We roughly met every third day, free to speak our minds. It was refreshing, to be able to communicate without the scrutiny of the team, or the cameras. Strangely, I felt myself loosening at Erso's contact; he was so genuine, without a filter. Quite like me. The strangest ideas and notions flew through his mouth before he could sort it out; but I wasn't a mere human. Most of the time, I was able to grasp a thread and pull myself in the discussion. It was like a rope ladder, thrown in the wind, that I could grasp en route to reach his idea-ship.

I realized that our little social time helped him out of his grief. The simple action of speaking to me, telling me of his past, or Lyra's smile, of Jyn's birth and Vallt's prisons, of Orson's betrayal seemed to unload some weight from his shoulders. I never judged him; my mind was so similar to his that I could grasp his concepts easily. No need to explain; we were more attuned to each other than I had ever been with a human being. In a few short weeks, I learnt more about the empire than I had in the past ten years. The republic, Darth Vader, the fall of the Jedi order, the separatist war, the pillage of the legacy worlds… All those events I had dismissed as 'politics' were presented through a new angle. More mature and more informed. One that gave me chills.

Galen Erso was a good man, lost, half of the time, in his mind, but attuned to the deeper-void. I, on the other hand, still fled emotions so strongly that I was surprised to find so many in such a genius. The control I had over myself called his curiosity; he was my frank opposite, not having a care in the world about how people viewed him.

Our relationship changed gradually, from distrust to curiosity. Curiosity to friendship.

In the corridors, people watched me differently now, and the scientist's team, Sahali the first one, gave Galen some even meaner looks than before. When I caught those bitter glares, I had to refrain from smirking. The rumour was running, and it suited our needs well enough.

Yesterday evening, Galen's new idea had left me perplexed; he had noticed that Kyber crystals responded badly to experimentation because they were… alive, somehow. My next statement – I don't do spiritual stuff and magic - had brought a smile to his face. It was so rare that I couldn't help but stare… until he told me that he had said the exact same thing to his wife, eight years ago.

He launched in a long explanation about the Jedi and the Force church, stating that they had been using Kyber crystals in their light sabers for ten thousand years, bonding with them with their intentions. The question that remined, though, was 'what could a crystal really want ?' My colleague had shrugged, then; he had no idea. But overall, his idea made sense.

Stuck in front of the light sabers crystals, I couldn't help but review our last conversation in my quarters.

— "Kybers flee our efforts to analyze them with neutron activation, even plasma mass spectrometry. It resists our efforts. If we can find a way to communicate with them, perhaps we can stall the project for a few months."

— "Stall, how long ?"

— "Long enough for me to implement another idea."

He had not shared; I had not asked. When playing a dangerous game, better to keep too many secrets than be exposed. By now, I was confident that if Galen needed my help, he would come to me. So, while he talked to himself in his office, I tried to clear my mind and attempt a Jedi meditation technique in front of the Kyber mallet.

Who knew that I, scientist anti-religious, would one day try to communicate with a crystal ? For a long moment, I felt pretty stupid. Chasing thoughts away – with a mind in overdrive, it wasn't an easy feat. Trying to loose my sight in the crystal. Time passed, and nothing happened. Frustrated, I took a swig of my caf. Cold. Ugh, it enhanced the bitterness. A sudden flash caused me to wince. A light saber, red… bleeding. A tall, dark form, breathing through a mask. The cry of agony of the crystal within, forced to do his will. Bent to the dark side, corrupted, desperately trying to thrive in the peacefulness of the Force without any change to reach it.

A red lightsaber. Siths. Destruction and power. Lord Vader's lightsaber ignited in front of my very eyes and I gasped, dropping the mug that shattered on the ground.

— "Hutt's poo !", I swore.

At once, the maintenance droids appeared at my feet, scooping the shards away and wiping the bitter liquid. Dark spots had tainted my uniform and I sighed; I would have to change it at lunchtime. Galen appeared by my side, mindful of the many eyes that settled on me. Our relationship was such a mess: playing lovers that attempted not to be spotted, when nothing of the sort existed in the first place. In truth, we were just starting to acquaint ourselves, but the spark of affection could be used for our purpose. It should have been funny to mislead my colleagues had it not messed with my mind so much. I addressed him a sheepish smile, then turned to the lab techs.

— "Sorry guys, I've been clumsy !"

To Galen's silent inquiry, I only nodded. We would talk about it later. As if on cue, my famous mentor, Orson Krennic, strode into the lab as if he owned the place. Which, in retrospect, wasn't far from the truth.

— "Gods, Elya. What's this mess?"

There was a double meaning there, and although he was addressing me, his cold blue eyes were set on Galen. The scientist refused to take a step back, hoovering by my side. I had to admit that I was glad for his presence; it was the first time I faced my mentor since Korwin's death, and it felt good to feel Erso's sturdy silhouette behind me. His protectiveness fed the rumours just as well; was it on purpose ?

— "Sorry, I just shattered my cup. Did you need anything from me ?"

My mentor's attention returned to me, and he summoned a smile.

— "Ah, yes. It's time for a little food, let us share lunch. It's been a while since we had some time to chat, from mentor to apprentice"

The little nickname used to make me laugh – a mockery towards the Jedi - and I summoned a smile to acknowledge it. Given the content of my recent research about the Force church, he had really nailed it.

— "Of course, Director."

I left with barely a glance to Galen; his posture was tense, his eyes, burning. I wondered if it was the presence of his former friend, or if he was worried that our partnership would be cut short. I send him a reassuring smile, and followed my mentor to his large office. Privilege from his position, Krennic's workspace possessed windows. Today, like ninety percent of days, a storm was brewing outside. Rain poured on the transparisteel, creating a lulling tap tap that I had come to appreciate.

— "Beautiful weather, don't you think ?"

Krennic's irony forced a smile out of me. So this was how he wanted to play it; charming and considerate. The table was already set for two, and the smells that greeted my nose told me he'd gone out of his way to please me. Fresh meat, potatoes, tasty sauce… I couldn't wait to taste this high-class food.

— "Please seat, Elya. I arrived with a few supplies that will no doubt please you"

— "From what I smell, I can only agree with you, commander"

Orson Krennic settled in his chair like a cat, his long white cloak discarded on the backrest. His face was open, his features pleasant without the traditional cap that always covered his head.

— "Please. There is no need to stand on formalities, Elya. You have grown much, and I hope to consider you as a friend as well as my protegee. You can call me Orson in private"

Honeyed words. I played the game, relishing in the affection I had for him to lull my send of danger. On purpose.

— "Very well, Orson."

The name felt wrong on my tongue, and he gave me a smile before gesturing for me to dig in.

— "So, how are you doing ?", I asked, slicing the most tender meat I had had in the past five years.

— "Good. Good enough, albeit the Vice Chancellor had been harrowing me for some progress on the weapon. Where do you stand ?"

I took the time to munch on my bite and swallow, giving me some time to consider my response. The plan, for now, was to delay. Hence my response:

— "Slow and steady. They might not want to hear it, but if we don't want this facility to be blown to shreds, we have to keep moving slowly"

I picked up another piece, proud of myself. Emphasising the need of safety, after what had happened on Malpaz – a full blown up of the facility – was sure to appeal to his cautious side.

— "Ah, yes. I will pass along the message. It seems that you and Galen are making quite the team"

His blue eye were twinkling; mischief, but something darker as well that I couldn't decipher. Jealousy ?

— "I find that I understand what he says, most of the time. You were right in everything you told me about him. He can be difficult to follow, and never goes where I expect him to, I constantly have to steer him back"

Flattery; a low blow, but efficient enough. Instead of speaking of our incredible understanding, I reverted to clinical and measurable.

— "Of course I'm right. No one knows Galen like I do…"

Was it a warning ? His icy blue eyes were stubbornly set upon the dish he was serving.

— "… But I have heard you have gained his trust recently"

— "I have", I responded, not lifting my eyes from my plate.

Orson Krennic reclined in his seat; I felt his gaze upon me for a while before I summoned the courage to lift my own. Playing coy, calling a little blush to my cheeks – I was supposedly sleeping with his friend - I could only watch the crafty smile that bloomed on his face. Satisfaction… but it wasn't directed at me. He was proud of his own move, of the choice of his checks piece, placed in the right spot, at the right moment. The pawn had ambushed the King.

This was the moment when I eventually understood that I had been but a piece in his game. And it hurt, like hell. For even if I knew it, in my mind, my heart had yet to accept it. My surrogate father figure had no qualms about selling me to the highest bidder to ensure its compliance.

— "Well done. I knew he wouldn't resist you. You are quite like Lyra."

My blood ran cold; now, he congratulated the pet for performing its job.

— "Is that why you picked me up in the first place?", I asked.

— "Well, and you were brilliant enough to decipher his notes."

I nodded in understanding, as if I shared a secret with him when my mind was screaming my ire.

— "Ah, I've heard it was Lyra's job, yes"

I was taunting him to flaunt, and it worked for he smirked secretively.

— "Yes, you made me think of her. Good job, Elya. I knew you wouldn't disappoint"

— "Thank you, sir."

My pink cheeks fooled him enough… or so I hoped. For I was dying within, and pushed all those emotions away to keep my mind levelled. Disappointment, anger, betrayal… I would sort it out later. For now, all my intellectual abilities were needed if I didn't want to sell myself away. I took a moment to clean up my plate; potatoes remained, and I deplored that they tasted like burnt coals in my mouth when I should have found them delicious.

— "So, what are you talking about when you're alone"

Given my quarters were not bugged, I could understand why it pissed him not to know. Krennic needed control, and he didn't trust me enough to let me lead my own ship. Not that he was wrong; I planned to betray him in the worst of manners. Dragging my thoughts away from this, I summoned a self-satisfied smirk.

— "There's not much talking going on"

The crude joke caused my mentor to snort.

— "Is he that good ?", he retorted playfully.

I grinned then, intent on leading my opponent on a merry chase. He had chosen me to be his friend's whore and secretary, let him think I was fulfilling my role brilliantly.

— "No. but I am"

My bold words caused Krennic's eyes to widen, and for a moment, I wondered if he wasn't jealous of my proximity with his former friend.

— "Well… It will do him some good to get his head out of his... research."

There it was, the mock concern for a man whose wife he killed and child he planned to use as hostage. Yet, somewhere, deep within, it seemed that he still cared about Galen. In a very, very twisted way. I wondered if he had gotten jealous of Lyra because of her influence on Erso ? A brother chased away by the lover ?

My thoughts were running wild, and I struggled to tame them. I wasn't usually so sensitive to emotions, and wondered whether the connexions attempt to the Kybers were responsible for this new insight. Perhaps it was just the resonnance with Galen. Emotions were a brand-new world I wasn't too keen on exploring; a dangerous one. Yet, they seemed to bring me a new understanding upon things I couldn't grasp before. Such as the very complicated relationship between my mentor and Erso. Their friendship had once been genuine, and Krennic seemed to truthfully want to bring Galen to potential. And having me soothe his aches suited him. In his vision, Galen worked by his side, happy to achieve greatness while Krennic offered him the weapons to do so.

A droid came up with desert, a passion mousse topped with cream, and I threw my spoon inside the delicacy without an ounce of restraint. The silence was getting heavy; I needed to deflect Krennic's attention elsewhere. And I just knew where to hit.

— "At least, now, people will stop thinking I'm sleeping with you"

My mentor straightened upon his chair, his spatula clanging on the steel table.

— "What who said that?", he ground out.

Knowing how dangerous he could be, I wasn't about to denounce anyone. Even if Sahali was a pain in the ass, he didn't deserve to die for his stupidity. So I shrugged.

— "Rumours, you know"

— "Elya, you should have told me"

Krennic's tone was stern, his eyes glinting with steel. I found myself chastised for good, and shrank in my chair. Incredible, the power than man had over me; I feared his disappointment more than his anger.

— "I'm sorry, Director. I didn't want you to deal with something so fickle and insignificant"

My voice was pleading, so realistic… a child begging for forgiveness.

— "Elya, it is admirable, but nothing is insignificant. I am supposed to protect you, not the other way around."

Yeah. You were supposed to protect me, not whore to your friend or use me like a disposable tool.

— "Thank you, Director. It means a lot to me, but we both know such rumours are untrue."

— "I would never…", he started.

And there was such feeling, such hurt in his voice that I almost believed him. Was he playing me, or was there true affection in his words ? Given his complicated relationship with Galen, it wasn't excluded. My heart just didn't know what to trust. This emotion game was exhausting.

— "No, you wouldn't", I sighed. "And my job has always been more important than petty rumours and bitter men"

There. If Sahali was his hidden informant, it would notch him down. I also had another reason to complain about it; to slurry Krennic's honour ensured me that he would take any rumours with distance. If anyone found out my true association with Galen, I had laid out the plans to undermine any unfounded saying. Swallowing another mouthful of passion mousse with a moan of pleasure, I realised how mighty an opponent I was facing. But then, I wasn't the stupidest bitch around either.

— "I am glad you see things this way. Keep up the good job, on either front"

Either front. In the lab, and in Galen's bed. I was quite ready to vomit my wonderful meal onto the concrete floor by now.

— "Anyway. I fear I have a meeting with Commander Tarkin very soon. I hope you enjoyed lunch"

— "Very much, thanks a lot for thinking of me"

Krennic winked at me.

— "You're welcome, my apprentice"

Now that he knew I was being used properly, he could discard me in the shark tank again. We exchanged a few pleasantries before I stood, belly full and heart empty. Just as I was about to reach for the commuter, he called me back.

— "And Elya? Don't get knocked up. "

My mind froze. The idea of really doing the deed with Erso, let alone get pregnant was enough to make me pale two notches. The horror on my face wasn't fake, and there were no lies in my voice when I stated strongly:

— "No worries, sir. No risk at all there."

— "Galen is ridiculous when it comes to caring for a child", he grumbled.

The memory of his forearm on my windpipe was enough for me to acquiesce. I knew, firsthand, how fierce Erso could be when it came to his daughter. So I summoned my most disdainful face when, in fact, I had found him rather impressive.

— "Ah yes, those pacifists are rather sentimental."

Krennic seemed satisfied with my response; I slept with my boss to gain his trust, but didn't seem emotionally involved. All was well in the world. I left his office with a clenched stomach. My mentor, the man I looked up to, was much more manipulative than I though. Damn guy! How did I not see it ? I had scoffed down at Erso for being an idealist when I was the one used like a puppet.

Revenge would be sweet… would it, really ? I felt like I had split up with a part of myself. At a time, I had adored Krennic for giving me such opportunities, for watching over me. It was such a waste…

All is well, I wrote in the notebook when I reached Erso's office this afternoon. He's glad that I am whoring myself out to keep you working.

It was Galen's turn to pale two notches, but I was too pissed at myself to care what havoc I had wrecked in the scientist's mind.