CW: anxiety attacks, separation anxiety, implied nudity, mentions of abuse
:TWENTY-THREE:
The world was crashing down around Remus and it felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room in an instant. He had been waiting and wanting this moment for so long, but now that it was here… it was just so overwhelming.
Unaware of Remus' inner turmoil, Mr. Weasley had continued talking. Apparently, he was being tasked with getting Sirius from Azkaban, along with an Auror. He'd then be asked a few questions and formally pardoned by the Ministry.
"We were wondering if you intended on taking him with you." Mr. Weasley finished, looking unsure. "He ought to be with someone, at least at first."
Remus nodded immediately. "Of course. If that's what he wants, he has a home with me."
He would need to discuss with Petunia and the boys, but he couldn't think of any reason for them to object really. Harry was already very excited to see Sirius, and Remus had spoken with Petunia about Sirius before he left the house that day. She hadn't seemed thrilled, but he knew she'd come around eventually. Besides, this all depended on if Sirius even wanted to come home with him.
Shaking his head to clear it, Remus stood back up and rummaged in his coat pocket.
"I doubt they'll want me to come with you, so I'll wait here." Remus said, handing Mr. Weasley the letters. "But would you give these to Sirius please?"
"Certainly." Mr. Weasley took the letters and pocketed them in his robes. "I'll be back shortly. If you'd like to sit over here though, it might be more comfortable."
He gestured to his desk chair, which did look like it had more room than where Remus was currently cramped into. Remus nodded, watching as Mr. Weasley left. He only had a few more minutes left to wait...and then Sirius would be here.
Remus moved around, trying to ground himself, but eventually settled in Mr. Weasley's chair and just tried to breathe. Years and years of waiting and writing to him flashed before Remus' eyes. It was one thing to write to Sirius as the person he remembered, but Sirius in person had changed. He'd been in Azkaban for years at this point. What if he had gone insane, or was a shell of who he used to be?
What if he doesn't love me?
Remus immediately rejected that doubt - it was selfish to think about himself right now. All that mattered right now was getting Sirius away from the dementors and back to himself. If he didn't want to stay with Remus and Harry, then maybe Remus could help him get to 12 Grimmauld Place? He'd hated it there, but it was the only house Sirius owned. Or maybe he'd want to travel for a while - that sounded like something Sirius would do.
Trying so hard to stay in the present, Remus pulled over a piece of parchment and began writing out lists. The first was a list of things they needed before they left the Ministry, most importantly Sirius' wand. Remus briefly wondered if Sirius had been wearing his signature leather jacket when he was arrested, but then concentrated again. The second list was full of different things Sirius might need. Basic items like food, clothing, hygiene supplies, etc., although now that he thought about it, Sirius probably wouldn't want to go shopping…
Scribbling a note to Mr. Weasley in case he came back before Remus did, Remus quickly left the Ministry and went out to panic-shop. He knew Sirius' measurements, so getting clothes was pretty easy. Remus just picked out some basic items, mostly soft and warm fabrics. He also picked up Sirius' favorite snacks and treats. Remus knew that a side effect of being around dementors was a loss of appetite, so he hoped these treats would tempt Sirius into eating.
He shrunk all of his purchases into one bag, returning to the Ministry in a rush and checking back in. Remus had just barely sat back down in Mr. Weasley's office when a purple airplane whooshed into the room. He caught it in midair, opening the paper and reading a note from Mr. Weasley saying they had just arrived and Sirius was being questioned right now.
Sirius was in the same building. He was here.
Remus started pacing frantically around the cramped office, holding his hands together so he wouldn't see them shaking. He needed to pull himself together, for goodness sake. Sirius might be a completely different person now, there was no sense in getting worked up. He might be insane, like so many released prisoners were after extended stays in Azkaban. It had been almost three whole years.
Remus heard a voice and footsteps coming down the hall. He recognized Mr. Weasley's voice as they came close, and suddenly he wouldn't stand waiting. Remus practically threw himself out into the hall. And there, standing perfectly still and staring at him, was Sirius Black.
He was too thin, dirty, and wearing practically rags instead of clothing, but Remus could still see the spark in Sirius' eyes. It was that spark of life that held them rooted to the spot for what felt like an eternity. Remus' heart felt like it was breaking, seeing Sirius in this state. But he couldn't look away either, determined to memorize every inch of the man he had written to and missed for so long. And it seemed, though Remus tried not to be too optimistic, that Sirius was doing the same thing.
"It's been a long time, Remus." Sirius said hoarsely, the ghost of his old humor present in his tone.
Laughing incredulously, Remus quickly closed the distance between them and held Sirius tightly.
"Harry…" Sirius croaked. "How is Harry?"
"He's beautiful, Sirius." Remus choked, crying happy tears. "He's beautiful and safe and he's so excited to see you."
Remus pulled away and held Sirius' face in his hands.
"I told him all about you," Remus said softly, brushing away Sirius' tears. "About all of us, though I may have edited some of our adventures a little."
Sirius barked out a laugh. He reached out tentatively for Remus' face, stroking his cheek and making it dirty.
"I can't believe you're here." Sirius murmured. "After all this time."
Remus shook his head. "I never went anywhere, Sirius."
They pressed their foreheads together, crying and smiling at each other like fools.
"Well," Mr. Weasley coughed behind them. "I have Sirius' belongings here. I can walk you both out so you don't get any weird questions."
Remus nodded over Sirius' shoulder. "I also picked up some things while I was waiting. I'll go get them."
He let go of Sirius just long enough to grab the bag of items, immediately holding Sirius' hand once he'd returned. Sirius looked questioningly at the bag, then back up to Remus.
"I just got some things for you to change into when we get home." Remus explained. "This outfit isn't really your style."
That earned another bark of laughter from Sirius, who grinned up at Remus and squeezed his hand.
They didn't let go of each other, not through the entire Ministry, or out in the street as they walked slowly to the apparation point. Sirius looked at absolutely everything around him, the sky and the people and the birds, like he'd never seen anything so beautiful in his life. And Remus, who was in absolutely no hurry, simply watched him experience life all over again.
"Wait until you see the flat," Remus said. "It's got lots of open space and windows - you'll love it."
Sirius beamed at him, holding on tighter as Remus apparated them outside of the building. When they arrived at the flat, Remus found a note from Petunia saying that she'd taken Harry and Dudley to the park. Surprised by the thoughtful gesture, Remus smiled at the note.
"Harry's off with his aunt and cousin." Remus explained. "So we've got time to get you settled."
He unpacked the items from his shopping, Sirius immediately tearing into one of the snacks. He practically melted with happiness as he ate, closing his eyes to appreciate all the flavors. Remus smirked at him fondly, then tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hmm?" Sirius hummed, barely opening his eyes to look at Remus.
"Time to get clean, Sirius." Remus said firmly. "Can't have Harry seeing you like this."
"Right," Sirius stuffed more of the snacks into his mouth. "Good impressions and all that."
Remus showed him where the bathroom was and set up his clean clothes and the toothbrush on the counter for him. He was just about to leave when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Remus turned to find a very vulnerable-looking Sirius.
"Would you…" Sirius, normally so confident, looked nervous. "Would you stay? I've been alone so long - I don't want to be alone."
Remus hugged him close again, nodding into his shoulder.
So they took a shower together, Remus helping Sirius wash his hair and tenderly scrubbing away all the dirt and pain from Azkaban. He promptly burned all of the 'clothing' from the place for good measure. By the time they were finished, Sirius looked much closer to his actual age than he had before. He put on the soft clothing while Remus put his old clothes back on.
"I really need a shave, huh?" Sirius said, looking into the mirror appraisingly.
"I'm not doing that for you too." Remus joked, handing him the tools and sitting up on the counter. "And don't forget to brush your teeth as well."
Sirius pouted adorably, but then began cleaning himself up. He turned his smile on Remus when he'd finished, practically preening.
"Yes, very handsome, Sirius." Remus laughed, hopping back down and taking his hand. "Now to feed you. Those clothes aren't going to fill themselves in!"
So Sirius and Remus spent the afternoon eating and drinking in the living room. Sirius wanted to be as close to the light as possible, so they plopped themselves right by the largest window that looked out over the road. Remus had turned on some music he knew Sirius liked, but otherwise they just enjoyed each other's company.
"Tell me more about Harry." Sirius said eventually. "I read your letters, but I don't understand some parts of it."
"Well," Remus began awkwardly. "It's complicated, but we're all much better now. I need to start with that so you don't fly off the handle."
And he explained all about the Dursleys and Harry's life circumstances, from when Remus had met him to now. He was glad he'd started with a disclaimer, as Sirius looked simply murderous for a while. But he didn't interrupt, and eventually relaxed.
"I wondered what Harry's drawing meant." He said tensely. "If I ever get my hands on Mr. Dursley…"
"You'll likely never see him." Remus said quickly. "He's practically vanished since we moved."
Sirius grumbled some more, but he was simply too tired and too happy to allow anything to tarnish it. So instead, he leaned back into Remus' side and sighed.
"Right, well, at least you blasted him off your front porch."
"Yes," Remus acknowledged teasingly. "So there'll be no need for murdering him."
"I haven't ruled it out."
Remus shook his head, but made no comment. They stayed like that for a few more moments, until they heard a door opening and closing from downstairs. Then a pattering of small feet on the stairs… Harry was home.
Notes:
Sorry for the late update, but life happened. Also this chapter made me cry. I'm really trying to navigate this relationship in an authentic way, so I'm sorry if it was expected that they'd have a dramatic first kiss scene or anything explicitly sexual. That's just not my style of writing anyway, and I don't think it makes sense for these two characters.
Happy Reading!