Cosima
August 2007
"Wow…" Cosima murmurs. She leans in nuzzling Delphine with her face, they continue rocking, not so much for stimulation as for movement. "What do you want?" Cosima asks the girl beneath her. She needs to make sure this is good. That Delphine's needs are met. That they both enjoy themselves.
"I want you." Delphine echoes her own thoughts. Delphine needy and naked beneath her was more than enough.
"Oh." Cosima captures Delphine's lips. She is aware that soon they should either swim or move the car somewhere where they are less likely to have the cops called on them. But right now she just wants.
There really isn't enough space, and attempting what she wants is likely to leave her limbs cramping but she decides to try anyway.
Cosima lowers herself, crouching as to not collide with the roof of her car. "You smell so good…" She glances down, she sees everything she can in the dark. It is as she expected from her glimpse in the showers. Damp curls covering Delphine's sex. But maybe it didn't have to matter? Maybe she could just eat her anyway?
"What are you doing?" Delphine strains to look at her.
Authentic muff-diving, Cosima thinks to herself with a little smirk. "I'm going to taste you," she says calmly. Trying to seem matter-of-fact about it all. It's nothing she hasn't done before, but the two girlfriends she'd had before weren't Delphine. Weren't new to everything.
"Oh." Delphine seems oddly calm with this. But her brow furrows and she looks down at her. "You… you want to?"
Cosima leans in, she inhales deeply. Any desire she had to just to tease melting away with the heady scent. "Oh...yes..." Cosima leans in, using her free hand to brush the hair out of her way. She lets her mouth make contact and it's not that different. She leans in, licking and sucking,
Delphine moans loudly, bringing her hand to her mouth to muffle her noises. But she lets Cosima do this. There's maybe a glimmer of shock, but she cannot see that much honestly. Cosima decides to take the noises as encouragement and keeps going.
She tries to be gentle, she knows Delphine's already had one orgasm and she can tell that she's very sensitive. She tastes too good. Cosima moans, humming. She enjoys this, even if her nose is pressed into tight curls. She doesn't let her mouth roam as much as she would otherwise, but it's so good. She lets the taste coat her mouth, rubbing herself into Delphine's arousal. It is perfect, as is, Cosima decides. She teases Delphine's opening with her tongue, but she doesn't push inside, she just plays with her. She wonders if Delphine will want her inside. Wonders just how much they can have together before their time runs out.
"Ahh!" Delphine cries out loudly. Little whimpers follow when she works up towards her swollen clit. Cosima lets herself play, experimenting with what she thinks Delphine might like. Cosima hums and whimpers, she makes noise, and feels Delphine react to her instantly.
She takes this as a good sign, she works her with her tongue. Flicking rapidly, wanting to bring Delphine to another perfect orgasm. Her neck cramps, her knees begin to complain, but she keeps going because she thinks Delphine is close. Thinks she can get her there again.
"Cosima… Cosima…" Delphine moans, then she begins to shake, tightening under her. It's easy enough, Cosima smiles happily, laying a few suckling kisses against tender flesh. Delphine gushes her pleasure which surprises her for only a moment. Oh… Cosima thinks, licking again. This is different.
She hears a mewling sound, and then Delphine pulls her up into her arms. She grins down at her new lover in the dark. Face coated with Delphine's excitement. Cosima runs her fingers through curly hair, admiring Delphine. She might be the most beautiful woman Cosima's ever seen, nevermind been with. Not that Delphine had that much competition with her exes.
"Hi." Cosima giggles.
"Hi." Delphine repeats, and begins to laugh.
"What do you say we throw on our clothes and jump in the ocean to rinse off?" Cosima suggests. She wants to kiss Delphine, to let Delphine taste herself, but she decides to take it easy. Delphine is inexperienced, and she needs to be gentle with her. Cannot push or force.
"OK." Delphine agrees, panting under her. Cosima shifts, her knee coming to rest resting in the wet spot under Delphine.
"We… we made a mess." Cosima is delighted. "That was really hot… like.. You taste amazing and you… oh…" She doesn't know how much to say. She doesn't want to embarrass Delphine. Even more, she wants to see every part of the Frenchwoman's body in the daylight. Wants to do this all again, as frequently as possible. And they can, Cosima thinks delightedly. She'll learn Delphine's body more and more every day they spend together.
Delphine blushes, or at least Cosima thinks she does. It's hard to see in the dark.
They somehow dress and make their way to the waves, she undresses first. Casts her dress into the sand and runs into the waves. She doesn't have to look behind her, Delphine is following her. She can hear her voice, her breath before she feels Delphine arms close around her from behind. Waist deep in the ocean, with a beautiful girl clutching her. It's perfect, Cosima feels her emotions well up, and it is suddenly perfect. Absolutely perfect.
"I love you." Cosima murmurs, squeezing the outside of Delphine's arms. "I love you…" And it's true, Cosima reasons, even as Delphine turns her in her arms and begins to kiss her. Tentatively at first, tasting herself, and then slowly with more passion.
"Cosima…" Delphine croons into her lips, and then she whispers something Cosima doesn't understand. She can tell it's French but the words are lost on her. But maybe it doesn't matter. She kisses Delphine again and again. And this might be the most romantic moment of her 19 years. It's perfect, and she will make sure it is perfect for Delphine too.
May 24 2018
"So… you want me to apologize to you for what? Deflowering you in a car?" Cosima looks helplessly back at Delphine. What the fuck was this conversation turning in to? Why does it have to matter how that happened? It was 11 years ago.
Delphine nods at her. "Yes."
"OK… I am sorry we had sex for the first time in my car." Cosima apologizes. "But I am not sorry we had sex." She isn't going to apologize for something beautiful. Looking back on it critically doesn't seem fair.
"Cosima…" Delphine sighs, taking another sip of now lukewarm tea.
"What about the next night? At the motel?" Cosima looks back at her directly. "Do you want me to apologize for that too? Or when we woke up in the morning all cuddled together in my car? What about-"
"Non." Delphine shakes her head. "Cosima you are missing the point."
"No. I don't think I am." Cosima responds firmly. "So what about me visiting you and making love with you? Do you want an apology for that too?"
"Cosima…"
"Did you want me?" Cosima looks back at Delphine plainly. "Did you want me? Because… you said you did then. You… It was mutual, Delphine. I know it was. Because I asked you what you wanted. And you wanted me."
"I loved you. But I never really told you how much." Delphine admits quietly. "It was so emotional between us. It was different than everything else for me."
"I loved you too. You know that." Cosima reminds Delphine. "You remember when I said it, right?" She can't forget it, not the kiss. Not touching Delphine in the ocean, not reluctantly dressing and driving away, finding a better place to leave the car for the night. It was a pretty perfect memory, Cosima thinks. Why Delphine would want an apology for it doesn't make sense to her brain. But she does want Delphine to feel heard.
"Yes." Delphine nods. She sets her tea down on the desk and sighs. "I remember."
"Good. I meant it." Cosima says softly. She wants to be gentle with Delphine. "I meant it. My being a woman doesn't make my feelings mean less."
"I know… I know…" Delphine agrees finally. "But it… it hurt me."
"Hurt you… when it ended?" Cosima suggests kindly. "That's just… life. We were young. We knew we only had a few weeks. And yeah, it sucked a bit at the end. But it doesn't have to change your life. Clearly, you've done just fine for yourself afterwards."
Delphine bites her lip before continuing. "I love sex with men...but… I never... I never fell in love with them. The emotional side just wasn't there. I'd….I'd rather wake up alone or… even next to you at first. There is something wrong with me."
"Well some people actually separate sexual and romantic attractions, especially when they don't line up." Cosima stares, suddenly feeling the need to be very gentle with Delphine once again. Maybe this was part of the problem. Maybe this was what was sitting underneath the disconnect now?
"That cannot be a thing. That would make things so complicated." Delphine shakes her head.
"It totally is a real thing." Cosima crosses her arms insistently. "I, for example, am both homosexual and homo-romantic. Like… I am pretty high on the Kinsey scale. You seem to be more... middle-ish, sexually speaking anyway."
"But … isn't that excessive?"
"Not if you are bisexual and homo-romantic. That is probably worth knowing about yourself." Cosima offers. "Like if you enjoy and want sex with both or multiple genders and only feel romantic attraction to one." It certainly explained Delphine's lack of attachment to her boyfriend. It was sexual, Cosima reasoned, but not romantic. And she could give Delphine more than that. Much more.
"Cosima… I have never identified as bisexual. You are making everything very complicated." Delphine sighs. "One boyfriend called me bisexual, and I never told another one about you after that. He … he made it strange. I couldn't tell another one after him."
Cosima decides not to probe into that. It doesn't have to matter. It was just a part of Delphine's history. Like she was. "Well… that's fine I guess. But… it doesn't have to be complicated. Big question?"
"You want to play now?" Delphine tenses looking at her. "We are having a serious conversation."
"Sure we are… Here it is. Do you like me?" Cosima asks simply without pretense. "Do you still feel something when you look at me? When you spend time with me? When you kissed me?" At least it's all out on the table now, Cosima figures. One way or another she'll have her answer.
"Cosima…" Delphine presses a hand to her forehead. "What… why are you asking me now?"
"We kissed at the aquarium. I felt something Delphine. It's still there… whatever drove us together in the first place. I still feel it." Cosima chooses openness. Decides she might as well just spill. "I want to try again. I want… I want a second date. I want… I want you to stay tonight and have dinner with me. We'll… We'll order takeout. And… watch a movie. And just see what happens."
"You want me to stay over?" Delphine raises one eyebrow. "Dinner, yes. I will have dinner with you. But…" Delphine trails off, looking mildly helpless and maybe a little aroused.
Encouraged, Cosima continues. "And if you really like the sensation of intercourse… you can have that with me." Cosima spells it out. "I have a couple toys we could use." She leaves out that both were recently purchased during a fit of optimism and are still probably en route via FedEx. She really should check her mail.
"You want to...what?" Delphine furrows her brow, looking at Cosima quizzically. "What on earth would you get out of that?"
"I have dildos. We can use them. If you want to." Cosima reiterates impatiently. Unfortunately the only toy she currently has in her home is glass and not at all compatible with a harness. She supposes in a pinch it could do, she could use it on Delphine. But maybe she should try to take her time. But with Delphine's revelation she finds she wants her more intensely. Want to make love to her, wants to bring the old feelings to the surface. Wants everything.
"But what is in it for you?"
"Having sex with you." Cosima blurts out. "I want you. I really want you. More than I did at 19. You are incredible. Your research. Your mind… I want to be with you, Delphine. I want to to show you how fucking good it can be."
Delphine looks at her with a sigh. "I remember. I have not forgotten our... encounters."
"I know, but… I'm more experienced now." Cosima chooses her words carefully. "I can do pretty much anything you could want."
"It was good." Delphine tells her. "You were good. You felt good. Smelled good… You know this. But… I am not a teenager. What happens when you get sick of me again? Or when you get bored?"
"I was never sick of you!" Cosima defends herself. "You were in another country. What did you expect?" Delphine had gone home, and texting and Skype only went so far. They had basically just been friends in the end, the last couple months they talked. And clearly, Delphine had not told her everything. Not about being outed. Not about her clear heartbreak.
"I expected that you still loved me." Delphine's voice breaks. "That you wanted me. That… somehow…"
"Somehow what?"
"That you'd want to be with me again. That you'd… hop on a plane. That you'd beg me to visit you the first chance we got. But you… you faded away. And I… I was too scared to tell you I didn't want you to."
"Scared of what?"
"This." Delphine waves a hand between them. "This happened once, and never again for me. And I needed you. You flipped my world on its axis. You made me love you. Made me want you. Made me want to touch you. And then you just disappeared."
"So have me." Cosima moves closer to Delphine, hands inviting but not touching. "Have me right now."
Delphine looks down at her, hazel eyes dark, clearly considering her options. Cosima wishes she'd bathed. Wishes Delphine had shown up a couple of hours later. But instead she pushes herself forward, she claims Delphine lips in an increasingly insistent kiss. Delphine resists her only a moment, then is incredibly pliant in her arms, kissing her back.
"Have me." Cosima invites again, tongue sliding deeply against Delphine as her hands go to hips that lean into her body without resistance.