AN: It's been a while since I've updated this story, so I apologize for that. I feel like I left the other chapter right in the middle of things, so I would suggest that you read the last chapter again before you read this one, so that you're caught up in the flow and emotion of the story and this chapter makes sense.

EOEOEO

Olivia couldn't believe this was happening. The feel of his lips against hers was like nothing she had expected and yet everything she had imagined. She closed her eyes for a moment and leaned in slightly, but it was mere seconds before panic welled up inside of her. Her eyes flew open. She reacted without thinking. She pushed her forearm hard against Elliot's chest and her knee came up and connected with his thigh. Elliot called out, in either pain or surprise, and faltered backwards, losing all contact with her in the process.

"What do you think you're doing?" Olivia rasped out as she brought her fingers to her lips. She was breathing heavily, feeling a swarm of emotions. The kiss had shocked her. She knew that she wasn't without fault; she had let the pieces fall back into place too easily.

Elliot pressed his palm against his upper thigh. A few inches to the right and she would have gotten him in the groin. He wondered if that's what she had been aiming for. "I'm sorry." He sputtered out, seeing the look of panic on her face. "I thought…"

Olivia's interrupted him. "I just got done telling you that I'm not sure I need this complication in my life, and you decide that kissing me is a good idea?" The look of dismay on Elliot's face had registered, but the only thing she could focus on was getting away from him right now. Everything he'd said about what was going through her mind was spot on and there was a part of her that hated that he still knew her so well. "Did you think that a kiss was going to change my mind?" She asked, already straightening up, forcing him to take another step backward.

"Of course not." Elliot responded immediately. He shook his head, chastising himself. "I don't know. In the moment, it just seemed…" He honestly didn't have an explanation.

He reached out towards her, but Olivia held up her hand. "Don't." She watched as he took a few steps backward. "I shouldn't have come tonight." She said, taking the blame. It had been so easy between them tonight and she'd really been enjoying herself, but she'd let the evening go on too long…encouraged him.

"Don't say that." Elliot said.

"I just need some time." Everything was happening too quickly.

"How much time?" Elliot asked.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something but closed it again and shook her head. She could see that Elliot was upset and she felt an irrational urge to reach out and tell him it was going to be okay. But she couldn't do that. "Quit pushing me." She said. "I have to go."

Now it was Elliot's turn to panic. "Don't go. Can we go someplace and talk?"

"Elliot, please…"

Elliot knew he was losing her and sure enough, she turned, brushed by him and started to walk away. He knew he had to let her go, but he couldn't bear it. He hated that he had pushed her too far, that his actions had been responsible for driving her away. She had given him a chance and he'd ruined it. "Olivia!" He called out, following her down the sidewalk.

Olivia kept walking but it was only seconds before Elliot caught up.

"Please. I'm sorry. I fucked up." He said, trying to walk sideways and keep up as he tried to get her attention without touching her. But she wasn't slowing down. He wanted to grab her arm and stop her, ask her to listen to him, but there was no way he was going to touch her again. "Liv!"

Olivia stopped quickly, so quickly that Elliot took a few steps past her before he skidded to a stop. He saw her standing there, but he couldn't read her expression.

"Let me go." She said, almost begging him. Her judgement was clouded. She knew she should be angry with him, but she found she was angrier with herself.

Elliot held out his hands in a defensive gesture. "Please. Can you just give me a second?" People were moving around them on the sidewalk, and he wished they had a little privacy.

"That's how we ended up here." Olivia said bluntly.

"Please don't let my stupidity ruin everything." It was his turn to beg.

Olivia wanted to laugh. She knew he was referring to the past 10 minutes, but she was still dealing with the past 18 months. "Too late." She knew it was harsh, but she knew her cutting remark was necessary to make her escape. Olivia tore her eyes from his, then turned and raised her arm to hail a cab.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot sat at home in his apartment, cradling his head in his hands, his elbows propped against his knees. He had really made a mess of things. He had been dissecting his entire time with Olivia. The discussion in her apartment, their exchange in the bar, and the walk afterwards. When they had stopped to talk, he had felt something in the air. It hadn't completely been his imagination. Her hands had lingered against his chest, there had been something in her eyes when she had looked at him. He had moved closer and she hadn't pushed him away.

Maybe the beers had clouded his judgment; maybe it had clouded hers.

It was no excuse. He should have known better.

He'd let himself be driven by his emotions, not by common sense.

And now he wasn't sure if he'd ever see her again.

And he didn't know what to do about it. He felt as if he'd pushed her hard enough for one day. She hadn't even been sure she wanted to meet. She had told him that she wasn't sure if she even had the time or strength to try to figure it out, despite everything he'd told her. But he had ignored her objections and concerns, had only focused on what he wanted. What he hoped for.

He pushed himself off the couch with a groan and paced around the room. He had worked so hard to put Olivia in his past. And then one chance meeting had blown it all to hell. It had only taken moments to realize that he'd been a fool if he ever thought he'd be over her. Olivia was in his blood. She always would be.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia worked through a wide array of emotions after leaving Elliot on the sidewalk, but by the time she reached her building, she hadn't been able to settle on just one. When she closed the apartment door behind her, she went into the kitchen and opened her corner cabinet, reaching high on the shelf for a bottle of whiskey that had long ago been abandoned. She didn't want to think about Elliot anymore. She didn't want to listen to the voices in her head or feel the ache in her chest. She wanted quiet…oblivion.

Her fingers grazed the glass and she pushed herself further up on her tiptoes, trying to reach it. She cursed when she only succeeded pushing the bottle farther back into the cabinet. She fell back on her feet and uttered a sound of frustration. She grasped the edge of the counter with her hands and stretched out her arms, dropping her head between them.

She was stronger than this.

Olivia straightened up and walked out of the kitchen, heading towards her bedroom. She was going to take a hot shower, climb into bed and try to forget about everything. A good night's sleep would clear her mind and then maybe she could sort through the things Elliot had told her and try to make some sense of it all.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia strode into the squad room, feeling exhausted and irritable. She'd had her hot shower, but sleep had been almost impossible. She had run through everything that Elliot had told her, trying to reconcile that with the anger and abandonment she had nursed for so long. She had ended up in the same place; still angry about his decision to cut her out of his life. But then her thoughts had drifted to their time in the bar and just how familiar it felt, almost as if no time had passed at all. She almost ached to be back there, and she wondered if Elliot was laying in bed thinking the exact same thing.

Then the anger would return. Anger at herself for her weakened resolve and for wanting him back in her life, despite everything.

Over and over again, all night long.

"Morning." Nick offered up as she neared her desk.

Olivia gave him a quick half-smile as she dumped her purse and keys on the top of her desk.

"Rough night?"

"You have no idea." Olivia replied, pulling her chair out and dropping into it.

"Oh, I think I may have an idea." Nick said with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"You don't know anything." Olivia snapped back, putting him in his place. She saw him put his hands up in a defensive gesture, and it reminded her of Elliot from the night before. But thankfully, it was only momentary, and Nick was out of his chair a few seconds later.

"How about I get you some coffee." He said, moving towards the built-in counter and the ancient coffeepot.

"I think that's a good idea." Olivia wasn't in any mood to listen to Nick's advice about what she should and shouldn't do when it came to Elliot. "Thank you."

Olivia sorted through some of the files on her desk until she found the one she was looking for. She opened it up and scanned the notes, trying to immerse herself in the details, but the words were swimming in front of her eyes. When her phone buzzed, she jumped, and nearly knocked into Nick's arm as he set down a paper cup of coffee on her desk.

"Jeez." Nick said, stepping back quickly.

"Sorry." Olivia said, meaning it. Nick had taken the brunt of her bad moods right after Elliot had left, and now he was getting it again. "I just need a minute." She snagged her phone off her desk and wandered towards the cribs, willing herself not to look at it until she was in private. She was almost certain it was Elliot and she was damned if it was and damned if it wasn't. If he hadn't messaged her, she knew she would end up texting him by the end of the day.

She had to resolve things between them, one way or the other.

She was almost to the cribs when she heard her name.

"Liv."

Olivia turned when she heard the Captain's voice and he motioned her back towards the squad room. She glanced at the phone in her hand and back at Cragen, but there was no mistaking his urgency.

Elliot would have to wait.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had left two text messages for Olivia and she hadn't answered either. He wanted to send another one, but he had promised himself he would only send two. He wanted to let her know that he was sorry he had pushed her and that he would wait as long as necessary. That last comment had been risky, because he had told her that before and then had ended up at her apartment.

This time he meant it.

Now that he'd seen her and spent time with her, he was longing for more. But Olivia couldn't be pushed. Not then and not now. She had changed, but he was the one that still knew her best.

He set his phone down on the table and looked at the door, impatient for Kathleen to show up. He needed a distraction.

Elliot glanced back down at his phone and when he looked up again, Kathleen was winding through the tables toward him. She waved when she realized he had spotted her, and she slid into the booth opposite him just a few seconds later.

"Hey Dad."

He grinned at his middle daughter. He was always happy to see the smile on her face. She had come a long way in the last several years, and he was proud of her. "Hi sweetheart." One benefit of living in the city was that he got to see her more often.

"I'm starving." Kathleen grabbed a menu and started looking through it. "What are you going to have?" She asked. "I'm thinking a BLT or maybe a burger…" She prattled on, not even looking up as she decided what to order. When she had finally settled on something, she dropped her menu and looked back at Elliot. "How's it going?"

Elliot gave a half shrug. "Things are okay."

Kathleen pressed her lips together and cocked her head. "Bullshit."

"Language." Elliot said, furrowing his brow.

Kathleen rolled her eyes and Elliot wondered how women passed along that particular skill from generation to generation. "Stop avoiding the subject."

"Which is?" Elliot raised an eyebrow in question.

"The reason you're having a shitty day."

"I didn't say I was having a shitty day." Elliot said, ignoring the language this time.

They were interrupted by a young waiter who wanted to take their orders, and Elliot leaned back against the bench, waiting until he was done.

"So, spill." Kathleen said, taking a sip of water from the glass the waiter had dropped at the table. When Elliot didn't say anything right away, she badgered him slightly. "You know you're going to tell me anyway."

Elliot was once again amazed at how the tables had turned. But she, more than any of his children, understood the connection between he and Olivia. "I saw Olivia yesterday." He saw the gleam in Kathleen's eye, and he knew she was going to pepper him with questions.

He beat her to it.

"I messed up." Kathleen's smile deflated and then he saw her give him a half-smile.

"Maybe it's not as bad as you think." She said optimistically.

"Maybe." He glanced at his phone, but the screen remained dark.

"Tell me what happened." Kathleen sat forward, listening intently.

Elliot started at the beginning, when he went to her apartment and finished with her quick departure in the taxi. She tried to keep her facial expressions neutral, but she was pretty much an open book, confirming that he had screwed up. Of course, he already knew that.

"So, let me sum that up. She asked you to give her some space, and you stuck your tongue in her mouth?"

"Kathleen!" She had always been one to go with shock value. "It wasn't like that."

Kathleen shrugged and snagged a fry off her plate. "What are you going to do?" She stuffed the entire thing in her mouth.

"I have to leave it up to her."

"That's what you said last time."

"Yeah." He sighed heavily.

"You shouldn't have left like that." Kathleen said.

"What was I supposed to do? Climb into the cab with her?"

"I don't mean yesterday." Kathleen said pointedly.

Elliot was surprised by her comment. "You don't know anything about it." He said forcefully, setting his fork down on the table.

"You're right. I don't." She snapped back. "But I do know that Olivia was your partner for over 12 years and that you just left her, without a backwards glance. No matter what happened, she didn't deserve that."

Elliot clenched his jaw. He couldn't believe his own daughter was talking to him like that, but he held his tongue. He couldn't reprimand her when she was right. "I know that." He said quietly. "I told you that I explained what happened."

"I know, but that doesn't make it any less painful." Kathleen said, in a matter-of-fact tone. "She was still hurt."

Elliot nodded. "I know."

They sat in uncomfortable silence, each of them picking at their food.

"It'll work out." Kathleen said.

Elliot wasn't sure if she was just trying to make him feel better of if she really believed it.