Chapter 10

November 23, 1920

Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin

When I woke up the next morning, each of my senses started working one by one. The first was smell. Even with my eyes closed, the smell of eggs and bacon wafted up the stairs and through my nostrils, making me smile.

Next was touch. I could feel the cushy mattress beneath me and the powder soft sheets against my cheek. The heavy blanket was keeping me warm, draped over my waist. I was warm yet cool at the same time, absolutely temperate and perfect. I reached my arms out for Mia, frightened to find that she wasn't there. That prompted the next sense to kick into gear.

Sight. My eyes flicked open in panic as I searched for Mia. I was alone in the bed. She was gone and her little stuffed bunny was gone. Where was she? Had Cal snuck into the room in the middle of the night and taken her? My mind went through every tragic scenario before my fourth sense started to work.

I was relieved to hear the sound of laughter: Mia's laughter. It was echoing around the house, repeated giggles, followed by Jack's chuckles. I could hear that they were talking, though I couldn't make out what they were saying, and my heart fluttered. I smiled and giggled at the sound of Jack and Mia talking and laughing together.

Mornings had always been the worst part of my day: I hated the thought of needing to get up and face the terrible people surrounding me. But now… now every day would offer endless possibilities. Somehow, living in Jack's small house, unable to leave, offered more possibilities than all of Philadelphia and Pittsburgh combined.

I wasn't unhappy to climb out of bed this morning. I didn't wince at the feeling of my feet hitting the cold floors. I was actually excited to see someone other than Mia, for the first time in years. It was strange to feel that way, but it was wonderful.

I wrapped my kimono around my shoulders and ran my fingers through my hair before walking downstairs. I didn't spend an hour getting dressed before leaving my room, I didn't put on any makeup, I didn't style my hair. It felt good to be able to set aside everything that was so unimportant.

I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Jack and Mia sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice, respectively. Jack saw me first, smiling at me. "Look who's awake," he said to Mia, motioning towards me.

Mia turned around. "Mommy!" She jumped off the chair and ran towards me. I lifted her off the ground, holding her on my hip. She wrapped her arms around my neck. "How did you sleep?" I couldn't get over how happy she looked. She had a huge smile, cheerfulness in her voice, and a new brightness in her eyes. My heart felt so full. This was who Mia was always meant to be.

"Waking up to find that you weren't there almost gave me a heart attack," I said cheerfully. I kissed her cheek and held her close. I looked over at Jack, who was sipping his coffee and smiling. "Good morning, Jack."

"Good morning," Jack smiled. He kept smiling at me while I held Mia in my arms. "Coffee?" I politely accepted, and he poured me a cup and handed it to me. I took a sip, relishing the taste of the delicious, warm coffee. The kitchen window was open, and the cool breeze blew through my hair and cooled me down. I felt perfect. I couldn't imagine feeling better than I did at this moment. Well, I could do without the panicking about Cal finding us, but other than that, I was absolutely happy.

I placed Mia on the ground again, and she ran away to get something, I didn't hear what. I walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. Jack sat across from me. "I hope she wasn't too much trouble for you," I said politely. As casual as things felt, I often found myself remembering that I was a guest in this house, and the Ruth inside of me kept needing to be polite.

"Not at all," Jack smiled. He sipped his coffee. "She's exactly like you. She looks exactly like you, she says things that you say, she makes faces that you make. It's… it's mind-blowing, really. It's almost like there was no Cal at all. She's all you."

I couldn't believe how Jack had changed. He seemed sadder, more serious. I wondered if it was a feature of growing up (he was already twenty eight, after all) or if it was an effect of everything he had gone through: his parent's deaths, Titanic, fighting in the Great War. "I always thought so."

We sat quietly for a moment. "So, you've seen the house, mostly," Jack began. "The living room, the kitchen. Next-door is the dining room, down the hall is a small library. Upstairs are the bedrooms, and a small office, which used to be my father's. I know how proper you are, so I'll just say that you're welcome to use whatever you want." Jack smiled at me once he saw that I was smiling. "And outside is just… grassy areas and trees and all kinds of stuff. But I wouldn't leave Mia out there alone because there can be the occasional animal out there."

"Thank you," I smiled. "You… you really don't have to do this. You don't have to have us here. I'm sure having a married woman and her daughter in your house isn't exactly what you want." I tucked a curl behind my ear. "It's not too late to change your mind."

Jack sighed, leaning his elbows on the kitchen table. "I've been alone. For the last eight years." He took a sad deep breath. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, and… I wanted you with me, no matter what." Now he smiled, making my heart flutter. "Having you in this house, having laughter and joy here, it's wonderful. I don't want you to leave."

I smiled, reaching over and squeezing his hand. "Thank you." The wind blew through our hair. "You just… always know how to save me, don't you?" I smiled. "You saved me in every way a person can be saved. I hope you know that."

Jack smiled. The way he looked at me this time was different than any time recently. It was a look that I had seen a number of times, but not since I had returned. It was the same look he gave me at the bow of Titanic: that lustful, desire-filled look before we slowly joined in that wonderful kiss.

I knew at that point that it would happen again. Jack and I both had placed our forearms on the tables, our fingers touching. We had both stood up so we could reach each other. Slowly, hesitantly, our lips moved closer and closer until they were only two inches apart. "Mommy?"

Mia skipped back into the kitchen, sending Jack and I flying away and back to our seats quickly. We hadn't even kissed, yet I was left absolutely dazed. I gazed into Jack's ocean blue eyes, letting them keep me distracted. I couldn't bring my gaze away from him, even if I wanted to. "What are we doing today?"

"W-well, I don't know," I was still dazed, wishing she could disappear for just a few more seconds so that Jack and I could have that wonderful kiss. I set aside my desire for Jack and pulled Mia onto my lap. "We can't exactly go anywhere."

"You could always take a walk," Jack offered. "There's a creek a few minutes away, no one ever goes there. You could walk there, sit there, whatever. I'm sure it's nicer than staying cooped up with me." Jack looked at me and arched an eyebrow, and I blushed immediately.

"Yes!" Mia clapped her hands. She turned to look at me. "Mommy, can we go?" She looked at me with her giant blue eyes, ones that I couldn't possibly say no to. "Please, please, please!" She nodded and proceeded to wait for me to say yes.

"Sure, sweetie, we can go," I hugged her close and kissed her cheek. "Why don't you go upstairs and start getting ready, hmm?" Mia jumped off of my lap and skipped upstairs. Jack and I stood up, and as tempted as I was to grab him and kiss him, it wasn't the right time. "Um…" I looked into his eyes, feeling that wave of dizziness wash over me again. "We'll pick this up later?"

Jack nodded. "Sure." I had to tear my eyes away from his and gather enough willpower to turn away from him and leave. As I walked upstairs, my heart was screaming at me to turn around, to grab him in my arms to kiss him.

I quickly dressed Mia, just putting her into a simple dress and combing her hair. She didn't ever take long to dress anyway. It was always just picking out a dress and matching shoes and a bow. But today, Mia voted on leaving her hair down. I gave her a dress that was easy to move around in and shoes that she could walk in. It only took about five minutes to get dressed.

I, on the other hand, took a bit longer. I wanted to look pretty for Jack, though I suppose if he was willing to kiss me when I hadn't put on any makeup or brushed my hair and I was wearing a kimono, he wouldn't think I ever looked ugly. But, of course, the irrational and neurotic part of my brain didn't know that. I put on just a little bit of makeup, brushed through my curls, and put on a pale yellow dress. I looked at myself in the mirror, realizing this was the first time in years that I cared about being beautiful.

Mia skipped down the stairs, and I followed behind her. My heart pounded as we walked back into the kitchen. Jack stared at me in awe as we walked back into the room. I kept eye contact with him, only breaking it to pick up Mia's coat and put it on her. "Here," I said quietly, helping her slide her arms into the sleeves.

"Oh, no no no," Jack said. I stopped halfway through putting Mia's coat on her. She had one arm all the way in, and one hand approaching the opening of the sleeve. "It's way too cold outside for that jacket! I've been outside. Today's like a Chippewa Falls February day."

"I-We don't exactly have another coat, what with carrying all of this myself," I looked back into his blue eyes, which seemed less gloomy today than yesterday. "I have another coat for her, I suppose we can layer them, but-"

"I've got it." Jack quickly walked over to the front hall closet, the coat closet, and pulled out a very little yet extremely warm looking coat. My heart instantly melted when I made a realization: that was Jack's coat. He wore it when he was little, many moons ago. He took the coat off the hanger and walked back over to us, kneeling down in front of Mia. "This coat may be a bit old, maybe a bit big, but let's test it out, hmm?" His voice, so wonderful, so affectionate and kind. Emotion took over me then, emotions I couldn't name or describe. I watched as Mia slowly nodded, sliding her arms into the coat. Jack buttoned it shut and gently lifted her curls from inside the coat. "What do you know, it fits you perfectly."

Mia smiled. "Thank you." She quickly wrapped her arms around Jack's neck. Jack smiled, and it was a serenely happy smile. He looked up at me, and I'm sure he noticed that I was barely holding it together. The way he treated Mia was so perfect, so meaningful to us both. This was how she deserved to be treated. And after treating her this way for less than a day, he had somehow made her feel safe and comfortable. The hug ended, and Mia stood next to me again, taking my hand. "Do you want to come with us?"

Jack looked at her and smiled. He looked up at me, checking that it was alright. I nodded quickly, desperately wanting to spend as much time with him as possible and inwardly terribly afraid that if I left, I'd somehow never see him again. Jack looked back at Mia. "I'd love to."

•••

We walked for quite a few minutes, mostly in silence, listening to the chirping of the birds, the rushing water of the creek, and the crunching of the leaves beneath our feet. I held Mia's hand, needing something to keep me grounded. My mind was a million miles away, thinking about that near-kiss in the kitchen. It would've felt wonderful to kiss Jack again, to have him in my arms and to be in his and to know that we were together for good.

Mia let go of my hand after a moment, skipping ahead of me and twirling around, the way she always did. I was watching her intently, both making sure that no people were around and that I didn't lose sight of her. I was walking next to Jack, painfully aware of the fact that his hand was only a few inches away from mine. Our knuckles occasionally touched gently, and each time, my heart skipped a beat. It was an awkward walk, slightly uncomfortable, but in the most delicious way. I could feel my desire for him growing, and I knew his was too.

Say something, I thought to myself. I needed to make some light conversation, prove to myself that I could handle myself around Jack, not just stare into my eyes and feel myself grow more and more lightheaded. "So…" Great start, Rose. "Um…" What do I say, what do I say? "Have you been here all this time?" Is that all I could come up with, asking where he's lived? Anyone could ask him that! I didn't know why I suddenly felt the need to say something compelling, Jack already knew more about me than anyone. Nothing I said now would change what he thought of me.

"I, well," there was an aura of sadness surrounding him now. My heart broke seeing the pain in his eyes, and more than anything I wished I could take it away. "I was unconscious, for a while. I was recovering from severe hypothermia, pneumonia, constant colds and fevers. No one knew who I was, so I didn't have my name on any survivor lists. I only woke up after months of being in a hospital in New York. I stayed in New York for a while, just regaining the ability to walk, and… talk." Jack was such an independent man, I could tell the idea of losing the ability to take care of himself had taken away his dignity. "Anyway, once that was taken care of, I traveled some more, just trying to find a place where I belonged. I never did find a place where I felt content, what with still grieving for you, and wishing I could've died with you…"

My heart broke. He had been grieving for me, all these years. I couldn't bear to think about what it must have been like for him, though I did know how he felt. It was dreadful, but unlike him, I always had people around me. I was never truly alone, although it did often feel that way. "Jack, no."

"It's alright, really," I saw him put on a fake smile, the worst fake smile I had ever seen. I could see how much pain he was in, and no fake smile or reassuring could change that. "Anyway… a few years later, I was sent to Europe to fight in the war. I don't even know how to explain it, but it was the only time I felt like I fit anywhere. I was with tons of other men, all missing their wives and girlfriends and children as much as I missed you. It was the only time that anything made sense to me, in some way." He took a pause, at which point I reached over and took his hand, intertwining my fingers with his. "After the war ended, I came back here. And I've been here ever since."

I held Jack's hand as we walked, only releasing it when Mia ran back over to us. We had arrived at the creek, and all three of us sat down on the grass. Jack looked somewhat surprised to see me sit down on the grass, not on a blanket or a bench. Jack sat down right next to me, while Mia sat on my lap, my arms wrapped around her little torso. I relaxed once we sat, as we all quietly watched the creek and listened to the sound of the water.

All of a sudden, Mia gasped and pointed straight ahead. "Mommy! Look!" She whispered, covering her mouth with her other hand. I followed her gaze to the other side of the lake, where there was a little animal jumping along. "I-It's a bunny!"

I laughed and smiled. "Yes, it is." I held Mia in my arms as she happily watched the little rabbit jumping around. Jack looked at me, confused yet enjoying Mia's little giggles and cheers. "She loves bunny rabbits," I explained.

Jack chuckled. "Well, let me tell you." He smiled at Mia, and she looked back up at him. "We have tons of bunny rabbits here. Bunny rabbits, deer, turtles, all kinds of animals. And in the summer we have birds and ducks…"

Mia leaned back against my chest and sighed. "This is heaven," she said quietly, a serenely happy look on her face. "This is my favorite place in the world."