It was late. His eyes felt strange. The numbing agent that Rockwell put into the eye drops also affected portions of his eyelids. It would have felt more… odd?... if he could blink but the gauze patches taped over his eyes and then wrapped prevented it. It prevented a lot of things like telling time. The only way he could tell it was late was because Raph was now snoring, from the mumbling that Mikey made every once in a while they were sleeping close to each other if not clutching onto one another for comfort and warmth. The old hospital room was cold even with blankets from home on top of him.

Someone moved to his side. Quiet, shifting leaving a trace of sound that he could chase with his hearing; something rubbing against taut fabric. The snoring didn't break so it had to be Mikey or Master Splinter on a cot. Another shift, another sound, skin on skin as heavy fabric fell to the ground. Mikey. Asleep against Raph having kicked off their blankets. He strained his ears trying to hear everything past the constant dragging of Raphael's snores and the spraying noise of oxygen being fed to Donatello. There, a soft breathing. Father, fast asleep, tired from the emotional turmoil that was infecting them all.

That meant everyone was in a deep sleep.

He could spend time with Donnie and would not be interrupted.

Leonardo sat up the best he could, the dull throbbing of his legs climaxed to a sharp pain that forced him to keep his legs from going much farther than they already had. He twisted at his waist to reach out both hands. With feather like touches he painted a vision of Donatello. Bandages around his throat, stiff thick plasters over the soft cartilage of his chest… a chest that felt so thin… almost as if anyone put any pressure onto it their hand would break through a protective membrane and pass right through. His hands swept to Donatello's sides feeling the thin skin under his armpits to part of his ribs, down to the once strong hinges that now felt… brittle, like a piece of pottery that was over cooked. He moved his hands down to the scutes feeling down then up releasing only to go over limp arms then continue back to their quest of mapping. He felt the sudden loss of hard scutes and onto a strange material that he fingered gently. He tilted his head as he tried to identify it. It was hard and smooth. His finger brushed against something that he could identify, thin, small and definitely metal… a staple. It helped him understand what the other stuff was; plastic. Rockwell had used some sort of plastic material to cover the injured portion of the shell, made sure it was hard enough for Donnie to lay on while he healed, and had stapled it-! Was that a screw? He brushed his finger tip over it several times to make sure he was right… it was a screw burrowed down deep into a bone for anchoring. Leonardo pulled his hands away. He went to touch arms, from shoulders to fingertips. In the dark it had been difficult for him to see what damages Donnie had endured. And now he could count the number of stitches, gauze wraps and plasters stuck onto a weak frame.

He felt a pang stab into his chest. That wretched helplessness he had hoped he would never feel again came upon him like a starved animal catching its prey. It hooked its wicked claws into lungs, fanged teeth bit into his heart. No matter how much he tried to mentally struggle against the beast, tell himself that Donnie was the strongest turtle he knew, Donnie would heal up, Donnie would survive, the creature kept a deep hold upon him. It bit harder, dug its claws in deeper as it slowly dragged him deep into an unfathomable darkness.

In desperation, for reassurance, he gathered together one of Donatello's hands into his own. He shook as he tried hard to resist the urge to cling onto him like a dying man. He fought to keep his ragged breathing quiet. He didn't want to wake his family, he needed this time for just him and Donnie. No one checking in on them. No side glances or back being turned when they see him holding his brother's hand.

He brought the hand he held up. His lips trembled as he pressed them against fingers. He could feel the smoothness of Donatello's skin, the straight bones of his fingers that were walled by prominent knuckles. He sucked in a loud breath through his nose. The air burned his lungs as it fought its way around a suppressed wail. He pressed a few more kisses to his beloved's hand before pulling away.

His legs screamed in pain as he adjusted himself once more getting himself up higher on the bed in order to delicately raise Donatello's head enough to pillow it upon his arm. He pressed Donatello's hand against his heart, his head against his brother's. He nuzzled tenderly, blindly, feeling with his nose. Settling in a huddled position around the limp turtle he took in a few more breaths. Each shivered through his windpipe, past an aching throat to rest like lead in his lungs.

"...p…" He could barely push out the small sound. A few more breaths, he tried again, "...pl...ease…"

"Please."

The gauze around his eyes became wet. Closed eyes shedding tears.

"Please, Donnie… I… I can't…"

He wiggled his body trying to press closer to the slightly warm body.

"I-I can't… not again, Donnie."

Words became so difficult to express. All he could feel was an ashen hollow in his chest. It still smoldered with hot embers. He needed relief from its destruction or he would burn wild and bright only to run to his end much too quickly.

Softly pleading Leo gave a wretched sob, "Don't leave me."

It had been the first sob that woke Michelangelo. The young warrior had only started to relax his mind after they had Donatello back. With the news that he may still pass away seated him back into an iron maiden of anxiety. The loud snoring of Raphael had helped to serve as a white noise for him. It had been difficult for all of them to fall asleep, terrified of what may happen if they had. What if Donnie had complications while they slept? What if he...died and they were not by his side?

What if. What if.

The abnormal sound had set off his internal alarm. He had jerked his head up, alert and fully awake. His heart hammered in his chest trying to run from the clutches of fear. He saw Leo shiver as he took in ragged breaths. He moved and adjusted.

Mikey was about to get up when he heard the plea. The begging of a dying man for a thread of life.

Donnie wasn't gone… Leo was finally processing what could happen.

The youngest rested his head back down onto his brother's chest. His brows knitted together as he listened. He closed his eyes and hugged Raph close.

"Don't leave me."

It took everything in him not to whimper at how lonely and broken his once indomitable big brother was. Leo… if Donnie left… Leo would be nothing more than a memory of yesterday. A shade of the past. He would become that empty shell once more… no… it would be worse. He would waste and wither away like a loyal dog at his owner's grave… and what could he do about it?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

At the moment all he could do was allow Leo to beg Donnie to stay. All he could do was cling onto Raph as if he was a buoy in a terrible storm at sea.

He was thankful when Raph shifted. His arm flopped around his baby brother and they were rolled onto their sides. He hid away in the larger frame. He pulled his hands together between their bodies trying to remain quiet as a church mouse. And it was with that thought that he felt he had one last thing he could do. He had no idea if that would help at all. If there was someone out there to listen to a mutant… but maybe it could at least help him feel a little less hopeless.

For the first time in his life Michelangelo prayed. He prayed with all his heart, asking in his mind over and over again for Donnie to be okay, for Leo's pain to go away, for all of them to be able to go home and be a family again. It was all he wanted, and if there was no god out there to hear him… at least he tried.

He felt the cold first. The pushing and pulling of waves lapping at his body was the next sensation. His eyes slowly focused on the blue sky above. His body felt heavy in the sand that warmed his shell. He could feel the tears and cuts on his body leak as constant tears slipped from his eyes. Air couldn't slip in or out of his lungs as his heart refused to beat.

He wanted to die.

Bleed out and leave everything behind now that… that what? He didn't know. He only felt pain. Not physical but something so insurmountable that words utterly failed to describe the agony. He lifted up his hand the lacerations upon his forearm didn't seep red but… water.

Slowly, Leo pushed himself to sit up. His tears didn't stop as he observed that every cut, every tear of his flesh bled forth the same salty tears that came from his eyes. It bled forth into a slowly building ocean. A warm wind pushed against him as he felt so much loss.

Blue eyes looked to numb hands. He barely registered that they shook violently as thoughts bubbled up desiring to be recognized. Their odd forms shifted and moved about as flotsam upon his ocean of grief that began to pull him further in by its undertow.

Warm hands wrapped around his startling him. It anchored him, placed his feet into the sand with the waters shifting around his body. Redwood eyes looked at him with tenderness and nervousness. Donatello's hands gripped him firmly lending a strength that he had always seen in his brother. With something that Leo could never describe he was compelled to turn around by Donnie's guidance. His brother smiled in a way that stilled the waters. He silently stepped back making the katana expert move forward. Slowly, step by step, inch by inch he was being led away from the endless ocean that cried.

They were not completely out of the water when Donnie yanked him. His arms grappled in a fierce embrace around Leo. A heat enveloped Leo as he returned the embrace, clutching desperately to never have to let go. He squeezed his eyes shut. He nuzzled at a long neck becoming fully aware of the strong pulse that beat against his beak. It was sweet music to him. A drumbeat of life that he would always cherish.

Suddenly, Leo's arms swung through the air that was once a spot occupied by Donatello's solid body. He stumbled a step forward. His eyes snapped open finding himself in the dark. His once calmed heart began to erratically beat as his breathing came and went rapidly.

"Whoa, whoa. Leo, calm down." Raph's voice was muffled.

"Uh, you okay?" Mikey's blue eyes blinked not too far from his.

The light flicked on a worried Sensei knelt before his students and over by the switch was Donatello. April stood next to him, her body still thin and not built for a kunoichi.

"Is… uh, is that normal?" April whispered a little too loudly to Donnie.

Leo's mind couldn't settle, each thought felt like a bubble of foam and he could barely recognize that he was in the dojo. It was the day they were demonstrating to April how concealed tactics worked in the darkness.

"I..ah…" Donnie made a few noises as he gaped at Leo uncertain as to what was going on.

The leader began to cry large tears as he started at his tall brother. His expression didn't change as the wordlessly gawked. His hands trembled, violent tremors started to vibrate his body.

"D-Donnie." It came out so painful. Wretched and haunted.

He stepped forward feeling the floor give way as he reached for his brother. His vision blurred as he fell, stumbling several steps before painfully falling to grass covered ground. He groaned as his head swam. His leg ached and his stomach lurched forcing him to throw up. Leo looked up feeling miserable. Several yards in front of him was April and Donnie. She had just kissed his cheek. No longer was he blushing but looking horrified. It only took a few heart beats before he was in action moving to Leo.

Once more his body shook in throws of spasming muscles and screaming thoughts that clammored over one another for attention. He reached out for Donnie as best as he could as he twisted to the side falling through the ground spinning around before he was up on his feet once more. He slammed into a tree and gripped onto it upon instinct to keep himself from falling. Something was over his head. He swept a hand back pushing it away so that he had the freedom to see. He felt his whole body shiver with now familiar tremors.

No. No. He was staying right there!

He looked around himself. He was in the woods? Wait. That would mean.

A stag stood close to him. Its big eyes endless depths of brown and flecks of light that promised eternal knowledge. He moved away as if repulsed though he still kept a grip on the tree. The stag dipped its head down to nibble on some choice foliage. The broken eye contact caused Leo's body to stop trembling. He felt an previously unknown pressure lift off of him making his jumbled thoughts suddenly quiet.

What the hell was going on?

Where? He looked down at himself. He was dressed in his Vision Quest clothing.

The vision quest? But… he saw the stag before didn't he? Or… was this a vision in itself? Was his knowledge of the future actually the vision?

He ran his hand over his face. Nothing made sense any more. He didn't know what was going on, how it was happening or when. It was all going on at the same time. He felt a helplessness all over again. How could he even try to help Donnie when he couldn't even make out if he was insane or not? How was he even figuring that his sheer will power could overcome all odds?

He slid down to his knees and leaned against the tree. He looked at his hands feeling as if every stroke of luck was bleeding through, slipping away between his fingers. Donatello was the better part of every single beat of his heart. He was nothing but potential that could only be seen when they were older, wiser. If they couldn't make it to that time then he knew that everyone would look like themselves but they would be somebody else inside. Raph would have the fight drained from him leaving nothing but room for liquor and tobacco smoke. He would lose everything that made him bright and red. Mikey would pretend to be happy but he would be withered inside, a crooked garden of thistles and weeds. He wouldn't be the warmth of orange sunlight, he would black flesh and bone unable to believe that everyone was gone. Master Splinter would gray quickly, his body become frail as stained glass brittlely breaking with each step into the future. Leo? Leo wouldn't be there. He would be drowned in that ocean of anguish unable to see to his family. He wouldn't be able to keep them close because he would be drowned… lost.

Leo's eyes turned up to the canopy of the forest.

"Please." He let the fight seep out of his shoulders as he leaned against the tree in front of the strange stag. He felt as if he had no other option but to blindly pray to a higher power in hopes it would hear him. "Please…" Once again tears welled up as his voice broke. "Help him. Help Donnie." He squeezed his eyes closed as a sob ripped from his chest. "I- I can't- I can't do it again. He needs to live. Please."

The once strong and confident ninja sat broken, weak, and frightened on the forest floor. He would give anything to have Donnie safe. To have him heal from his wounds and smile. They got him home. They pulled off that miracle but now… Now he risked losing his beloved once more and so soon. He was so tired all he needed was Donnie to be okay. Even if he died, to secure his brother's health he would gladly make the exchange.

A damp wind huffed over his face.

A wet nose pressed against his beak.

Blue eyes opened being greeted by the stag's deep brown eyes. He reached up a hand touching the coarse fur. His forehead pressed against the animal's brow as he let out another sniffle.

"Donnie." He whimpered as the stag nuzzled against him. He looked into those lovely brown eyes feeling a sense of calm start to wash over him. It was as if he had a reassurance though not a word was spoken to him.

Warm, fur covered hands took hold of his elbows. Leo's breath hitched as he was helped to his feet by the majestic beast. He looked on in wonderment as the now bipedal deer took one of its hands and spat into it what looked like a green pill. It pushed the slicked object into Leo's mouth and there came an understanding with it.

"In the Shinto religion deer are considered messengers of the divine."

The memory of Donnie's voice filled him. It gave him… hope.

The stag put a hand on Leo's chest and pushed him back. He gently fell back the world falling away to darkness. This time he didn't feel sick. He didn't feel like he was swirling around violently. It was soft like moving from one well practiced kata into another. He became aware of his shredded body. The pain of his limbs and the strange numbness in his eyes. In his mouth was a hard, bitter pearl.

Leo shifted feeling his position had not changed from before. He was still pressed up against Donnie, holding onto him for dear life. He carefully moved around his hands finding Donnie's head. He tenderly touched cheek and lip. Fingers dipped into mouth parting teeth. One of his hands slipped down to Donnie's long, thin, neck. He pressed his thumb and forefinger against the farthest part of jaw. Leo's lips sought out the open mouth sealing them together. He pushed the divine pill into Donnie's mouth. His tongue pushed it as far back as he could. He worked his fingers massaging the muscles of the jaw and neck in a swallowing motion. A lump slipped down past adam's apple. Leo let his tongue swipe at Donnie's tongue tasting him before pulling their mouths apart. Gently he closed Donnie's mouth. He pressed a kiss to his beloved's head before falling into a much needed sleep.