Cons and Pros
(June 22-25, 2018)
10-In a Whirl
Watching the preview episode of Granite Rapids, Dipper realized how Mabel felt when flying. He had to ride out waves of anxious nausea. It helped that Wendy sat beside him, holding his hand, sending him waves of reassurance.
Stripped of commercials, the show ran only twenty-two minutes. Twenty-two awfully long minutes, as Dipper squirmed and wondered if the audience would cheer or boo. The episode covered the first third of his first book and ended with Tripper discovering Secret Journal 3 and an end title reading "To be continued." The audience—a whole theater full—applauded enthusiastically at the end, and when Alan said, "Let's go face the firing squad," Dipper rose from his seat and followed the director up a few steps to the stage.
The big screen rolled silently upward as the show staff—Alan Kirsch, the director, Jean Tawney, a storyboard artist, Mickie Steenly, a writer, voice actors Kristie Chelle, Jackson Rhett, and Lydia Corelli, and last and feeling least Dipper—wearing his own pine-tree trucker's hat—sat in chairs on the stage as a disembodied voice from the projection booth identified them. Alan stood, microphone in hand, and thanked the audience for their reaction. "So," he finished, "big question now, think hard—did you like it?"
A wave of cheers rolled over them and lifted Dipper's spirits. When it died down, a lone voice far at the back called out, "Boo!"
Alan shrugged. "I agree with you, but who are we two against so many?"
The same voice yelled, "Just kidding! It was great!"
"OK," Alan said. "Here we are, ready to answer your questions. We've got six microphones set up in the aisles—staff, wave so everyone can see where the mikes are—and we'll take as many as we have time for. Let's start with the far-left mike and we'll work our way right and then down forward. What's your name, and what's your question, sir?"
"I'm Tony Fulton, and I'm from Oklahoma, and I wanted to know why didn't Tripper have a kid's voice?"
Jackson, Tripper's voice actor, fielded that one: "Because I got the job! Seriously, Tony, I loved the books. I've worked with Alan once before and I went to him and begged for the chance. He doesn't even charge me very much! Anyway, in my head I've always heard Tripper as sounding mature for a twelve-year-old. I hope I'm not too far off! Hey, Stan, how'd I do?"
Dipper held up his own microphone and said, "Seriously, Jackson, from now on I'll hear your voice whenever I write Tripper's dialogue!"
Next question: "When's it gonna be on TV? And is Ditzney gonna make us wait six months between episodes?"
Alan: "Not with this show. The first nine episodes are in the can, and they'll play one week apart. Then there'll be a month hiatus and the next nine will be ready to go."
A girl from Idaho asked how many episodes would there be per book. Mickie, a young woman not much older than Dipper, said, "Three per book, so far. In between, we'll have unwritten adventures—those not covered in Stan's books. There's always something weird going on in Granite Rapids."
Not a question, but a statement from a teen-ager whose glasses made his eyes look huge: "I love all the cryptograms in the show! There's always at least one per book. Are there going to be more in the series?"
Oh, yes, definitely. "More than you'll be able to spot!" Alan promised. "I always loved codes and ciphers, and you can expect them to play a really big role."
A girl from California: "Alexia is, like, my favorite character. You can probably tell." She was wearing a shooting-star sweater. "So, like, this is for Kristie? How do you nail her personality so well?"
Kirstie said, "Well, she's kind of a loveable ditz, and so am I! I fell in love with her when I first read the script. Hey, Stan, is the real Alexia here?"
"Right there in the front row," Dipper said. "Folks, meet my inspiration for Alexia, my twin sister Mavis!"
Mavis stood up, spread her arms wide—and her sweater lit up with twinkling lights. "Thank you, everyone!" she yelled. "And don't believe everything my doofus brother writes about me!"
And so it went. If Dipper's autograph line the day before had been manageable, this time he was almost overwhelmed. Jan herself hauled in more books—these were for sale, though at a convention discount—and told him, "We may have to have a shipment expressed in so we'll have the weekend covered!"
One reason was that people who got his autograph also wanted those of Alan and the voice actors. The books became works of art as Alan sketched in funny doodled drawings of the characters. And Dipper found it so hectic that it was hard for him to remember the names of the book buyers—but Wendy solved that by scaring up a pad of Post-It notes and having each person in line write his or her name down—"So he can spell it correctly," she would explain, and that saved Dipper's neck more than once.
Later, recuperating in the green room, Dipper and Kristie sat on one of the sofas, and she told him, "I think it's great the way you add a little personal note to each autograph."
"Well," he said, "They're doing me a favor by buying my books. That's the least I can do. But I have to admit, after about a hundred my brain dries up, and I wind up writing 'To Bob at ComicsCon 2018, from a fellow SF fan" or something like that."
Jackson, with a paper plate loaded with brownies and cookies, sat next to Kristie and offered them a snack. "I was just talking to Mabel. She makes it sound like your books are inspired by your own lives. True?"
"Well, yeah," Dipper said. "The Palms characters are a lot like us Pineses, and we have a great-uncle who's a lot like Manny. And Willow is Wendy, and there's even a Moose. His name's Soos."
"Zeus?" Jackson asked.
"Soos," Dipper corrected. "For Jesús. And a lot of the other characters are kind of caricatures of real-life people."
"Moose is crazy cool," Kristie said.
"Yeah, I was wondering who does his voice," Dipper said.
From behind him Alan spoke in the big guy's voice: "Dawg, that's, like me, or whatever!"
Dipper looked back at the director. "You do a great job!" he said. "You guys, if you ever get to Gravity Falls, you have to stop at the Mystery Shack."
"The artists told us you'd sent them photos of it!" Jackson said.
"Yes, to use as an inspiration for the tourist trap in the show. Great job on that," Dipper said. "Yeah, and if anything, the real Mystery Shack's even stranger than Mystery Manor in the show."
"I'm gonna take the whole staff on a road trip there," Alan said. "I'll be in touch to set up a date! We have a production lull in August. Who's up for it?"
The voice cast were, enthusiastically so.
"I don't think it'll disappoint you," Dipper said.
The rest of the day passed in a blur of activities. Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Teek went to three different presentations and got to play with a few real-life fake props from the Marvelous movies, including a magic war hammer ("Boo! Not heavy enough!" Mabel complained) and a Major American shield. They hobnobbed with actors from TV and the movies.
They deftly maneuvered away from a whole herd of pony girls. They met the voice actors from Spongepants Squarebob. They heard some filk singing—like folk singing, but for filks. Dipper collected about a dozen signed books. Wendy fended off about a dozen interested young men, and one old actor who kept calling her "My dear."
"It's gonna be weird to go back home after this," Mabel said late that night as, once again in the green room, they sat enjoying an after-dinner snack.
"I'm ready for it, though," Dipper said.
Wendy teased him: "C'mon, man, you're a big celebrity here!"
"I think I've had about enough of it," Dipper said. "All this—it kind of makes me feel unreal. Like I'm playing the part of Stan Mason. I don't know—all these fans trying to give me ideas for books. Or handing me fanfiction."
"I love the pony one!" Mabel said. "Only isn't bestiality sort of against the law?"
"The pony one gets too explicit for comfort," Dipper said.
Later, as they were preparing for bed, Wendy told him "I think you should read thepony fanfic. It's a hoot."
"It makes me self-conscious," Dipper said. "The Tripper in her story isn't much like my character Tripper in the books."
"Give the writer a break. She's just starting out. And I think the girl doesn't have too much experience with guys," Wendy said. "Nobody's 'eager manhood' is the size of Tripper's in her story!"
"Please," Dipper said, turning off the bedside lamp. "I didn't read that far, and I don't think I want to."
"Mm, well," Wendy said thoughtfully, "dude, you do have access to an enlarge and shrink ray—"
"I didn't know you had complaints!"
"I guess I don't. Not really. Mm. Not at all, actually. That's nice. . .."
From the Journals of Dipper Pines: Monday, June 25-Back at the Shack, still sort of dazed, and way tired. The weekend is a blur. Bea called me from New York on Saturday to congratulate me on the sales—she'd checked with Brangwen, and they told her all the hardcovers they had sent for the convention were gone, and most of the paperbacks, too.
I can believe it. I have hand cramps from autographing. But already it's hard to remember what happened when—it all went by in a whirl.
On the flight back to Portland, we were talking about our favorite moments. Mabel's was getting two desserts at the French restaurant. That and meeting the stars of Paranatural. She has photos of her sitting on both their laps at once, and Teek's being a good sport about that. His was attending a session on special effects in the Marvelous movie franchise. He even bought a pricey book on practical and CGI movie effects and had the two authors, who had worked on the "Steel Guy," "Mighty Bulk," and "Major American" movies autograph it to him. He also scored a number of autographs from the actors we ran across.
Wendy says the times she watched me on the stage, in the panels and so on, were her favorites. Mabel said, "Aww. Now you gotta be nice to her for the rest of the summer, Dipster!"
Mine? Mine was . . . I don't know. Finding out how much fans love the books and are going to love the show. Being loaded down with merch—Mabel's already setting up a corner of the Museum dedicated to "The Town that's Based on Gravity Falls."
Other highlights. Getting to pretend to be a big-shot writer, I guess, though that made me feel a little phony, too. receiving a whole raft of emails and texts that tell me my cover is blown. See, I didn't know that so much of the con would be live-streamed. Some guys on the college track team spotted me, including the coach's son. Some folks from Piedmont, too, and four from Gravity Falls. My secret is out.
As Mabel said upon gaining a pig, "Everything is different now."
However, Soos welcomed us when we returned, Tripper went into dog ecstasies when he came running up to us, Abuelita cooked us a delicious welcome-home dinner, and tomorrow—
Tomorrow I'm not Stan X. Mason, boy writer, but Dipper Pines, check-out clerk. And Wendy is my manager, and Sis is the Vice-President of Promotions (she gave herself a new title) and Teek is the chef. Stan's going to play the role of Mr. Mystery and when we have down time he wants to discuss his political career—Tyler Cutebiker is tired of being the mayor and suggested to Stan that he run again, now that his criminal past has been more or less forgotten, and now that the folks in the county have come to him as a Justice of the Peace because he's so understanding and conducts such fun weddings.
Stan's thinking about it. "Gotta consider all the angles," he says.
And Ford's a little concerned because something is happening at Crash Site Omega (the hill beneath which an alien craft has been buried for thirty million years). He doesn't think it's dangerous—yet. But some process is worrying him a little, and he's asked me to help him explore it.
And so life goes on.
Stan asked me if I'd want to go back next year. I guess I'll have to wait and see. Anything could happen—the TV show could be a bust, my book sales could tank, who knows. All in all, I had a good time, I think, because Mabel and Wendy did. I'd go back to please them. I may change my mind, though, because I agreed to do a book tour next December, when the new book is out. And one in the spring, too. Wendy's looking forward to that one. She's eager to visit New York.
Me—I don't know. Crowds and all. But if my Lumberjack Girl is happy, I'm happy. So—I guess I'll close the book on ComicsCon 2018. Thanks to everyone involved! Gratitude to the Fates for not having a werewolf infestation or a goblin attack or a major-league haunting erupt while we were there!
Because, frankly, the reality was scary enough.
The End