Adrien had been avoiding his father. Marinette's advice had sounded good in theory, but how was he meant to try to deceive his father in practice? Although maybe there was hope. Nathalie hadn't come to tell Adrien about any new restrictions on his freedom yet. In fact, there had been absolutely no reference to Adrien's destructive tantrum, or his illicit comings and goings. It was weird, but Adrien certainly wasn't complaining.

Plagg interrupted his musings by letting out an adorable little yawn and opening his huge eyes.

"Where's breakfast?"

"It isn't even… It's 5 o'clock in the afternoon, Plagg."

"Then where's my afternoon snack?"

Adrien sighed. He hadn't realised when he accepted the miraculous that the superpowers came with a side of lazy, bossy primordial god.

"Your cheese is on my desk. Don't eat the whole wheel at once, please."

Plagg shot Adrien a glare, but only inhaled two pieces of camembert.

"Do you want to transform, kit?"

"I have patrol tonight, so it's probably best not to go see Marinette now."

"Eh, whatever you say. Are you sure it's not because you're embarrassed about last night?"

"No!" Adrien protested, "It has nothing to do with that at all."

"Haven't you got some big thing tomorrow at school that you've been harping on about?" asked Plagg, switching subject, to Adrien's great relief.

"Yeah, my chemistry test is tomorrow, why?" Adrien responded, a little bit confused as to where Plagg was going with this.

"Well then you're probably better off doing an afternoon patrol. That way you can actually sleep tonight. You're missing out. Sleep is joy."

"Are you concerned about my sleeping habits?" Adrien asked incredulously.

"No!"

Plagg crossed his arms and turned to float away.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have accused you of caring," Adrien grinned mockingly.

"Just transform already," Plagg sighed.

"Plagg! Claws out!"

Ten minutes later, Adrien was cursing Plagg's advice. Nobody was doing anything. Everyone seemed perfectly happy. Hawkmoth hadn't sent an akuma out since Achilles. Adrien just hoped that it wasn't the calm before the storm. If Hawkmoth was spending time planning his next akuma for once…

Unfortunately, Hawkmoth didn't seem to be the only one planning an attack.

"Chat Noir. You and I are going to have a little talk."

Alya stood on the pavement, arms crossed, feet spread wide apart. The look on her face promised pain.

"Konnichipaw! I'm too busy at the moment to do an interview, I'm afraid," Adrien tried desperately.

"Get. Down. Here. Now."

See, Adrien could take on the fiercest akumas Hawkmoth could throw at him, but Alya … she could make poison flash in her eyes, she could tear people apart and not care in the slightest, she could make the most horrifying threats and you would know that they weren't empty promises. Alya was a league unto her own when she was serious like this and Adrien dreaded to think what he had done to deserve this conversation.

He bounced down onto the pavement, after briefly considering high-tailing it and moving to England under a false name.

"You," Alya pushed a finger into Chat's chest, " are dating my best friend. Do you want to know what that means? It means if you put one foot out of line – if you so much as touch a hair on her head that she didn't want you to – I'm going to hunt you down. I'm going to find out your identity and make your life a living hell. You will never have privacy again. You will always be watched. Every mistake you make will be broadcasted far and wide to hundreds of people. Marinette can take care of herself if you hurt her, don't get me wrong. But she will only hurt you. I will ruin you."

Chat took a few steps back and twitched his nose.

"As amewsing," the words died in his throat as Alya shot him a glare. Apparently puns weren't serious enough for this conversation.

"As nice as it has been to talk to you, I think I have to go now?"

"You will promise not to break Marinette's heart. You will promise to treat her like the angel that she is. You will promise to not harm a hair on her head. Or there will be a new missing persons case opened in the not very distant future."

Chat gulped.

"I purromise that Marinette shall not sufur in any way shape or form. I will protect her too," he said sincerely.

"If she gets caught up in your superhero business…" Alya trailed off meaningly.

Adrien got her message loud and clear.

"Can I go patrol now, please?"

"Goodbye Loverboy" Alya smirked.

Chat bounded away faster than he'd ever gone before in his life. Alya was not someone he ever planned to cross.

Line Break

Alya was looking at him. Maybe she'd discovered his identity already. She was just standing over in the corner by Marinette. Why? Why did he have to face her at school? She was probably just waiting for the chance to tell Marinette that the person she was dating, was, in fact, Adrien.

"Dude? Hello? Are you staring at Marinette?" Nino waved a hand in front of Adrien's face. "Earth to Adrien…"

"Hugh? I wasn't staring at Marinette."

Nino rolled his eyes.

"Sure and that's why you haven't been responding to 90% of what I'm saying, yeah?"

"I'm just a bit distracted this morning Nino."

"I'll say. Is this your type mate? Only girls who Chat Noir likes?"

"Don't be silly Nino. I don't have a crush on Marinette. She's just a friend," Adrien dismissed him. He'd been staring at Alya for goodness' sake. Trust Chloe and Nino to only agree on the (false) fact that there was something going on between him and Marinette. His heart belonged to Ladybug, and Marinette had her blind Prince.

Nino rolled his eyes.

Marinette, goddess that she was, interrupted Nino before he could say anymore.

"H-Hi Adrien, um, wwwould you like to, eeek, erm, st-study with us?"

Alya appeared from behind Marinette.

"The chemistry test is after lunch and I have not studied enough. You go over all the work with a tutor at home, right? Can you save us damsels in distress?" Alya batted her eyelashes at Adrien.

Alya knew! She knew and she was teasing him about it! Damsels in distress? Could she be more obvious about his nickname for Marinette when he was Chat Noir? His gaze immediately flickered to Marinette, to check if she was batting her eyelashes too. Thank goodness, Marinette appeared to be confused still. Adrien felt his eyes go wide as another thought occurred to him.

Ladybug was going to kill him.

A civilian had figured out his secret identity. The Ladyblogger, who made it her life's work to figure out their secret identities, had figured out his identity. He was so very dead.

Adrien forced himself to remain calm.

"Ye…yep, that sounds brilliant. I can definitely help you with the chemistry, yep," he replied, suave as ever.

"Cool, bro. Lets get to the library. Study party!" Nino punched Adrien in the shoulder and it startled him out of it.

"Rright."

Adrien sat in the library cursing himself. He had somehow descended to Marinette levels of stuttering and he doubted he looked half as cute doing it. All he needed now was the intense blushing and he'd be… Nino elbowed him.

"Stop staring at Marinette's face. Not cool bro," Nino whispered.

Nevermind, Adrien had the intense blushing down to an art now.

"Umm, Adrien what happens when you react oxygen and potassium again?" Marinette asked as she briefly lifted her head up from the mountain of revision resources she had somehow amassed since they'd started studying.

"Everything will be OK," Adrien laughed and then caught himself as all the blood rushed out of Marinette's face. He wasn't meant to let himself pun as Adrien. If Alya had already caught on, then Marinette could very easily catch on too. He just wanted to see Marinette pout and roll her eyes at him.

"You're a dork!" she squeaked and immediately turned to Alya and Nino for help.

Nino just shook his head at her sadly. "Now you know his secret. I am very sorry for your loss."

"What have I lost?"

"Your sanity. Once the puns start… they never stop." Nino shuddered.

"Guys, guys, I think this is a bit of an extreme reaction," Adrien snorted.

"Yeah, are you sure you don't want to hear the joke about nitrogen oxide?" Alya chimed in.

"NO!" screeched Marinette, before realisation dawned. "I…I helped you. I…I was part of the pun." She let her head fall onto the table and covered it with her revision materials.

"I'm sorry Alya, but that joke was pretty bad," Adrien mocked, hoping she'd make the joke he'd set her up for.

"Well all the good chemistry puns argon."

Adrien was not disappointed.

Marinette groaned from beneath her stack of paper and Nino was eyeing her like he was considering joining her.

Unfortunately, the fun had to end. They had to go to class. At least they'd be well prepared with all the studying they'd been doing.

Adrien's fun in the library had to be balanced out somehow. He knew this. Fate would never be able to leave a whole day of his unruined. Fortunately, it seemed fate didn't have to try very hard to get Adrien to embarrass himself. He could do that on his own.

See, Adrien wasn't normally a dashing hero, but Chat Noir sure was. And something about Marinette just made his Chat Noir shine through. So no, Nino, he did not offer Marinette his jacket when she said she was cold because he liked her. And he definitely did not subsequently get tongue-tied because she looked really good in it. He was panicking about revealing his identity, not about how Marinette looked very claimed in his jacket. But how was he meant to explain that when he couldn't mention his inner Chat Noir?

Adrien groaned.

"Dude, are you not even going to try and defend yourself? Just straight up denial is the best you can do? C'mon. I'm sure you have a whole bunch of reasons why Marinette is just a friend."

Adrien spluttered. He was beginning to think that Nino didn't quite believe him when he said that Marinette was just a friend.

But of course, an interrogation by Nino wasn't the worst thing fate had in mind. No, Chloe could overhear their conversation. And she thought that she should share her opinion.

Adrien could practically hear Plagg cackling in his bag.

On second thought, maybe it wasn't fate who was mucking with him. Maybe it was the embodiment of bad luck that he carried around in his bag.

"Nino, did I hear that Marinette is just a friend?" Chloe asked, in her most nasal, mocking tone.

Nino surveyed Chloe for a moment and apparently came to a decision.

"Why yes you did. Adrien here seems to think he didn't give his coat to Marinette because he likes her," replied Nino, in a similarly mocking tone.

"But Adrikins…you've never offered me your coat when I was cold and I thought I was your best friend?" Adrien sometimes found it hard to tell when Chloe was serious or mocking him. He thought she was being serious.

Nino, on the other hand, was trying and failing to hide a smile and in that moment, Adrien hated both of his best friends very much. Trust them to only get along when they were making his life miserable.

"Now, Chlo," he tried.

"You're far too good for her you know," she sniffed.

"I am not too good for Marinette! She is sweet and funny and smart and…"

Adrien trailed off as he saw Nino start chuckling. He wasn't exactly helping his case, was he?

"Whatever. I think you'd make a ridiculous couple, but if you so dearly want little Mme. Class President, I suppose I can give you my blessing. Only if you're sure you like her."

Adrien gasped. Was that? Was Chloe approving of Marinette?

Not that it mattered of course.

"I mean… I don't like Marinette. But that's um very generous of you Chloe."

Chloe tossed her head.

"Just make sure she breaks up with Chat Noir before you two start going out," she called over her shoulder as she stalked away in her latest pair of heels.

"Why won't she believe me, Nino?" Adrien asked, hoping that at least one of his friends would realise that he had no interest in dating Marinette. Absolutely none.

True to form, Nino failed him and simply cocked an eyebrow at him in disbelief.

"You, my friend, have been flirting with Marinette all day."

"I have not!"

Had he?

There was that thing with the coat, and the chemistry puns he'd whispered to Marinette at random intervals after they'd both finished doing the test, and he supposed that he um had taken her hand as if he was going to kiss it and then dropped it very hastily, but that was just his inner Chat Noir coming to the surface. It wasn't his fault that his model façade seemed to be going a little bit haywire around her! And it certainly wasn't flirting. Right?

Right?

Adrien was royally screwed.

A/N:

Poor Adrien. Do you think Alya knows his secret? Or do you think he's just paranoid?