Friends with benefits
Chapter 10
All mistakes are mine.
"Alec." Sam gave him a warning tone.
"What?" He shrugged. "We were good together Sam."
"We were very…" Sam's eyes twinkled, "compatible."
"Compatible? What we did in that research lab was much more than what I would describe as compatible."
Sam lightly slapped his arm. "That was a long time ago."
"True, not sure I can bend like that anymore."
Sam burst out laughing. "You were quite limber."
"As were you." Alec Colson wiggled his eyebrows.
"I'm in a relationship."
"That's too bad."
"Agreed." Sam's eyes suddenly widened. "I didn't mean that like it sounded."
"If you say so."
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Sam twisted the twigs and tried to hold them in place as she wrapped a ribbon through them. One twig broke free and as she tried to get it back in position two more broke loose. She dropped them all.
Pete snickered until she glared at him. "What are you trying to make?"
"Headpieces for Ry'ac's wedding." She started twisting the twigs again. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I offered to help." She got the twigs in position but as she picked up the ribbon, she lost her tenuous grip again.
"Here, let me help."
"Thank you." Sam got the twigs back in position as Pete wrapped the ribbon where she directed. "Still hard to believe Ry'ac is getting married. He's so young."
"You disapprove?"
Sam shrugged. "Not really. I mean I see why Teal'c is concerned but his approach is going to make Ry'ac even more determined to get married."
"So the kid is as stubborn as his father?"
"Oh, absolutely, which is saying a lot."
"Weren't you engaged when you were about the same age as these two?"
"I was a bit older than they are."
"A bit?"
"Ok, not much older but still that gives me a good perspective to be able to say they're too young. I'm so different than I was when I was twenty-five. I wouldn't have been ready to be married back then." Sam shook her head as she laid the first headpiece down and picked up the next bundle of twigs. "They've also only known each other for a few months."
"Now that you're older you'd be more ready?"
"I guess, I mean I know myself better and I'm better situated in my career. I'd be able to focus more time on a marriage now than I could have back then." Sam got the twigs in position and looked over at Pete silently asking for his help again.
"I guess I'm pretty glad you didn't get married." He grinned at her. "It would have been disappointing if you hadn't been available."
"My brother never would have introduced us if I'd been married, so you wouldn't have been disappointed because you never would have known you missed out on anything."
"I might have known my life was less rich than it should have been."
Sam put down the second headpiece. "I doubt it would have worked that way."
Pete leaned forward. "I'm still damn lucky to have gotten to know Samantha Carter."
Pete woke that night when Sam's cold foot found his warm calf. He thought back over their earlier conversation and wondered if it had all been a hint. Was she telling him she was in a place in life where marriage was something she wanted? Was he ready to make that level of commitment again? His ex-wife had told him their breakup was all his fault. His lack of attention to her needs and his obsession with work had driven her away. Had he matured enough to give a marriage everything it needed? Pete closed his eyes as the questions circled in his head.
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Her heart felt like it had been ripped in two as she sat in her lab staring at the small box. She'd been looking for an excuse to tell Pete no and her best excuse had just walked out of her lab after basically telling her to say yes. At least he hadn't told her to say no and wasn't the same thing as telling her to say yes.
Maybe her hallucinations had been right when they told her to give up on him. If he wasn't interested in her that way anymore then she was wasting time and energy hoping to find a way to be with him. Sam opened the box and stared at the ring again. Pete was nice enough and it wasn't like she had anyone else knocking at her door. Sam closed the box. Shouldn't she feel more excited?
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Sam was racked with guilt over trusting the other her, the replicator. If she'd had her way, she would have brought that monster to the SGC. How could her judgement be so flawed? Maybe this is why General O'Neill was still struggling to trust her. An image of him being shot repeatedly popped into her head. Did the other her share that with her to get her sympathy or to torture her knowing it would replay in her head? Sam grabbed her pocketbook and headed to the surface. She was tired of the grey walls.
She got on the interstate instead of heading home. She'd only been to his apartment once, but she remembered the way. The image of Jack dying at her hands repeated in her mind as she drove. That along with again feeling as if she was failing as the leader of SG-1 had driven her to seek out company. She'd spent years seeking Jason's company in times of need but when she started dating Pete she had decided to make this a real relationship, more than just something physical, so she had tried to not just use him in times of need. As their relationship had developed, she had found herself staying detached and that needed to change now that they were engaged. If she needed comfort, mental or physical, she needed to look to him rather than going home alone. The need to be with someone had driven her to his apartment. As she walked up the steps, she realized she hadn't even called.
She sat on the steps for an hour before he came home. He tried to talk to her, ask her why she was on his doorstep, but as soon as they were through the door her lips were on his. They barely made it to his bedroom before their clothes were off. He tried to slow her down and gain some control over the process, but she wasn't having it. She used him to find her release, giving her the endorphin high she had been chasing.
Sam buried her guilt the next morning when she felt Pete stir beside her. She'd ignored what he wanted and used him for her own needs last night. He'd tried to talk to her about why she was there and acting unusual, but she had refused to answer, using her body to distract him. He rolled over and laid an arm over her waist.
He put his lips beside her ear. "I'm working second shift this week so I have time for brunch if you can stay for a while."
"That sounds good. I don't need to go back until tomorrow." She gave him a quick kiss, doing her best to avoid his morning breath.
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Daniel was missing, again, and her father hated Pete. Sam took another bite of ice cream. It had taken her an hour to convince Pete to go home so he could work tomorrow. In reality she hadn't cared how long his drive was or what time he needed to be at work; she wanted some time without him around.
Sam sighed before taking another bite of ice cream. She'd been looking forward to introducing Pete to her dad because she thought this time was going to be different. Her father had never approved of her boyfriends. She'd hoped since Pete had a good job and was her brother's friend her dad would approve, but as soon as Pete said hello she knew there was no chance.
Her dad didn't like him. She used the edge of the spoon to scrape out more ice cream, keeping the top of the ice cream smooth and flat. She looked at the lines the spoon made in the ice cream. Does she like him? Sam shook her head. Of course she does, but does she like him enough to spend her life with him?
She let the ice cream melt in her mouth. Why is she debating whether or not she likes him? Isn't the question whether or not she loves him, loves him enough to spend the rest of her life with him? She'd already said yes, so it wasn't like she could change her mind now, right? Sam licked the spoon. He was her last chance at having a family. It was Pete or being alone for the rest of her life. Would she regret leaving him and being alone more than staying in a relationship that was less than what she had always imagined? Was her imagination even realistic? It's not like life is a hallmark movie. Maybe like was the best she could hope for.
Sam looked down at the empty ice cream container. Eating it all just left her feeling worse. She'd need to go for a run in the morning. Sam got up and tossed the container in the trash.
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After her run Sam decided to put on a blouse and skirt, since she was planning to take her dad out for dinner that night. Since she had the day off, she went and got a mani pedi. As the nail technician asked her questions about her engagement ring and upcoming wedding Sam's mood soured even further. As she left the salon her mind was swirling with anxiety over marrying Pete and fears that she had given up on Jack too easily.
She intended to drive to the base to find her dad but instead found herself at Jack's house. How exactly had he become Jack instead of General O'Neill? As she pulled into his driveway, she felt her courage seep out of her. She gripped the steering wheel pondering how to approach him about how she felt. Was she only doing this to make herself feel better? Was it fair to tell him if he didn't feel the same way? Was it fair to not tell him? She made up her mind. It was now or never. She got out of here car and walked around to his back deck.