Chapter 10 – Meltdown
The next morning, or at least what Adryn thought was the next morning, Adryn woke up. She realized instantly that her phone was dead due to it being silent and not responding to her. So she climbed out of bed and plugged it in before heading to the window, only to see that it was still dark outside.
"Oh damn," Adryn muttered to herself as she realized that it was earlier than she thought. So, Adryn went through her purse and got her iPod out to figure out the time. It was apparently before 6 am still. It sucked for Adryn, because she was fully rested and didn't really want to go back to bed now, so she decided to start her day. Adryn took a shower, put her contacts in, and got dressed for the day. She then silently left her room and headed to the cubs' room to check up on them.
Once Adryn got to the cubs' room, she peeked in and realized that they were both still sleeping, so not wanting to bother them, she decided to head to the kitchen to get some hot cocoa. Her favorite brand was still in the cupboard, thankfully, so she made a mug of it. Once it was done and hot, she made her way to the back porch to watch the sunrise that was sure to come eventually. So, Adryn sat down on a lounge chair and stared off into the distance. Just staring caused her mind to wander, causing all types of thoughts to come.
"Should I get help for this tumor? I don't really want to be cut open or anything like that. I don't like change, and I feel like a bunch of change would happen due to the treatments I'd have to go through." Adryn then sighed to herself and took a sip of her drink. It was still too hot so she put it back down to cool some more. "I don't really have too much to live for. Eclipse, Nova, this job I have, and my fans... Even if I got a boyfriend or girlfriend, at this point I don't think it'd make a difference to me. In the past, I lived for people and wanted to die because of them. Back then I'd get treatment in a heartbeat if someone said they wanted me to and if I loved them enough. But now... I don't think so."
"What are you even talking about, Adryn?" To the new voice behind Adryn, the redhead jumped and turned around, careful to not knock her hot cocoa over. Standing there, was Eclipse with a mug of tea. This instantly caused Adryn to frown. She didn't want to get into another fight with Eclipse or anything. So, seeing Adryn's face and realizing what she was thinking, Eclipse put a hand up to show she didn't mean any harm. "I'm not here to attack you or tell you what to do. I just want to chat with you. Can I sit?"
"I guess." Adryn reluctantly responded as she shifted in her chair to sit up better. She then took another sip of her drink, realizing that it was the perfect temperature, and began to fully drink it in little drinks. So, Eclipse sat down in the lounge chair next to her and took a drink of her tea. Adryn could smell the sweetened tea from her seat.
"I'm happy to see that you and Reiji are getting along well. I know that you love him a lot."
"Yeah..." Adryn sighed and looked at Eclipse. "It's nice to befriend him after years of wanting to, but won't he just be put off by me loving him if he ever found out?"
"Um... he already knows?"
"Huh?"
"Both Nova and I have spoken to Reiji about your feelings for him. So... he knows how you feel already."
"Oh my god..." Adryn felt the panic rise in her. "Why would you do that?"
"It just came up and he needed to know. I'm not sure why Nova told him though, she didn't say." Adryn instantly frowned and started to fidget in her seat. "Look, I know you're upset but it's alright. Reiji found it quite flattering. He wasn't freaked out or anything by it."
"I can't believe you two would betray me like that and tell him how I feel about him. When did you tell him in the first place?"
"At the hospital when we were waiting to find out if you were alright or not."
"What?!" Adryn then begins to wonder to herself. Why would Reiji still be her friend after hearing about that? It seemed like Eclipse could tell what she was thinking because she began to speak.
"Reiji wasn't bothered by it. He's a good person, so he wouldn't let something like that affect how he treats someone."
"I don't need to be told that Reiji is a good person... but would he just be nice to me for some other purpose? Like to get close and make fun of me or something? Wait, no, of course not. He'd never do that to me, or anyone really." Adryn's mindset changed through the course of her speaking, causing Eclipse to worry a little bit, but she didn't say anything about her worries.
"Of course. Reiji is a great guy. He'd never hurt anyone on purpose." Eclipse confirmed Adryn's final thoughts, causing the redhead to smile as she drank some more of her drink. "So, why are you out here anyway?"
"I just wanted some hot cocoa with the sunrise. I just want to enjoy what time I have left."
"Can I stay and watch the sunrise with you?"
"Sure." Adryn and Eclipse then fell into silence as they watched the night sky begin to brighten. "You know, I'm sorry for yelling at you the other day."
"It's alright. I'm sorry that I yelled as well."
"I don't want to keep fighting with you all of the time. I just think we should get along for the remainder of my life, as short or as long as that might be."
"Alright, I can agree to that." The two women smile at each other, but then jump a little bit when the door opens behind them. They turn and see Taemin standing there looking shocked.
"Oh, I wasn't expecting to see you two looking so happy together," Taemin comments as he steps out onto the back porch.
"We were just making up finally." Eclipse explained simply.
"Should I go then?"
"No, no. Stay. We haven't gotten the chance to talk since you've gotten here." Adryn smiled at Taemin, making him smile back as he nodded his head. He then went and sat with Eclipse on the same lounge chair as she was on. "So, how have you been?"
"I've been alright. Much better now that I'm back here with Eclipse."
"I'm happy that you two have each other and are allowed to be together."
"I hope that you'll find someone while you can too."
"Thank you, Taemin."
Once their conversation was over, everyone turned their attention to the rising sun. The three of them smiled as they watched the bright colors bleed into the dark sky and light everything up. Once it got bright enough, they decided to retreat back inside before they got blinded too much by the sun. The three of them decided to head into the kitchen, with Eclipse making breakfast as Taemin helped her here and there. Adryn sat at the counter and then remembered she wanted to ask them something.
"So, what are you guys wearing for your outfits to the club later tonight?" Adryn asked the two as they cooked.
"I'm wearing a black cardigan, black pants, and a purple lace corset style shirt. My boots are specifically the women's heeled mafia boots and my jewelry. The jewelry will be my Eclipse pendant, purple sapphire choker, a sapphire necklace, sapphire rings, and my normal bracelets."
"I see, that sounds like you." Adryn laughed causing Eclipse to chuckle too. "What about you, Taemin?"
"My club outfit is going to be a clack sleeveless suit, that's a little form-fitting, a black silty scarf, gold chains with gold dangle earrings. I'll be wearing a few rings and bracelets along with my men's mafia heeled boots. Oh! This time I'll be wearing my new contacts, they are blue but they glow under black light like Eclipse's contacts do."
"So... did you guys purposefully match or...?"
"Yeah." Eclipse laughed honestly.
"Well, somehow Reiji and I are also matching, but not like you two." Adryn then paused and thought for a moment. "Maybe I shouldn't wear that dress. Maybe I should wear something else."
"No. wear what Nova chose for you."
"Why?" To Adryn's question, Eclipse just smiled at her, making Adryn even more confused. Just then, the kitchen door opened to reveal Ranmaru with Camus and Ai trailing behind him. "Good morning everyone."
"Morning." Taemin and Eclipse spoke to the 3 next. However, Ranmaru just seemed confused.
"Reiji isn't here?" Ranmaru asked, ignoring their greetings.
"Huh?" Adryn asked, super confused, and now a little worried.
"We haven't seen him since last night," Ai explained as he took his seat.
"You know what? I've been up all night and haven't heard anything from his room. Granted I had my earbuds in after Taemin went to bed, but still."
"I'll go find him." Adryn then hopped down from the chair at the counter she'd been on and headed up to Reiji's room. She knocked on it but got no response so she opened up the door. This revealed no Reiji in there, with no sign that he'd even been in there lately. This caused full panic to take over Adryn, causing her to run back down to the others, but before she made it there, she saw Serenity at the front door pawing and whining at it. So, Adryn went to the door and opened it up, to see Reiji in his car, sleeping. "Reiji?" Adryn hurried to the car and tried to open a door, only for it to be locked. So she knocked at the window. This seemed to wake up Reiji enough for him to unlock the door and motion for her to come in.
"Good morning," Reiji muttered as he stretched and yawned as Adryn climbed into his car.
"Why are you out here? Is something wrong? Are you alright?" Adryn instantly went into asking him things, causing Reiji to pause as he looked at her. He then softly smiled at her worries.
"I couldn't fall asleep. I had a weird feeling, so I just wanted to be around something familiar." Hearing this instantly made Adryn feel bad.
"Is there something I could do to help you?"
"Don't worry, Adryn. I feel much better now that I've slept in my car... Well mentally anyway, not physically as now I'm in a bit of pain." Reiji chuckled as he stretched again and heard some cracking this time. "I must be getting old." This caused Adryn to gently smile at him.
"Let's head inside. I'll get you a heating pad and some over the counter pain medicine after breakfast."
"That sounds really good to me," Reiji responded with a smile. So the two then got out of the car and headed back inside and to the kitchen. When they walked into the room, Ranmaru, Camus and Ai seemed annoyed with them. Meanwhile, Eclipse and Taemin were cooking and Nova and Shiori were at the table chatting with each other.
"Where did you find him?" Ranmaru asked as Adryn and Reiji went to their seats.
"In his car outside."
"Why was he there?" Instead of responding, Adryn ignored the man. Reiji just laughed and spoke up next.
"Why? Were you worried about me, Ran-Ran?" Reiji's question caused Ranmaru to get all huffy and irritated with him.
Before Ranmaru could retort though, Eclipse declared that the food was done. So, Taemin and Eclipse brought all the plates of food to the table, where everyone went to sit down if they hadn't been seated before. Everyone ate fairly quickly and then split up into groups again. Ranmaru and Nova headed out while Camus and Shiori also headed out of the kitchen to work on their songs. Ai declared he was going to the library within the mansion, but no one had shown it to him, making Adryn wonder how he'd found it. Eclipse and Taemin decided to go head to her room to hang out some more. This left Reiji and Adryn all alone together, once again.
"You know, we've been ending up alone a lot lately. Maybe someone is trying to tell us something." Reiji was talking in his flirty voice, but either Adryn didn't realize or she ignored it because she just laughed.
"We need to head to the mansion's medical room for your pain stuff. Mostly everything is there with the exception of a few random medications here in the kitchen." Adryn's response caused Reiji to frown since he'd ignored his flirting with her. Adryn just got up and grabbed a bottle of water for Reiji before heading out the door with Reiji behind her. Reiji was amazed that there was a little medical room just a little ways from the kitchen as he'd never seen it before. "Sit down on the chair." Reiji did as Adryn said and watched as she went through drawers and cabinets until she found what she was after, the heating pad and the medicine. "Take these."
"Yes, ma'am," Reiji smirked as he was handed 2 pills with the bottle of water. Reiji did as he was told and then was given the heating pad behind him. He leaned back against it and waited for it to get warm. Adryn just sat down across from him in another chair. She smiled at Reiji and watched him close his eyes and feel the growing warmth from behind him.
"You know, Reiji, you can come to me whenever you feel bad or strange again. Wake me up if you have to. I'll always listen and try to help."
"Thank you. You do the same too, alright?"
"No. I don't like talking about my feelings." Adryn said it with a laugh so it wasn't too harsh of a response. This seemed to remind Adryn that Reiji knew that she loved him. "How do you feel about me loving you, Reiji?" This question was out of nowhere, so it surprised Reiji a bit.
"I'm honestly happy that someone loves me, and I'm thankful for your feelings," Reiji responded after recovering from the surprise.
"Are those your feelings as an idol, or as a man?" This question caused Reiji to pause and actually think for a moment.
"I'm not actually sure about that. I'm not too sure how to feel about your feelings toward me yet." Reiji then realized he wanted to hear how she felt from her own mouth, not from one of her friends. "How do you feel about me? In your own words."
"I loved you at first because of your music and how you outwardly seemed. Then, I dug a little deeper into you and realized that you were a normal person underneath it all and that your soul was good. You are physically attractive to me and honestly, I'd probably want to be with you if I had a normal life and wasn't such a terrible person. Anyway, I love you for the man you are. If we met and we both weren't idols, I'd still love you for who you are deep down." Hearing all of this, Reiji fell silent for a few moments. He needed to process everything she'd said to him, and she let him process it all.
"It is a constant for me, to hear that women, and sometimes men, are in love with me. Even so, you seem to be more genuinely in love with me more than them and for the right reasons too, not just because of who I seem to be. Thank you for telling me how you feel... I feel a little odd hearing it finally from you."
"Is it a bad feeling?"
"No, it's a warm feeling." This made Adryn laugh to Reiji's surprise.
"That must be the heating pad you're feeling then Reiji." Reiji just shook his head at her though.
"It is warming me up, but this feeling is something warmer, deep inside of me."
"I'm confused..." Adryn hesitantly admitted to Reiji.
"So am I."
"Then you're probably imagining it." Adryn's words were a little harsh this time as she stood up from her seat.
"I'm not imagining it. I just wanted you to know... Why are you getting up and seeming so upset now? Did I say something wrong?"
"I'm not the right person for you, I'm a terrible person in fact. So you should just stop feeling anything for me." Adryn's words were even harsher now, leaving Reiji's head spinning. He realized she was leaving though and hurried and stood up instantly and reached for Adryn. She didn't move out of his way, probably not seeing him coming for her, so he grabbed her arms and spun her around carefully.
"What's gotten into you? You seem like a completely different person now." Reiji was worried. He didn't know how to handle this situation, but he knew he didn't want her to walk out that door. Reiji then realized that Adryn wasn't looking at him, but at his hands like she was disgusted by him touching her.
"You must be a liar then because no one like you would ever care about someone like me. You shouldn't be feeling anything warm toward me or because of me."
"I'm not a liar, Adryn. You know that. I'm telling you the truth because I want to be open with you like you've been open with me." Hearing everything from Reiji, Adryn seemed like she was on the verge of tears. Reiji instantly began to panic. "You need to calm down and collect yourself. You don't seem like yourself right now, Adryn." Adryn realized this as well and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. She then reached up and peeled his hands off of her arms.
"You know, you shouldn't touch someone mentally unstable. If I didn't love you as I do, I would have freaked out on you." Adryn then opened her eyes up and looked up at Reiji as she spoke in a monotone voice once again. "I would like to be alone." She then left the room, causing Reiji to feel more confused than he'd ever felt before.
"What... what just happened?" Reiji asked himself as he took a step back to collect himself and run his hand through his hair. "We were just having a moment and were connecting... then... what?" Reiji understood nothing, but he knew that he needed to go in search of Nova or Eclipse, but didn't want to bother Eclipse and Taemin's time together. So, Reiji searched until he found Nova and Ranmaru.
"Reiji? What's wrong?" Nova instantly could see that something was wrong with Reiji when he walked into the living room that Ranmaru and Nova were in.
"Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"
"Alright." Nova then followed Reiji to the back deck where Reiji explained everything to Nova that had just happened.
"We were getting along just fine. Then, Adryn took a turn and went all dark on me. She seemed like she was a different person and was upset with me. She reacted strangely when I grabbed her too."
"You just dealt with Adryn's intense depressive side of her bipolar disorder. Certain things set Adryn off like that and she just clicks into a defensive and depressive state. You're incredibly lucky that she didn't start screaming at you or throwing things like she usually does when she loses it like that."
"How can I make sure I don't cause that again?" Nova just shrugged at Reiji's question.
"Without her medication, Adryn is an unstable psycho." Hearing this made Reiji feel even worse than before.
"I'm sure that Adryn is hurting because of this. It isn't like she wants to react this way or feel like that." These words from Reiji stunned Nova.
"Reiji... are you starting to like her or something?"
"...I'm not sure." To Reiji's surprise, Nova began to laugh and jump in place like an excited toddler.
"Things are going great!" Nova then proceeded to begin to head back into the mansion. Just before she closed the door though, she spoke up. "Go check on Adryn in 10 minutes to make sure she's still alive, okay?" With that, Nova closed the door and headed back to Ranmaru.
"Is Adryn so upset that she'd take her own life right now!?" This thought gave Reiji chills and made him realize that he didn't want to take that chance and wait 10 minutes. So, Reiji practically ran to Adryn's room and frantically knocked at the door. Reiji heard a few concerning thumps before footsteps approached the door. The door then opened to reveal a normal looking Adryn standing there. "Are you feeling better?"
"Reiji... I am so sorry for how I got with you. Come in, if you don't hate me now." Adryn opened the door and Reiji instantly entered her room and the two sat down on chairs facing each other. "Something you had said to me set something off internally and it upset me so badly that I snapped."
"What was it?"
"When you said you had a feeling of something warmer deep inside you."
"Why would that upset you?"
"I have a hard time believing that anyone could have any type of positive feelings for me, and when I heard those words... I had flashbacks to other people
who'd hurt me and said similar things to me before. It wasn't that I didn't believe your words, it's just that a part of me was negatively affected by them."
"Should I avoid saying anything like that in the future?"
"Be honest with me, don't not say something for my sake. It's my fault for reacting like that and it's something I need to work on."
"Adryn, I'm so sorr-"
"No, don't apologize to me. I'm the one who is so sorry. I shouldn't let my past affect how things are now. It's just really hard when I'm not on my medication."
"May I ask this? Why did you stop taking your medication?"
"I stopped going to my doctor that would prescribe me my medications, only because they were pushing me to get help with my tumor and cancer. So they stopped giving me my pills."
"Is there anything I can do to help you?"
"Just being here for me is enough... Also, not pressuring me helps as well."
"I think I can do that." Hearing this from Reiji, Adryn smiled at him.
"Thank you." Seeing such a smile on Adryn after this bad situation seemed to cause Reiji something odd internally. He could feel his heartbeat change, prompting him to look confused. "Are you alright?"
"How do you feel when you are around me?"
"Huh? Oh, um..." Adryn was clearly thrown off by his question.
"I'm sorry about that," Reiji responded with a chuckle.
"No, it's alright." Adryn smiled at him and then answered his question. "I feel happy around you. My heart will race sometimes like it'll beat harder or feel like it skipped a beat." Adryn then wondered something. "Why do you ask?" Reiji knew that this was the moment that he needed to be completely honest with her.
"I asked... because..." Reiji realized he needed to tell her, but he was scared that it would send her into another episode or cause her to freak out even worse. He also didn't want it to seem like he'd just went along with Nova's plan and was feeling things just because of it. So, Reiji remained quiet, which worried Adryn.
"You're being quiet," Adryn commented simply.
"I'll tell you eventually when I'm ready to." Reiji winked at Adryn with a smile on his face, confusing the poor woman. He then stood up and headed for the door. Before he opened it, he turned back to Adryn. "I'll see you later when we get ready to head to the club."
"See you later?" With that, Reiji gave Adryn one last smile and then left her room. He closed her door and turned around, only to nearly yelp out in shock. There stood Nova with a seemingly evil smirk on her face. This caused Reiji to instantly frown, making Nova chuckle.
"Is Adryn alright?" Nova's tone was quiet, not wanting Adryn to hear her.
"She is fine."
"Good, good. Follow me." Nova then grabbed Reiji's wrist and pulled him into her room. Reiji looked around and saw her room was full of bright stuff; pinks and purples with a hint of blue was her entire room. It was like cotton candy, but more sickening. "I was listening to your conversation, so I know how everything went and what was said."
"That isn't alright, Nova. You shouldn't do that."
"Are you starting to like Adryn?" Reiji remains silent in face of Nova's question. He kept his face neutral as well. This makes Nova pout and sigh. "You're not fun, Reiji. If you are truly starting to like her, or even if it's fake, don't tell me. When it all comes out, it'll be more fun to see it later." This irritated Reiji but he chose to not say anything about it. "You should hurry up with the pretend falling for Adryn or real falling for her, as her window of treatment is closing. You need her to agree to the treatments as soon as possible." Nova then walked to her door but didn't open it. "Be careful around a drunk Adryn. No one ever knows how alcohol will mess with her bipolar and twisted mind." She then opened the door and motioned for him to leave. As Reiji left, he turned to Nova and finally spoke.
"I'm still not going to lie to Adryn," Reiji said in a harsh voice, but this didn't surprise Nova, she just smirked and slammed the door in his face. Reiji sighed to himself and turned, only to jump in shock. There stood Ai, looking intrigued over what he'd just heard. "Hey there, Ai-Ai. What's up?"
"What were you in Nova's room for?" Ai asked shutting down Reiji's friendly attitude. "What aren't you going to lie to Adryn about? Is there something going on between you and Nova?"
"No, of course not. There is a huge misunderstanding here."
"Hmm..." Ai didn't fully believe Reiji, but either he was giving him the benefit of the doubt or he just didn't care. So, Ai went into his room without any more questions. This prompted Reiji to go to his own room as well. Reiji wasn't sure about what Ai had heard or how long he'd been standing there, but Reiji knew one thing. He needed to be more careful as he didn't want any misunderstandings to hurt Adryn in any way.