The talk she had last night with Huvanni had created a new sense of hope within Koza, a sense that was causing her to act incredibly foolish.
If Huvanni did in fact like girls, then was there really the tiniest chance that the two of them might... Koza's stomach churned at the thought. She had finally come to terms with her nefarious feelings regarding a person of the same sex, but even just imagining the two of them holding hands or sharing a kiss under the moonlight… It made her spiral within the chasms of her own mind.
Nevertheless, Koza wanted to tell her. She just couldn't keep these emotions bottled up for any longer, forcing herself to act like everything was fine and normal whenever Huvanni entered the room. Even though she was certain the end result would not be too happy, she still wanted to tell her. She wanted to take that chance, even if it completely ruined the friendship they had built from the dirt… Koza tried not to think about that last possibility.
The following morning, Koza jumped awake to Uvi's voice. Koza had been anxiously waiting for the woman to come by; she desperately needed advice, and it wasn't like there was anyone else she could ask.
"Hey, Uvi? Do you remember what I told you yesterday? About that... um, that boy? I think... I think you were right. I want to tell him I like him." Koza had said, her entire face flushed, except not with fever this time around. Uvi's entire face beamed with delight.
"Oh, Koza, that's wonderful! I'm so glad you feel brave enough to do so. There's nothing more pure than young love." She sighed dreamily. Koza tried to avoid looking at her directly. Not in this case, she thought miserably.
"Um, do you have any… advice? I've never done anything like this before. I don't even know where to begin." Koza said shyly. Uvi smiled at her sympathetically.
"Unfortunately, I don't have much. The last time I ever told a boy how I felt about him, I was thirty years younger and fifty pounds lighter," She chuckled at her joke. "But I suppose if I could leave you with anything, be confident. I know that's a bit obvious, but I mean it. You need to feel confident in yourself and your feelings, just express from the heart. Don't let them smell your fear, as I always say."
"When have you ever said that?"
"I… don't let your nerves control you, is what I'm trying to say." Uvi laughed. Talking with Uvi never failed to make Koza feel better about a situation; the woman was always so caring and jovial, it was hard not to feel at ease whenever she opened her mouth. Today, though, Koza somewhat wished that she had asked for comfort rather than practical advice.
"I don't think you have anything to worry about, dear," Uvi smiled. "You're a beautiful and kind young lady. That boy would be an utter fool to reject you."
"Thanks, Uvi. That really means a lot." Koza said, sincerely meaning every word.
"Always happy to help. Now get a move on before you're late. You don't want to miss out on two days of school, now do you?" Uvi teased and exited the room, leaving the door open a crack. Koza took a moment before willing herself to get up and get ready, taking care to make herself look extra nice today.
She descended down into the general area and found Huvanni and Ojin already sitting and ready. As well, Koza spotted with irritation, Ojin had moved from his normal spot so he could sit directly next to Huvanni and was chatting her ear off. She looked quite bored, to Koza's relief and amusement.
"Koza! You're up!" Huvanni sparked, happy to be free of Ojin's ceaseless jabber if only for a moment.
"Yeah, sorry I took so long. My hair was not cooperating," Koza made up, looking toward Ojin. "You're in my seat."
"There's no assigned seating. I can sit wherever I want." Ojin replied roughly, clearly still bitter from the night before. Koza rolled her eyes at Huvanni, who held back a snicker. Koza begrudgingly took Ojin's old seat and started on her breakfast, all the while Ojin continued his spiel about the economy, or whatever he was even talking about.
"And it's really quite fascinating, when you compare the numbers from even places such as Omashu or what's left of Yokoya, they really can't compare with-"
"Hey, Huvanni?" Koza said, not caring that she was interrupting Ojin for the second time. Huvanni looked delighted at another escape.
"Yes, Koza?"
"I have something I want to talk to you about privately. Do you want to walk home from school today?" Koza said, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Ojin glared at her angrily, but Huvanni grinned.
"That sounds lovely. I'd love to walk home with you."
"You shouldn't be keeping secrets, you know. It's one of the marks of a dishonorable soldier." Ojin said smugly, picking at what was left of his rice.
"Oh, like how you were keeping that whole apprenticeship? That kind of secret?" Koza shot back.
"...That's different!" Ojin retorted.
"Yeah? How so?"
"Children, why do I hear arguing? You two shouldn't be at each other's throats this early in the morning." Shio Kan stepped out from inside the kitchen, looking quite dapper in flowing black fabric. Though his appearance was divine, his eyes were filled with worry.
"Sorry, Father." Both Koza and Ojin instinctively replied. They stared hard at each other.
"Very good. I know things are… a tad tense from last night," Shio continued, trying not to look at Koza directly. "But I think with you two getting ready to go off into the world soon and make something of yourselves, we should all begin acting like more of a family. We've all been so isolated from each other, especially you two."
"Where is this coming from? You're usually the one who rejects the idea of us being affectionate." Koza said crossly. Shio held a straight face.
"A man can change his mind, can't he?" He asked accusingly. Koza had no retort for that. "I'd like you two to brainstorm something we can all enjoy together, including your mother. Then we can discuss the ideas tonight at dinner. Does that sound reasonable?"
"Yes, Father." Ojin said obediently. Koza, however, remained unconvinced.
"You're going to let us talk during dinner? Spirits, did something happen to you last night?" Koza tutted.
"I figured the rule could be bent. Just this once. I'd think you would be happy that I'm trying to be more inclusive, Koza, considering your little… outburst last night?" Shio said idly. Six pairs of eyes turned to stare at her.
"I just… Thank you, Father. I appreciate your generosity." Koza decided that this battle wasn't worth fighting anymore. Shio's rigid stance relaxed, if only for a second.
"Very good. Well, then, I suppose you three should get going. Having you both be late would be bad enough, but I certainly don't want Huvanni missing out on her studies. A merchant in training always needs their education, after all." Shio stated.
"Er, thanks." Huvanni said oddly, not sure how to respond. Her and Ojin both grabbed their bags and headed towards the door. Koza, remembering she hadn't even started on her breakfast yet, wolfed down the sausage and rice as fast as she could and followed after them.
"So, what is it you want to talk to me about, hm?" Huvanni whispered teasingly as the three of them waited for the carriage to pull around. Koza, who up until that point almost forgot her original objective, felt her entire face flush.
"Uh, guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" Koza retorted back, hoping her face wasn't noticeably red.
"But that's no fun! Can't you just tell me now? Please?" Huvanni begged.
"Nope. Gotta wait until later. Sorry, Vanni."
"Boo, you stink." Huvanni groaned, sticking her tongue out. Koza grinned.
"Ladies, if you're done gossiping, can we actually go now?" Ojin huffed. Neither of them had even realized the carriage had already pulled up until Ojin acknowledged it.
"Right, sorry." Huvanni said, shooting Koza a wide, mischievous grin and climbed into the carriage. Ojin went inside before Koza had the chance to, quickly taking the seat next to Huvanni.
"You're really just not even bothering to hide it, are you?" Koza scoffed as she took the seat across.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ojin demanded, quick to irritate.
"Nothing, nothing…"
The ride to the academy was a bit more awkward than it had been in previous days, with Ojin attempting to engage Huvanni in more political conversation and her trying her best to be polite. It was almost painful to watch the discourse. However, Koza's mind was elsewhere, thinking of different things.
She had already promised herself that she would tell Huvanni how she felt on their walk today, that was definite. But her mind continued to speed through every horrible outcome that could occur. The dramatic daydreams- such as Huvanni laughing at her or criticizing her- were quickly shut down due to their sheer absurdity.
But one possibility still lingered in Koza's brain: The chance that Huvanni would say she doesn't feel the same, and that they should just remain friends. Though it was gentler than the rest of the wild thoughts Koza was cooking up, it somehow hurt the most. Perhaps it was because it was the most likely to actually happen.
Koza didn't remember leaving the carriage and heading into her classes. She didn't remember sitting there and taking notes about whatever the teachers were saying, or even what Sifu was shouting about during Fire Bending lessons. The entire day was a complete blur, a melted-together combination of colors and distant voices. The day was going by faster than Koza had anticipated or wanted, and before she even had a sliver of time to decide what she was going to say to Huvanni, the school day was over.
The crowd of students eager to get home after the difficult day pushed and shoved Koza all the way to the courtyard, her legs now feeling as if they were the heaviest material on Earth. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it in her ears, and were her palms sweating? That didn't happen to Fire Benders! Get it together, Koza, or you'll ruin this before you even start!
"Koza?" Huvanni's sudden appearance behind her frightened her so much that her balance was disturbed, and she found herself laying flat on her back like a helpless turtle-duck. A few people nearby laughed at her misfortune. Huvanni, though, reached out a hand to help her up.
"A bit jumpy?" She lightly teased as Koza rose back onto her feet.
"Maybe just a little…!"
"If you didn't break your neck, you ready to go? I'm glad you recommended walking back, those carriage rides really cramp your legs. I don't understand how you rich people manage to ride in them every day." Huvanni sighed, doing a few quick lunges to drive the point.
"Didn't you use to ride on a giant monstrous bison every day?" Koza reiterated. She quickly froze, her eyes bulging. Crap, why did she have to go and mention Noll? Thinking about the poor thing never failed to bring Huvanni to tears. Now Koza had made her upset right before she was planning on confessing to her, there was no way she'd-
"Touche. But bison are way less restrictive than carriages. At least we can get up and move around. Air is the element of freedom, I need to be free!" Huvanni raised both her arms high into the sky in a stretch. Koza was able to relax again. She really needed to get her overthinking in check…
"Hey, are you okay? You look like you're gonna puke." Huvanni said suddenly, bringing her arms back down. Koza swallowed. So it was obvious…
"Um… I'll explain. Let's just get going." Koza said nervously, pushing through the crowd of awaiting students so they could get out as quickly as possible. Huvanni tagged along closely, looking at Koza with a new sense of concern. Koza attempted not to meet her gaze, guilt already creeping inside her for making Huvanni worry.
They left the school grounds (maneuvering expertly to not get trampled by carriages and ostrich-horses) and trod down the familiar stretch of land that led from the main city back to home. The two girls walked silently for the first minute or two as Koza struggled to find her voice.
"So? You wanted to talk?" Huvanni encouraged.
"Huh? Oh, right. So… how are… er, how are you enjoying the Fire Nation so far?" Koza asked tensely. Huvanni laughed loudly but quickly composed herself.
"Great, nothing beats going to school to learn about the Nation that killed my people, then come home to a boy who doesn't seem to take a hint." She chortled. Koza's guilt returned in full force. "I'm just kidding. It's actually really nice here. Hot, obviously, but the architecture and landscape is beautiful. And some of the people are actually pretty great." She smiled. Koza felt her face flush again. Damnit, this was starting to get annoying.
"Vanni, I think-"
"When did you start calling me that?" Koza turned her head and furrowed her eyebrows.
"What?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just wondering. When did you start calling me 'Vanni?'" Huvanni asked with a growing smile. She actually did have a point; Koza had barely realized the nickname she had given to the Air Bender. It felt just as natural to say as her full name.
"I think it was a bit after your second breakdown, if I'm remembering correctly." Koza replied curtly. Huvanni laughed.
"Sounds about right."
"Have you been feeling better about that? About any of this?" Koza decided to change the subject matter.
"A bit. I'm not exactly over the whole thing, but… I think I'm starting to learn how to live past it." Huvanni decided.
"Well, that's good. I think. And nobody's gotten suspicious of you, have they?"
"Not that I know of. To think, my past heartache and misfortune ended up actually helping me today."
"What do you mean?"
"See, as an Air Bender, we spend our entire childhood learning from the Nuns- or Monks, if you're from the North or South temple- all the current known techniques of Air Bending. That includes physical, mental, and spiritual training all day every day. Other Nations call us disciplined for a reason. Anyway, when an Air Bender is able to master all 36 forms and techniques of the art, then they are considered a master. And when they're given the title of master, that's when they get their tattoos."
"Tattoos?" Koza asked with astonishment, imagining a crude carving of an open-mouthed snake on Huvanni's arm.
"Not what you're thinking of," Huvanni interjected, reading Koza's mind. "See, Air Bending originates from the Sky Bison. We learned it from them. And, once someone masters Air Bending in its full form, they give themselves the markings of that of a Sky Bison to honor the achievement, as well as showing respect to the ones who taught us originally. Arrows."
At the mention of what shape the tattoos were, Koza suddenly remembered seeing an image of an ancient Air Bending monk in a textbook years ago. Now that the image had returned to her, she could see that, indeed, the old man had a blue arrow pointing down on his forehead. At the time, Koza had thought it was just a very odd personal choice. She understood now that it was actually the mark of great achievement and spirituality.
"I… failed the exam. Twice, actually," Huvanni continued, now looking somewhat embarrassed. "I got 35 out of 36. All the girls my age got their arrows. I was the only one who didn't. I was supposed to try again on the night of the new moon, you know prove that I had finally mastered that last technique and wasn't skimping on the other 35. But… that didn't happen, obviously." Koza felt her heart twinge with sympathy. "But hey, look how things ended up turning out! If I did end up getting those tattoos, it would've been a big challenge hiding them from everyone else, right?"
"Maybe. I'm sure you could've just wrapped a belt around your forehead or something." Koza replied.
"Maybe. Guess it's good for both of us I ended up failing, huh?" Huvanni mumbled, the smile plastered on her face a bit more strained.
"Hey. Don't think for a second that you're anything less than a great Bender just because you struggled. I mean, you mastered 35 techniques and you're only 16! That's insanely impressive, Vanni! I wish you could see yourself in the way I see you."
"...And how is that?" Huvanni said in a near whisper.
"I see a girl who is full of laughter and generosity, a beautiful old soul who knows just how important morality is. I see a girl who has gone through so much, and yet somehow manages to still smile every day. So full of talent, kindness, and wisdom, I almost can't believe I managed to get through an entire day without having her around." Koza could barely stop the words. Everything she had wanted to tell Huvanni from the moment they met came flooding out all at once.
"You've helped me so much, even though I was the one who was supposed to be helping you. Because you're selfless, and you care about me in a way no one ever has. And I want to care about you and be there for you. Because I love… you…" The last word of the ramble faltered as Koza came back to reality of what she was saying. That was definitely not how she had planned on it going, but at least it was out in the open now. Huvanni stared with a puzzled look, although to Koza's relief she didn't seem upset or outraged.
"You… love me?" Huvanni repeated. Koza took a deep inhale, willing herself to go on.
"I… do. And I know, I know it's wrong. I shouldn't be attracted to another girl, especially when we're supposed to be enemies, but-" she was cut off as Huvanni stepped forwards and pressed her lips into Koza's. It was nothing more than a gentle peck, but it was soft and sweet. Koza could feel Huvanni's breath against hers, the two of their spirits seemingly intertwined in that one moment that lasted centuries.
When Huvanni stepped back again, Koza's head was positively spinning. She tried to form coherent sentences as Huvanni watched her with amusement.
"You talk too much." She teased the Fire Bender.
"You… How? Why?" Koza garbled. Huvanni snorted.
"How? I put my lips against yours, that's usually how that works. And why? Because I wanted to."
"You… you wanted to?" Koza almost couldn't believe it.
"Yeah, I did. Because I like you too, pea brain." Huvanni grinned, her cheeks turning a light pink. Koza wasn't sure if she was hallucinating or not.
"You… did? Or, you do? For how long?" Koza was practically foaming at the mouth by this point.
"I think around the same time you started," Huvanni said with a wicked smile. "I gotta say, if you and Ojin have one thing in common, it's that you both are terrible at hiding your feelings for someone."
"So, wait, you knew? You knew I liked you, and you liked me back… Why didn't you say anything?" Koza cried.
"Because it's funny seeing a big bad Fire Bender turn into a tomato," Huvanni teased, brushing her gentle hand against Koza's cheek. "But also because I know how things are in the Fire Nation. Love was more accepted in the Air Temples than it is here. No one cared about the sex or identity of the person you loved. I didn't want us to form a relationship until you were okay with it. So I waited for you." Without even thinking about it, Koza's hands took hold of Huvanni's waist and pulled her in close so that they were near inches apart. They looked into each other's eyes, exchanging a plethora of unspoken words.
"Do you really want to do this?" Koza whispered.
"I do. You're just as wonderful as you think I am. Noble, considerate, brave, honorable, strong. Not to mention, sexy." Huvanni winked. Koza rolled her eyes.
"This will make things twice as hard for us."
"I know."
"We're both dead if we're found out."
"I know."
"Do you even care at all?" Koza asked slyly. Huvanni pressed her forehead against Koza's, staring deeply into her eyes.
"If it means I get to love you? Then no, I don't."