Her head was hurting like hell, she felt like shit and she didn't even want to take any kind of painkillers, they would have made her even more dizzy since she didn't eat for hours. Her alarm was now the most annoying sound she had ever heard and she just wanted to close her eyes again and sleep for a whole month, or at least until that situation would have been over and she would have been able to live a fucking normal life.
As she got up her head spun, she had to eat something, some cookies, a slice of cake, anything. She decided to buy a cupcake in the bakery down the street before driving to work. She ate in her car, savoring her first meal in more or less eighteen hours, if it could have even been considered a meal. She was hungry, but at the same time hunger made her dizzy and she felt like she was gonna throw up as soon as she ate something. Luckily that cupcake gave her some energy and she felt a bit better, not good, better; and she promised herself she would have bought a sandwich for lunch, no matter if they were finishing some work or if she didn't want to. She had to take care of herself, otherwise her investigation would have slowed down due to her stubbornness.
Entering the office she saw him, she had tried so hard not to think about him for the whole time she took getting there but now she couldn't avoid him anymore. He looked so handsome, why was he even like that? Why did he have to look so good when all she was trying to do was to forget him? She saw him taking off his jacket and leaving it on the chair, his white shirt fitted him so well, she could definitely imagine his body through it. She needed to calm down, she looked like a horny teenager whose hormones got crazy, undressing her partner with her eyes, but honestly all she wanted was him to pin her up against a wall and kiss her hard, with his hand on her cheek and one of her legs wrapped around his body. If she had known that two nights before would have been the last time she had kissed him, she definitely would have made out with him for longer.
"Hi" his voice distracted her from her thoughts and she found him in front of her.
"Hey uhm... anything new?" she asked taking her coat off.
"Actually yes, we matched a couple of results and we have a new suspect but... speaking of that..." he put an arm behind her back, making her follow him in a quieter place.
She felt a shiver run through her spine, she was back at a month before, when their relationship had just started, when every touch made her shiver... did things even changed though? She didn't think so. She remembered how the first days after their relationship started she almost couldn't be around him, every time they either stared at each other's lips, or they talked too close, or they kept touching each other's shoulder, back, hand, everything to have a contact; and how she kept imagining him taking her everywhere, up the wall, against or on the desk, on the chair, on the counter of the break room, in the bathroom... until they went home and they let their passion explode. After a few days then, their hormones calmed down, being able to wait until they were out of the bureau, but now, knowing they wouldn't meet in the evening, it was like those first day all over again, at least for her.
"Emily?" his voice distracted her from her thoughts once again, she needed to focus.
"I was telling you that you should tell me what Tommy was investigating in... it could help with our case too since you told me you know the two cases are connected" he pointed out.
"I... I'm working on it, I already told you" she answered.
He had been thinking about it for the whole night and he couldn't understand why they couldn't connect the cases and solve both of them together. It was literally the easiest option they had and yet she didn't want him to look into her case... even if he was already doing it involuntary by solving the one they had together.
"Cal if we investigate my case under the FBI jurisdiction and we find something that could make me guilty I'll go to prison" she tried to explain, it was better to investigate the part of the case strictly related to her by herself.
"But if the cases are connected we're gonna find out something anyway and once we do we will need to report it to our bosses, the FBI is gonna find out anyway. There's no need to make it harder than it needs to be and the sooner we close your case the sooner you'll be free from all this" he explained, implying that when everything was over they could have started their relationship again.
She thought about ut for a moment, not really knowing what to do. He was right, the FBI might have found out anyway, but she couldn't risk it... On the other hand maybe the FBI could have helped her, understanding that everything she did was because she was under the influence of someone who also drugged her. She didn't know what to do.
"Ok listen, we can work on this together, but if we find something related to you we can think about what to do. Even if it means risking my work I can do this if it means we can close both cases and you'll be free of all this" he suggested as she kept thinking.
"I can't ask you to do it, you could get fired" she couldn't do it, she couldn't ask him to do something that could make him lose his work.
"I hope we can prove your innocence" he didn't know what to say or do more than that.
She thought about it, maybe it was the best thing to do, ask for help for once and let someone handle her personal stuff like she did with Tommy; the difference being that Cal was actually an FBI agent and knew all the policies and first of all the case and the suspects.
"Ok. But if we find something you ask me before telling Crown or anyone else" it was the most important thing for her, having total control over her own case.
"Sure, I'm totally under your control, just tell me what to do" if only he had known what her honest answer would have been...
"I have a folder at my place, you can come pick it up tonight, I have two copies and they are the only ones" she suggested.
"Ok" his answer was simple, he didn't want to ask her more, it was fine for him just the fact that she had agreed.
"You can come at my place after work to pick it up" she suggested.
"I have to go out for dinner, can I come after that? Let's say around 9.30pm?" he really didn't have time after work, he hadn't even have enough time to take a proper shower and get ready without rushing them.
"Yeah sure" what did he have to do? Out for dinner... maybe with someone? Did he have a date? They legit broke up less than a day before, was he already over her? Did she really wanted to know?
That thought lived rent free in her mind for the whole day. She took the opportunity to buy lunch to take some air and have the first proper meal in like 24h, two sandwiches and some water. She was hungry, she couldn't deny it. She felt like she was gonna throw up when he approached her at the desk, knowing someone else might go out with him for dinner drove her crazy, she was supposed to be the one dating him, going out for a fancy dinner or even a burger she didn't care, then go back to her place and maybe watch a movie together while cuddling on the couch, just to end the night making love or whatever it was and falling asleep together.
She had to take a cold shower once she got home, she had to stop having inappropriate thoughts about him at work. As the cold water run on her body she felt sick to her stomach again just by thinking about his evening. She was jealous, she couldn't deny it; it had been just a day and she was already missing him, how was she supposed to keep going like that?
She had just enough time to eat before someone knocked at her door. For a second she had really thought about throwing everything to hell and welcoming him in lacy lingerie and a silky robe, thank God she didn't.
"Nick? What are you doing here?" she asked confused as her ex husband entered her apartment.
"I- I'm sorry, I-" he was panicking, what happened?
"Nick please calm down, is everything alright?" she asked worried.
"Alice cheated on me" he answered quickly, letting the information free.
"What? Are you sure?" she actually didn't know what to say, Alice looked so in love with him.
"I found a note in her coat and the paper was from some hotel downtown, it was her handwriting. Plus she was acting strange in the last few days" Nick pointed out.
"I'm sorry Nick" she really was.
"I'm actually the one who cheated first... that night we spent at the hotel, I'm not saying I deserved it but..." he took a breath, not really knowing what to say, no one of them knew.
She had felt guilty in the exact moment she left the motel that night, Alice didn't deserve it and she just wanted to feel alive and have her life back, without thinking about any consequences. It had been a big mistake.
"Do you ever think about what could have been? If you didn't get kidnapped and we would have still be married?" Nick asked as she laid her back against the wall.
She couldn't deny she had thought about it but she knew she couldn't go back in time and her life needed to go on, she had already lost too much time. She didn't want to waste another day... but it was actually what she had been doing by putting on hold her relationship with Cal.
"What about trying again? We could try and see what happens" she looked at him shocked, was he serious?
"Nick listen, I'm sorry Alice cheated on you but it doesn't give you the right to cheat on her too... again. Plus we both know things are over between us, we are still good friends and I'm glad we can get along to allow Flynn to have both his parents there fo him. Honestly I'm just trying to live a normal life" she explained.
He was hurt and she didn't want to hurt him even more, but it was true. If one year before he would have asked her the same question she might have agreed at trying again, but now her mind was clear. Cal was the only option and she hoped they could solve the case soon so they could get back together.
"Right, I'm sorry I-" his words were interrupted by the doorbell.
She excused herself, heading for the door and opening it, finding Cal in front of her. He was wearing his normal clothes, a shirt, a black pair of trousers and a black jacket, yet she felt like that cold shower had been useless. He looked so good and she knew she was staring at him for too long.
"I didn't know you were expecting someone, I'm sorry I should go" Nick said as he spotted Cal.
"It's ok I just came to take some files about the case, Emily forgot them at home this morning" it wasn't really a lie, they were files about a case... Nick didn't have to know which one.
"It's ok I was leaving. Goodnight Em" Nick said, exiting her apartment.
Silence fell between them, her eyes kept starting at him; there had never been that much sexual tension between them, they had always burned it quickly by fucking once their shift was over, but in that moment she could clearly feel it. He looked at her like he would have eaten her alive in any moment, and honestly she hoped he would.
"The files right, wait" she suddenly remembered and he just nodded before silence fell between them again.
"Is Nick ok?" Cal asked, breaking the silence as he saw her appear again from her room.
"Yeah, he is... dealing with some personal stuff" she explained.
"And he came here for..." he asked confused.
"He is my ex husband and the father of my son, not being married to him anymore doesn't mean we're not a family" she explained, laying the folder in her hands on the counter near the door.
"I just mean that if I had a problem and an ex wife I wouldn't ask her, I'd ask a friend maybe" a friend like the one he went to dinner with? She thought.
"He has some problems and we still have a good friendship so he came to me" she could see he was getting jealous, but she didn't know weather to make him even more jealous or lying to him by hiding a part of her conversation with Nick.
"He also asked for a second chance" she didn't want to lie to him, not if they could solve the case and continue what they had, she wanted to be a better person and lying wasn't good.
"He what?" he asked shocked, was she serious?
"Don't worry, I said no" she answered, looking up at him.
"At least you're coherent" he let out a breath, relieved that she didn't say yes.
"I mean you can go out with whoever you want and I can't help my ex husband with his personal problems? I'm honest with you, he has some issues going on and after opening up he asked for a second chance, I said no" why was she even raising her voice?
He was right, she had broken things up with him because she didn't want anyone to get hurt, getting back with her ex husband would have been incoherent. Somehow the fact that she didn't know who he went to dinner with made her crazy.
"I went out for dinner with my parents" he said.
"I never asked" was her answer.
She felt a big weight disappear, at least he had been coherent too, why did she even think he could have gone out with someone else? They had legit broken up the day before.
"You weren't asking pretty loud" he raised his eyebrow at her.
"And you're just jealous" she snapped back.
"So are you" he stated.
"I am not jealous" she lied.
"Yes you are and you know it. Otherwise you-" she didn't let him finish.
Her hands found the collar of his shirt, pulling it towards her to let their lips crash together. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and he pinned her against the wall, rubbing his lower body against hers, giving her the friction she had been seeking all day. She moaned into his mouth, letting his tongue battle with hers and his hands run on her body. She hooked one of her legs around his waist to attach him to her even more, if the previous day she had known it would have been their last kiss for a while she would have kissed him just like that, so this time she wouldn't make the same mistake. It was wrong, they both knew it, but if it would have been their last time it needed to be remembered. They still had some unresolved feelings to show and that was the best occasion to show them. He was right, she was jealous, and he was too, but they also cared about each other. She unbuttoned his shirt to run her hands on his naked chest and he put his hand underneath her jumper, caressing her soft skin with his fingertips and making her shiver. Her hands run down on his body, finding his belt and untucking it, she needed him so much.
"Wait, are you sure?" he managed to say between her fierce kisses.
"I am, now shut up and fuck me with all your non-jealousy, I have a sink if you want" she chuckled looking at him in the eyes and biting her lip, before feeling both his hands on her ass, pulling her up.
"I think this is enough" he answered, letting her sit on the kitchen's table, it was the first horizontal surface he eyed that didn't have anything on top of it.
He started working on her pants, pulling them down her legs, followed by her panties as she managed to lower his trousers. She didn't have time to get him fully naked, he had to be quick, otherwise she would have just pushed him back and rode him hard on the floor. She felt two of his thick fingers enter her and she had to part her legs as much as she could in order to allow him to go even deeper as a long moan left her throat. Being fingered on her kitchen's table definitely wasn't on her schedule for that night, it would have added more work for the next hour due to the fact that she had to clean it, but it was so much better than her previous plans. He removed his fingers, running them up to her clit, circling it slowly and coating it with her own wetness.
He started sucking at her pulse point as her hands were trying so hard to pull down his boxers too. She felt the cold air on her wet skin as soon as his hand got away to reach his lips, sucking both his fingers clean and reaching for the counter near the table. It wasn't the first time they had sex in her kitchen and she hoped it wouldn't be the last, and she was prepared. She was just glad Flynn didn't come to her house in the last day, every time she had to check all the drawers in order to hide everything from his eyes. He put the condom on and in an instant he was inside of her, making her moan deeply.
"Fuck" she mouthed breathless, opening her legs more.
He started pounding into her, holding on her waist as she thew her head back, her arms used as a support for his pushes.
"Harder" she pleaded as he speeded up and she felt the need to bring one of her hands between them aiming for her clit.
He took both her legs, opening them even more and helping her to put both her feet on the table in order to push into her even deeply. She let out a scream and her legs started shaking, she was close, he knew it. His hands got back on her waist and removed hers from her clit, making her let out a disappointing sound but immediately replacing them with his own fingers. He felt her tremble and her walls clench around him; her mind went blank and she let herself go, having one of the most Earth shattering orgasms she had ever had, feeling him come too. She pulled herself up, panting on his lips and she kissed him softly as he slowed down his rhythm to help both of them ride out their orgasm together.
They parted their lips breathless, looking into each other's eyes. It was wrong, it was so damn wrong, but she felt so good. How could something so good feel so wrong at the same time? He had to leave and meet her only at work, what if someone was following her and they would see him exit her house? That could be what might have happened with Tommy, someone could have seen him with her outside the job and when he started investigating they knew he was connected with her.
"You need to leave" she said trying to catch her breath.
"I should" he answered, leaving a quick and small kiss on her lips before pulling both his boxers and trousers back up.
He helped her getting down from the table and he collected her underwear and her pants that were now on the floor, handling them to her.
"Thanks" she said, getting dressed again.
"See you tomorrow?" he asked approaching the door and taking the files.
"Yeah, see you at work" she nodded closing the door.
She let out a deep breath while heading for the bathroom for her second shower of the evening, it was worth it though. It had been so much more impersonal than the previous night but it would have been easier to remember this one as their last time instead of the other one. Impersonal and with less feelings hurt less than intimate and caring. Who was she kidding? It hurt anyway.