Here we go. finally i'm getting back to this story. be advised it's heartbreaking and mentions of depression

Troks Chapter Four

The next morning there was an element of tension within the Ravagers which everyone tried to ignore, even though it felt unbearable.

For the Ravagers not privy to the information they just assumed the Yarovesky had a spat with Horuz, and Peter had stowed away and was in serious trouble, which wasn't that far from the truth.

That morning as Peter got up and dressed, neither of his parents seemed to be talking to him, and his dad just handed him his pad which had dozens of jobs for him to do, and every second it seemed more and more was added. It was the grunt work, and he hated it. But he had to do it, and the feeling in his stomach just grew by what he said and did.

Peter didn't know how to make it right, and in the end, in the mess hall. There was a subdued element, and Peter noticed no music or much chatting and noted there were blue rims around Proctom's eyes as if he had been crying all night, which was a fact

Though Proctom felt tired, he still felt like he had to work, which he now knew was down to the way his brain was designed. Iztel had been tempted to tell him to stay in their Quarters, but knowing how Proctom's mind worked was concerned that he would see it as an order instead.

Peter was just handed his meal without a word by Iztel and went to sit down with his parents, who were not talking to him. He knew this was their idea of punishment and that he deserved it, and at quickly before taking his plate back and left to get to work, so his parents and family would forgive him.

"Ok, I've got to get down to the armoury, so much shit I didn't finish yesterday", Proctom said backing away, and making his way to leave, but not before Iztel called out. "Give me a shout if you need me…if you want too", he hastily added, and Proctom threw Iztel a small look of gratitude.

Proctom had spent the night crying in his sleep and feeling Itzel's hand wave his hand through his hair, reassuring him, letting him know it was all right. But that didn't stop the hollow feeling in his chest, though recognising the fact that he had a birthday, real person, for some reason that gave him a lick of comfort.

When Horuz went onto the deck, that morning it was noted that Yarovesky wasn't with him, instead of getting to work and doing his job. Horuz has left his mate, who he knew wasn't sleeping but just there with his eyes closed.

Horuz tried to engage him on conversation, but Yarovesky just turned over, and with his back to Horuz made it clear that he didn't want to talk about it. When Horuz finally left the room, Yarovesky just squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would take away his problem, even though it was a futile effort. Everyone knew what he, what they were, and he had to face up to that, and that fact made him feel worse than ever.

On the bridge, no one mentioned Yarovesky's lack of presence, and Gunnsen, not that much of a navigator, but he knew some tricks just took his place, even though there was tension in the air.

Yondu had looked over the information about what his crew were, and deciding he needed an expert's opinion, and sent it over to Lizxona, who then forwarded it one to his medics, who seemed ecstatic at the information. A few hours later, Yondu received a discreet summons and hailed the others he felt needed to be there.

Sitting at his desk with Kraglin and Iztel and Horuz perched on a bulkhead Yondu waited as his screen was filled with Tyorells, Lizxona and the expert who had been treating Proctom for all these years. Yondu noticed he held an element of glee in his voice as if he had uncovered something that was missing.

"So, looking over the data, this isn't unknown to us, of course, we've been treating Omevic, for years and we sussed that there was an element in his brain hardwired as if he was given a partial lobotomy from birth. There were also key elements in Proctom's brain, but that's also down to previous scar tissue. Another unique case, after all."

"Great so how do we fix this?" Asked Yondu, wondering what the hell the doctor was on about, "going to drill into their heads too?"

The medic exhaled and addressed this more to Iztel "That would be fantastic, but Omevic was eight, and his brain was still developing, which made it easier, and he almost didn't cause, and his therapy took months afterwards.

I can't speak for the other, but I know that Proctom wouldn't make it with his brain as it is. Iztel I know you would never want your son to be in danger, and he'll be looking at paralysis and a stroke if I even attempted it"

To this Iztel didn't bother to point out that Proctom wasn't his son, since the entire galaxy just came to that conclusion "Right, so how do I help him, been watching over that boy for years, like hell do I want him to ever think of me like that".

To this, the medic smiled softly, since Iztel's devotion to that boy was well known amongst the medical staff. "All you can do is give it time, and breaking their programming, all the things; they were not meant to have, they seemed to have got.

As you said they dream, we're not sure of the reason why we'll still have to investigate; it could be a pathogen or even a virus. But the fact they are can mean their programming has been broken or shifting. They are enjoying a better quality of life than they ever have, but regarding breaking their mentality is going to be a lot more complicated".

To this Yondu kept a stoic face, even though internally he was miffed though he knew it wasn't going to be an easy journey since he occasionally felt like life's bitch

"Well right now I'm not exactly getting a kick out of my crew thinks I'm a sodding Master, there has to be something I can do for them in the here and now" Yondu stated.

For Ravagers having such a fiercely personal, it was strange that this blue man, with the fireworks cracking under the headpiece, seemed to give so much of a shit for his crew. It was noble thought the physician, and he continued.

"The only thing I can suggest is you give them choices. They go on missions, let they chose the ones they want to go on, let them feel they have an option for the first time. For Proctom since I know he loves to cook, let him plan the menus, take control of the kitchen, and knowing you Iztel, that will be fascinating to witness.

For the Vonspiers, well I don't know them, but what I've gleaned from the information being a married couple going through this, they may need some outside support, from somewhere.

"Well you know, we have that here, if they need support for anything", Lizxona finally spoke up, since this concerned Yondu's family after all. He knew what a sort of family the Ravagers were, and the Yondu interjected, "And I appreciate that but the main issue is Yarovesky and by a stretch all of them too."

This caused the medic to speak up thoughtfully, "True but Omevic even with his surgeries did battle with childhood depression in his early years. Keep them miserable, keep them dependent, something the Ridel's have spent years working on".

This got Horuz's attention, and he stood a lot more upright,

"So, what I keep an eye on him and hope he doesn't do anything stupid," asked Horuz since the ramification of how screwed up and desperate Yarovesky was gleaned becoming apparent.

"Well there is medication, which he'll have to agree to take but if you want to help him, all he needs is time, rest and knowing people care about him. The fact he kept this quiet for so long, it's going to be hard for him to process, but as long as he doesn't pose a danger to himself or others, it shouldn't be too bad."

"Right so I'll tell him to go away, at least I can do that" Yondu agreed.

As more things were discussed at what to do next since Yarovesky had to agree to accept help, and Yondu wondered if he should discuss it with Yarovesky until Horuz being his mate agreed to talk to him. If Yarovesky thought it was an order, then he could refuse and help if he decided it had to be on his terms and no one else's.

That night over dinner which Peter had made, which in everyone's opinion wasn't as good as it should have been or perhaps Peter's actions had left a bitter taste in everyone mouth. Peter still felt terrible and exhausted, and he hated that Yarovesky wasn't on the bridge where he belonged.

Proctom seemed to want nothing to do to with him, and it was all his fault since he knew he had hurt Yarovesky and didn't know how to fix it. Though Proctom as he went over his work, mentally going over what Iztel had said, letting him cry on his shoulder and just letting him talk, he didn't feel as bad as he thought he would.

Proctom had looked over the data and knew what he was, but he was a person, compared to where he used to be. He couldn't help feel more confident about it though not enough that his anxiety meant he couldn't at that point discuss it with the others.

For Yondu he was still trying to figure this out, but by his view, all of the ones it involved had just gone about their day, and he made the decision not to address it unless they did. He knew the scares of being a slave, and though he tried to hide it.

Yondu had Kraglin to make him feel like a person, and of course, Peter to make him feel like a father. Not that he didn't know the dark thoughts that occupied their mind. Yondu had to deal with the fact his parents treated him like shit, and they had come to realise it was the universe that did that to them.

Horuz had sent Yarovesky's messages during the day, to find out if his mate was hungry and he wanted to talk, and Yarovesky responded with a no, and in the end with all shifts concluded. Horuz came in his quarters.

There was Yarovesky still in his bad, pretty much unmoved since the day before, just staring into nothing, and Horuz made a feeble attempt to make it right, in hindsight very feeble, but he had to do something.

"Oh, this is something, Proctom was telling me, Iztel gave him a birthday, they're going to share the same one, I was just wondering if that's something you might want. You can give yourself one, or I can give you one" Horuz felt like he was clutching at straws, so tried a different tactic "Remember when we killed all those volerats, we never did go on that holiday did we?"

Yarovesky turned himself over and looked at his mate, of all the things to say, it was this "No we didn't, did we", that seemed to be all the confirmation Horuz needed. "Well, Yondu thinks we should go away for a while, for you to get your head right, you know to be like you again."

"Be nothing again", Yarovesky mind interpreted Horuz kind gesture as the opposite as he was prone to doing so, as Horuz made the decisions to reach out and with familiar gestures, reciprocated the pair began to make love.

It wasn't violent, unlike a lot of their conquests, instead, it was slow and gentle, with Yarovesky with his eyes closed, just savouring the moment, which was what Horuz thought. For Yarovesky as he kissed the man, who loved him, and gently caressed his body, he would have done anything to hide the dark feeling in his chest and give the impression it was ok when it wasn't.

But he wanted to give Horuz someone good, something decent because Yarovesky knew Horuz better than most. Yarovesky knew that beneath his hard exterior was a man who loved, him who had convinced even if no matter how he tried to convince himself, he could never feel the same.

A while later thoroughly saturated, with the feeling of Yarovesky on his body and the scent of him on his skin, Horus drifted off to sleep, as Yarovesky got up to take a shower, and found himself staring for so long in the mirror. His dark brown eyes showing no emotion and just looked hollow and empty, coming to the right decision and leaving the room dressed quickly.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Yarovesky looked over at his sleeping mate and resisted the urge to wake him up, to talk to him, but he wouldn't understand, no one would. And writing a few lines, eventually, he got up.

Picking up his favourite blade, he slid it into his sheath and left the room. Walking through the decks slowly, more than once he gripped a hand on a railing, trying to see if he could go back and tear up the note, pretend that nothing had happened, but it was too late for that, no matter how he tried the darkness in his chest, wouldn't go away, and no word from anyone could change that. He did wonder about Peter, but he knew that Peter had his family, and people who loved him, and he'll be ok, and soon Yarovesky would be nothing more than a distant memory.

On the hanger deck, there was no one around, and no one to stop him, as Yarovesky walked into his M-Ship and sealed the door behind him, with nowhere to go, but perhaps, just he thought as he took his seat, for a man without a soul, maybe was the time to prove it.

Several hours later

When Yondu Udonta left his quarters that morning since he was on an earlier shift with his family in tow, he sensed there was something wrong in the atmosphere, but he couldn't quite place it. Yondu hadn't used his senses on the others, since he had done it in the past, and he didn't need their darkness clouding his judgment.

In the mess hall, Yondu noticed the Gunnsen didn't even seem that bothered and was being his usual self, but Jamsean was quieter, with the haunted look on his face. However Proctom standing next to Iztel seemed more like himself, and the Udonta family were about to take their place at the dining table when Horuz's frantic voice came over on Yondu's comms.

"Yondu, you've got to get to the hanger bay right now, I need an override, it's Yarovesky."

Yondu and Kraglin just looked at each other, and instantly rushed down to the bay, followed by the Vonspiers, Iztel and Proctom since they were all connected to this and needed to know what the hell was going on.

There in the bay, they found Horuz, frantically trying to get the door open. "The bastards encoded it, I can't get it open," He said, clearly out of breath, as he filled the rest in.

"I woke up this morning; there was this note. Shit Yondu, I think he's gone and done something stupid."

Horuz passed the note he had found to Yondu who read it aloud "I'm sorry, but I can't stay, you deserve better than someone who can't love. Just forgive me and forget me."

"Oh shit", Kraglin said the ramifications of what Yarovesky could have done were becoming apparent, "Fuck it, let's get this door opened, shit, bastards encoded it he needs a combination"

"I know that, but I've tried everything, I even used the combination he has on his arm, the day he was born…hatched whatever. I even tried different versions, but Yarovesky would rather die than be so predictable."

Kraglin had taken over and was typing the random code into the door, just in case one of them by some miracle would work, while Yondu rubbed a hand over his fin

"Listen Yondu, if Peter's powers are ever going to work, this is the time to do it" muttered Iztel, which Yondu understood, but his son wasn't aware of his powers, and this was not the time to force it out of him. It was something that happened randomly, and if Peter somehow saw this coming, maybe they could have prevented it.

While they were debating this, no one noticed Peter coming and standing in the doorway, with a stricken look on his face, feeling guilt that he had caused all of this. Yarovesky was in trouble, and it was because of him, and he didn't know how to make it right when he didn't notice his green eyes flash suddenly.

Proctom was trying to break the code, when Gunnsen turned to Horuz's, "Ok, did he tell you anything, like a clue at all…what happened last night?"

"I got home, we had sex, and we talked, I asked him if he wanted to go away and if he wanted a birthday because of Proctom…Oh shit."

Horuz quickly turned to Proctom, "Proctom what's your date of birth…I mean your birthday?"

"Ummm the twenty-second of magtag", stated Proctom, still getting used to the concept of a birthday in his head.

Jamsean quickly typed in the code, and to everyone's relief, the door opened with a click, and everyone piled in, almost on instinct everyone reached for there weapon, only to receive a quick summons from Yondu to drop it.

"Look, he may be wasted, or whatever just keep your shit together and see if we can sort this out".

There was so much tension it seemed to drip from the air as the crew piled through the M-Ship. None of them called out Yarovesky name, and it didn't take a genius to figure out he was in pain, and capable of anything.

With a quick scout of the lower decks, the group made their way up to the cockpit with Horuz leading, which Yondu didn't question, and turned, and almost instantly their mouths dropped with shock

"Oh, god no."

To be continued