Upstead (First Kiss)

Chapter 10

Hello guys! I want to start off by thanking each and every one of you who took the time and wrote a review for this story. I was overjoyed to receive all the warm and encouraging comments. I do hope we can continue this way. Now as for the chapter, it is an important one and I am sure a few questions will be answered. Hope you enjoy. :)

Jay couldn't believe what was happening. Hailey got together with Adam because of him? What the hell did this even mean? Then suddenly the memory came back to him. His father had died because of the fire. The whole team had tried to convince Jay to step away from the case but he hadn't listened to anyone. He was on his nerves the whole time and he was out of control causing him to yell at Hailey because she was the only one who would take his crap. He had really been out of line that day, he recalled shaking his head in shame. And the worst of it was not even this, he had disobeyed an order from Voight and had been shot because of that. Clearly his emotions and his feelings had taken over him and he couldn't stop himself. Voight had yelled at him and Hailey had tried her best to support him but she couldn't take it anymore either so she had left, leaving him all alone. He had seen her walk away and how much he had wanted to apologise to her. But he couldn't bring himself to do that and the next thing he knew was that she was walking away with Adam holding her tightly. What he didn't know then was that that had been the tipping point for Hailey, she had let go and Adam had been there for her in those low moments. As Jay replayed the whole memory in his mind he was forced to look at Hailey, he found her looking at him as well. He finally connected the dots and understood what Hailey meant and why she had done such a thing. He almost let out a loud sigh, still not believing this. Finally he thought he had gathered himself to be able to speak, "Hailey, I didn't know this. Why didn't you tell?"

"Tell you what Jay?" she asked with an incredulous smile.

Jay opened his mouth to give his answer but he knew that there was no answer to this question. He only realised that, as hard as that day had been for him, it hadn't been a picnic for Hailey either, especially with his foul attitude. He didn't know what to say other than, "I am sorry."

Hailey looked at him with emotions in her eyes and for the first time she could let go of that day. They had never spoken about it again and she had landed in Adam's bed because of the silence between them. Those long lost but still present deep within feelings were resurfacing in Hailey's heart and she couldn't do anything about them. Jay began, hoping to lay everything out in the open since they had decided to walk on this path, "Hailey, I had no idea you were so affected by it. I was so involved in trying to catch Daniel that I completely forgot that other people were also involved."

"Yeah, I know Jay. That's why I didn't even try to speak to you after the arrest. You were in no shape to say anything and Voight had just come down on you."

Jay nodded agreeing with her, like he always did. But Jay had to know one more thing. He didn't know how to ask but he started nonetheless, "I didn't know you cared so much about me. I mean we are only partners."

Hailey looked at him for a long moment, finally glad and tensed that this was coming out into the open once and for all and they could put it to bed right here. She started, "You're right, I was really affected by what happened but that in itself showed me that I cared for you more than a partner would or even should."

At those words Jay's breath stopped and his heart stood still, not believing the words he was hearing. She cared for him more than a partner? He finally managed, not sounding too desperate, "What do you mean?"

"It just means that I look at you more than a partner and have stronger feelings towards you. But what they are I still don't know," she finished looking into oblivion.

Jay had to calm down he realised. A moment ago his heart had stopped but now it was racing and if he didn't control it, it would certainly explode. He knew he had to get to the point as soon as he could, because he couldn't bear any more suspense or tension, so he asked directly, "Did you love me?"

At that Hailey stared at Jay wondering what made him say that. The only thing that could come out of her mouth was, "What? No!"

There it is was. Whenever man was confronted with love man's first instinct was to deny it because he couldn't bring himself to be so vulnerable. But what he didn't realise was that love was the best thing that he did. And Hailey was going through the same thing right now. She couldn't believe Jay was hitting the precise points and soon there would come a time when none of them could go back and she had to stop this immediately, contrary to her previous idea of letting everything out in the open and finishing it off once and for all.

As shocked as Jay was to hear that, a part of him had anticipated such a denial from Hailey's part. She was not one to share her feelings and he knew that only too well. There was only one way to make her believe in what he was saying, he had to give her his heart and let her do what she wished with it. If she stomped on it and crushed it, that would be his misfortune. But if she accepted it, it would be something so magical. He knew he had to take the first step to show her he was not afraid and that he trusted her, though from within he was terrified. He braced himself and began first responding to her previous reaction, "It doesn't matter. But you should know this. I have started falling in love with you and I'm not going to try to stop it either. I love this feeling Hailey, I haven't felt like this in a long time and I'm certain you make me feel this way."

Jay had not even blinked when he was saying this, he wanted to look at everything that happened on her face. But nothing was displayed, she had listened to him with a neutral expression. What he didn't know was that her heart rate had increased drastically and she was struggling not to gasp. Finally she managed, hoping that the word she intended came out, "What?"

"It's true, and I am not afraid to say it. I don't want to hide it," he said calmly hoping to sound normal.

If Hailey thought that this trip was a relaxing one, boy was she wrong. Jay had just dropped a bombshell on her and she didn't know how to react. But she knew one thing for sure and that was that she too felt something more than a friend or partner would feel. But to label it love would be too much for her. Sensing that Hailey was unable to speak Jay spoke, "You don't have to say anything Hailey. I just wanted to let you know where I stood."

You're right, I don't have to say anything mainly because I can't at the moment, thought Hailey. Instead she got up from the bench and said, not daring to look at him, "I think we should head back."

Jay nodded and got up. He knew it was best not to push and give her the time she needed. The demeanor he portrayed externally was nowhere near what he felt inside. He was trembling from within, he had finally spilled his heart out and it felt good but at the same time there was a fear that it could be shattered since it was so exposed. They walked back to the cabin in silence but there was a palpable tension. All Jay was happy about was that she hadn't rejected him altogether, she had simply let the matter hanging and he could live with that, though only for a while. Hailey felt all kinds of emotions but she couldn't identify the one she felt for Jay at the moment. He had just opened his heart for her but she was too afraid to do the same, especially after the incident with Booth. She had convinced herself that her heart and her body were solely her properties and no one had a right to enter them, not even Jay. All this said, she couldn't silence her heart's voice and heart was screaming to her that she loved this man, but she just didn't want to accept it. She had spent the night with Adam those years ago because she was terrified by the thought of Jay being dead, and that had led her to avoid any relationship with Jay at all. But things had changed now, was she ready to give her heart another chance?

That concludes the chapter. Again I have ended on a cliffhanger sort of note. But the good news is that Jay has finally confessed. Please comment and share your thoughts, I am looking forward to all your feedbacks. Thank you so much! :)