"Humans, we survive differently. We numb those empty feelings, we revert to anger and hatred. We block out remorse because we no longer want to care. It's an escape of some sort, to hide the long periods of trying to deal with the bouts of bullshit in the right way. We betray ourselves, we lose our values, and worse, we forget who we are."
― Arti Manani

Now

Emily was released five days later after being closely monitored at the hospital, she had passed her psych evaluation in the hospital and she was now sitting on her couch nursing a cup of tea with Hotch seated in front of her.

''How have you been?'' Hotch asked as he eyed Emily up and down, her bruises had faded to a weird yellow-ish shade and the cuts were healing nicely as well. ''I've been doing okay'' Emily said as she sipped her tea, ''I've been resting mostly. Reid dropped of a few Russian movies from a foreign film festival we once went to, so I've been occupied''.

''Good. It's good that you're resting'' Hotch nodded awkwardly, ''I've brought your case file as you requested'' he said as he pushed a thick FBI file in her direction. ''There are still some things left unanswered, things that we'll never know because he's died. But you survived and that's what matters''.

''Like what?'' Emily asked her eyebrow raised lightly, ''well'' Hotch started '' when JJ got to your apartment she noticed the blood first but then she noticed the bottle of vodka and a bunch of pills'' he continued '' we think he wanted to kill you and make it look like a suicide but decided against it''.

Emily had gone deadly pale, she had completely forgotten someone would've found that and it was even worse that JJ had found it because JJ must've already figured out it hadn't been Todd that had left the bottle and the pills.

''Weird'' Emily eventually muttered, knowing she had to say something to avert Hotch' worries. ''But I've come here for another reason'' Hotch said, ''we need to talk about your return''.

Emily nodded her head, she had already given up hope of returning next week because she logically knew her body would not be able to handle it. ''I've discussed it at great length with Strauss and we're ordering you to stay home for a month'' Hotch explained, ''But'' he interrupted when he noticed Emily's joyous expression ''you'll need to pass a psych evaluation and you'll need to attend twice weekly therapy sessions with the FBI therapist for at least 10 weeks''.

''10 weeks? Come on Hotch'' Emily sighed annoyed, ''it's non-negotiable. Strauss wanted you to take two months of and do 15 weeks of therapy. This is the best I could do'' Hotch shrugged.

''I know, thanks'' Emily nodded defeated, ''I'm sorry to be rushing out again'' Hotch said as he pushed himself up from the chair ''Jack is staying with a friend and I need to pick him up''.

''Say hi to him from me'' Emily smiled as she led Hotch towards her front door, ''Is JJ coming over again today?'' Hotch asked once he had watched Emily unlock the four locks on her door ''Of course she is'' Emily chuckled. JJ had hardly left her side since they had allowed her to go home, JJ only left to go sleep and to see Henry.

Emily opened the file once she returned to the couch, it was heavy and pictures of her stuck out of the sides. Emily reached for the picture of her in the cellar and held it in her hands, it hurt her to know everyone had seen these.

She looked over the case notes and smiled when she saw all the things Garcia and Reid had figured out, this team really couldn't work without them Emily thought to herself.

Emily dropped the file back on the coffee table after she had gone through it for a while, her eyes were hurting, and she felt uneasy after reading it. She placed her head on the pillow on the couch and pulled the fuzzy pink blanket Penelope had given her in her care basket up to her chin.

It felt as though the cold was suffocating her as she scratched her nails along the edge of the lock on the trapdoor. She had been trying to pry the door open with her nails for god knows how long but it only resulted in extremely bloody fingers.

Emily wiped the blood on the clothes she was wearing before sinking down to the floor, her back against the wall. She was going to die here, she was going to decompose here. They'd never find her.

Suddenly Todd Jenkins and Bobby Jenkins stood in front of her ''I thought you died'' Emily pointed out, ''yes, I did'' Bobby nodded ''but I came back for you, princess'' he added as he stroked Emily's cheek.

''Come on sweetheart, give us a little smile'' Todd uttered as he leaned against the wall, dangerously close near her face. Emily spit in his face as anger overtook her ''Fuck you'' she hissed in his direction. She knew from her training and her experience that this was the stupidest thing she could've done but she did it anyway.

''Feisty'' chuckled Todd, ''see how long that lasts?'' he asked before punching her in the face with full force.

Emily woke up screaming, sweat dripped down her forehead as she tried to wriggle her way from under the pink fuzzy blanket. Emily was still gasping for air when she heard the front door unlock.

Emily reached for the gun she was still keeping next to her, she held it in her hands as she silently shuffled towards the front door. Her hair was still sticking to her forehead and her breathing was shallow and uneven, but she was incredibly focused on the sounds.

She stood with her gun raised, aimed at the front door when the last lock got unlocked. ''Emily, Emily. Hey, it's me. Lower your gun'' JJ exclaimed as she dropped the bags of groceries to the floor, her hands raised.

Emily had completely forgotten JJ would come over, her nightmare still fresh on her mind had cleared her head from all rational thoughts. Emily felt tears brim in her eyes as she lowered her gun. JJ took the weapon from Emily and placed it on the coffee table once they reached the living room.

''Here, sit'' JJ whispered as she motioned for Emily to take a seat on the couch where she had just woken up, ''I'm going to grab the groceries from the hallway really quick. I'm still here'' JJ smiled.

Emily said motionless on the couch as she watched JJ put away the groceries very quickly, she watched as JJ made a cup of tea and she watched as JJ placed it in front of her.

JJ sank down on the couch next to Emily, JJ leaned in to stroke Emily's forehead but realized it was still wet with sweat. ''Em? What happened?'' JJ asked as she brushed her hand through Emily's knotted hair, ''I can't do this'' Emily whispered as the tears brimming in her eyes finally fell down her cheeks.

''I can't have something else added to the long list of bad things in my life'' Emily muttered as silent tears dripped down her cheeks, ''I'm so tired JJ''. JJ wrapped her arms tightly around Emily, she motioned for Emily to lay her head on her lap as they sat back against the couch.

Emily silently cried as JJ brushed through her hair with her slender fingers, something JJ did with Henry when he was sick as well. ''I'm so sorry that this happened to you Emily. I'm so sorry you have a list of bad things'' JJ said, ''you deserve good things and I hope I can help you make those things happen''.

''You are number 1 on my list of good things'' Emily whispered, it was barely audible through her quite sobs but JJ picked up on it never the less. Emily fell asleep while she cried after that, only woken by JJ a few hours later.

''We should get you cleaned up before I make us something to eat'' JJ suggested, Emily's hair was one big knot at this point and she was pale and clammy from the sweat. Emily nodded her head and allowed JJ to lead her to the bathroom.

Emily had hardly felt as weak as she did today, her nightmare had exhausted her, and it made it easier to give in to JJ. JJ helped her undress and turned on the shower, making sure the temperature was good.

Emily had started crying again, overwhelmed with how much she needed JJ. ''I'm so sorry JJ'' Emily whispered as JJ helped her sit down under the warm water. ''Please don't apologize sweetheart'' JJ smiled as she crouched down next to Emily.

Emily jumped to the corner of the shower booth, her head hit the wall as she did so ''please don't call me sweetheart'' Emily stammered, her eyes wide and filled with fear. ''Okay, okay. I won't'' JJ stammered surprised, '' is it okay if I wash your hair?'' JJ asked once Emily had returned to the position she had been in before she jumped.

''Okay'' Emily nodded as she watched JJ inch closer, JJ was crouched down next to her in her clothes as she massaged her hands in Emily's dark hair. Water was dripping on her clothes, but she only had eye for Emily.

''I feel so useless'' Emily stammered once JJ was helping her dry her hair, ''you're not useless Emily, you've been through something incredibly traumatic and your body is responding to that'' JJ insisted as she helped Emily into some new sweats.

JJ held Emily's hand as she led her to the couch, she grabbed a new blanket from another care package from Penelope and placed it over Emily as she lay down. ''Go get some more sleep Em, I'll wake you when I have dinner ready'' JJ smiled, she gently stroked Emily's face with her hand before placing a soft kiss on Emily's forehead ''I'm always here for you''.