Warning: this chapter touches on sexual abuse, torture and r*pe. Reader's discretion is advised.
It felt like dead weight, and he would have assumed as such if he didn't hear her steady breathing. The weight of her was still feather light, yet she had moved with the agility greater than his top soldiers. Kaija had always been agile, able to climb pillars and conduct certain acrobats that he knew she had gained from needing to survive outside of the palace walls; but, this was different, much different. What Atem had witnessed, as much as he tried to push the thought to the back of his head, it terrified him. With such a vicious gaze, it was like she had lost herself completely, taken over by her own darkness. When would this happen again? What if she was unable to control it? Perhaps Aknadin was right - should he place her in somewhere more secure? None were hurt this time, but there was no escaping the immense power she held within her in that form. It overcame everyone of his council members, all seven of their millennium items, it seemed. Then again, her own item wouldn't have been able to touch any of them, anyways. That must have been why the creature had used brute strength to get what she wanted.
Now, seeing Kaija so peaceful, it was hard to picture her in any other way than how she was, unconscious in his arms.
Upon entering the medical wing, he could hear footsteps behind him. With a brow furrowed, he tightened his grip on Kaija and halted his steps, "Aknadin, I don't want t-" the movement to turn began, but his words stopped, seeing Isis standing before him, instead of the old snake that seemed to bring him nothing but a headache nowadays. There was worry in Isis' gaze, head canted as she peers over Kaija's sleeping face.
"I suppose I got what I wanted," she began, musing as if it were only to herself. A gentle hand reached towards Kaija's face, brushing a hair from it and tucking it behind her ear, "I got to see the power of her item. Now, I almost regret I had."
Atem watched Isis' curiously, knowing that the older priestess had taken Kaija under her wing, as a sister or perhaps a daughter. There was a love that Isis held in her heart for the girl, though she hid it much better than the Pharaoh had, "I don't know what to think," Atem began, turning back towards one of the empty beds. Slowly, he lay Kaija on her back, immediately looking to see if the knife wound that had been inflicted was still seeping. Pulling her garb away from her rib, he saw a large patch of dried blood, which made it difficult to see the wound fully.
With a wet cloth, Isis walked over to Atem and handed it to him, the Pharaoh taking it graciously and cautiously cleaning the blood - he didn't want to disturb it or reopen it.
"What?" A shocked tone came from Atem as he spoke, disbelief casting over his features as he saw that there was no wound - just a purple scar already left in it's place, "How can this be?" Isis peered at it herself, perplexed and in just as much disbelief as her Pharaoh.
"Remarkable. That item must have given her body regenerative power. It's almost like an attempt to protect the host," she mused, only for Atem to interrupt, having seen the scars that marred her back.
"But the wounds on her back are still there and much more prominent," he observed, peering towards Isis with his face still filled with pondering confusion. Isis paused, trying to think and put at least some of the pieces together. Then it came to her.
"I think I understand. This only seems to happen when Kaija is mortally injured. You remember what the creature said, don't you? How it only seemed to be able to take over when she gave up, but I'm sure the only reason Kaija did so was because her body and mind couldn't physically take whatever they were doing to her anymore," she began, seeing a pensive and almost angry expression on his face.
"I don't want to think about what they put her through," he mused, cupping Kaija's cheek and gently stroking it, "I don't want to think about what I left her to endure."
Isis let the silence sink in for a moment or two before continuing, "Regardless, my Pharaoh. It seemed the reason the beast took over this time is because that injury to her side. It could have very well been fatal, but due to the beast taking over, it healed. I-" she paused, keeping her gaze on Kaija, "I think I'm right in thinking it's just trying to protect it's host; but, if what the beast says is true, her heart is holding much more darkness than you or I thought."
Atem clenched his jaw, looking down his love, unconscious and serene in her current state, knowing full well that it was his fault. A lump formed in his throat but he quickly swallowed down any hint of tears, "It's because of me," he began, "I left her to suffer, while I stayed here and carried on with my life. I should have tried harder to find her - I should've-" he was cut off by the feel of Isis' hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly.
"You cannot place all of the blame upon yourself, as it wasn't you who put her in that danger in the first place. It was that Bakura who that to her, not you," the tone was firm but reassuring, trying to gauge the Pharaoh's expression as she furrowed her brows some, "Have you...spoken about it? Everything that happened? Has she told you anything?" Atem shook his head.
"No, I just know vaguely what they did to her, what they took from her. As for...Teana, we didn't speak about it in that way. I was just...so happy to have her back that I couldn't think of anything else than to have her with me. It was selfish, but I -" he released a heavy breath, laced with a growl, "I made a vow to myself. If she were to ever return to me, that I wouldn't hide her anymore and I would make her my queen. It's a vow I intend to uphold."
Isis looked back to Kaija, her body still limp and simply breathing evenly, "If what that creature says is true, this is more to unpack between you two than initially thought," she began, peering towards Atem as she continued, "You need to speak with her about everything. About how she's feeling - how you're feeling. There is darkness in your heart, too. It needs to be weened out."
Atem gave an affirmative nod, jaw clenching once again, "I suppose, if she isn't injured...she needn't be here. I'll take her to my -" he paused and corrected himself, "Our room." It was then that he lifted her once again, the same way he had before, cradling her close to him - Kaija didn't stir. Isis could sense some hesitation, tilting her head some in understanding.
"There is no evil in her now - not that I can sense. Whatever happened in the throne room is gone, for now."
Giving an affirming nod, he turned and headed towards the chambers he had shared with Kaija the night before, and vowed to do so every night after that. He intended to keep that vow, as well.
With a deep, loud gasp, Kaija bolted up in bed, misty pools wide and filled with terror. Hands gripped the sheets below her, as a thin sheen of sweat coated her brow. Each inhale to her lungs was like as if she hadn't breathed in years, trying to gulp back a much as she could. Frantically, she gripped her rib, pulling down the simple slip from her shoulder and only seeing a scar where a knife once was. At least, that was the last thing she remembered.
No.
She remembered more. Much more.
Lifting her hands, she tried to see if there was any blood on them, trembling slightly as she examined herself, all while still panting heavily. Each movement was frantic, peering around her surroundings and finding her in the Pharaoh's chambers. One hand lifted to her heart, no longer feeling the searing pain that came when she transformed, and instead only feeling the outline of the eye that was donned in the middle of every millennium item. Long, silver tresses fell easily over her shoulders, out of any and all braids that she typically adorned. How long had she been asleep?
"Atem..." she breathed, grabbing the blanket and pulling it from herself, climbing to her feet. Swiftly, she found a robe, trying it around herself and heading towards the door. Why was she alone? Placing her hand on the door, more memories flashed within her mind, recalling the confrontation between herself and the darkness within her. A choked, pained sound left her as she lifted a hand to her head, as if it would stop the memories from flooding in. Eyes shut tightly as she drew in a deep breath to try and steady herself, whimpering at the realization that she had come so close to murdering the Pharaoh. Her Pharaoh. Her love. Her light. Standing straight, she tried to push on the door once again, finding it heavy, but not locked. She could hear shocked voice coming from the other side of the door before it suddenly became lighter. It seemed a guard has helped her open it.
"My lady, you shouldn't be out of bed," one of them stated, genuine concern laced in their tone, as the other guard seemed much more reserved.
"What...where is-" Kaija began before the colder one spoke.
"He is in a council meeting and must not be disturbed," Kaija's eyes widened slightly before narrowing them towards the guard.
"You saw, didn't you - what I did..." she began, the guard suddenly becoming much more tense and uncomfortable.
"Yes," the answer was curt.
Kaija nodded slowly before peering down to the floor, "I see. I understand how you must look at me like a monster," she stated with a gentle tone, "Know that is not who I am, but what I am cursed with. I'm sorry you had to see me like that."
The guard swallowed before giving her a small nod, "The Pharaoh will be back within the hour. He told us not to let you out, if you awoke. Apologies, my lady, but we cannot let you pass," the opposite guard gave her a small, reassuring smile.
"Of course," she wasn't that immature, brash girl she was two years ago - not anymore. Perhaps still a bit blunt and wild, but she wasn't about to get angry at the guards for keeping her here, "One question, though...how long have I been asleep?"
"Only a day, my lady," the lighter one answered before she give them thanks with a nod and a small turn back towards the bed.
The doors were closed behind her by the guards, making her feel somewhat claustrophobic. It felt like an insurmountable weight was placed upon her chest - guilt, remorse, fear. Kaija lifted her hand to her chest, closing her eyes and attempting to keep the tears at bay. Instead, her fist clenched, looking towards a vase nearby and grabbing it before whirling it at the wall with a scream. The guards opened the door, rushing in, as if there had been a threat, only to see the petite Kaija standing there, breathing heavily and looking anything but terrifying, "My lady, are you alright?" Kaija simply looked to the floor, hair falling over her gaze as she nodded.
"Apologies..." she murmured before turning to them with a weak and pained smile, embarrassed that she'd let herself become so enraged.
"Would you like us to find someone to keep you company?"
Kaija simply shook her head, "That's alright. I just...need some fresh air. You won't hear a peep from me again, I promise," a weak smile was given before watching the men close the door behind her.
Walking to a nearby window, she took up her favourite spot, sitting on the ledge of it. One leg dangled down, the other bent at the knee for her to hug and rest her head upon it. The slip and robe she wore fell off her shoulder, everything the Pharaoh owned too large for her. With a heavy sigh, her gaze seemed lost, as if she weren't looking out over the Nile, but in her own world.
What if I hurt someone next time?
The thought crossed her mind, knowing full well that her darkness could be listening, but she didn't sense her presence anywhere.
Perhaps I shouldn't have come back. Teana was right - I should have stayed where I was.
Leaning her head forward, she rested her forehead against her knee, eyes shutting tightly as she tried to shove such thoughts from her mind.
If I'd hurt Atem...I...I couldn't live with myself.
The threat of tears built up with heat behind her gaze, letting a few fall with a choked sob, something she hadn't done since she had first arrived. Even then, it was out of hysteria, not from this - a weight so heavy that she didn't know how to handle any of it.
"Kaija?!" The deep bass of Atem's voice snapped her out of her stupor, jolting her head up and wiping the tears from her eyes, "Where are you?!" There was a frantic tone to his voice, realizing that he didn't see her. Jumping from the window sill, she made her way towards the main entrance of his chambers (it still didn't feel right to call them hers).
"I'm right here," she replied, though rather meekly as Atem turned towards her with a wave of relief crashing over him, reflecting in his features.
"Kaija..." he breathed, taking a few steps towards her and cupping her cheeks, pulling her close enough to capture her lips in a kiss. It lingered for a few moments, Kaija easily sinking into it as she held onto his wrists. Pulling from her, he rested his forehead against her own. feeling the cold metal of his crown against her flesh, "Thanks the Gods," he mused, having moved his head to be able to peer down at her, "How are you feeling?"
That question, it burned in the pit of her stomach and seared at her heart, clenching it and making it harder to breathe. Still, she tried to fake a smile, prepare to tell him she felt alright - but she couldn't. She wasn't strong enough this time. Instead, she peered down at the ground and shook her head, "I-" the tears came back, one falling freely as she gained the courage to look up at him, "I'm not-" how would she describe what she was feeling? Overwhelmed? No, it was more than that. There was immediate concern on Atem's features, looking over her and keeping his hands on her cheeks.
"Tell me..." he breathed, trying to encourage her to trust him with what she held in her heart. Kaija's eyes closed for a moment, drawing in an extremely shaky breath through her nose before she opened her eyes and peered at him with a sense of knowing.
"I'm angry," she started, pulling his hands from her cheeks and almost shoving them away from her, "I'm furious and jealous. I feel...betrayed and forgotten, remorseful," Atem's eyes widened seeing a very real rage in her eyes, "I feel like I was left to suffer - to wither away into nothing but a memory, while you-" she paused, stopping herself from continuing. Fists clenched against her sides as she quickly turned away from him, only to feel his hand on her shoulder to pull him back to face him.
"While I, what?" There was an authority holding strong within his voice, "While I found someone else? Carried on living?"
"Yes!" She didn't mean it, not truly, "You found someone else! The one thing I held onto while I was chained in a dark cell, naked and bloodied!" It was the first line to the picture of what she'd experience, "Tormented, tortured and r*ped!" The word left her as if it were held within a scream, but it wasn't out of anger, more so anguish. It had been the first time she'd said the word, causing Atem's heart to shatter and his stomach to drop out of himself, "Passed around as if I were some plaything. Mentally tormented to make it seem like I had escaped, that you were with me, only to have the veil lifted and it was Bakura staring back at me!"
Drawing in another shaky breath, she took a step away from him, her hands having pointed towards him in accusation, to amplify the meaning of her words, "After two years - two years - I finally come back. I see you..." her voice wavered then, losing the strength that had been held behind it, "I see the real you and I-" she brought in a choked sob, looking away from him and shaking her head, "I-I felt..."
Atem could do nothing but stand completely still, frozen by a sense of grief, or guilt and remorse. It weight down against his heart and all he wanted was to find some way to go back, to try harder to find her.
"I felt like I was alive again," she murmured through whimpers, "Like I was finally going to have...have what I had fought so hard to find - to come back to," she swallowed, finally able to steady her breathing enough to only have a slight shake with each intake of air. Her gaze found Atem's once again, seeing the pure pain that seemed to radiate throughout his entire being, "And when I found out you'd found someone else - that you had moved on and found love in another-"
"I didn't-" Atem tried to interrupt, only for Kaija to shoot him a glare.
"You loved her. In one way or another, you fell in love with her," she began, shaking her head, "But...even..." she took a step towards him then, reaching a hand out to take his, hesitant at first, but when their fingers met, Atem seemed to cling to it for dear life, "Even though I knew that, I couldn't be angry, not fully," her head shook as she finally allowed a softness to come over her gaze, "I meant what I said that day - how I hoped she made you happy, because..." that lump in her throat came back, "That all I ever want for you, to be happy. To have what I couldn't." Atem pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her pressing her hard against him, afraid that if he were to let go, that she would run away. Kaija allowed herself to be pulled in, resting her head on his shoulder and loosely holding onto his sides, "I'm worried that you only have me here out of guilt - the guilt you feel for not finding me."
There it was, the root of the outburst, it had Atem's heart sinking, "Kaija..." he breathed, pressing his cheek against her temple, "That could not be farther from the truth," he began, swallowing slightly as he tried to gather his own thoughts, "Though, yes, I feel guilt - a guilt that I know will never leave me - for knowing that you suffered while I lived as if my life had not changed. For...not trying harder to find you and keeping us in the shadows when you were here," there was a slight quiver in his voice, "But that is not why I have you here - not why I chose you."
Separating from her some, he peered down at her with his own anguish in his eyes, "I chose you, because I love you," he took her hand and placed it over his own heart, "This belongs to you as much as it does me - it always has..." he breathed, seeing Kaija's eyes well up once again, "I made a vow, that, should you be in my arms once again, I wouldn't hide what we had and I would make you my queen. I meant it then and, when I saw you, she-" he couldn't even say her name at this point, "She wasn't even...a whisper of a thought in my mind. You are who I want - who I need. That hasn't changed and it never will."
Kaija ran a hand up to his cheek, holding it and caressing it with her thumb causing Atem to lean into it completely, "I remember what happened..." she breathed, "How I...almost killed you. How can you possibly want me as your queen now? How could anyone? I'm a liability now, Atem..." shaking his head, he held onto her wrist, thumb caressing over her pulse.
"Isis is determined to help you - she has not lost faith in you, and neither have I," Atem brushed a hair behind her ear, leaning forward to kiss her once again, "I'm sorry, Kaija. I'm...I can't begin to-"
A soft coo left Kaija then as she brushed their noses together, suddenly seeing a tear run down the Pharaoh's face, "Atem..." his name was like a soft breeze on a hot day, easing the discomfort and pain.
"I-I understand...why you flinch. Why, when I take you to bed, you look at me with such terror. I-" he swallowed and allowed her to place a kiss to his lips this time, as if to quiet him.
"Shh..." she cooed, shaking her head, "I trust you. With every fibre of my being, I trust you, but..."
"I know. You don't see me, not yet," he mused, Kaija nodding in confirmation. Any time his hand wandered too far, or he climbed on top of her, she would see Bakura and his thugs, grinning down at her as they took her either one by one or all at once.
"I...want to see you, though. I want that so bad...I want to give you what you need," she breathed, running her hands down the front of his chest. He held her shoulders, running then down her arms and gently rubbing them. In the back of her mind, she thought of how he needed an heir - how a good queen would provide one. Was the damage too great to even offer him that? It was a thought she pushed to the back of her mind, they would cross that bridge when it came.
"You already give me what I need..." Atem spoke confidently before lifting her from beneath her thighs, causing her legs to wrap around his waist and her arms to wrap around his neck as he brought them to a nearby lounge. Sitting, Kaija was left straddling his hips, hands finding a place back upon his chest, "I love you, Kaija - more than anyone else..."
"I love you," she replied with the unwavering honesty, "If I'd have hurt you, I don't know what I would have-" she was cut off by Atem's lips, hungry and needy, holding authority as he held her flush against him, simply drinking in her taste. Kaija's hands cupped his neck, pulling his head harder against her own, as if she could be any closer to him.
"Don't think about that..." the words were barely above a whisper, spoken between kisses as he ran his hands up her back and down to the small of her waist, "I'm here...with you."
The kiss continued, the both of them getting lost in one another's taste as they seemed to have finally aired out whatever was left unspoken. There would be more to navigate, but this was a start. Atem's lips strayed from her own, only to trail down her neck and over the shoulder that was exposed, causing a shiver to run up Kaija's spine. The sudden slight tension has Atem pulling away, peering up at her with worry.
"Don't stop..." she panted, "It feels good..." she craned her neck to the side then, feeling Atem lay more kisses to whatever flesh was exposed, causing Kaija to release an involuntary whimper. It was needy in nature, as if she yearned for more. Before Atem could oblige, he heard a knock on the door - a growl left him, vibrating against Kaija's neck.
"Ignore it," he commanded, Kaija having turned her head to peer at the door behind them.
"Pharaoh!" The voice on the other side of the door called - Set. His voice was unmistakable, "Pharaoh," he pushed the doors open, taking a few steps in to see Kaija perched upon the Pharaoh's lap, his hands holding her hips and his lips pressed against her throat. Atem shot Set a glare, releasing his lips from Kaija's neck as the young woman turned to face away, digging her head into the crook of the Pharaoh's neck in sheer embarrassment - Atem hardly seemed phased.
Set paused, apologizing for the interruption and having walked in on a rather intimate moment, "Apologies, your highness. But you have another meeting in the next few minutes - I was told to fetch you."
"I'm not going," he stated abruptly, "Commence it without my audience, as I recall it is not imperative that I'm there. That goes for the rest of the day - you will not disturb me. Make sure the council is very aware of that request."
The priest simply bowed his head, "As you command, my king," it was then that he turned, taking his leave with a sense of awkwardness.
Kaija kept her head dug into the crook of his neck, the flush of her cheeks burning beneath her skin, That didn't just happen!
Atem turned his head towards her own, lifting her chin with one of his hands and grinning slightly, "That should teach them to knock," a gentle peck was placed to her lips then, "Do not be embarrassed, Kaija...this is supposed to be our private chambers. What they walk in on is on them."
Kaija gave him a small nod of understanding before stating what he'd told Set, "You cancelled all obligations for the day-"
"I want to spend the rest of the day with you, make sure you're alright," he mused, continuing where he left off, wet, open mouthed kisses trailing over her neck and shoulder. That same sound left her, cupping his neck and gently gripping his shoulders.
"I need a bath, Atem," she managed to speak, only to have the Pharaoh peer up at her with adoration in his gaze.
"I will ask the servants to fill the tub - and I will wash you, if you let me," the question had to be posed, knowing she would be full nude and exposed to him, a state he had never seen her in. Kaija was hesitant for a moment, chewing on her lower lip before she nodded. A good first step.