Upon returning to their hotel, Jane noticed how Maura fidgeted nervously with her hands while they were driving up to their story. "I could check your room." She offered with a soft smile, feeling her friends fear. "Or we can just go and pick up the stuff you need, and you stay with me?"
The dark voice made Maura glance up into her warm eyes. "I don't want to bother you." The blonde stated, but her voice was betraying the meaning of her words.
"You don't bother me at all." Jane reassured her, thinking about being woken early this morning. But knowing that Maura was safe was more important than her sleep she decided. Besides if her theory was true and someone tried to scare the doc away, she wouldn't be able to sleep well anyways.
Maura seemed to read her mind but looked relieved. Her hand shook slightly when she put the keycard into the slot to open the door to her room. Jane stood in the doorframe and watched her pack silently.
"Just tell me if you need help." She stated while her mind mulled over the fact that now they were practically moving in together. There was excitement over the future morning banters, but also some regret about losing her privacy. Privacy had always been important to Jane. And with Gabriel who ignored her most of the time as long as he had control over her, she had plenty.
This was probably the only reason why this marriage had lasted so long anyways. How sad that sounds Jane thought but shrugged it off. Unwillingly she compared Gabriel against Maura. Besides ignoring her, Gabriel was very possessive while Maura was the total opposite.
The doc showed interest in her and her thoughts and gave her freedom. Maura wasn't a control freak – yet. Jane thought recalling how open-minded Gabriel had been at the beginning. She sighed. Hell why was she overthinking again? Maura and she weren't an item and they probably never would be.
It would be much better to invest the energy in finding a place to stay and a good lawyer to file for divorce. Moreover, she wanted to fight for custody for Marcella. The thing that worried her most was that it would be a hard fight. Her job brought a lot of nightshifts. And she could already hear Gabriel's lawyer weight this in against her.
Of course, there was still the possibility that Gabriel would make it easy for her, or that they would find an agreement, but knowing her husband Jane thought that it was highly unlikely to turn this way.
At least money wouldn't be a problem. Jane had filled her saving account on a monthly basis and she her salary wasn't bad for a female detective.
"Are you sure that I can stay with you?" Maura snapped her back to reality and Jane gave her a puzzled look.
"Yeah, why?" she questioned.
"You don't look happy." Maura stated with a small smile.
"It has got nothing to do with you." Jane replied and grabbed the huge suitcase with a huff.
"What the hell did you pack? Stones?" she joked, and Maura giggled. "Books. Loads of books because I didn't expect to meet someone so fun and nice to chat with."
"Fun and nice? I thought I was your only friend here!" Jane feigned to be indignant and Maura nudged her with a chuckle.
Jane recalled Maura mentioning that she read a lot because of her social anxiety and thought that they made an odd mixture.
"So, how does it work?" Maura asked while unpacking her stuff. Jane was laying on the bed and playing with her phone. She glanced up.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"The roommate thing. I never had a roommate before." The doc said excited.
The word roommate spun through Janes head for a while. "Not even in college?" she asked with a puzzled look.
"Not even in college." Maura replied with a shrug. "My parents always wanted me to have the best…" she stopped. "Well, not even in college."
"You didn't miss out." Jane answered, recalling sharing a flat for a few months while being a rookie officer. It had been her first attempt to get away from her mother's over protectiveness and she had failed miserably. Her roommate had been a student from the BCU who liked to party hard.
At the beginning it had been fun. But its less fun if you work night shifts and come home to a destroyed flat and some party people sleeping in your bed. Or if you have to go to work without sleep because the music from the living room had kept you awake. Just to name the harmless things that had happened to her back then.
Jane would never forget the I told you so look her mother had given her when she had asked to move back into her house.
"I always thought that it would be fun with the right people." Maura gave her a meaningful glance which made Jane shiver slightly.
"Do we need any rules?" Maura continued, either not noticing Janes reaction or just ignoring it.
"No waking me up before 8am?" Jane giggled.
"7am." Maura stated while pushing the last drawer close.
"7am?" Jane shrieked. "7:45!"
"7:30! My last offer." Maura said amused, obviously enjoying this as much as Jane.
"Fine. 7:35 then." Jane huffed playfully.
"Fine!" Maura said and hold her hand out to Jane after laying down next to the tall woman.
For a while they just lay in silence and Jane listened to the other woman breathing until her phone rang. These days her ringing phone was never a good sign. Either it was her mother or Gabriel. She checked her watch. There was half an hour left before she would call Frost.
She moved her lean body out of the bed and walked onto the balcony to pick up.
"I miss you, Janie." Gabriels voice sounded sad and anxious. "I miss you so much."
"Gabriel…" she said, pulling her hand through the curls watching out to the roofs of the city. "Don't talk. Just hear me out okay? We can do this. We can come back together again. I think that we just neglected this relationship too much over the last years. Taking it as given. I have a plan.."
Jane took a deep breath. "Gabriel it has been that way from the start. Remember when I told you that I was gay and could only love you as a friend? You said it was okay, that you had enough love for both of us. And I thought that it might work. But it doesn't. Nothing is going to be okay. And im sorry, this was my mistake. On the other hand I played with open cards. You knew the facts and agreed. So I guess its both of our faults. Lets just end this the way it began okay? As friends? Do you think we could do that? At least for Marcellas sake?"
A snort came over the line. Jane felt Gabriel's walls pull up and that he was going to attack her. She braced herself for what was about to come.
"For Marcellas sake? Really Jane? How funny that you would mention this as you are never there to feed her or bring her to bed. First you use the gay thing as an excuse to deny sleeping with me and now Marcella?" he spat the words at her and Jane closed her eyes for a moment.
She had always felt as if there would be a day where she would have to pay for her mistakes. Now the day had come. When she opened her eyes again they fell on Maura who pretended to read a medical journal. Funny how we notice details in stress situations that aren't important she thought when she read the cover: Is the threat of a worldwide Pandemic real?
"I don't use anything as an excuse. I was open right from the start. And I love Marcella. I've been in her life right from the start. I don't want her to grow up without me." She tried to escape a discussion about how often she was there for Marcella or not. It wasn't that she was never there, and she knew that generalizing was a thing people did during fights. You are never there…, you never…. She rolled her eyes.
"You Jane Rizzoli are the biggest hypocrite in the world!" he shouted, and Jane felt a sting to her heart. "Lets not just do it over the phone okay? Why don't we sit down and talk when I come home?" she asked, trying to keep the pain out of her voice.
Breaking up was never easy and it always hurt she thought glancing out to the skyline of Nairobi again. It never was. Even if you didn't love your partner. It was an end and ends were always scary and painful.
There was a saying that every end is a new beginning with new chances. But right now it was hard to focus on the positive side.
"Fine, bring your divorce papers then! But don't think that you will see Marcella ever again!" he yelled and hung up. Jane pulled the phone with shaking hands from her ear and shoved the device into her pocket. She leaned against the wall and slid down. Tears were burning in her eyes as she pulled her knees towards her body to protect herself.
She was grateful that Maura gave her some space to regain her composure in privacy.