"Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Late Night Tonight Show! I'm your host The United States of America! I don't know if you've been keeping up, but this year hasn't been the best. Lucky for you, I'm back, being as important as ever! And it's that time once again where the Red team and the Blue team really duke it out! Mano E Mano, just like the founding fathers wanted!

"Now some people have said that my electoral college is unjust, outdated, and made with racist intent…" America said. "Well, anyway, we have a great show for you tonight! We've got The Devil and the New World playing for us," He gestured to Lucifer, holding a fiddle, Mexico with a trumpet, and Canada with a saxophone. "And we have the amazing guests, the G7! And for all y'all watching at home, every country is here in the audience!" In the seats near America's desk were the five unpreoccupied countries of the G7, some socially distancing better than others. In the audience really was every single other country. Whether they liked America or not, they knew this election would affect the whole world, and they wanted to be there to see the chaos for themselves. "Now, before the commercial, I'd like to give my running mate Lucifer a chance to say a few words. Take it away Luci!"

Said demon had put his fiddle down and grabbed the microphone from America. It scanned the audience, glaring at them all

"Like the imbecilic inept said, 2020 has not been a good year for you mortals, but mark my words, 2021 will be worse. There is everything to fear, especially fear itself. I am a crook! The rich will get richer and the poor will die off without the privilege of Healthcare. Your world was disgustingly unprepared for the plague. Even when this is over, oceans will rise, the earth will get hotter, and war would ravage the holy land for eternity! And there's nothing you can do to change it or escape it. After all, I am in the details." Lucifer crushed the microphone in his hand effortlessly, as to threaten the countries watching.

There was a moment of silence, only for it to be interrupted by America. "Wow…" he said, then smiled. "What an honest politician! Let's all give a round of applause for Lucifer Morningstar!" Very weak applause was littered throughout the audience. Israel, Palestine, Iran, and other countries of the like started booing.

"Commercial!" Puerto Rico yelled. He was a staff member for America's talk show along with the other American territories.

"Yo, dudes, before the camera's are back on, I had a great idea the other day and thought that you guys deserve a say in choosing the greatest country in the world's new boss!" America said. "Underneath your seats are a whole lotta ballots. It doesn't matter if you know anything about them, I just need ya to vote for Red or Blue. Make sure you vote though. Have I mentioned this will be the most important decision of our lives?" America said.

Frantically, all the countries dug under their chairs, grabbing their varying amount of ballots. The amount each person got didn't seem to have any reason behind it, except for the G7, Russia, and China getting substantially more than everybody else.

Japan watched as the thousands of ballots were being casted. "How is this possible?" he questioned. "Commercials would never give anybody enough time to count these all. And, if I'm not mistaken, none of us are American citizens, so all this would go against America's laws."

Britain scoffed. "Somebody's never watched American cable," he mumbled.

"Is this not a jeu de cirque, mon cher," France added.

"I hate to agree with France, but this is a Scheiße show," Germany added. "Just be happy that we can vote."

Lucifer flew past the G7 with a ballot box in hand and they all casted their many votes. He started roaming the audience, gathering their ballots too.

"Who should I vote for? they're both terrible," Austria complained. He looked terrible. With all the attacks and the resurgence of COVID, he hardly wanted to come to the election, but alas, America's influence was too big.

"I voted for Kanye," the Philippines said.

"Why?" asked Cuba.

"I mean, he's on the ballot," said the Philippines.

He was on the ballot, right under [B] United States of America/ Lucifer Morningstar and [R] Alfred F. Jones/ Beelzebub Satanas was [Y] Kanye West/ Kanye West, with basically no other option.

Elsewhere, Lucifer is collecting more ballots, and South Korea can't help but notice who his neighbor voted for. "Why'd you vote for him? Didn't he promise to kill you?"

"Yes, but I believe in Democracy," North Korea said.

The southern Korea rolled his eyes. "You really did die in May."

Lithuania wasn't far away sitting next to and talking to Australia. "-even if it is a child, eating the endangered frog alein's eggs was wrong and it should face the consequences," Lithuania finished saying as he casted his vote.

"Right, mate," Australia agreed. "I know a thing or two about endangered species, and that was just wrong. The spiders though, mate, those were spot on! I see them every day!"

"You what?"

As the other countries talked, Lucifer finished his collecting and stood on stage beside America. "Alright, Luci's gonna find out who won now!" America exclaimed. He looked to his running mate. "Is it me? I won, right?"

The devil looked at the ballot box, and it burst into flames, utterly destroying everything inside. "We have this in the bag."

"Woo! Yeah, baby!" America celebrated "That's what I've been waitin' for! That's what it's all about! Wooooo!"

The G7 watched America celebrate in utter confusion. "I wasn't paying attention, what's going on?" Italy asked.

"I have no idea anymore," Germany said.

"I won this election by a lot! No matter what the numbers are!" America yelled.

The big board behind America lit up with an all gray US map. Soon, some states started flicking to be pink and cyan. "We're live!" Guam said.

America immediately stopped celebrating and looked back at the camera. "Aight! Now, like any good late night talk show, we have a whole buncha stupid games to play, merch to advertise, and controversies to address! This first game is called 270 to win! Stay tuned!"

America did as he said and started playing the game with the G7. They were all watching as the states changed from gray to pink, cyan, red and blue.

At one point, during America's point-a-gun-at-Romania game, Canada looked at the screen. "Look, America was right. Texas is blue."

"Trust me, no it's not," Mexico reassured. It flicked from cyan to pink. "See."

"Oh"

More time passes, and the states are almost all colored in at this point. "wait, is there a chance I could loose?" America asked

Lucifer responded with "Well... I mean technically, if all the mail in ballots vote you out-"

America panicked "STOP THE COUNT!"

The board stopped locking in votes.

America kept staring at the screen unblinking. "What now"

~~~four days later~~~

"Yep, any second now." America was still in the same spot staring at the hardly changed screen. Barely any countries were still there, just the G7, Mexico, and Russia remained. Even Lucifer left. Most of them were looking beyond bored, besides Britain, who was giddy at the mostly blue map.

America's eye twitched as he continued to watch the screen. "I swear to god Nevada, hurry up and vote or I'll nuke ya more," he mumbled.

Pennsylvania clicked from cyan to blue, locking in the vote, making Blue that year's crowned champion of 720 to win.

"Well, would you look at that!" America said. "I will finally put an end to this malarkey!"

Britain's eyes shone with excitement. "It happened! We did it! Ready the firework!" he yelled, jumping out of the seat.

"Zis doesn't change much, no?" France asked. "Your people are still very passionate and in opposition. Everything is one bad move away from a révolution."

"If you shut up, I'll buy drinks for the party," Britain said.

France smiled. "Oiu~"

"Awesome!" America said. "I'll grab stuff for the party too! Who wants Coke to celebrate!"

"Your drinks are super unhealthy, but ja, vhy not," Germany added.

America tilted his head at Germany's comment. "Drink? I meant Cocaine. It's totally legal now in Oregon."

"Vhat the f***, America! Vhy?" Germany asked.

"This is terrible for my business," Mexico complained. "You took MY job!"

"How horrible! Why would you legalize such a thing?!" Japan asked. "Drugs are not supposed to be taken lightly!"

"Jeez, fine, I get it. I'll just buy heroin instead."

America was about to leave, but he stopped when he heard yelling. "Stop right there!" They all looked to see Russia, the only person still in the audience. "This is impossible! I did everything I could to prevent this from happening! AMERICA CRIME FAMILY STOLE THIS ELECTION!" Russia screamed. The countries on the stage all stare at him in silence. "I quit," he said, storming out.

"Countries can't actually quit, can we?" Italy asked.

"I don't know," Canada said. "But I haven't seen anything about Lebanon since August. He could be-"

The board behind them lit up to be bright blue, interrupting the Canadian's train of thought. It was a projection of a blue screen, and China walked in front of it. "Ni hao," he said. "America has a new leader in charge. I wanted to congraturate America on his presidential erection, but I wanted to say, it's not over. It's far, far from over." He evilly chuckled as he walked off screen, and the monitor shut off.

"I wouldn't say it's far from over, there's only one more month," America said. "And December can't be any more chaotic than this… Right?"

To be continued…