Happy 2021! I hope this year is filled with love, health and positivity for you all.

Thank you for your comments on the last chapter – I'm very happy that we all hate Eli equally. Blaine is a little thick-headed, I know, but he's slowly coming to his senses.

Huge hugs and a lot of love for Christine, my friend and beta.

Lyrics for this chapter come from Hurt Me Once.

Enjoy!

I'm sure it was nothing
But you never used to bring somebody else along
Used to be our thing
Going to a movie, then we wander home
All these little landmines
All these little things that one can read two ways

The door to the loft slipped open noisily and Rachel peeked outside, smiling as she saw Blaine standing there, wrapped in a thick scarf, snowflakes caught on his beanie and long eyelashes.

"Hi, Blaine!" She said, waving him inside. "Come on in, you must be freezing!"

Blaine slid into the loft gratefully, making sure to stomp his feet to get rid of the snow before making a bee line towards the heater in the corner. He held his hands above it, trying to give life back to his frozen fingers. He had forgotten to grab gloves before he left the apartment.

"Where's everyone, Rach?" He asked, as she came towards him and grabbed the totebag he was carrying. "I'm not too early, am I?"

"Oh, not at all. If anything, everyone else is late," she replied as she went towards the kitchen and began to empty the bag. The potato salad and chicken parmesan he and Kurt had cooked the previous day were placed on the counter. "Santana wasn't in the mood to cook desert so she and Brittany ventured out to the bakery. I think Brittany was in the mood for pie. And Mercedes just texted that she and Sam just got in a cab. I don't know about Kurt, though."

Blaine glanced at his wristwatch. "He must be getting out of his first rehearsal as we speak. He was really nervous this morning, so I hope it went okay."

Rachel hummed happily. "Oh, it'll go great. He's been waiting for this opportunity for so long, he'll work his toned little butt off to make sure it's worth it."

"I can't wait for him to get here and tell us all about it," Blaine said with a big smile. He had been thinking about Kurt the entire day. He had looked a little pale before he walked out of the apartment that morning, but there had been a determination in his eyes that Blaine had missed seeing. He had given him a big hug before sending him on his way.

Rachel grabbed a can of soda from the fridge and showed it to Blaine in silent offering. Blaine nodded and Rachel walked back towards him as she said: "So how was Ohio? My parents came to visit me here this year, so I didn't make it back. Not that I miss it at all, really."

"There's nothing to miss," Blaine chuckled. "It was okay. How was your Christmas?"

"Hanukkah," Rachel corrected. "And it was lovely, thank you." She paused for a moment, and Blaine could see her actually grasping for words, which was weird for her. "Kurt told me... Kurt told me he talked to you about Finn."

Blaine's heart clenched painfully for a moment as he looked at her. She had a little smile on her face, but he could see the reflection of an old grief in her eyes. "He did, yes." He extended his arm and Rachel moved in gratefully, cuddling up to his side. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine going through what you guys went through."

"Thank you. I still miss him, but..." She stopped, and her smile became too tight. "Oh, well. As he used to say, the show must go all over the place or something." She must have seen the confusion on his face, because she laughed, genuinely now. "He was... one of a kind. I know you must have seen pictures of him in Kurt's room, but would you like to see some videos? I still have some of them in my phone, from old Glee rehearsals."

Blaine dropped a kiss to the top of her hair and let her guide him towards the couch. "I would love to."

Rachel grabbed the thick crochet blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over them as they sat close together. She played one video after the other, and Blaine watched, torn between sadness and amusement. Finn was a bright guy, talented and goofy, and he could see why Rachel had loved him. She dropped her head on his shoulder as they watched old footage from dance rehearsal, and she laughed as tears fell down onto Blaine's sweater when Finn kept tripping, his big body too clumsy to follow the choreography half as gracefully as his teammates.

"Thanks for sharing this with me," he whispered into her dark hair.

Rachel hummed in response and wiped at her tears. "Don't tell Kurt I showed you these. Not today, at least. I don't want him to be sad when he finally has a reason to be happy."

Blaine nodded, but his eyes were still fixed on the phone, where he could now see a younger Kurt cheering on his brother after he finally got his steps right.

They were still on the couch when their friends started arriving, first Santana and Brittany carrying bags from the bakery a few blocks over, shaking the snow from their hair, then Sam and Mercedes complaining about the traffic. They were all bumping against each other in the kitchen, trying to get dinner ready, by the time the door slid open one last time and Kurt entered the loft.

"Hey, there's our new Broadway star!" Mercedes exclaimed happily, moving towards him to wrap him in a big hug.

Blaine dropped the knife he had been using to carve the chicken and approached Kurt, helping him out of his coat when he saw him groan. "Sore, already?"

"I should have practiced my dancing as much as I practiced my singing," Kurt replied, scrunching his nose at him, but he looked so happy. "We didn't think of that."

"I'll draw you a bath when we get home. I have some Epsom salts that will help," Blaine said, as he put his hands on Kurt's shoulders and took him to the couch. "For now, sit and rest while we finish up dinner."

Instead of using the dinner table, this time they scattered around the coffee table in the living room so Kurt could stay on the couch where he was more comfortable, and they passed food around as he told them about his first day and his castmates. It had been a long time since he had sounded so excited about something – Blaine wasn't sure he had ever heard him like this, actually – so they asked him question after question, as if every one of them wanted to keep him as happy as he was in that very moment.

"Well, now that you stopped feeling sorry for yourself," Santana started, when there was a pause in the conversation, and Rachel tried to shush her before she said something mean, but Blaine had learned by now that there was no stopping Santana. "How about you finally agree to go on that double date with us?"

Brittany clapped, enthusiasm clear in her face. "Oh, Kurt, please! Jonathan is so cute. We could go and have dinner together and you two would look so pretty sitting next to each other."

Kurt chuckled and twirled his fork in the air. "You know what? Set it up," he said, and Brittany cheered. "New year, new Kurt Hummel. No more pity parties. No more sitting around waiting for boys who are across the ocean, no more settling for less."

Blaine smiled at him, because he loved seeing Kurt feeling confident, but he couldn't explain why he suddenly felt a heaviness in his stomach he hadn't felt a minute before. He pushed his plate away. He was done eating for the night.

It had been a long day – a long week, really, filled with too many essays and too many students and too many obligations – and Blaine was so happy that it was finally Friday that when Sam texted him that he was nearby and in the mood to grab a beer, Blaine immediately agreed to meet him at the bar two blocks away from campus. Sitting with his best friend in a booth in a bar was the best way to unwind, and Blaine felt himself relaxing against the seat as he craddled his beer and listened to Sam talk about his own busy week.

Sam had promised Mercedes he would pick her up at work and take her out to dinner, so he and Blaine parted ways relatively early. As he walked back to his apartment, Blaine thought maybe he could talk Kurt into going out for pizza with him. The weather wasn't as cold as it had been the past few weeks, and he thought they should take advantage of it.

He opened the front door and, as he began to shred his winter layers, exclaimed: "Honey, I'm home!"

Kurt's reply came from down the hallway: "Hey! You're home later than usual. Is everything okay?"

Blaine dropped his bag on the couch before following Kurt's voice towards his bedroom. "Yeah, just met Sam for a drink." He stopped as he reached the doorway to Kurt's room, where he was standing in front of the mirror, buttoning up a lovely shirt with a pattern of flowers in shades of blue, which he had matched with ocre-colored pants that seemed painted to his long legs, they were so skinny. Blaine let out a low whistle. "Wow, you look fantastic!"

Kurt scrunched his nose adorably as he looked at him. "Do you really think so? I'm not sure about this shirt with these pants."

Blaine leaned against the wall and smiled at him. "Really. You look amazing, Kurt." He enjoyed watching the pleased glow on Kurt's face as he turned back to the mirror, as he whispered a quiet thanks. "Does this mean you have plans?"

"Oh, yeah," Kurt said, as he walked towards his closet to find a coat that would match the rest of his outfit. "I have that double date with Santana and Brittany." He rolled his eyes as he grabbed a lovely dark blue peacoat. "God, I hope this isn't a total disaster."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Blaine reassured him as he followed him out of the room. He placed his hands on Kurt's shoulders and gave them a quick squeeze. "Text me if you need an excuse to get out of it at any point, and I'll call you and pretend I fell down the stairs or something."

Kurt laughed. "This why you're my favorite. Alright, wish me luck!" He said, as they got to the front door. "Here goes nothing!"

And just like that he was gone and Blaine was left staring at the closed apartment door.

It was as if his entire week's weight suddenly fell on his shoulders. He felt tired but restless, disappointed in a way he couldn't explain, and so, so moody out of nowhere that it knocked his breath out. His day had been long but nice – why was he so upset now? He was finally caught up on all his homework, hanging out with Sam had helped him relax, and he was looking forward to spending his weekend trying to put some lyrics and melodies in order. There was no reason, absolutely no reason, to feel like this.

Running his fingers through his hair, he broke through the barrier of gel, a few stiff curls bouncing to freedom, as he made his way towards his bedroom. He pulled his sweater and shirt off, stripped off his jeans and changed into his workout clothes before turning towards the bag hanging in the corner. Maybe all he needed was to blow off some steam.

He strapped the gloves on before giving an experimental punch to the bag to test his balance. His whole body vibrated in relief – boxing had been his favorite way to get rid of the tension for years now. Soon he lost himself in it, throwing punches in quick sucession, feeling the strain in his muscles, the sweat that began to pool on his chest, on his back, to trail down his face.

It was stupid to be upset. There was no reason to.

It felt like there was a hole opening up in his chest, gaping, aching, making it hard to breathe.

He punched the bag even harder.

Soon he was panting, his shirt drenched in sweat, his whole body sore with exertion. He wrapped his arms around the bag and leaned against it, closing his eyes tightly. He didn't feel any better, if anything, he felt sick.

Maybe he should call Eli.

He jumped into the shower and let the water wash away the exhaustion. He knew Eli would come and keep him entertained if he called him, but Blaine didn't feel like it, not tonight. But what he had been in the mood for today, he couldn't have. Because Kurt had a date.

Oh. It couldn't be, could it? He wasn't upset because Kurt had plans that didn't include him. They could go out for pizza or drinks any other night. Kurt had gone to his weekly gig the previous night. He was more than entitled to have plans without his roommate.

Maybe their lives had become so intertwined lately, that Blaine had forgotten that he wasn't supposed to spend every minute of every day with Kurt.

And he really needed to stop thinking about Kurt while he was in the shower, because things would border on creepy soon.

Blaine walked into his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, his curls still wet, and fiddled with his phone, his finger hovering over Eli's contact. It would be so easy to call him. It would be so easy to let him distract him...

He dropped the phone on his bed, and fished his pajamas out of his dresser. He would just work on his music tonight. He would play the piano for a while, wait until Kurt got home. He would probably want to talk to Blaine about his date. Blaine just wanted to make sure he'd had a nice time, that was all. He wanted to make sure Kurt would have someone to dish with after meeting this new guy Santana and Brittany kept saying was so wonderful...

So Blaine sat at the piano and played. His fingers worked without him having to even think, the music flowing around him, filling that hole in his chest, keeping him together even though everything felt so weird at the moment. He closed his eyes and played and didn't question why he was feeling this way. He used the melody to express himself – he had always known he could rely on this, on his music, to express everything he was feeling without having to fight for the right words. They could come later on, if needed. For now, it was enough.

He played. The melodies felt dissonant, like he couldn't quite get his fingers to move over the keys just right to make them sound exactly what he wanted.

Frustrated, he paused and started all over again. It all felt as jumbled as his thoughts. He couldn't put them in order. He forced himself to stop thinking, and kept playing and playing and playing, until there was nothing else but the piano and its music, and he forgot where he was and who he was.

He forgot about everything and just played.

Time became irrelevant – Blaine might have played for twenty minutes or three hours. He forgot to have dinner. He played. There was a lyric somewhere, on the edge of his mind. Maybe if he played long enough he would be able to catch it.

He felt a little breathless – it felt like he was pouring his heart into it with every stroke of the keys – and he paused for a moment, leaning slightly forward, his eyes closed, his lips parted. That's when he heard the keys jiggling in the lock and the front door opening. He looked over his shoulder just in time to see Kurt walking into the apartment.

Alone.

He let out a long, long exhale.

"Hey!" He exclaimed, finding a smile for his friend. "You're home!"

Kurt arched an eyebrow teasingly in his direction as he unbuttoned his coat. "Did you think I wasn't going to come back?"

Blaine laughed and moved from the piano to the couch, staring up at Kurt expectantly. "How was your date?" He asked.

Kurt carefully folded his coat on the back of the couch before dropping down next to Blaine. "It was... interesting?"

"Is that good or bad?" Blaine asked curiously as he pulled on Kurt's arm.

Kurt willingly allowed himself to be tugged closer until he was leaning against Blaine's side. He folded his long legs on the couch and pressed his head to Blaine's shoulder. "Neither? Both? I'm not entirely sure. I mean, he was everything Brit and Santana said he was – charming and attractive, funny and definitely not boring," he said and then hummed pleasantly as Blaine began to thread his fingers through his hair. "But I guess I kept waiting for our chemistry to kick in and it never really did? Or maybe I'm too used to being in a long term relationship and I've forgotten what it feels to meet someone new."

"Well, you were with Adam for a really long time," Blaine replied thoughtfully. "I guess it might take some getting used to..."

"He was a really great fit, though. Maybe I should see him again before I make a rush decision..." Kurt murmured, tracing circles on Blaine's knee distractedly.

Blaine let out an awkward chuckle. "A great fit? Is he a guy or a pair of jeans?"

"Shut up," Kurt protested, rolling his eyes. "You know what I mean. It's not that easy to come across interesting, available, attractive gay guys who are good kissers and dress well..."

"Wait, good kisser?" Blaine's stomach churned. He felt sick again. He tried to ignore it. Maybe he should have eaten...

"He insisted on walking me home and he kissed me goodnight," Kurt said, shrugging. "It was nice. I haven't kissed anyone since Adam left, and I missed it." He paused to yarn and then added, sleepily: "Kisses are nice..."

Blaine swallowed. There was something thick and sour stuck in his throat. "Yeah, they really are."

Kurt slightly turned his face into Blaine's neck. "You smell nice. What were you up to tonight?"

Blaine breathed. Once, twice. And then a few more times, for good measure. "Not much. I worked out a bit, showered, played the piano. Nothing special." His brain felt foggy. Maybe he was coming down with something. "What did you have for dinner?" He asked, just to say something, just to keep Kurt talking, just so he wouldn't have to move. Just to give his brain a chance to clear.

"Oh, some chicken, but the girls chose the restaurant and it was one of those places where every portion is, like, tiny," Kurt said, and his fingers curled around Blaine's knee. Blaine wondered if he even noticed he did that. "So I'm actually still super hungry."

"Want to go get pizza? I was actually going to ask you when I got home earlier but I didn't know you had a date," Blaine murmured into Kurt's thick, soft hair. "I haven't eaten so I'm hungry, too."

"Yes," Kurt practically moaned, immediately standing up and grabbing Blaine's hand to pull him off the couch. "Pizza sounds amazing. Please go get dressed so we can go get some right now."

Blaine laughed but obliged. He put on the first clothes he could find in his closet and five minutes later, Kurt was pulling on his hand to get him to hurry up, and they left their apartment, laughing and joking, keeping together to ward off the late night chill as they navigated the streets of New York towards the pizzeria.

Blaine's bad mood evaporated. The hole in his chest seemed to fill instantly. The sick feeling in his stomach disappeared. But he was too busy staring at the way Kurt's face lit up as he smiled, sparkles in his blue-green-gray eyes, to even notice.

WAKE UP, BLAINE.

At least he didn't call Eli, huh?

Can't believe we only have seven more chapters left. I should probably stop procrastinating and keep working on the next one.

Thank you for reading and I'll be seeing you again on Wednesday!

L.-