Chapter 22: Confessions under the Night Sky
"This feels… weird."
I said with my face as red as a cherry and my heart beating fast in my chest, so fast that I felt like it could bounce out of my chest at any second.
"I-If you're uncomfortable, w-we can continue to s-sleep separately if you want to—"
"No, that's—" I protested. "That's n-not what I mean. It feels a little weird, but, but I'm, I'm fine with it."
Baldi fell silent for a brief moment before letting out a sigh of relief, wrapping his arm around me to pull me closer. We lay there on his bed quietly, none of us uttering a single word as we both enjoyed the quietness of the night.
This was our first night sleeping next to each other after such a long time sleeping on different beds in different rooms, and the one who initiated it was Baldi himself. The moment he suggested that I sleep on his bed with him, he looked so bashful that it was cute in a way, and I couldn't help agreeing to it. However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous like him. Although we had officially become a couple, the idea of us dating was still quite foreign, but I was willing to embrace this new change in our relationship and start doing things couples do, including sleeping in the same bed. Just like I had expected, it was a strange feeling, but it felt nice in a way. I could feel his warmth spreading throughout my body and the way his chest moved every time he breathed.
Even though I didn't want to ruin the comfortable atmosphere around us, there were still so many unanswered questions in my head that I felt the need to do it. Otherwise, my mind wouldn't be at ease. The longer I left those questions unsolved, the more they would continue to bother me.
"Hey, Baldi…"
"Hmm?" he replied with a small voice, still keeping his arm around me.
"I've been meaning to ask you something, but I, I don't know if I should…" I hesitantly said as I slightly glanced up at him.
"It's okay, April." He gave me a reassuring smile. "Don't be afraid to ask me anything. As a couple, we should make sure there's no doubt between us, shouldn't we?"
"Yeah, I guess so." I chuckled before inhaling. "I… I want to ask you why you ch-chose me…"
He raised an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean?"
"A lot of girls are heads over heals for you, yet you chose me." I quietly spoke, looking down at the blanket covering our bodies. "They're beautiful, talented and amazing, while I'm just an ordinary girl. I, I have nothing special…"
I wasn't looking at him—I was too afraid to—but I could still feel his gaze on me, a very thoughtful and sad one. Another sigh left his lips before he slowly pulled me into a tight embrace, his fingers running through my hair as he spoke.
"April, don't talk about yourself like that. It hurts me, you know." His voice was so small that it almost sounded like a whisper. "To me, you are special. You're the most beautiful and amazing girl I've ever had the honor to be with."
My cheeks burned up once more as my heart increased its speed. I lay there silently, letting him continue.
"You're right, there are many girls who want me, but I feel nothing towards them. I don't want a relationship with someone I don't genuinely have feelings for. I chose you because I feel a special connection with you, a connection I've never felt with anyone else besides you."
Baldi paused for a few seconds before he continued, his hands gripping me more tightly like he was afraid I would disappear as soon as he let go of me.
"Maybe that's why I was so scared when I saw the love letter Austin gave you."
My eyes widened, and I looked at him in surprise. "Y-You saw it? But, but he put it in my locker!"
"Actually, that wasn't the first letter he sent you. Before that, he put one in your desk." He took in a deep breath, seemingly as a mean to calm himself down. "That day, I sensed that something was in your desk, but I thought it was something you accidentally left behind, so I decided to check it. When I saw that it was a love letter for you, my blood boiled, but I couldn't understand why. I'd always thought I saw you as my sister, so I didn't know what made me so mad."
Was that the day I saw him gripping a piece of paper with that dark look on his face?
"Do you remember the day Austin told you to meet him at the back of the school?" Baldi asked and went on after I gave him a nod. "I was able to come in time because I'd been keeping an eye on him. I told myself I was angry because Austin's a bad guy and might try to hurt you, but as time went by, I realized it wasn't the case. Even if I knew the boy you were talking to is nice, I couldn't help feeling uneasy. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I mean, if I only see you as a friend and sister, I should have no problem letting you be with any guy as long as you feel comfortable with him, right? But no, every time I saw you talking happily to a boy, I had to suppress the urge to pull you away from him.
"If that wasn't enough, I started to realize something—you're not little anymore, you're old enough to make decisions for yourself. You'll grow up, meet new people and have an independent life of your own. And then, you'll eventually fall in love with someone and choose that person over me. This might sound selfish, but I didn't want it to happen. I didn't want anyone to have you. That was when I realized I, I'd unknowingly developed feelings for you, and maybe that was also when I started to become more protective of you. I was scared to see you with other boys because I was afraid they'd take you away from me. I was scared to lose you, because if that ever happened, I... I don't think I'd be able to find another person like you, someone I truly felt a special connection with."
Baldi paused again before letting out a sigh, and it sounded like it was out of disappointment and disbelief. "To be honest, that was horrible of me, keeping you away from boys for no reason like that—well, technically, there was a reason, but not a rational one. I must've looked like a possessive man, right? I'm very sorry."
"No, Baldi, it's, it's okay…" I looked into his eyes as I spoke, my hand reaching up to hold his cheek. "I, I've done the same. Whenever I saw other girls flirting with you, I couldn't help feeling jealous and frustrated."
"We're the same then." He let out a little laugh, reaching up his hand to touch mine. "Still, I'm sorry for being overprotective of you. I won't do that again, I promise."
"I know you won't do it," I smirked mischievously at him, "because I'm yours now."
"That's true." He said as we broke the hug, though we're still cuddling close to each other. "I don't have to worry about you receiving love letters from others again, because I know you won't accept their confession."
"Oh, uh, speaking of love letters…" I said as he raised an eyebrow, probably wondering why I looked so nervous. "Th-The second letter, the one th-that's not from Austin, i-is a f-fake one…"
We had a staring competition that lasted for an eternity before he spoke again.
"'Fake'?"
"Y-You see…" I laughed anxiously. "I-I was c-confused about wh-why you were so o-overprotective, so I decided to ask my friends about it—d-don't worry, I didn't say it was you. So, uh, a-anyway, o-one of them s-suggested writing a fake l-letter to see how y-you'd react to it. A-And also, um, I actually d-didn't have a study s-session with Max next week. I just, uh, wanted to check the r-real reason you were o-overprotective of me…"
After I was done rambling, he gave another long stare, which I tried to avoid as I started sweating bullets. Ever since we started dating, which was literally this morning, I had felt the need to tell him about this. It was probably because I would feel guilty if I kept this hidden from him, but at the same time, I was scared. Would he be mad if he knew I was testing him?
While I was still fearing for my life, I heard a snort from Baldi, but it wasn't out of anger. It instead sounded like it was out of… amusement?
"You little rogue." He let out a laugh as he rubbed my head. "Testing the infamous Math teacher of your school like that, didn't you feel scared?"
"I'm, I'm sorry. I was curious, s-so I, I thought it was a good idea…" My words were very rushed, probably because I was too ashamed to admit it, but then he gave me a kind smile that made all my worries vanish away.
"Why are you apologizing? I'm not blaming you or anything." He chuckled. "In fact, I… I'm glad you did it. Otherwise, I don't know if I'd have the courage to confess to you."
"Is it because you were afraid you'd ruin our friendship?"
He let out a sigh. "Yes, that. And also, I didn't want to scare you off. I mean, I know you're used to me by now, but being friends and being a couple are two different things. I was scared that you'd think I was weird, creepy even—"
"No, Baldi, I—" I said loudly and propped myself up with my elbow, which seemed to startle him. "I, I wouldn't think of you like that. I would never! I-Is there anything I've done that causes you to think like that?"
"No, April, you've done nothing wrong." he smiled again before holding the back of my head and gently pulled me down so that he could give me a kiss on the forehead. "Well, besides stealing my heart, of course."
"I'm serious, Baldi." I said that, but leaving my mouth was a chuckle as he patted my head. "If I ever do something that makes you think I don't like you or so, just tell me and I'll stop."
"Okay, but please, believe me when I say you've done nothing wrong."
"Alright, I trust you." I smiled as I lay my head down onto the pillow once more, snuggling up to him. "Say, we do have to be up early tomorrow, don't we?"
"Yeah, tomorrow's Monday." He glanced over the digital clock on his nightstand, and I followed suit to see that it was eleven in the evening. "We'd better get some sleep, or else we won't be able to wake up tomorrow."
"Okay, goodnight, Baldi."
"Goodnight, April."
He gave me another kiss on the forehead before both of us slowly fell asleep, falling into a deep slumber.