A/N - So, another long chapter in front of you, I guess that's going to continue for a while… can you believe all of this was supposed to be a part of chapter 11 :-o, plus I also cut out the last part and decided to move it to chapter 13 because I just couldn't stop writing LOL and I didn't want you to have to read a chapter forever...
Anyway, since I have nothing especially wise to say haha ;-) I figured I might address some of the questions from your comments…
at Calzonafan123 – Why Friday? Okay I will explain in the next chapter :-)
at PolishCalzonaFan – no background in psychology but I like to explore self-analysis and I try to figure out deeper reasoning behind people's actions and plus I have some life experience haha so there you go, I'm glad it seemed convincing :-).
As always thank you for all the comments, you read the chapters, I read the comments :-)
CHAPTER 12
TUESDAY
Callie was sitting in Dr. Brown's office nervously playing with her hands.
"You seem quite nervous, is everything okay?" Dr. Brown asked.
"Everything is fine, I just have a lot of things on my mind, I don't know whether to start with Sofia or with myself, or with my parents…"
"Well, okay let's see, what issue seems most important to you right now?"
"Sofia…"
"Okay, did something happen?" Dr. Brown asked while taking some notes.
"Kind of… her behavior has changed, she has started crying much more, wanting both of us to be with her. She wasn't doing that before. She used to be comfortable spending time with each of us separately but now it seems she is protesting more whenever we are not together all three of us."
"How old is Sofia?"
"Four and a half."
"Okay, that makes all the sense. Children at that age normally cry whenever they are not happy about something, they are still learning all the emotions and they don't know how to express them yet, so crying is the most common reaction when they feel sad, or angry, or afraid, or confused, or disappointed, frustrated, you name it."
Callie nodded her head, "Oh yeah she's been crying about the most trivial things."
"That's completely normal for kids that age. So, you have been spending more time as a family lately, correct?"
"Well, yes, in the past umm… well let's say twelve days we were together with her three times."
"Even though it doesn't seem like a lot it's still much more than you had done in the last year."
"Right…," Callie nodded her head.
"Am I correct to assume that those are very happy moments for all three of you?"
"Yes, we are all so happy when we are together," Callie said her face immediately forming a warm smile.
"So it's only normal she wants more of that. This is a big change for her so she is going through the period of adjustment and since she is feeling a lot of things it can be overwhelming. Give her a bit of time to get used to everything, continue occasionally spending time together and listen to her needs."
"Right… but we are just both really worried about her."
Dr. Brown thought for a moment.
"Callie, do you have a feeling that your relationship with Arizona is not going in the right direction?"
"Um, no, not at all, I feel like it is going in the right direction, I feel we are stronger than ever."
"Okay, so what is the fear about Sofia related to then?"
"Umm…" Callie was puzzled a bit.
Dr. Brown clarified, "It seems like both you and Arizona are worrying that Sofia will get hurt in this process."
"Yes," Callie nodded.
"So what could happen that would hurt her?"
"That we end up breaking up."
"Okay, so looking at your relationship right now, and the way the things are going, what would you say the chances are you two would break up?"
"Um, zero percent I think."
"Hmm, interesting, so why is it that you have a fear of Sofia getting hurt by something that you feel has zero percent chance of happening?"
"Wow, yeah that's strange, I have no idea…" Callie said placing her right hand on her chin thinking about the question.
"Do you think about other things in the world that could hurt Sofia?"
"No, of course not," Callie shook her head, "I always try to focus on the positive things. I believe that worrying about everything that could go wrong is not a way to live your life…" she made a pause, "So that's really weird…, why are we both worrying about something that we do not think will happen?"
"Well, let's see, if you look at your past with Arizona, what would you say was the thing that hurt you the most in your relationship? You have had quite a lot of things happen, if you had to grade them, what would be the most painful one?"
Callie thought for a few minutes, her eyes showing complete surprise when she realized what it was.
"I can see you have the answer," Dr. Brown said.
Callie nodded her head.
"Would you like to share it?" Dr. Brown asked.
"The break up," Callie simply said.
Dr. Brown nodded her head, "Does that surprise you?"
"Kind of yeah," Callie said.
"What did you expect it to be?"
"Well, when you asked, I thought it had to be the plane crash, or Arizona cheating but…" Callie stopped talking as her eyes got watery. "I'm sorry," she apologized.
"It's okay, this is a normal reaction. Your body is now remembering that pain, so let it out, if it makes you feel any better Arizona has cried a lot of times in this office."
Callie laughed through tears. "Isn't that a violation of patient-doctor confidentiality?" she asked.
Dr. Brown smiled, "Well I am not talking about anything she said to me, we are talking about natural human reactions, it is fascinating how many people are ashamed of crying when it is a part of who we are as humans. Crying helps us alleviate pain, stress, heavy emotions… it is a healthy reaction to what is going on inside our body. I am sure you have seen Arizona cry so I am not disclosing any private secrets."
Callie smiled, "I apologize, that wasn't a serious question actually, I was just trying to alleviate the moment."
Dr. Brown smiled, "I know, that's also why I explained, so that you would feel more comfortable about crying."
"Right…" Callie smiled.
"So, do you want to go back to what brought on the tears?"
Callie nodded her head, "Yes."
"Do you understand now what's behind the fear for Sofia getting hurt?"
"Yes, I think so, we are both afraid we will get hurt again so we are projecting it onto Sofia's situation."
"Yes, kind of, consciously you are not thinking about it, but subconsciously your mind has a memory of that previous experience, of that immense pain and you do not want your child to experience anything similar. You will need to work on that fear, and that pain, you have to let it go."
Callie nodded her head lost in thoughts. "But how come it hurt more than the other things?" Callie was trying to understand.
"Well, how would you explain to me why breaking up was the most painful experience?"
"Umm," Callie thought about it… "I guess… umm… I think it's because Arizona was not there anymore…"
"And throughout the other experiences?"
"She was still there…, right…" Callie nodded her head in realization, "It was painful, but she was still there…" Callie whispered.
"But be careful here, this is not about Arizona."
"What do you mean?"
"The pain that you felt because of the break up is related to something else in your life. Can you figure out what it is?"
Callie thought about it, "Umm, maybe looking for love, this need I have, to feel loved, to have someone show me that they love me, when we broke up that was gone, the person I expected to give me that love was not there anymore…"
Dr. Brown nodded her head, "Is there a situation in your childhood where you didn't feel loved, or is there something you don't love about yourself?
"Well, nothing comes to mind right now… could I take some time to think about it."
"Yes, of course, think about that and we can talk about it in our next session, write down what comes to your mind."
"Okay, I will…"
"Okay, so is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"
"Well, I have been thinking a lot about my mom lately but I think I will leave that for some other time, I'd actually prefer to have only this what we talked about in my head because these are again some new revelations which I feel are really important."
"Okay, sure, so if there's nothing else…"
Callie nodded her head but Dr. Brown noticed she was hesitating.
"Callie, it seems like there is something else you would want to talk about."
"Well, yes… kind of, I just feel a bit embarrassed to talk about it", Callie admitted nervously.
"Well, I promise you I do abide by the doctor-patient confidentiality."
Callie laughed, "No it's not that, umm… it's something about Arizona and me."
"Okay, well if you are not comfortable talking to me because Arizona is my patient as well I can recommend someone else."
"Oh, no that's not it," Callie quickly explained.
Dr. Brown observed Callie's behavior and nodded her head in realization, "Is it about intimacy?"
Callie met her eyes, "How did you…? Are you a mind reader?"
Dr. Brown laughed, "Experience…, most people get really nervous and uncomfortable talking about sexual topics, okay so I cannot make you ask, and I am not really a mind reader so I do not know what you want to talk about, so I think you should just break the ice and go for it."
Callie laughed, "Okay, well… I was wondering if sex is off the table during this month period we are doing."
"Hmm, well that would depend on the two of you, we did not set any boundaries for this period, remember? It was only a suggestion on how to slow down."
"Right, okay…" Callie nodded her head.
"Why did you think sex would be off the table?"
"Well, when we were doing couple's therapy it was off the table for a month, we weren't supposed to have any intimacy, no kissing, nothing, we weren't even supposed to talk to each other."
"Oh, okay, so for this month period that you are doing now, you can forget about all the rules you had in that previous situation, that was something completely different, with different circumstances, different goals, and a completely different method."
"Okay, great!" Callie said with a smile.
"My advice to you would be to try and relax, don't think too much about what you should and shouldn't do. Enjoy your time with Sofia, enjoy your time with Arizona, everything else… we will take care of it together. Go and have fun with your girls! And trust me, you will know when it's time for the next steps with both Arizona and Sofia, just try to relax more and it will help you tune in with your intuition."
Callie smiled, "Okay, thank you."
Callie stood up and Dr. Brown followed her out.
"I have to say well done to you because you have dealt with two of the most problematic topics today, crying and intimacy. Every other session after this one will be a walk in the park," Dr. Brown said and made Callie laugh out loud.
WEDNESDAY NIGHT
Callie was standing by the coffee maker looking at the elixir that would get her through the night, slowly fill the pot. She was holding her phone on her ear, waiting for Arizona to pick up.
"Finally, we get to talk, please tell me you have more than a few minutes," Arizona said picking up the phone.
Callie smiled, "Yes, I have more than a few minutes, since I was called in earlier today and I just finished the surgery, now I'm taking a coffee break."
"Oh good, it's been too long…" Arizona sighed.
"I know, it's so nice to hear your voice… only two more days and we get our date. Where are we going?"
"I booked us a table at this new restaurant, I don't remember the name right now, but April said it was really amazing. And after dinner we'll just go with the flow."
"Oh, okay, you don't want to plan anything?"
"Nope, I don't want to plan anything, I want to let the date take us where it wants to take us."
Callie laughed, "That will be interesting."
"Hey don't make fun of me," Arizona complained.
"I'm not, I don't care where we go or what we do, I'll just be happy to be spending the time with you," Callie explained cheerfully.
Arizona smiled "Me too. So how did it go with Sofia yesterday, and what about your therapy session? My God I feel like I haven't talked to you in ages!"
"I know! It's really been hard not being able to talk, I was really hoping we would get to see each other briefly yesterday…" Callie said with a sigh.
"Argh, I was so disappointed I got held up at the hospital, I thought we would maybe get to have dinner or something."
"Well, I guess the Universe decided to keep us apart this week," Callie said laughing a bit.
"Hmm, yeah I don't like it," Arizona grumbled making Callie laugh. "Was Sofia happy to see you? She was so happy when I came to pick her up at Meredith's house."
"Yeah, she was so happy, she kept on telling me about her plan for our family day, are we really going to do all that?" Callie laughed.
"Well, I promised her we would, I had to make a compromise… did she tell you what she wanted originally?" Arizona asked.
"Um, no, I don't think so, there was something else?" Callie asked.
"Oh yes, I had to find a way to put a veto on that, I didn't want to write this in messages because I didn't want you to freak out."
"My God, what did she want to do?"
Arizona cleared her throat, "She wanted us to go look at houses to buy."
"What! How does she even know how that works?"
"I have no idea, maybe she asked Meredith, or Maggie, or at preschool…?"
Callie shook her head in disbelief, "How did you get out of that one?" she asked.
"I told her it was really tiring and can take a long time and if we did that, we would not have time for anything else, and that it is better to do it in spring because the gardens are nicer. She kind of got excited about the garden thing so I had to promise we would do it in a month or two."
"Arizona!" Callie protested.
"Well I had to give her something, we'll just do it one day in April or May, we'll take a look at a few houses, it will be fun."
"We haven't even had a second date yet and you are already talking about looking at the houses," Callie teased.
"Oh…, well… I… err… I thought… umm… well… I didn't think you would mind," Arizona stuttered.
Callie laughed out loud, "I'm just teasing you."
"Calliope!" Arizona protested while Callie continued laughing.
"How could you even think I was being serious?" Callie asked cheerfully.
"Well, I don't know, maybe you're having some doubts…"
"Honey, if I was having some doubts I would have told you."
"You would?" Arizona managed to ask even though the only word ringing in her head was the word honey that Callie used.
"Of course, we have started building our relationship on honesty and trust."
"Okay, so you do think about moving in together at some point?" Arizona asked.
"In my head we have already moved in", Callie laughed, "I actually like to think about that, I imagine what it would be like…"
"I do that too…" Arizona admitted.
"Okay and then we are surprised that our daughter is doing the same!?" Callie exclaimed.
"OMG you are right!" Arizona said and covered her mouth with her hand, "Okay we need to stop thinking about that!"
"But that's my favorite fantasy before going to sleep!" Callie protested.
"Really? I would have thought it would be something else…" Arizona teased.
Callie gasped loudly on purpose, "Just so you know I am sticking my tongue at you now."
Arizona laughed wholeheartedly.
"That type of fantasy makes things more difficult," Callie pointed out.
"Oh I don't know, I like to entertain those thoughts…" Arizona said playfully.
"Arizona! I am going to go back to work now!" Callie said in protest.
Arizona laughed, "Okay fine, I'll behave! Don't go yet…" she pleaded.
Callie smiled, "How's your week been?"
"Honestly, I'm happy to be back to normal working schedule, the nights were really tough, I have less time to think during the day."
"Mine are not that bad, but it's been crazily busy this week."
"Yeah, we didn't even get to message a lot, let alone talk…" Arizona said with a sigh. "So how did it go with Dr. Brown?" she asked.
"Oh wow! Okay that woman is amazing!" Callie said with enthusiasm.
"She is, isn't she?", Arizona smiled.
"The stuff that comes up in that office, it's like she opens my eyes to so many things…"
"I know! So did she help you realize some new things about your parents? Did you talk about your mom? Oh and what about Sofia? Any advice?"
"Wow, so many questions," Callie teased.
"It's because I haven't spoken to you since Saturday!" Arizona said when she heard the familiar sound in the background.
She sighed, "Was that your pager?"
"Yeah", Callie said, "I have to go…"
"Dammit! It's not fair!" Arizona complained.
"I know, I'll tell you all about it over dinner on Friday."
"Okay, well I'm happy we at least got to talk a bit," Arizona said with a smile.
"Yeah, me too, okay goodnight, beautiful," Callie said smiling softly.
"Goodnight sexy lady," Arizona said playfully.
"Heeey, you said you would behave!" Callie protested.
Arizona giggled, "I just can't help it, you are very, extremely… sexy lady" Arizona whispered suggestively, "and I can't stop thinking about your…"
"I'm going to hang up now!" Callie interrupted her and Arizona laughed out loud.
"Okay, okay…see you on Friday!"
"Can't wait!" Callie said with a sigh.
"Me either…" Arizona replied and sighed when the call got disconnected. She let her hand drop on her side still holding the phone and leaned her head on the back of the sofa. This week seems like it has been dragging forever… she thought looking at the ceiling.
FRIDAY
Arizona was standing on the bridge inside the hospital observing the rain and crazy winds outside.
April approached and spoke looking at the gloomy skies as well, "The day is perfect for snuggling under a blanket."
"Mmm, yeah. I'm supposed to have a date with Callie tonight, dinner reservation downtown."
"You might want to reconsider that in this kind of weather", April advised.
"Yeah. I should think of something else…"
April smiled, "Snuggling under a blanket, I'm telling you."
"Might be a bit too early for that in our dating process…," Arizona said pensively.
April lifted her arms shrugging at the same time, "I'm just telling you that God is giving you the perfect setting."
Arizona had a surprise look on her face, "You do not really think that rain is a sign from God to make out with Callie on my couch?"
April laughed, "I never said anything about making out, I said snuggling."
"Yeah right, let's be realistic here, there's no way we would only be snuggling."
"So what! You haven't seen her in a week, a little bit of kissing won't do any damage."
"Since when have you become bad influence, April!?" Arizona asked through laughter.
April shrugged her shoulders and smiled, "Everything is nicer when one focuses on brighter things… when you go into darker places it just drags you lower and lower."
"Are you okay? Where is all this talk coming from?" Arizona asked.
"Yesterday I let Jackson feel the baby move, and I realized that we have been fighting over our baby when we should just both be happy this baby is healthy, and kicking. So Arizona, just be happy you have another chance with Callie and enjoy every moment, don't overthink it because then your brain gives you all the signals about things that might go wrong, think about the things that might go right."
Arizona smiled, "Yeah you have a point, thank you for reminding me about that. Are you and Jackson…?"
"No…", April said quickly, shaking her head, "too much has happened…, but we are not going to fight over this baby anymore", she explained caressing her belly.
Arizona smiled, "That's really great. I'm happy for you."
April's pager sounded, she looked at it.
"So… you… snuggling tonight…", she said and started walking away. "I'm telling you…" she yelled from a distance.
Arizona laughed, "Okay, okay, I will rearrange the plans."
She took out her phone and started typing.
Hey, so it's been raining like crazy the whole day, should we change the plan? Dinner at my place? :-)
She smiled, put the phone back into her pocket and headed towards the prenatal ward. As she entered the elevator she felt her phone buzz. She took it and looked at the message, it was from Callie.
I am not going to object to that! ;-)
Arizona's face formed a big grin.
Great! :-), - she typed in reply.
Callie was immediately typing back.
I'll go pick up Sofia from school and get her to Meredith's place and then I'll come by your house.
Perfect! :-) See you later then - Arizona typed and smiled. She heard the elevator door open but paid no attention.
"Now that's much better seeing you smile than scaring off my residents."
"Bailey! Hi, how's everything?" Arizona said turning her phone off quickly and putting it into her pocket.
"Everything is fine," Miranda said crossing her arms. "How are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm great, everything is great," Arizona said nervous a bit.
"Good", Bailey nodded her head. The elevator door opened. "Just so you know, I'm taking a few of those bubbles you've been carrying around," she said while heading out of the elevator.
"Huh?" Arizona squinted her eyes and shook her head, baffled completely.
Miranda turned around.
"The bubbles of happiness both you and Callie have been floating inside this whole week… I'm taking a few with me, I want to be in a bubble too", she said with laughter teasing Arizona.
"Oh Bailey!", Arizona protested a bit, rolling her eyes, but laughed happily as the doors of the elevator closed.
Arizona was excited about their dinner date, she hadn't seen Callie since Saturday when she picked Sofia up and that was brief, yes they had a video conversation that same day but it wasn't the same. And this week the night shift for Callie was just crazy and they got to talk only on Wednesday. She really needed to see Callie…, she needed to touch her, to feel her body close… and to kiss her, oh how she needed to feel those lips again…
She was in the kitchen making final touches with dinner when the doorbell rang. She smiled and walked over to the door, butterflies dancing joyfully in her abdomen.
She opened the door and her smile immediately changed to worry seeing Callie in front of her with Sofia in her arms.
"What happened!?"
"She's ill, she's running a fever. I called but your phone seems to be off."
"Damn, it was on low battery this afternoon and I forgot to put it on charge when I got home."
"Mama…," Sofia mumbled.
"Aww, come here baby, what's wrong?" Arizona said taking Sofia in her arms.
"I'm cold," Sofia explained in weak voice.
"Let's put you under a blanket," Arizona said softly.
"Do you have her syrup, I can go get some if you…," Callie started saying entering the living room but didn't finish the sentence as her mouth was wide open.
"I have it," Arizona replied as she put Sofia down on the sofa and placed a blanket over her. "It's in the cabinet in the bathroom, can you go get it?"
Since there was no reply Arizona turned around.
"Callie? What's wrong?"
Callie pointed her hand around the room, "It's beautiful…," she said softly, looking at the surrounding.
The living room was decorated with numerous candles, the main light was dimmed so that the candles were filling the room with their own charming flame. The rose petals that were spread around the table surrounded a set of two plates and wine glasses which wonderfully reflected the light of two additional white candles placed at the center of the table.
Arizona smiled, "I wanted to make this evening nice, but you only get a few sips of wine, because you have to go to work."
"Now I wish I didn't have to go to work…" Callie whispered.
"Me too," Arizona replied with a sad smile.
Callie sighed, "I'll go get the syrup."
"Okay," Arizona nodded and sat down next to Sofia caressing her cheek.
"We'll get the magic spoon now and we'll pour some syrup into it with fairy dust inside and it will help you feel much better, okay?"
"Okay," Sofia replied.
Callie smiled approaching them, the magic method Arizona used always worked on kids and it was so cute seeing her talk about it and seeing the children's eyes spark at the mention of magic.
She handed the syrup and the spoon to Arizona.
"Look Sofia, mommy brought the magic spoon," Arizona said pouring the syrup on it. "Do you see the fairy dust?" Arizona whispered secretively.
Sofia smiled. "I do," she whispered back and opened her mouth.
Callie smiled at the scene, she crouched down next to them "Now the fairy dust will do its magic and you will feel better soon."
Sofia smiled and nodded her head.
"Mommy, I'm tired", she said weakly.
Callie placed her fingers on her head caressing it softly. "Why don't you close your eyes and rest…"
"Okay," Sofia whispered and closed her eyes.
"I'll go get another blanket," Arizona whispered. "Why don't you sit here and I'll go make her some chicken soup."
"Okay, do you need any help?" Callie asked.
"No, no it's okay, stay with her," Arizona whispered and went to get another blanket before she left to prepare the soup.
Fifteen minutes later Callie walked over to the kitchen.
"She fell asleep," Callie informed in low voice.
"The fever has really worn her out", Arizona said standing by the counter, placing vegetables into a bowl.
Callie moved closer and wrapped her arms sideways around Arizona's waist.
"It's so nice to see you, I've missed you…" Callie said placing her chin on Arizona's shoulder.
Arizona smiled and turned around to wrap her arms around Callie.
"I've missed you too," she said and pulled Callie's head closer longing for a kiss.
Callie closed her eyes and tightened her hold of Arizona's body as their lips met.
Gosh the sensation of her lips on mine after seven days… it's pure bliss… how did I manage a whole week without feeling them? Callie thought as she felt Arizona's tongue brush against her own and she instantly lost all ability to think anymore.
Callie moaned into Arizona's mouth and pulled her body even harder into her own.
Arizona smiled and wrapped her fingers into Callie's hair, opening her mouth to allow Callie's tongue do its own exploration. The kiss was passionate but soft as neither of them allowed the passion to go into full flames both being fully aware of their child sleeping on the sofa in the living room. The rattling sound of the lid moving on the pot made them break the kiss. Arizona leaned to the right, reached over and lowered the temperature, her body still keeping contact with Callie's body.
"I should put the vegetables inside", she said placing her right hand back around Callie's neck.
"Okay," Callie said and leaned forward wrapping her lips around Arizona's again.
Arizona smiled and pushed her body against Callie.
"Maybe it can wait five minutes…" she managed to utter before she got completely lost in the kiss again.
When the lid started rattling again they both laughed and broke the kiss.
"Okay, I'll let you finish the soup," Callie said allowing her hand to trace slowly up and down Arizona's back.
Arizona's fingers travelled along Callie's arms and she followed all the way behind her own body to take Callie's hands into hers.
"And we should start eating before you have to go to work," she said with a smile, loving the sensation of Callie's arms around her body and her own fingers interlaced with Callie's fingers.
"Right…" Callie said and moved her hands to the front never breaking the grip on Arizona's hands. "Okay, dinner time…" she said and placed another quick kiss on Arizona's lips before letting go of her hands. She took two bowls from the counter and headed to the living room.
Arizona put the vegetables into the pot and took the other two bowls. She walked slowly into the living room keeping an eye on Sofia who was still sound asleep.
"I'll have to wake her up at some point before I transfer her to my bed… and she should have some chicken soup."
"You're going to put her in your bed?" Callie asked.
"Well, I'd rather she's next to me than in her room. I can keep an eye on her throughout the night."
Callie nodded her head. "She's gonna love that tomorrow morning if she feels better," Callie said with a smile.
"Why don't you come here after work? That way you can be here as well and I think it would be good for Sofia to have both of us here taking care of her. It was supposed to be our family day this weekend anyway, which now won't happen the way she wanted."
"That would be really nice but I do need to sleep, I'm not twenty anymore", Callie said with a wink, "and if Sofia feels better tomorrow morning there will be no sleeping for me."
"Right…, you're right…" Arizona said with slight disappointment in her voice.
"How about I come tomorrow afternoon, and we can spend the evening together with her?"
"Yes, let's do that! We can watch a cartoon or play something, depending on how she feels."
Callie smiled "Great!" she said and poured them both some wine.
Arizona raised her glass smiling at Callie. "To new beginnings," she said.
Callie smiled back, "To new beginnings" she repeated as their glasses clinked and they both took a sip holding contact with each other's eyes.
Arizona put down her glass and placed her hand over Callie's, squeezing it lightly. Callie smiled and intertwined their fingers. They both leaned forward so their lips could meet again.
"We should be careful. Sofia might wake up," Callie whispered.
Arizona sighed and let go of Callie's hand. She placed her right palm under her own chin and whispered, "Two weeks left…"
Callie nodded. "Half way there…," she smiled and reached over to take Arizona's hand again moving it to her mouth and pressing her lips against Arizona's fingers before placing it back on the table. She caressed her fingers softly before letting go.
"I can't believe we haven't seen each other for a whole week," Callie said taking a bite of her food.
"This week was really a torture," Arizona admitted, I was hoping I would get to see you on Tuesday when you picked up Sofia from preschool but that surgery was complicated."
"I ran into Karev, he was still there when I came in, he told me it was touch and go for both the mom and the baby."
"Yeah, but luckily we managed to save them both."
"Oh and I also saw DeLuca that night, he wasn't supposed to be on the night rotation."
"Oh, he's doing some extra shifts, I think this weekend as well, something about a trip next weekend, he wants some extra days."
"God, I remember the days when I was younger taking the extra shifts was a no-brainer, now I prefer less hours."
"Yeah, I think that kind of changed for both of us when Sofia was born."
"Yeah," Callie agreed and looked at Sofia. "Should we let her sleep? What will she do during the night?"
"I'll wake her up later, it's better she sleeps a bit if she's running a fever. It's the weekend, she can go to bed a bit later tonight."
"Unless she keeps you awake the whole night."
Arizona smiled, "It's fine, I would stay up for her all the time."
Callie smiled and caressed Arizona's hand again.
"So you were going to tell me about your session with Dr. Brown", Arizona said. "What did she say about our worries regarding Sofia?"
"Well, she said this is all a big change for Sofia… that we are suddenly spending so much time together. She is excited, and happy so she simply wants more of that and she said that her reactions are normal for her age. She said kids that age are still learning about their emotions and don't know how to express them yet, so crying is their most common reaction if they don't know what to do."
"Okay," Arizona said nodding her head, so we don't have to do anything differently?" Arizona asked, worriedly looking at Sofia.
"She advised we give her some time to adjust to this whole situation and to simply continue with occasional family days and listen to her needs."
"Okay", Arizona nodded her head still worried a bit.
"She also helped me realize something very important," Callie continued.
"Yeah?" Arizona looked at Callie with curiosity.
"So we are both worried that Sofia will get hurt in this process..."
"Yes, of course, I mean we both want to protect her," Arizona agreed.
"Yeah, but what would hurt her?" Callie repeated Dr. Brown's words.
"What do you mean?"
"Like exactly what would hurt her?" Callie clarified a bit.
"Well if she got her hopes up that we were going to be a family again and we broke up, she would be hurt a lot."
Callie nodded her head, "Yeah that's what I said and then Dr. Brown asked me something, so I'm gonna ask you the same thing."
"Okay…" Arizona said waiting for Callie to continue.
"Do you have a feeling our relationship is not going in the right direction?"
"What!? No! I feel the exact opposite, I feel it's going in the right direction, I feel our bond is stronger than ever!"
Callie smiled, "That's exactly what I said!"
"You did?" Arizona asked smiling softly.
"Uh-huh" Callie confirmed. "So another question she had…, looking at our relationship right now, and the way the things are going, what would you say the chances are we would break up?"
Arizona was taken aback by the question, "You want me to give you an exact percentage?"
Callie laughed quietly, "That's what she asked."
"Um, okay, well… zero percent…, I think…" Arizona said with caution in her voice.
"You hesitated," Callie noticed.
"Well, I'm just… err… not sure I'm allowed to think like that…"
"You're cute when you show a bit of insecurity. Well, I gave the same number", Callie said with a smile.
"You did!" Arizona smiled broadly.
Callie nodded her head.
"Wow, we really are on the exact same page", Arizona said with a smile.
"Yes we are."
"Okay what else did she ask?"
Callie laughed, "You seem eager for more questions."
"I like having the same answers as you," Arizona said happily.
"So we are both afraid that Sofia will get hurt by something that we don't think will happen, because zero percent means we don't think we are going to break up."
"Hmmm…" Arizona pursed her lips thinking about what Callie said, "…interesting… did she help you realize why?"
"Uh-huh," Callie confirmed.
"Okay, so is there another question?"
"Yeah, but, well this one is a bit on the heavier side."
"Oh, okay…should I take some wine?" Arizona asked raising her eyebrows.
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Callie laughed. "Okay here it goes… If you look at everything we went through as a couple, and you had to grade all our experiences, what would you say was the most painful one?"
Arizona sighed, "I'm not sure I want to go there…"
"Oh, come on, we are stronger than ever, remember" Callie said with a smile.
"It's not that, I just don't want this evening to turn into a heavy talk."
"Well even if it does, we'll be fine…" Callie assured with a smile.
"Okay, so for me it was you leaving…, the break up…, that hurt the most…, I felt like the air was pushed out of my lungs and like I couldn't breathe properly for months. I just felt so much emptiness inside, I felt like I made you give up on us, so many times I just longed to feel your arms around me, to see your beautiful smile making me feel like everything was going to be okay again."
"Oh Arizona," Callie said with tears in her eyes and stood up, "come here," she said and pulled Arizona's elbow up softly.
When Arizona stood up Callie wrapped her arms around her in a tight embrace.
"I am so sorry I gave up on us and left, I'm so sorry I hurt you so much," Callie whispered.
"I am so sorry I cheated on you and hurt you so much," Arizona answered.
Callie smiled and squeezed Arizona even more tightly. They stayed like that for a few minutes as the tears of the past rolled slowly down their cheeks.
When their bodies separated Callie wiped Arizona's tears off and smiled as Arizona did the same with her cheeks.
Callie directed her eyes at Sofia quickly and whispered, "She's still asleep" before she leaned forward and touched Arizona's lips softly. Arizona smiled into the kiss and placed her hands on Callie's cheeks.
"I love you," Arizona whispered when she separated her lips and placed her forehead against Callie's.
Callie smiled, "I love you too," she replied and kissed Arizona softly again taking her right hand and nudging them to sit back down.
"So I gave the same answer, Callie said softly.
Arizona looked at Callie with surprise.
"Yeah, I was surprised too," she said smiling softly caressing Arizona's fingers. "And as it turns out, we are both subconsciously afraid we will get hurt again and that's why we are afraid Sofia will get hurt."
"Oh," Arizona sighed, "well… it makes sense..."
"Yeah, Dr. Brown told me I have to let go of that fear and that pain, and apparently what's behind everything is my looking for love thing, I still need to figure some things out but it's related to that."
"Yeah, there's always something else in the background."
"I assume you already covered some of these things with Dr. Brown?"
"Not completely but yeah some of it."
"What was behind the pain for you?"
"Umm, well several things, but it comes down to the loss, I…. err... I lost the leg and then I lost you and it all went back to losing my brother. I felt like I lost you because of my leg, so you know, there was fear that I couldn't be loved the way I was, without my leg, that you left because of that…"
Callie took Arizona's hand, "Arizona, you know that is not true."
"I know, I know," Arizona smiled, "I have dealt with that part in therapy, I think that has been taken care of," Arizona explained squeezing Callie's hand. "I have some other things still left to work on but I have managed to heal a lot of pain with Dr. Brown, she will definitely help you."
"Oh, she has already helped a lot."
"So did you mention your mom?"
"Oh, no I didn't, this whole conversation was kind of a big thing and I wanted to kind of digest it fully and have only that to think about so I mentioned it, but I decided to leave it for some other time."
Sofia stirred on the sofa and they both looked at her but she turned on the other side and continued to sleep.
They both smiled, "Let's clear the table, I'll have to leave soon," Callie suggested.
"Right, okay" Arizona agreed and stood up quietly being careful not to wake up Sofia.
After they cleared the dishes Callie went back to the living room and leaned on the doorframe with her right shoulder. She crossed her arms and looked at Sofia sleeping soundly on the sofa. Arizona came next to her and wrapped her arms around Callie's waist. Callie smiled and lifted her left arm so she could place it around Arizona who now leaned onto Callie.
"Our little angel", Arizona said, a soft smile radiating on her face.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to spend tomorrow together again, since we have to move family day to next weekend?" Callie asked caressing Arizona's arm and turning her head to face Arizona.
"I really think Sofia needs it. I think this weekend she needs that extra love you were talking about," Arizona explained.
Callie smiled and tucked Arizona's hair behind her left ear, "Yes, she definitely does," she said and kissed Arizona softly. "Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then."
"Can't wait," Arizona said with a smile. "And Sofia will be so excited when I tell her."
"Yes she will," Callie said pulling Arizona by her hand to follow her towards the door. "I will not give her a kiss now, I don't want to wake her up."
Arizona nodded her head.
"Send me an update on her later tonight."
"I will…" Arizona said.
"Thank you for the beautiful evening, the dinner, the candles, everything was wonderful," Callie smiled and wrapped her arms around Arizona's back.
"We were supposed to snuggle under a blanket as well," Arizona said with a touch of disappointment in her voice.
"We were?"
Arizona nodded her head.
"Well, I guess we'll have to leave it for tomorrow then," Callie said and leaned forward to place her lips on Arizona's lips.
"Was there something else you had planned?" Callie asked.
"Well, I was thinking snuggling would leave to some good old making out."
"Oh, you mean like this…" Callie said and kissed Arizona again with a bit more passion as her fingers got entangled into Arizona's hair.
"Uh-huh," Arizona said and placed her hand under Callie's top, eager to feel her skin under her fingers.
Callie did the same and smiled. When she grazed her fingers along the side of Arizona's waist she felt Arizona's muscles clench under her fingers and Arizona suddenly pushed her harder so that Callie's back was now touching the door behind her while Arizona's tongue played with more intensity. Callie smiled, she knew the effect this touch would have on Arizona, she repeated the touch and made Arizona moan quietly. Callie's face formed a broad smile that made Arizona break the kiss.
"You're not playing fair," Arizona protested.
Callie chuckled, "You're the one who mentioned making out."
Arizona shook her head and kissed Callie again allowing her hand to lightly play with Callie's neck making her gasp.
Arizona smiled triumphantly, "There, we are even now," she said opening the door and pushing Callie outside playfully. "Now go," she whispered. Callie laughed and turned around one more time giving Arizona a quick kiss.
Arizona smiled. "Bye, sexy lady," she teased with a wink.
Callie shook her head and laughed.
"Bye!" she said and walked to her car.
When Callie left Arizona woke Sofia up and gave her some soup. The medicine was working so her fever was gone and Sofia wanted to play some games. Since she wasn't sleepy they ended up playing several rounds of Ludo and Snakes and Ladders. Around 11 pm Arizona put Sofia to bed and went back to the living room. She took her phone and started typing.
Sofia is feeling better, the medicine has kicked in so she had some soup and we played several rounds of Ludo and Snakes, she beat me 4 times! I am a bit worried about the joy it gives her to kick my player out of the game LOL but it was nice to see her giggle every time she did it :-). And she kept on getting sixes, that child has some serious luck! I just put her to sleep so I'm gonna chillax on the sofa… hope your night is going well :-) *kiss*.
Arizona turned on the TV and started watching a movie, she checked her phone occasionally but there was no reply from Callie. In the end she fell asleep in the living room. A few hours passed when she was woken up by Sofia crying and calling her. She got up and went to the bedroom. Sofia was awake and she was burning up again. Arizona looked at the clock and calculated the hours since the last doses, almost eight hours had passed so she gave her more syrup and tried to get her to drink some tea.
Sofia was shivering so Arizona held her close and caressed her hair and her back gently talking to her about everything they would do tomorrow with Callie if she felt better. Sofia wasn't talking much, she was mostly crying, wanting to sleep but not being able to. Two hours later Arizona finally felt her breathing even out and she gently placed her back on the pillow. She carefully sneaked out of the bed and went to the bathroom. Then she got some water from the kitchen and looked for her phone, she opened it to set the alarm for tomorrow morning and saw a message from Callie. It was 4:20 and she had sent it five minutes before.
We had an emergency so I was in the OR since I came to work, I am exhausted, can't wait to get some sleep. I'm happy Sofia is feeling better :-), does her throat hurt or something? Pfft, she always gets sixes when we play Ludo, I don't remember the last time when I managed to win, she wins every time! Anyway, it's late, so you will see this in the morning so good morning and see you soon :-) *kiss*
Arizona was just about to type back when another message came.
You're awake?
Yeah, Sofia's fever spiked again so she woke up crying, I was just up with her since 2 am, she fell asleep again 20 mins ago.
Oh my poor baby, is there anything else or just the fever?
She mentioned sore throat tonight so we'll see tomorrow what happens.
You must be exhausted too? ~Callie
Well, not so much, I fell asleep on the sofa so I got some two hours of sleep before she woke up, I'll go to bed now, get some sleep while she's sleeping.
Send me a message in the morning when you wake up, okay. ~Callie
But you will be asleep, try to get some rest.
Yeah but that way if I wake up I won't have to worry… if I have an update I can turn to the other side and get more sleep ;-). ~Callie
Arizona smiled, Okay, I will keep you updated.
Thank you :-) I hope you will not get sick as well. ~Callie
Well I already felt a bit sick earlier this week but it was mild so probably I already had it. ~Arizona
Oh I think I had something too, really mild, just some light headache for two days. ~Callie
Okay so hopefully we won't get sick, wouldn't want us to have to cancel our date next week ;-). ~Arizona
If I get sick you'll just have to come over and take care of me, Callie teased.
LOL, but if you are sick you won't be able to kiss me. ~Arizona
Hmm, true, I have not thought this through, okay I'll stick with healthy for next week. ~Callie
Much better :-). Okay, I'll go get some sleep. See you tomorrow :-). ~Arizona
See you tomorrow, sweet dreams :-). ~Callie.
Thanks you too :-) ~Arizona
A/N - Ahem..., I feel like I need to leave a warning for the next chapter, the rating will change to M due to certain parts of the story ;-), so if you are relying on the main page for updates to this story you will have to change the filter to give you "Rating: All", otherwise the story will not appear on the list...
If some of you don't like M rated writing I am sure you will find a way to skip to other parts of the chapter ;-).
And to the rest of you - Happy waiting ;-).