I am happy to say that Hidan did not kill me. He didn't get close, actually. I learned some valuable things.
1: The academy doesn't teach you shit.
2: Getting your ass handed to you isn't fun.
Turns out the stuff I learned was material they taught six-year-olds. SIX-YEAR-OLDS! I had difficulty with that stuff, yet they taught literal children to do triple back handsprings.
So much for a gymnastics career.
Oh, and did I mention I'm sore as hell? Because I am. I didn't manage to beat Hidan once. He's fast, I'll give him that.
But the running from him and to him to evade and land kicks killed both my legs and arms. Hey, no pain, no gain.
That's bullshit, honestly. I get it I'm 19 and supposed to be able to do this, but I can't. However Kakuzu manages to do this at 91 is scary.
There's a note at my bedside, with scribbly, messed up, handwriting in blood-red ink. Hidan, I assume.
"You're gonna need this." -H.
Yep. That's him.
"PS. I stole this from Sasori."
Definitely him. I'm assuming it's a painkiller of sorts.
Typically, I wouldn't trust small white pills that Sasori makes, but he's the closest thing to a medic-nin we have here, and he should know what he's doing.
Plus, I'm fucking desperate. I can't walk, let alone walk to the other side of the base and train for another day.
So I take it. Probably a bad idea, but I honestly feel better.
A quick check of my schedule says I'm with Deidara for "evasion and speed" training today.
I assume that means getting bombs in my face until I'm fast enough to avoid them. Pain is a rather good learning tactic, I'll give them that.
I think I can walk now, despite the bruises and muscle pain.
Breakfast here is as boring as it gets. Rice. There's a lot of it. My breaks in the morning are hardly half an hour.
The base shakes a bit. That's Deidara, isn't it... It's too fucking early for this, I swear.
And here comes either Pein or Kisame yelling at him to stop blowing the damn base up. Typical.
I finish up the rice I'm eating, and get on my clothes for the day. I don't wear my rib brace anymore, so I can wear my binder, which is pleasant. The standard here is a mesh shirt, an actual shirt, pants, a cloak, shoes, nail polish (oddly enough), and a ring, which never comes off.
Seriously, you'd need oil to get that sucker off.
I turn around, and Deidara seems to have stuck himself to my ceiling.
"Mornin newbie!"
A much better intro than Hidan had, I'll give him that much.
"Why are you here? I'm half nude." He blushes, but more in a 'shit, I forgot' way.
"You're in a base full of dudes. You think I'm afraid of seeing your dick?" He retorts.
I'm half reminded that I do not have said dick, and half happy that he assumes I have one.
"Understandable. This is a predominately male organization, I suppose that would be common."
And I expected Hidan to be the profane one.
"God, you're worse than Sasori and Itachi combined. Hidan said you were a lost cause, but my lord, you're a *really* lost cause."
For an explanation of my speech around the people here;
The best way to have people leave you alone is to be a boring person. Stay as monotone as you can, people stop caring. If the person you're addressing is the boring one, be as hyper as possible. They won't want to go near you again. It's foolproof.
Perfect tactic for being completely average, and easy to forget about.
Let's be honest, if I try hard enough, I should just be able to slink away.
"Think Fast!"
He chucks a clay bomb at me, and I duck.
"Not bad, could be faster, hm." He remarks.
"Was that necessary? I believe you're not supposed to be using pyrotechnics in my quarters..."
"God, you're thick. Don't worry about that though. By the end of this week, you'll be B rank level, and at least decent at making jokes, hm. Humor is a weapon."
Plan successful. This seems to be going smoothly.
"Now, let's get out asses to training before Pein kills us, hm."
The second we're there, I notice that he's already prepped. He's got bags of clay on the side, which tells me he's going to do his best to cause yet another near-death experience in me.
"What, you admiring my art, hm?"
"More the sheer amount of clay you possess... Did you dig that yourself?"
"We live next to a clay-rich river, what do you think, hm?"
His speech tic gets on my nerves sometimes...
"Eh, nevermind." He puts his hand in his pocket, and the other into the tiger seal, boarding his bird and flying upwards, "I'll be up here, throwing these at you. They blow up, so you have to dodge them. Simple enough, hopefully."
"Seems reasonable."
Thank god I took an improv class. I'm screeching internally, but I suppose my speed is complete and utter shit. I really don't think this is a reasonable way to teach dodging speed. At all.
He throws the first one down, and it explodes, as he mentioned previously.
The idiot didn't even aim towards me...
Another bomb comes from behind.
"Oh, and I forgot to mention. We're working on anticipation, too, hm!"
A third blows up above me.
Christ almighty, he's a lot smarter than I thought. He's not the dumb one, Hidan is.
One at the side, another behind me. A Left side jump should work for that.
Right side, front.
Left backflip works for that.
I look up.
Fucking idiot.
Safe to say, my face is burnt now. Very burnt.
"Watch out, sunshine! I said all directions, and I mean it, hm!"
Cheeky. Little. Fucker.
Now I need to look up, as well as back, front, left, right, and the eight bazillion other directions. Pleasant.
Luckily, he's smart, but not the sharpest tool in the shed. It's in a sort of pattern, where he detonates.
I just need to follow the pattern to avoid burns.
Left, back, right, front, above.
Seems easy enough.
My one issue, however, is the rate at which he throws these bombs at me. I think the point here is to build a pattern and get faster, but I'm not sure how much more speed I can get, being me and all.
God, Deidara...
"That's it, Kai. You're doing better than I thought, hm!" He encourages, before detonating another bomb.
At this rate, I'll get hit soon. After all, that's the point. It's like a slowly increasing speed treadmill, but with a lot more danger. Treadmills won't kill you. Blonde Femboys will.
And just as I think that I get hit in the arm. How fun.
You never realize how bad burn survivors have it until you are one, ya know?
Did I mention I've been doing this for 20 minutes? My warmups back in Suna were five, and I assume this is Deidara's twisted version of a warmup, despite it having the intensity of my usual training times five.
"What's wrong, Kai? Can't take the heat, hm?" He taunts me a bit.
"Incorrect. I am perfectly used to the temperature of my sweat."
Hopefully, that didn't come across as too sarcastic...
I get hit a second and a third time, in my arms and back respectively, before he climbs down.
"I must say, I'm impressed you held out against my art for that long. You're not as shitty as Hidan says, hm."
"Thank you,"
a/n
I did this wayyyy to quick lmao. Didn't advance the plot much either... oh well. I have an idea for next time, and a few ways to incorporate some more trans issues, as well as the canon plot.
Until next time, Cas.