After a medically induced sleep in Sickbay, Gretchen entered Janeway's Ready Room the next morning.
She found the Captain sitting at her desk, looking at reports and holding a coffee cup, a smile on her face. Gretchen walked in formally, and stood in front of Janeway's desk at tense attention.
"At ease," said Janeway lightly, "Did you have a good night?"
"I didn't have any visions," said Gretchen evenly, coming out of attention but still standing stiffly.
"Don't be so formal," said Janeway, moving out from behind her desk and coming to sit on her Ready Room couch, "It's not bad."
Gretchen sagged her shoulders a bit, "I don't understand why you're doing this now, unless you feel the need to punish me for my behavior in the holodeck….or here yesterday."
"Punish a crew member for having a medical reaction in the holodeck….or an emotional reaction to trauma?" said Janeway easily, "I'm really not so hard to get along with."
"It wasn't very professional," said Gretchen evenly, "And I can't say I remember you being very forgiving of emotional reactions."
Janeway tapped her coffee cup pensively, "I don't know how I acted in your timeline….from your reaction to me I can't say I've very proud of it…..but asking my crew to act like Vulcans 24/7 for years…..I wouldn't have a crew anymore…..they all would have self-destructed…..or better yet, destroyed me," said Janeway, taking a sip of her coffee.
"You say that so casually."
Janeway smiled, "Humans are odd creatures…..at least by some standards…..emotions are part of who we are. There's a time we have to shut them off, to control them, and act…..And there's a time we have to let them have their day…Considering that my crew is stuck on a ship with no chance to take leave, see their families, transfer posts if they're unhappy….I try to fall on the side of letting them duck protocol when they need to…..We all have to work together, tempers and tears and all."
Janeway looked at Gretchen softly, "I'm glad you spoke to me…..I hope you'll do it again."
Gretchen nodded lightly, looking uncomfortable, and Janeway shifted tones and continued, "I'm happy to say your evaluations were excellent. I'm very pleased. You've become a trusted, essential member of my crew."
Gretchen looked away, misty eyed, and Janeway continued, "I have a new schedule for you, for the next six months, it's considerably freer, though you will still be monitored….and you would've had a bit more free time if this challenge hadn't reared its head."
"How come I have any free time? Voyager is in survival mode."
"Voyager is always in survival mode. Yes, we're working intently for the next month….but I won't burn the candle at both ends….Voyager can't afford to be in a permanent state of crisis….We don't know when this will end, it would take too much of a toll on the crew to just stop and panic."
Gretchen stared at her for a long moment, trying to read her. Finally she gave up, and looked at the datapad.
"Starfleet Academy Training with Tuvok?"
"Yes," said Janeway, "I know you know quite a bit, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to fill in any gaps in your education."
Gretchen laughed suddenly.
"It isn't quite that funny," said Janeway, smiling.
"No, it's funny because you repeated yourself. This is exactly what you did in my timeline. I've already graduated from Tuvok's 'Starfleet Off-Site Educational Academy for Personnel in the Delta Quadrant."
"What a name."
"It's on my official transcript that way…..well it was. I'll have you know I was valedictorian, of my class of four."
"I'm sure I was very proud," said Janeway fondly, smiling.
"You were already dead by then," said Gretchen, looking away.
Of course I was, I missed so much, didn't I?
Gretchen evened her tone, and looked back, "I was always sad I never got to take your class. Tuvok was the head teacher, but all the senior staff were required to run a class in their area of expertise. Daddy's had survival skills….Harry's was my favorite though, I didn't know much about Communications, and he made it interesting and was really nice…..Yours was famous. No one was allowed to talk about it. I still don't know what it was."
"I have to admit, I'm curious myself," said Janeway smiling, How is she going to react to this? "But I am a teacher on that schedule."
"Velocity?" said Gretchen in surprise, looking at the schedule, breathing in deeply, "I can't say I'm in any hurry to go back to the holodeck. We didn't use it in The Rift before…..I'd say there's a good chance those subspace layers will confuse things…..it could freeze again."
"I thought of that," said Janeway, "I'm banning all but basic use of the holodeck until we get out of here. But Velocity can be played with nothing but a holographic disk, there won't be any trouble getting out if it does freeze." said Janeway, looking at her with wide eyes, Was that an excuse? "Physical fitness is an important part of health. But if you really don't want to play with me, I'll have Tuvok come up with something."
Gretchen looked up, staring at Janeway's open face for a long moment and nodded, "I'll play with you," she said, "As long as you're not expecting me to be any good."
"Wonderful," said Janeway, beaming, "You're going to love it!"
"I'd be happy to teach you," said Harry, as he and Gretchen strolled from the Mess Hall down to Engineering after lunch, "I was Captain of my team at Starfleet Academy….But I think the Captain is looking forward to teaching you herself."
"I don't want to suck at Velocity," said Gretchen petulantly, "Please. She expects the best. At least I can be decent before I play her."
"She's not some dragon you know," said Harry, as they entered a turbolift, "She's just a person."
Gretchen made a noise of disagreement.
"To tell you the truth," continued Harry softly, "I think she's lonely."
"Captain Starfleet Janeway," said Gretchen, "Lonely? Even if she felt pain like a regular person, why should she be lonely? She can't walk two feet without running into a crew member. And they all love her. I know that, in my timeline….she had been dead for five years…..but this crew never stopped loving her…..they talked about her all the time…..even at the end. I bet there's never been a crew in Starfleet who loved their Captain so much."
"I wouldn't be surprised," said Harry, "But it's still hard to interact with her….as a normal person…..She has to be on, all the time…..Of course she's devoted….but that doesn't mean it isn't hard."
"Why don't you ask to play Velocity with her then?" said Gretchen.
"You know what, I will," said Harry, "Maybe I was too intimidated before, when I was the green newcomer. But you're right….I've been here for five years, I should ask her to play…..but you should give her a chance."
"I have given her plenty of chances to hurt me, thank you very much."
"You see, you knew your Janeway, but I know this one. And she won't act like yours did."
"I'm going to ask Tom," said Gretchen annoyed, as they stepped out of the turbolift, "He's not as nice as you are. He'll tell me the truth."
Harry made a noise of frustration, and rolled his eyes.
Gretchen threw one arm around him, "I'm sorry I'm a pain," she said.
"Oh believe me, you're not nearly as big a pain as Tom," said Harry.
The two of them laughed and entered Engineering.
It's been quiet for two weeks, thought Janeway researching on her desk computer, I know I should be grateful, but it's beginning to feel like the calm before the storm.
The Rift was as disturbing as ever to look at but the shields had held, and had kept the creatures, and as far as they knew, anything else, from entering Voyager. With the enhanced replicators, they had not had to stop for any supplies. There was no cure and no identification, but the crew was making reasonable progress.
At this rate I think we're looking at more like three months, if we're lucky, before we have an identification, let alone a cure. That's fine…..if nothing happens….and if I can keep the crew's spirits up.
Janeway kept working intently and was only vaguely aware when Gretchen entered her Ready Room at midnight.
Two hours later, Janeway finally put down her datapad and wiped her eyes. She glanced over and was quite surprised to find Gretchen still awake, flipping through a deck of highly detailed cards.
"I know your schedule is less strict, but you should still try to get your sleep," said Janeway, breaking the silence.
"Tomorrow is my half-day off," said Gretchen, glancing at her, "I can sleep in."
Janeway nodded, "Is that Final Card?"
"It is," said Gretchen, "Daddy…..I mean Commander Chakotay hasn't been able to have us over yet to play…And he doesn't know when with us all being so busy….so he gave me this deck today."
Janeway lifted herself up and walked over to where Gretchen was shuffling and putting the cards in different piles.
"Those look gorgeous," said Janeway, breathing in, "Can I look at one?"
Gretchen handed her a card and Janeway flipped it over, she could not say whether the intricate card's embossed design color was silver, or gold, or another metallic. The design was abstract and alien, but stunningly beautiful.
"They change at the end of the game," said Gretchen, "You think they're beautiful now, you should see it then. The whole table illuminates…..Thomas used to say I only got so good at Final Card so I could be at the center of that glow….and he's probably at least half right," she added, laughing for a moment.
"I'd say it's worth it," said Janeway in awe, lifting the card right up to her face, and the design reflected onto it.
She slowly lowered the card, and gingerly handed it back to Gretchen.
"I'm sorry we haven't been able to play Velocity yet either," said Kathryn.
"That's okay," said Gretchen, "I'm in no hurry to be terrible at it."
Damn, I forgot to ask Tom to teach me….or if he agrees with Harry….Well, maybe forgot isn't the right word.
"It's just a game," said Kathryn, "You don't need to be good at it."
"Didn't you once walk home 5 miles in the rain because you lost a tennis match when you were 12?"
"Well, yes….." said Janeway, trailing off pensively.
"When I was about that age," said Gretchen, looking at the cards again and shuffling them, "I played L'Naal in a tournament of that numbers game. It was a big deal. She was my rival in everything. We couldn't stand each other. I practiced for months. And I lost….badly. She wiped the floor with me."
"Do you know what I did?" asked Gretchen, looking up.
"No," said Kathryn.
"Thomas and I laughed about it so hard we cried. For a solid week afterwards we went around calling L'Naal 'Queen of Numbers' and pretending to open the automatic doors for her. She hated it so much," said Gretchen, smiling and laughing a bit.
Gretchen fiddled with the cards in her hand, staring at them, "But when you found out I lost so badly, you took away my free day for three months so that I could take advanced calculations with Tuvok, after which I was just as bad at calculations as I had ever been…..I refused to touch that game for 2 years, until Mary insisted I play with her and I remembered I actually liked it, as a game, not as some kind of secret evaluation of my value," she said, looking up at Janeway disapprovingly.
"Gretchen I….." said Kathryn, looking away and gulping hard. She looked back, and Gretchen could see she was misty eyed, "I did really want to play with you….not judge your worth to this ship."
I think she's lonely, echoed Harry Kim's voice.
Gretchen looked down at the illuminated cards in her hand for a moment, nodded, and looked back up, voice purposefully cheerful, "Alright, I'll play with you."
Janeway smiled, though her eyes were still misty. She looked away for a moment, and when she looked back her face and pose were also cheerful, "Alright then, how about now?"
"Now?" said Gretchen.
"You don't seem to be in the mood to sleep and I'm not either. I don't know when we'll have the chance again, and I bet the holodeck is free."
"At 2 in the morning, I would think so," said Gretchen, "Okay then, let's go."
"Bring your phaser," said Kathryn, smiling.
Since it was already 2am Janeway did not take the time to change out of her uniform though she removed it to her tank top. Gretchen wore the fitted black pants and blue t-shirt she usually slept in.
They entered the holodeck and Janeway summoned the disk, and score markings from the control panel.
"The rules are pretty simple in Velocity," said Kathryn, "But the strategy makes it more complex. Essentially you shoot this disk at your opponent, and you defend yourself the same way. Successfully hitting the disk into your opponent scores a point."
"So kind of tennis with phasers?" said Gretchen, "No wonder you like it."
"I had never thought of it exactly that way," said Janeway, "But you're not wrong."
"I'll put it in learning mode for the moment," said Janeway, tapping a few more buttons, "We'll practice shooting the disk to each other on reduced speed, so you can see how the game works. Set your phaser to the lowest setting."
Janeway served and the disc slowly maneuvered its way to Gretchen who shot it easily and gave Janeway a quirked eyebrow and a barely repressed laugh.
I guess she doesn't want me to feel bad if I'm awful, so she put it on child mode or something. A preschooler could've made that shot.
The disc moved forward with more intensity the second time.
Ah, it's set to adapt to my skill level, not Janeway's.
The third time the disc was even faster and minutes passed quickly as the two were caught up in shooting the disc back and forth. Gretchen missed several shots, but the disc quickly appeared again in the middle, and the game hardly missed a beat.
"Hour half elapsed," said the Computer's voice.
"Already?" said Gretchen in surprise as the disc froze in mid-air.
"Would you like to play a real game?" said Kathryn.
"Al..Alright," said Gretchen, nodding.
"You serve," said Kathryn, smiling.
Gretchen shot the disc and started the game and Kathryn shot it back at her.
She is definitely not playing at full power, thought Gretchen as she shot the disc again, It's nice of her to go easy on me, but it's also a little insulting. Wait….what is that?
Janeway leaned in to fire at the disc, and behind her a black mist was forming, with claws just barely visible in the darkness.