Chapter 13: John Phoenix and the Trial of Trudy Wright

Godot flew threw the air. He flew very fast. He flew with his wings. He was flying fast to the district courthouse. He was carrying John Phoenix and John Phoenix's uncle Phoenix Wright. Eventually Godot flew so fast and flapped his wings so much that he got to the destination.

When they touched-down at the courthouse, John Phoenix went inside the building. So did his uncle Uncle Phoenix and so did Godot. They went to the defense lobby and John Phoenix threatened Trucy's public defender with death if he didn't sign legal documents that John Phoenix took out of his pocket. Since the man didn't want to die, he signed John Phoenix's legal documents and transferred the rights to defend John Phoenix's first cousin Trucy Wright over to John Phoenix.

"Good, these legal documents will allow me to defend my cousin in court," said John Phoenix, looking over the legal documents with satisfaction. You see, John Phoenix always carried legal documents with him. A good lawyer is always prepared. John Phoenix wrote all his own legal documents himself. His legal documents were better than other people's legal documents and that's why John Phoenix is such a good lawyer.

"I'm glad you're defending me, John Phoenix," said Trucy. "Because you are the greatest defense attorney in the entire country."

"I know that," said John Phoenix. "Tell me something I don't know about."

Trucy took out a new tie. "John Phoenix, I made this tie for you at school," she said. "I would be honored if you wore my tie I made all by myself."

"Are you blind?" replied John Phoenix. "I already own a tie. I'm wearing it. I don't need two ties. Nobody needs two ties. Throw that in the trash where it belongs. You made it bad, anyway."

She looked more determined than ever to make him wear the tie. "But, John Phoenix, your tie has a piece of glass in it from when you broke through the train window! It looks trashy!"

John Phoenix looked down by moving his head. He was shocked. Mildy unnerved, to be exact. His tie had a shard of glass sticking out of it. How did that happen? It must have happened when he crashed through the window of his private compartment on the train. Yes, that made logical sense.

"Very well," he said, taking off his tie. "I'll wear your tie." He threw his tie in the garbage and accepted the new one. But he didn't know how to tie a tie so he had his cousin do it for him. It was pointless to learn how to put a tie on when you can have other people do it for you. As you can see, even very smart people might not know how to tie a tie.

"Your tie looks very good," said the cousin of John Phoenix. She held out her arms. "Now how about a hug?"

"Absolutely not," returned John Phoenix. He walked away to consult with his uncle and Godot.

"I can't believe they're letting von Karma prosecute!" Wright was saying. "I mean, he was disbarred! On the night he was executed, his prosecutor's badge was burned by the governor himself. This has to some kind of joke."

"If it's a joke, it's not funny," said Godot grimly. "That man is a murderer several times over. But don't worry, as soon as he shows his face in court I'll slap the ol' magic handcuffs on and send him to heaven to be executed again."

It was now time for the trial to begin. John Phoenix received the court record for the trial from the public defender.

"All right," Pubic D. Fender said, "so here's all the evidence for the trial and the profiles of all the people- hey, what are you doing?" John Phoenix was scraping the court record into a wastebasket.

"Looking at court records makes trials too easy," John Phoenix elucidated. "I want a real challenge this time around. If I looked at the court record, I would solve the cave in less than a minute."

Phoenix Wright got down on his knees and dug the evidence out of the trash. "John Phoenix, are you crazy?!" he cried. "We need this. This isn't some kind of game! They're trying to give Trucy the death penalty!"

"I want a challenge."

Phoenix went over to John Phoenix while cradling the court record in his arms. "Please, for the love of god, just look at the court and solve the case. I'm asking nicely, John Phoenix."

"No. I want a challenge." John Phoenix hit his uncle's hands and made him drop all the court records on the floor. Then he said, "Come, cousin, let us adjourn to the courtroom for your trial." John Phoenix and Trucy left while Phoenix Wright gathered up the scattered court records.

"Heh, stubborn young chap, isn't he?" said Godot. Godot drinks coffee a lot.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he knows what he's doing. They say he's the greatest defense attorney in the world. Hell, even us dead people up in heaven know about him."

They went to the courtroom.

"They say I killed Principal Buddy Goodman," Trucy had said. "But I didn't!" No psyche locks had appeared. That means innocent. "What happened is I was called to the principal's office. They didn't tell me why, just that I had to go. When I got there, the principal was sitting at his desk facing away from me. So I just sat down in the other chair and when I did someone put a dirty towel over my face and chloroformed me! When I woke up Principal Buddy Johnson was dead... shot. Next thing I know I'm being arrested!"

So you see, Principal Buddy Goodman, who was mentioned by name in the second chapter, actually turned out to be a very important character in the story. That just goes to show that this story is well-plotted and every single thing is planned.

Poor Trucy, thought Phoenix Wright. Hasn't she experienced enough tragedy in her life already? And now she's been put on trial for murder two days in a row! It felt like god was playing some sort of cruel joke. Or maybe... Manfred von Karma?

Speak of the devil. Just then Manfred von Karma entered the courtroom.

"What the heck" said Phoenix Wright. The gallery made noises. Shocked noises.

Why? Because, you see, Manfred von Karma had finally completed his long-standing dream of transforming into a robot. He was now a metallic cube on a wooden push-cart. Embedded in the center of the front of the cube was a television displaying a crude 3D model of von Kamra's disembodied head. On the top of the cube was a glass dome containing von Karma's brain and there was electricity coming out of his brain.

"Let's get this trial started," said the 3D von Karma head, grinning maliciously. "I have been looking forward to facing your protege in court, Phoenix Wright! This shall be your ultimate defeat!"

"You tell 'em, pops," said the person pushing the cart. And that person was... Larry Butz!

"LARRY!" shouted Wright. "What are you doing? Why are you helping von Karma? And why are you dressed like that?!"

"Shut up, fool," said Larry. He was dressed like a von Karma and was wearing a cravat and a powered wig. "I'm Karl von Karma now. And you're the arch enemy of the von Karmas, Nick! Or should I say... Phoenix Wright?"

"No," replied Phoenix Wright. "You shouldn't say that. We're friends, Larry!"

"Ha, if you don't like Wright, how about I call you Shite?"

"L-Larry!"

The judge hammered his gavel. "Now, now, Karl, let's keep our language clean, shall we? There are children in the gallery. Including my granddaughter."

"My sorries, Your Honor," replied Karl von Karma. He wheeled von Karma over to the prosecution bench then lifted him onto it. "Is that okay, dad? Can you see okay?"

"Perfectly, son," said von Karma. "Good job." He addressed the judge. "Karl von Karma shall be my co-counsel. Now let's get this trial over with."

During all this John Phoenix was standing with his eyes closed and his arms crossed. He was ignoring everyone. He was thinking about something private.

Well, thought Wright, if he won't point out the obvious problem with all this, then I guess it's up to me!

"OBJECTION!" shouted Phoenix. He slammed down on the desk and spilled Godot's coffee. "Uh, whoops, sorry! Ahem, anyway... Your Honor!"

"Yes?"

"Von Karma can't prosecute this trial! For one thing, he's dead, and two, he's been disbarred! Not to mention that he killed my sister yesterday!"

"SLANDER!" shouted Karl von Karma. Von Karma's face laughed.

"Oh, I believe you're mistaken, Wright," said von Karma. "I'm not Manfred von Karma, I'm Manfred von Robot. I was built just a few hours ago. Impossible for me to have murdered anybody. And I can assure you I'm fully barred. Karl?"

Karl von Karma took out his robotic father's badge and held it aloft for all to see.

"Hmm, seems legitimate," said the judge, nodding in approval.

"No way!" cried Phoenix. "There's no way you got your badge in just one day, von Karma!"

"Von Robot," he correct.

"Whatever! That badge is fake! There's no way you went to law school and-"

"OBJECTION!" shouted von Robot. "Ha, honestly, Wright! Are you seriously forgetting that there's a secondary path to becoming a lawyer? One that your very own apprentice took yesterday?"

"What are you talking about...?"

"I, Manfred von Robot, was apprenticed a few hours ago and then took the bar exam and passed with flying colors and then immediately joined the prosecutor's office. No schooling necessary!" He laughed. "I'm just THAT good..."

"That's... that's insane!" said Phoenix. "For multiple reasons! Who would apprentice you? And how did you join the prosecutor's office so fast?"

"Heh, simple, I was apprenticed by Marvin Grossberg," said von Robot. "He was very accommodating... almost as if he was fearful of me for some reason.. ha, ha..."

"But he's a defense attorney, not a prosecutor."

"So? The law doesn't care. As long as I'm apprenticed I can take as many tests as I want, whenever I want. Deal with it. Oh, and as for joining the prosecutor's office, well, let's just I can be very convincing. Ha..."

Godot suddenly flew into the air and cracked his knuckles. "All right, this has been very amusing," said Godot, "but it's time for you to go back to heaven, von Karma!" He swooped down towards von Robot with the magical handcuffs. Karl von Karma put up his dukes but Godot knocked him aside like a stack of paper plates. But then Godot was faced with a startling dilemma: von Karma had no hands!

"Fool!" von Robot laughed insanely. "You didn't think I'd be so foolish as to be reborn as a robot with those pesky, vulnerable hands, did you?"

"Damn you, Karma!" swore Godot. "How about I handcuff your brain, you villain?"

"You know as well as I do that that isn't how the handcuffs work, Godot..." He was right. Godot flew back to the defense bench, dejected.

"Guess it's up to John Phoenix, now," Godot said. He took out another thermos of good joe.

"Ahem..." said the judge. "I've never had an angel in my court before... interesting... Ahem! Well, Mr. Wright, if you're quite satisfied that von Robot's credentials are legitimate-"

"Be quiet," John Phoenix shot out suddenly. His eyes were still closed. "Be quiet, Your Honor. My Uncle Phoenix isn't even the defense attorney for this trial. He's merely my co-counsel. He needs to be quiet. Uncle Phoenix, if you don't be quiet I'll take your badge away again. I'll be solving this case myself."

Phoenix Wright was sore that his imprudent nephew was talking to him like this, but he also knew that John Phoenix was the greatest defense attorney who ever lived, so he decided to be quiet and let John Phoenix save his daughter.

Karl von Karma climbed to his feet, coughing. He rubbed his throat. "Your Honor, the prosecution requests that this John Phoenix guy doesn't use his psychic powers in court. It's cheating. He's just going to make the witnesses kill themselves like he always does."

The judge stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Hmm, this a very unusual request indeed. Mr. John Phoenix?"

"Hmph, why not?" smirked John Phoenix. "I don't need psychic powers to win. Do your worst, von Robot. This trial will be the ultimate test of who's the better lawyer. I'm giving you your chance for revenge. No tricks, no powers, just contradictions and hold-it's. If I win, you have to say that I am a good lawyer. If I lose, you get to execute my cousin. Deal?"

"J-John Phoenix!" sputtered Uncle Wright.

"Deal!" said von Robot eagerly. Yes... just as according to plan!

To be continued...