Oy, you guys are the best! Sorry I was in a funk last time. Thanks for all your support 3

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)

Bang Bang, He Shot Me Down

December, 6th Year

That night, after Lily came back from an entirely too long study session with Remus and Marlene in the library, she trudged into the common room, knackered.

James couldn't hide the exuberant pep in his step as he ambushed her by the portrait hole. "Fire, Evans, fire!" he exclaimed, yanking on her arm.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Flood in the basement." Lily's face remained nonplussed. "Vampire in the pantry — shite, how did you keep a straight face for any of these?"

"Oh just go, you two," Marlene sighed as she took Lily's bag from her. "We all know what you're off to do."

Lily blushed profusely but James grinned. "Thanks cuz." He leaned over, grabbed Lily's waist, and threw her over his shoulder.

"No! Potter I never agreed to this! We have exams tomorrow!" Lily could hardly wrap her head around the difference between how they'd been the last time he pulled this move on her and now.

James ducked them past the Fat Lady and continued down the hall. "Exactly. All the more reason for me to provide you with my stress relief services. Honestly Evans, the things I do for you…" Lily rolled her eyes, getting lightheaded from the blood rush as she bobbled along. "You know, it's a sacrifice, but someone's gotta do it."

Lily spanked his ass in front of her face. He spanked hers right back. "Ow! What was that for?"

"You spanked me first!"

"Yes, but you were being an arse!"

James chuckled, jostling her slightly. "When are you gonna stop pretending like you don't love it when I'm an arse?"

Lily huffed at his choice of words and that she knew she really could not deny them. James smiled to himself harder with her lack of defense. "Why are you in such good mood then?" Lily asked as she recognized the ballet-dancing troll. She didn't find the painting nearly as funny anymore.

"Because I just found out I'm getting the best Christmas present of all time."

"And what's that?"

James bent down, swinging Lily back to her feet in front of him. She hadn't seen his visage look this happy since 5th year. "You."

Her eyebrows shot up her forehead. "Me?"

He tucked some of her hair behind her ear. They both noticed she didn't wince or pull away; she let him. "Yup." He popped the p jovially.

"I told you I was considering coming," she said stubbornly as she crossed her arms over her chest (James' gaze dropped as it always did, the perv), but her lips twitched tellingly.

"The jig is up, Evans. I know you're coming." When Lily's eyes narrowed, he laughed and added, "Dumbledore called me to his office to tell me we were all going to Floo home and under no circumstances are we allowed to leave home all break."

Lily looked over his naughty grin warily. "What? Why? And you think this is good news?"

"Yes," James said, wrapping his arms around Lily's lower back, bumping their pelvises into each other casually. (Lily felt an unmistakable stirring between her legs.) She brought her hands to his inner elbows. "It means I get you for three whole weeks. And you can't run away."

As Lily looked over his strong jaw, the glimmer of his eyes, felt his muscular forearms under her palms, she wondered why anyone ever would run away. "I can still change my mind, you know." Welp. I guess old habits die hard. Lily was starting to suspect she had a little bit of a self-sabotaging streak in her. (Okay, a big bit.)

His smile softened and he gave her an unexpected kiss on the forehead, his lips lingering there, making Lily's heart jump to her throat. "Let's give you a preview of the holiday then shall we? Make sure that doesn't happen." He grabbed her hips and spun her around. "All right, so all you have to do, is walk by this wall, back and forth, and concentrate really hard on where you want to shag me most."

Lily looked over her shoulder to him alarmed. "Is that how this room works?!" James grinned. "Okay, first of all, I have some questions." His face faltered. "Didn't you say you found this with the Marauders?!"

James burst out laughing. "Oh man. I did." He swatted her bum, making her jump and squeal. "Don't be so judgy, Evans." He shot her a roguish wink.

Lily started pacing feeling James' gaze hot on her skin the entire time. Could she actually show him this? What would she even be showing him? Did the room only work if you could envision the end result yourself, or could it somehow decipher your own feelings for you and paint them into a pretty picture? Would whatever she came up with be too much? Would he run away? There'd truly be no coming back from this.

She opened her eyes to James drinking her in… curiously? Hopefully? All she knew was she felt naked. She took a gigantic shaky breath and held out her palm to the elegant Mahogany door with a spiky gold handle that she'd just manifested. James' slow approach told her he understood the significance of this moment just as much as she did. He took her hand and placed his free one onto the knob. "Ouch… May I?"

Sucking in her lower lip, she nodded. And he opened it. Inside, the room she'd previously seen as small and cozy, was enormous, stretching as far as the eye could see in all directions. The ceiling seemed enchanted like the Great Hall to show the sky above, stars sparkling wildly — Hogwarts being the only other source of light for kilometers. The floor was grassy and far away to the left and right were three giant hoops. She'd brought them to the Quidditch field.

"Lily…" She'd grown accustomed to him saying her name like this, intimately, when there was just too much for him to put in words. When he couldn't put it into words. Or maybe, just maybe, she was starting to glean, when he was scared of how she'd react to his words. They'd been dancing around each other for so long…

She gave his hand a squeeze. "It's the pitch!" she tried saying light and airily, but she was pretty sure the inflection of her voice gave her away.

She thought nothing could top the amazement in his eyes as he looked around in the night sky, but then he looked at her; she could have sworn her heart stopped beating. "It's our pitch," he whispered.

She scanned his face, trying to find any signs that this wasn't real. That he didn't feel exactly what she was feeling in this moment. All she saw was the sweetest devotion, bathed in amber, jade, and gold light.

"Lily," he whispered again, pulling her close to him and cupping her face.

She was in so, so deep, practically drowning in her feelings. It made her bold. "You were my first kiss," she admitted with a sad smile, eyes cast down. It felt like such a silly thing to confess to. It was strange the significance it still held given everything that had happened since. Lily exhaled. That kiss had been one of the happiest moments of her life, before the next day had come and ruined the memory.

"You were mine, too." Lily's eyes snapped up to his. What? Off of her disbelief he smiled. "I'd been working up the courage to kiss you for three years before that."

Why did this revelation hurt so badly? How had they fucked this up? "I didn't know that."

It was James' turn to look regretful. "Yeah. I didn't know about you either, but I hoped it was." He chewed on his lip for a beat. "You know, we were crushing on each other for so long, I had high hopes." Lily couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle. He was just so James. "But then when Mary said you'd already had sex that summer, it just kinda tainted it."

"That's not fair." Lily's brows scrunched. "And you know that's not true now." She was amazed they were able to have such a civil conversation about their feelings. Hell, she was surprised they could even have any sort of conversation at this decibel. They were speaking so softly, as though the stars above could judge their romantic musings.

"I know. I couldn't help that's how I felt though." He ran one of his hands through his hair. "In my head, you were already mine at that point. So it hurt like hell."

They held each other's gaze for a long time as the words washed over her. She had been his. He was so stupid to not have seen that. She took his jittery hand in hers and brought it to her lips comfortingly; she could tell he had more to say.

James looked away first. "So yeah, I fucked around for a bit. I backed off, tried dating other chicks. But I couldn't stop thinking about you."

It hurts, fuck it hurts. How had they let this happen to them? Lily forced in a breath. How cruel was it that her lie had all but pushed him into the arms of other women? How different could their lives had been if she'd just been honest with him?

James reached out and wrapped a loose tendril of her hair around his finger. "I still can't stop." He wet his lips and Lily felt hypnotized. "Do you…" his hazel eyes were oddly pleading, "do you think that we've ruined everything?"

He smelt like pine. "I don't know," Lily whispered. "I hope not, but…" I'm trying so hard to trust you again. I don't know how to act normal around you. I would literally do anything for you and that scares the shit out of me. Lily sucked in a lungful of air. "… this isn't exactly healthy."

James' face fell. It looked like they were both praying the other would object. His hand dropped to his side, defeated. "Yeah. You're right."

Lily felt a tear trickle down her cheek. "It shouldn't be this hard, James." Lily knew she was special to him. She knew that she meant more to him than the other girls he'd had in his life — she just didn't know if it was enough.

"Can we try though?" His words felt like a lifebuoy, keeping her above water. "It doesn't have to be anything official, if you're still not ready for that, but like…" He was so friggin' cute when he was searching for words, looking at his feet.

Lily helped him out. "I mean, I'm coming over for Christmas, aren't I?"

James looked back up at a her glowing. "Yeah, you are." His confidence filled him up once more. "So Evans." He took a step back and spun in the grass with his arms wide. "You have a fantasy of shagging the Gryffindor Captain on the pitch, eh?"

Lily leaned into his levity and shrugged one shoulder, tilting her head. "Eh, any ol' Captain will do. You're just the only one on call."

James' jaw dropped. "Evans! Why you little…" Lily giggled as she tried running away from him, dodging and weaving until he tackled her to the ground. "You know," he breathed, propped up just above her face, "you still owe me a rule two."

"How'd you figure?" Lily asked panting beneath him.

"Well," he kissed her temple, her cheek, the corner of her lip, "you ran away in the middle of our first time, so…"

"That was not our first time, James."

"Eh, to me it is. And I still have your panties from it." He smirked at her scandalized expression.

"You are such a little freak! Collecting my bras and my knickers?!"

James nuzzled into her cheek, tickling her with his chuckles. "You gave me so many blue balls, Lily, I kept them for— what was it you said to me in detention? They were 'imperative for survival purposes.'"

"First of all, you gave me blue balls too—"

"Okay, but like, only after—"

"Secondly… how do you remember what I said to you back in September?" Lily tittered. She felt like she could lie here in this magic grass with James on top of her and the shooting stars above them forever.

"Evans, it was practically the most savage thing anyone's ever said to me. It was scarring. That and the broomstick thing." He shuddered.

Lily pushed some of his hair back off of his forehead, relishing in the way it made James' eyes flutter closed. "All right. Well, rules are rules, James." She grinned at him. "Do what you must, I suppose."

And did he ever. James leisurely undressed them, taking his time to kiss her freshly exposed skin with every article he stripped from her body, his hands moving slowly and methodically as he caressed every curve and crease. His eyes rarely left hers, flexing his gravitational pull, leaving Lily powerless to fight it. Her legs wrapped around his bare waist as she drew him in closer and closer to her core. But it was never quite close or deep enough. As he buried himself within her, as he made love to her, she wanted more, she wanted all of him. His kisses were sweet fire, his touches barely contained electricity, and she was a mess.

A happy, crying, whimpering, in love mess. She was in love. She could no longer deny it to herself. She loved James Potter, plain and simple.

February? 6th Year

No! You're not watching that, you're not watching, it's private— Lily's head screamed as flashes of James' face, hovering above hers, looking at her with so much love that it poured out of his very soul (how didn't I see that sooner?), were probed forth.

"Aw. How sweet," Voldemort's high voice taunted as Lily felt like a fishing rod had been extracted from inside her skull. It was out, but the hook was still sunken into her memory of realizing she was in love with James in the Room of Requirement. "Fascinating space, none of my other servants have alerted me of it."

Lily cradled her throbbing head, as though trying to keep all her most precious memories from spilling out. "What are you doing to me?" she moaned weakly.

"It will prove to be most useful." He walked around her, bound on the floor in this godforsaken cavernous room. "Curious," he continued, pondering aloud as though Lily was no more than an insignificant fly on the wall. "Why you? Why the accountant? I'm still not picking up on the connection between the two of you. How are you linked?" He stroked his wand with his spindly fingers. "At first I thought it obvious: one man, one woman. Surely that meant a child, a child who could defeat me… but no. Unless it is forced perhaps?" He paced around her, reddish eyes gleaming. "No. Your side would never hero the product of that." He smiled, or at least, his lips were doing what normal, non wax-faced monsters did when they smiled. Something in his past had obviously tickled him. "Besides, you're both fools, hopelessly in love with other people," he spat as though it was the most repulsive notion in the world.

Voldemort looked down to Lily's crumpled form, sneering disgustedly. "A Mudblood teenager. I have to keep a pathetic Mudblood girl." He pointed his wand at Lily. "You will show me your secrets."

Lily let out a bloodcurdling scream as she felt her mind being assaulted once more.

December, 6th Year

Lily had an uneasy feeling on the last day of exams as she was about to start packing her bag to go to Potter manor. It was a nagging little chirp that she just couldn't shake.

She realized she had to tell James what Snape had said to her. If her suspicions were right, and Dumbledore's precautions actually were for her benefit, she couldn't just go to his home and put them all in danger. It wasn't right.

She walked up to the Marauders' room and tentatively knocked on the door. "Come in!" she heard Sirius yell.

Lily took a deep breath and pushed open the door. It looked like all the boys had left their packing until last minute too. "Lily!" Sirius cried out happily. "Great, you can be a real pal," he shot the other boys a nasty look, clearly they hadn't entertained him, "and run through the list of what I might be forgetting. I already have," he ticked off each on his fingers, "toothbrush, ugly Christmas sweater, wank off material, and… those are the essentials right?"

Lily chuckled uncomfortably. "Actually, I came to speak to James." She turned to him and powered through before she lost the nerve. "I don't think I can come."

All his friends turned to look at him as though scared for his reaction. He just looked sad. "Why?"

"Well," she sat down on Sirius' bed, facing James with a big sigh, "Snape said something to me last week—"

Sirius jumped to attention, looking ready to fight. "What he say?" Lily wasn't sure if Sirius' anger was due to his newfound loyalty to Lily or because of his deep-seated hatred of Snape… but that the loyalty part was even a possibility was a very nice change that she wholeheartedly appreciated.

Lily continued, "And I thought I could handle it by myself, but with all these rules Dumbledore's applying to this break that apparently aren't there for anyone else," she'd checked with the only other Muggle-born in their year, "it's got me thinking it could be pretty serious. And I don't want any of you to be in danger because of me."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down," James said softly, coming to sit next to her. The care in his actions made her realize just how frazzled she must look. Truth be told it was nice to share your problems with friends — to selfishly lessen the load onto someone else. His arm came to rest around her shoulders. "What he say?"

Sirius looked at her encouragingly while Remus and Peter stood a little farther back looking weary. "He told me that Voldemort's interested in me for some reason." James' arm flexed angrily and Sirius snarled. "He basically asked me to join him."

"I knew that little slime-ball was already a Death Eater! I knew it!" Sirius exclaimed in a very I-told-you-so way.

James ignored him, pressing Lily. "Why? I don't understand."

Lily looked at him. He looked as scared as she felt. "I don't either. Everyone knows I'm Muggle-born." She tugged on her hair nervously. "At first I thought Snape was just leading me on, you know, finding another way to lure me back into his orbit, but then you told me about Dumbledore's new precautions for us and I'm afraid it's for me."

"Well fuck, now you're definitely coming home with us," Sirius said solemnly.

"What, no, I can't ask you guys to risk—" Lily protested.

"You don't have to," James said simply. "I'm not letting you out of my sight."

Lily made to object but Sirius cut her off. "Don't worry, Rose," he said with a smile. It was the first time Sirius had hinted at seeing her this summer. "He has loads of practice with that."

James chucked his own pillow at Sirius' head, and somehow, Lily felt better.

The next day, after saying goodbye to Peter and Remus, Marlene, Sirius, James, and Lily all went to Dumbledore's office as they'd planned. Lily couldn't help but notice Marlene looked like she was lost in her own world and rather flushed as though she'd just had her own special sendoff with a certain Slytherin. Earlier in the day, Adam had run up to Lily as the Gryffindors were returning to their tower after lunch. He'd given her a gift, a quick hug and wished her a Happy Christmas. Lily felt super embarrassed over the fact that she hadn't gotten him anything yet, but he brushed it off saying it was no big deal. The entire walk back, James eyed the present in her hands like it was a ticking bomb. In her dorm, Lily opened it: it was a bottle of Firewhiskey with a note, "To my favorite Alchie. PS Don't drink it without me!" It had made Lily laugh.

"Everyone here?" Dumbledore asked happily, sporting a red Father Christmas hat and deep red robes. He was really committing to the season. "Mr Potter, you don't mind if I tag along to say hello to your dear father, do you? As very much alike as you two are, I do feel as though I should pop by for a visit to the original."

James nodded. How could he say no? So they all Flooed to his house, Dumbledore bringing up the rear.

Somehow, the mansion looked even bigger than Lily remembered it. Perhaps the depressing reason for last time's visit had kept her from appreciating just how opulent everything was. In the corner of the room, a Christmas tree that rivaled the grandeur of those at Hogwarts stood glistening with lights and baubles. Lily tried to keep her mouth shut as she turned around, her gaze settling on the portrait of James' mother above the fireplace they'd just come through. She knew it was his mother not because of the pictures at her wake, or that dreadful Boggart apparation she'd seen of her, but because of her startling resemblance to her son. She looked to be in her 20s in the photo and her jet black hair shone majestically, curled just so. That smile. That mischievous twinkle in her eyes. She was so incredibly beautiful. Why are people always telling James he is just like his father?

Sirius caught her staring as James was inundated by his two very sentimental and weepy house-elves. "That's how they met, you know."

"Sorry?"

"Euphemia and Fleamont. She modeled part-time to supplement the lousy pay she was getting from her job at the Ministry. This portrait is from one of Flea's product shoots." He smiled. "Way Dad tells it, it was love at first sight. She said anyone who hit on her while she was just trying to do her job was 'creepy — thank you very much.'" Lily snorted. Oh. That's why people think he's like his dad. Sirius grinned at her. "Sounds familiar right? Who knows how, but he wore her down eventually. Probably by showing her how completely bonkers he was for her; I hear chicks love that." Lily gave him a side-eye and a shove. "Anyway, she was always trying to give me her old modeling contacts, bless her. She saw talent." Sirius conspiringly slung his arm around Lily's shoulders and whispered, "Us pretty people have to help each other out, you know. It's a rough world out there for us."

"What are you two muttering about over here?" James asked coming back to them after he'd disentangled himself from the elves. Seeing how much they loved him had made Lily's heart skip another beat. He was going to give her a condition.

"Oh, don't you mind, you wouldn't understand." Sirius winked to her as Lily chortled.

"Okay," James answered skeptically. "Now, where's my dad?"

"And where's Dumbledore?"

When Marlene returned from the bathroom, the group set out to find the elder wizards. Mr Potter was in his study. Lily nearly gasped. True, she'd barely seen the man at the funeral, but he looked positively ancient now, as though he'd aged twenty years in the past two.

"'Lo Dad, we're home," James said neutrally.

Mr Potter's eyes strayed from looking listlessly out the window over his grounds to his only biological child. "James? Son, what are you doing home?" he asked thoroughly confused.

"Dad," James said patiently, "it's Christmas, remember? Sirius and Marlene are here." He pointed them out.

"Oh, right, right," he said looking distracted. Lily wasn't sure if he'd understood and the whole exchange was breaking her heart.

"And this is Lily."

James put his hand on her lower back, and she freaked out, dipping into a curtsy. Sirius sniggered. Well, what is the proper response to being reintroduced to the father of the boy I've been defiling every other night?! "Thank you for letting me stay in your home, sir." Now even James was smirking at her, as if amused by her polite side.

To everyone in the room's great surprise, Fleamont smiled grandly. "Lily Evans?"

"Y-yes, sir," Lily stuttered.

Mr Potter reached for her with a shaky hand and kissed the back of hers. Behind her she heard Sirius whisper to James that their dad was trying to steal his girl. Then there was a yelp as his foot got stomped on. "There's a name I haven't heard in a while. My son wouldn't shut up about you for about three years straight." She could almost see a spark in his hazel eyes at the words. Almost.

"Dad…" James whined as Lily blushed.

"All right, that's my cue. Marlene, let's go set up our rooms! Dad, see you at dinner," Sirius said.

"Sirius!" Mr Potter looked like he'd only just realized he was there. "Sirius, my boy, how was school?" Sirius bent over to give the frail man a (gentle) bear hug. "Good, good. But you're in luck! You know how you're always wanting to talk me and James' ear off about Potions? Lily here is the best in our class at it, so I'm sure she'd looooove to hear you talk about it for hours."

Mr Potter looked at him blankly. "Who's Lily?"

As they all trudged upstairs to unpack their bags that the elves had brought up to the rooms, Lily's heart broke for the boys on either side of her.

It broke for Sirius, who had been ostracized by his own family for being decent. Who had had to run away and found a new family, only for that new mother to die and that father to seemingly be on the verge of leaving him too. At least he would always have a true brother.

It broke for James, who had lost his mother — who she remembered him describing as being the rock of the family. She remembered teasing him in 1st year about the sheer number of doting letters he so eagerly received from her and calling him a 'mama's boy.' His response had been a proud, 'Yeah, so?' And now she was gone, and his father had lost his will to live without her. How painful must it be for James to be the one left behind, screaming, 'I'm still here, live for me! Love me!'?

With a sickening pit in her stomach, Lily realized they were all about to be orphans at far too young an age.

Next Chapter: Answers

YES YES YES! This is NOT a red herring! :D

** Yay! She officially is admitting to herself she's in love! Took you long enough Lily ;) Also, if that line she thinks while Voldemort is in her head sounds familiar — it's the exact same one that Harry thinks when Snape is in his head!**