's terrifying."
"Hailey…", he moaned shaking his head. He didn't want her to say anything, she was still drunk and would regret everything. But he could never go back, he could never forget.
Hailey shook her head vigorously and when she opened her eyes the fear had been replaced by the calm and firmness that had soothed him so many times.
"No. It's just that…I can't stop thinking about you and when you're not there…when you're not there, I keep looking for you."
"Hailey, no. Not like that…you're drunk and…don't…"
"No. No, I'm not drunk, I know what I'm saying", she repeated kneeling on the bed. The blanket slid off her shoulders and she quickly picked it up on her lap, "I know what I'm saying, Jay."
She reached out and touched his arm and the warmth of her touch made everything so real and relaxing and the weight on his chest finally disappeared.
He couldn't see her face well but he was sure he knew her well enough to know that if he reached out, he would find a small crease on her chin. That crease she always had when she waited for an answer pretending a patience she didn't really possess.
And so he did.
He stood up to rest his back against the headboard, his hand never leaving her face and Hailey's uncertain breath slipping over his hand like velvet.
"You're not drunk."
She strongly denied letting some blonde locks slide off her shoulders.
"So, if I kiss you now, would you remember it tomorrow and you wouldn't regret it?"
"Jay!", Hailey snorted, rolling her eyes with that funny expression he had come to love a long time ago, "You've never been a talker. Why are you now?"
"This is gonna change everyt…"
But he couldn't finish the sentence because Hailey smashed her lips into his and the chamomile scent of her hair enveloped him in a cloud made only of her.
Her lips were soft, he noticed after a few seconds, soft and warm. So in contrast to the cold little hands tied behind his neck.
Hailey always had cold hands, he had learned this for many years. But now, in contact with the warm skin of his neck, they seemed truly frozen.
"I hear you thinking. Stop thinking", she mumbled and Jay couldn't help but chuckle because he really didn't know how he'd lived that life up until now without her lips.
"You are so bossy."
"Shut up", and then a hand thrust against his chest and Hailey was suddenly stretched out over him and her hair fell cascading beside his face and - God - she was so beautiful.