Author's Notes:
HUGE thanks to fantaystar78 and mandancie for their amazing feedback and insight in helping me craft the plot moving forward! THANK YOU!
To everyone who took the time to review the last chapters, THANK YOU! It's your feedback and your words of encouragement that inspire me to keep writing. For real. I hit a small wall, but it was knowing there were people reading and enjoying that helped me break through it. Please please let me know what you think after you read!
I thought I left the angst behind in the last chapter. I lied. There are some angsty angsty waters ahead. Please fasten your seatbelts and attach your life-saving personal floatation device. In the event of an emergency, your captain will be sipping on a cocktail, so it is every man/woman/person for themselves. Bon voyage!
Snape sat in Dumbledore's office. He had just filled him in on the meeting with Barclay and was eager to hear how things were going on Dumbledore's end.
"I'm a bit worried that things aren't going to move quickly enough, Severus," Dumbledore said as he ran his hand over his beard. "Harry is a good boy, but he's still a young boy, he will go stir crazy if he isn't allowed outside of your quarters for more than a few days."
"I agree. When I caught him sneaking around earlier he admitted to me that was the third time"—he paused for a moment remembering the first day in the infirmary when he'd caught the boy with the cloak—"I'm sorry, the FOURTH time he'd been out in the last few days."
Snape rolled his eyes and let out a long sigh. "I gave him a damn good hiding for it, so hopefully he won't even think about leaving my quarters again without permission. That said, I don't want to tempt fate. He might behave for a little while, but I agree, if the APM doesn't sort this in the next few days, we need another plan. Once the students get back, it will be a nightmare trying to keep him tucked away."
"I hope you weren't too hard on him, Severus, the boy has been through so much."
Snape's eyebrows both peaked and he shot the old wizard an indignant glare. "Oh please, Albus, he knew exactly what he was doing and what the consequences would be. Considering all of the rules he broke—repeatedly, I might add—he got off fairly lightly, I'd say. Anyway, you promised you wouldn't interfere."
A small chuckle came out of Dumbledore's mouth and his eyes brightened up. "So I did. I trust you, you know that."
In an attempt to soothe some of the tension in his face, Snape ran a hand across his brow, massaging his forehead. "So then, what do we do?"
Dumbledore took a moment to reflect. "I think you should try to find out from Master Barclay what his timeline looks like. If the apprenticeship can't come together by the end of this week, I think we need to get Harry out of Hogwarts."
Intense feelings of protectiveness flared up inside of Snape and his eyes went wide, he sat up in his chair and he lurched forward toward Dumbledore's desk. "You are not sending Harry away from here. He has nowhere safe to go, and I'm not going to put his life or his care in anyone else's hands."
Dumbledore was caught off guard by Snape's sudden movement and the anger that flashed in his eyes. He was like a wild animal protecting his cub.
"I understand your concerns, Severus. I wasn't suggesting that we send Harry away alone... Perhaps you and Master Barclay could arrange somewhere safe where you can take him. I imagine it will only be a few weeks at the most. We can certainly get Professor Slughorn or another Potion Master to cover your classes while you're away."
Snape considered this for a moment, sitting back in his chair. "It's less than ideal. I have OWL and NEWT students in final preparation for their exams. I'd hate for their performance to suffer with a lack of continuity…"
"I understand, of course we will try to keep Harry here, but his safety is too important. If Master Barclay thinks it will be more than a few days for the bond to be approved, we should get him out soon. If anyone sees him or this leaks, we'll have the Ministry breathing down our necks in no time."
Dumbledore's eyes, which normally had a twinkle, were creased with worry. Snape got the feeling there was more on his mind than he was sharing.
Snape picked at the armrest with his right hand. "I'll speak to Barclay again as soon as possible." Where the hell could I possibly take the child? Snape felt exasperated just considering this option. The logistics were a complete nightmare.
Dumbledore hesitated for a moment before he responded. "I'm sure we'll think of something. Master Barclay might also have some ideas. Don't worry about the details yet, I just want you to keep this as a possibility."
"Let's hope Master Barclay solves this problem for us. I'll be in touch when I know more."
Snape stood up and smoothed his robes before walking toward the door.
"Thank you, Severus. Tell Harry I'll come down to see him sometime soon." He smiled and stood up as Snape left his office.
It took everything Snape had not to punch a wall on his walk back to the dungeons. Dumbledore was cautious in how he worded things, but it was obvious that he was concerned that if Harry stayed here, something was going to leak and they would lose him. There's no way I'm going to let anyone take him.
Snape let out a long sigh as he walked into his quarters. It was eerily quiet. He took off his outer robes and hung them on a hook near the door.
Striding across the parlor, he made his way to Harry's room and knocked softly before opening it. He never waited for Harry to give him permission to enter, he considered his knock more of an announcement than a request.
When he came in, Harry was sitting quietly, quill in hand, hunched over his desk. Harry turned around and shot him a death glare, he was clearly still writing lines and not very happy about it. "The line you gave me is too freaking long, I've been sitting here for over an hour and I've barely done 40 of them!"
Snape was pleased. His objective had been to keep the boy busy the whole time he was gone, as well as forcing him to work on his atrocious handwriting. The fact that he would be doing it on a sore backside was just an added bonus that Snape hoped would remind him not to even think about getting into any mischief.
"Mind your manners, Mr. Potter. One would think after such a thorough spanking earlier, you might make an effort to be on your best behavior."
Harry turned bright red and turned back around to continue writing.
Snape smirked to himself. This is too easy. He was tempted to make the boy stay there and finish, but they had too much to do.
He walked over to the desk and picked up the parchment, looking over the lines. "Your handwriting really is abysmal, Potter. I should make you write lines every day until I see an improvement."
Of course he had no such intention, but he was having fun taunting the boy. "That said, I think this will be sufficient for today. Why don't you come along to the parlor and we'll have some tea."
Harry smiled up at him, pushed his chair back and stood up. "That chair is really hard, you know, some might even say that's cruel and unusual punishment" he said, as he dramatically reached back and rubbed at his bum, giving puppy dog eyes to Snape.
Snape smirked, "Is a hard chair really all it takes to defeat the hero of the wizarding world? How very disappointing."
Harry balked and grumbled under his breath.
"Would you care to repeat that Mr. Potter? Perhaps you haven't quite learned your lesson and you should stay here and finish your lines after all."
Harry batted his eyes and gave his professor a big, inauthentic smile. "I was just saying, sir, that it's so wonderful to have you back home."
"Let's go you cheeky brat." Snape gave him a stern look, but they both knew it was just banter.
They walked back to the parlor together, with Harry just a step behind Snape. He had a huge smile on his face, and he was clearly looking forward to spending the rest of their afternoon with his guardian.
Snape tapped the coffee table with his wand and the tea service appeared. Although he often made his own tea, it was usually when he needed something to do with his hands or was feeling a bit anxious. But he preferred summoning his afternoon tea from the Hogwart's kitchens, it usually came with some nice biscuits and snacks, things he normally didn't keep in his own pantry.
Harry jumped onto the couch and folded his hands, smiling to himself as he waited patiently for Snape to serve himself first.
Snape poured tea into a cup for Harry and added the milk and sugar for him before handing him the cup. Harry accepted it graciously and reached back for two biscuits.
"We can take a trip to Hogsmeade, Mr. Potter, but I will have to change your appearance and we will need to be very careful." Snape situated himself back in his armchair, holding his cup elegantly as he spoke.
"That's OK, I don't mind." Crumbs trickled down the side of his mouth and his chin as he chomped on a biscuit.
Snape looked at the boy spilling crumbs everywhere and felt disgusted. "Really, Potter, don't take such large bites. And chew with your mouth closed, you're covered in crumbs."
Harry reached his hand up to brush the crumbs off of his face, and then his lap. "Oh, sorry."
Snape tried not to react as the boy brushed all of the crumbs from his person onto the floor. Merlin help me, this boy is practically a wild animal. He took a deep breath and tried to suppress his obsessive-compulsive thoughts about the crumbs now all over the parlor floor.
"The Headmaster and I are very concerned that if someone sees you, it could make things very difficult for us with the Ministry. I hope we will be able to finalize your apprenticeship this week, but if we are not, you and I may need to take a trip away from Hogwarts for a little while."
Harry looked thrilled, he practically bounced off of the couch. "Wicked! Where are we going? Can we go anywhere? Like, could we go to Spain or Thailand or somewhere cool?"
"Calm down, Potter. Hopefully we don't have to go anywhere, but I want you to be prepared for the possibility. I don't know where we would go, but we would have to make a very secure plan with Professor Dumbledore and Master Barclay to go somewhere safe."
After they finished their tea, they got ready for their visit to Hogsmeade. Snape knew this was somewhat risky, but he also felt like it was important for Harry to have some things to occupy his time before his boredom got them both in trouble.
Snape rapped Harry on the head with his wand and changed him to appear slightly younger with dark auburn hair and brown eyes. He changed his glasses to rectangular frames, and the two walked to Hogsmeade.
When they arrived, Snape took Harry first to a stationary and art supply store. Snape was actually quite a good artist, something few people knew about him. He used to make little drawings for Lily, but other than her, he'd never shown his sketches to anyone. He sometimes drew beautiful specimen drawings of flowers and herbs and other potions ingredients into his lab journal, but otherwise he hadn't sketched for fun in quite a long time.
"Why don't we pick up a few different things. Do you like to draw or do you think you'd prefer to color or paint something that has already been outlined?"
Harry had no idea. He'd used crayons and markers in primary school but he'd never had his own at home. Dudley had all kinds of nice art supplies but he'd never been allowed to play with them.
"I don't know, I never really had any art supplies before. I would sometimes doodle in my notebooks at school, but I don't think I'm very good at drawing."
Snape nodded. "Perhaps we should get you a nice journal- then you can write or draw or put whatever you want in it. It's a good exercise to spend some time reflecting at the end of the day and just giving yourself a space to let your mind wander onto paper."
Harry picked out a nice journal bound in dark green leather. Snape bought him a really nice set of colored pencils and a few higher quality quills to write with, he'd noticed that Harry's quills were rather cheap and well-used, which certainly didn't help his penmanship.
Harry also picked out an origami book and some colorful origami paper (which was charmed so that it would move in a way consistent with whatever shape was created), as well as an 'adult' coloring book that was filled with Quidditch players and scenes that would move once colored in.
Next, they went into a toy store. Snape didn't have anything "fun" to do in his quarters, so he let Harry pick out a wizarding chess board and some card games. Snape also picked out a magical puzzle; he thought it was interesting because the image on the puzzle, as well as the difficulty/number of pieces could be adjusted with a charm. It was something they could do together more than once.
Snape was on a bit of a buying binge. He told himself that he was doing it for his own sanity—this way he didn't have to entertain the brat every hour of the day—but he also enjoyed seeing Harry get so excited. Based on the few things Harry had said about the Dursleys, and his casual comments about how he'd never had crayons or toys of his own, he got the sense that Harry's childhood had been devoid of nice things. As a boy who'd grown up poor, without anything new or nice, in buying these things for Harry, it was almost as if he was buying them for his younger self, and it made him feel good. Not that it was something he would ever admit.
They saved the book store for last. Snape was an avid reader and he wanted to encourage Harry to read for pleasure, something he hoped might eventually improve his focus for reading academic texts. Harry picked out an adventure book on dragon tamers and then another book that looked like some kind of mystery. Snape found a beautiful book that retold much of the history of the world, but through the eyes of wizards. From the heroes of the Roman Empire to Genghis Khan and Napoleon, it was the stories of the witches and wizards who existed alongside them but whose stories were never really told. Snape thought that might be a fun and informative read for a boy raised by Muggles.
"Alright, I think that's enough for one day." Snape said to Harry as he shrunk the package of books into his robes. "Let's head back, we still have some work to do today."
Harry was thrilled. "Thank you so much, thank you for everything!" He couldn't believe that Snape, of all people, had bought him so many amazing things.
"Can we play wizard chess tonight? Or maybe we can work on the puzzle!" Harry was practically skipping the whole way back to Hogwarts. He jogged up ahead and then turned around, jogging backwards so that he could talk to Snape at the same time.
"We'll see. We need to review the work you did this morning. And I'd still like to do a little something with Potions today." Snape wasn't trying to kill the mood, but he wanted the boy to calm down, he was clearly very hyped up. "Now stop bouncing around and walk properly. If you keep flitting around like a Cornish Pixie you're going to trip and hurt yourself."
Harry was too happy. This was better than any Christmas he'd ever had. He was practically bouncing off the walls the moment they got back to their quarters. He couldn't wait to open everything up and look at it and touch it and try it and play with it. He was practically drunk on excitement.
Snape knew he was going to have a hard time getting Harry to focus now, and he wasn't sure quite how to get him to calm down. "Why don't you take your new things to your room and put them away carefully. When you finish, we can go to my study and review some of your work from earlier."
Harry didn't want to do school work. He wanted to play with his new things. He wanted Snape to play chess with him or Exploding Snap or do anything but review Transfiguration. He looked up at the clock and it was nearly 5:00. Dinner would be in an hour and a half. Maybe if he dragged things out long enough, Snape would change his mind and just give up.
"OK," Harry said cheerfully, as Snape pulled the parcels out of his robes to enlarge them again. He took them to his room and laid everything out on the floor, deciding how he would arrange things on his shelves and his desk.
Nearly forty-five minutes later, Harry had still not returned to the parlor. Snape had wanted to let the boy take a few minutes to calm down and put things away, but now he was sure that Harry was just wasting time. He was trying to be patient, but they had things to do.
He walked to Harry's door and knocked twice before opening it. On the floor, Harry was sprawled out on his stomach, playing with pieces from his wizarding chess set.
Snape cleared his throat. Harry continued as if he wasn't there. He crossed his arms and stared, waiting to be acknowledged. Seconds went by but Harry didn't look up.
He couldn't take it anymore, finally he broke the silence. "Excuse me, Mr. Potter. Didn't I ask you to put everything away and then come to my study? There is work to be done before you can relax."
"I'm not done putting things away. I just wanted to see them for a minute." Harry said, not bothering to look away from the wizard chess.
Snape took a deep breath. He really wasn't in the mood to argue with Harry. Has the boy not learned anything from today? For the love of Merlin, what is he thinking? He clenched his jaw and put on an authoritative tone. "Mr. Potter, it was not a request. You will put that away right now and we will review your school work."
Harry ignored him.
Snape could feel his anger building, he did not like to be ignored or disrespected. He narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice. "You have three seconds to put that away, stand up, and come with me or you will not like the consequences."
Normally, any student who heard those words, in that tone, would obey immediately, recognizing the danger in Snape's voice.
"I'll come later," Harry said, casually, as if he'd completely forgotten who he was talking to.
In the blink of an eye, Snape had pulled out his wand, flicked it once and the chess set disappeared. He replaced his wand, reached down, grabbed Harry by the arm, and pulled him up on his feet. "We're going. Right. Now."
As soon as the chess set disappeared, Harry threw an absolute fit. It was like he was suddenly 6 years old instead of 12. He refused to move and put all of his weight down, trying to sit back down on the floor. "Why did you do that? I just wanted to look at it! That was mine! Give it back!" He was in tears attempting to throw himself onto the ground, but Snape had too strong of a grip around his arm.
Snape had no idea what to do. He'd never seen a boy Harry's age acting like a toddler. He reached down and gave Harry a sharp smack on the rear before gripping his other arm so he could hold Harry up with two hands.
"Potter, you stop this RIGHT NOW. What has gotten into you?" He gave him a small shake and tried to look at him in the eyes, but Harry was flailing around with his eyes closed.
Harry refused to stand and his legs were hanging in the air while he forced all of his weight down on Snape's hands. Snape was ready to hex him, but he knew that was not an option. Not knowing what else to do, he lifted the boy up and put him on his bed, hoping he wouldn't be able to hurt himself or Snape if this tantrum continued. Harry rolled onto his stomach and buried his head in his pillow and cried.
Snape was practically out of breath. He just stared at the boy on the bed in complete shock.
"I don't know what is going on with you, but this is completely unacceptable. You will stay here and calm down for 15 minutes and then we will talk. Don't you dare get off this bed, Potter."
Snape flicked his wand and dimmed the lights, hoping that would help Harry relax. He went back to the parlor to try and figure out what the hell had just happened.
Once again, Snape had done something kind for Harry, and once again, Harry had suddenly started behaving terribly. He was starting to see a pattern. He knew this was not normal behavior for Harry, but for some reason he was being triggered. He reacted poorly after Snape bought him clothes. He'd also had a small fit of defiance after they'd come home from a nice day out in London, and then this-whatever this was-which was infinitely worse.
Snape was the furthest thing from a child psychologist, but even he knew that this was Harry acting out because of some kind of past trauma. He'd heard of kids who had come from really difficult backgrounds suddenly being adopted or given a stable home and then they'd regress, subconsciously. He had just witnessed Harry acting like a small child, which seemed extremely out of character for him. Snape expected a certain amount of disrespect and general disobedience, but a full-blown temper tantrum? No, it wasn't normal. But then again, he'd said the same thing about Harry the day he'd attacked him over the invisibility cloak. It might be out of character, but it was becoming a regular occurrence and it needed to stop.
Sitting in his chair, Snape brought his hand up to rub his temples. I'm not qualified for this.
The clock on the mantle ticked away and Snape just sat there, staring off into space, trying to figure out what he was going to do. He was out of his depth. Discipline, he could handle, but this, it needed more than a firm hand.
When the fifteen minutes had passed, Snape was tempted just to just stay there. He didn't know if he had the energy to deal with Harry any more today. It was exhausting. But he also knew he couldn't just leave him sitting in his room forever. He took a deep breath and got up from his chair.
Snape knocked, and then entered Harry's room. Harry was still lying on his bed, sniffling quietly into his pillow. Snape pulled the desk chair over to the side of his bed and sat down.
Harry had heard him come in but he was too embarrassed to look at him. He had no idea why he had reacted the way that he was feeling horrible. He pushed his face deeper into the pillow.
Snape put a hand on Harry's back. "We need to talk. Turn around and look at me please." His voice was gentle but firm.
Harry rolled onto his side, facing Snape. He was too ashamed to look at him in the eyes so he looked down at his feet instead.
"Do you want to tell me what the atrocious display was all about?" Snape wanted the boy to talk to him, but he didn't want him to think that his behavior was going to be completely ignored.
Harry sniffed loudly and mumbled. "I don't know."
"Well, try. I'm hoping there's a good explanation, Mr. Potter, because I can't imagine after knowing how I feel about disrespect and defiance that you would be so quick to behave so poorly. Especially after being punished earlier today."
Harry started crying. He didn't know why he had acted that way. He had been so happy and excited about Snape buying him those nice gifts, he had just wanted to enjoy it. When Snape had made his chess set disappear, he felt an anger and sadness just explode inside of him and he couldn't control it.
Snape knew he was going to have to prompt the boy. "Were you upset because I told you that you couldn't play with your new things right now?"
Harry nodded his head, tears still coming down his face. "And then you took them away."
"You know that if you had just come in and finished reviewing your work with me, we would have been done in less than an hour. I was completely prepared to spend the rest of the evening playing chess with you or doing the puzzle. I just wanted you to do your work first."
"I guess I was just so happy to have these new things. No one ever bought me things like that before. Not even for Christmas or my birthday. Not ever. They always bought things for Dudley, but never me. I never had anything." Harry explained, tearfully. He put his head into the crook of his arm.
Snape was not surprised to hear this, but it confirmed his earlier suspicions that Harry had been neglected and mistreated by his relatives.
"They were despicable people, Mr. Potter. Did they harm you in other ways?" Snape looked at the boy, who was obviously in a great deal of emotional pain. "Can you sit up, please."
Harry pushed himself into a sitting position, and slid his back against the headboard, hugging a pillow across his chest.
"They didn't beat me or anything, I mean, not really. But they never gave me food, they forced me to do all kinds of work around the house, and then they locked me in a cupboard under the stairs. They hated me. They always said really horrible things to me and they wanted me to suffer."
Snape wanted to believe that this was just melodrama. In fact, a year earlier he would have laughed at the thought that the spoiled little brat would dare complain about doing a few chores. But having met the Dursleys, and recognizing that there must have been something terribly wrong to make Harry run away, he believed the boy.
"What do you mean they locked you in a cupboard?" Snape's forehead furrowed and he could feel his anger returning, this time focused on Harry's disgusting relatives.
"That's where I lived. It was like my room. But they would put me in there anytime they got mad. They'd lock me in and leave me there, all alone, without food, with nothing to do for hours, or even days. They only ever let me out to cook and clean or do some kind of hard labor."
Snape reflected back to his own miserable childhood. His father had been an alcoholic who would often beat him and his mother. And although they didn't have a lot of money, and he'd never had new clothes or toys, his mother had always loved him and cared for him. Even his father would occasionally show him some affection when he wasn't drinking. He may not have had much, materially speaking, but he had never been truly neglected or unloved. What Harry was describing sounded unbearable, he couldn't imagine what it felt like to never have anyone show any love or care.
"That's horrible. Did they mistreat your cousin as well?"
A snort came out of Harry's nose when he laughed bitterly at the question. "You must be joking. They treated him like a king. They bought him everything he wanted, all of the time. He never had to do chores or cook or do anything. I wasn't even allowed near any of his toys. And they didn't even care if he beat me up or bullied me." Harry hugged his pillow tighter.
Snape reached out and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "What they did to you was cruel and unfair. I am sorry that you ever had to go through that. I want you to listen to me, you will never EVER go back to those people, Harry. You're safe now."
Harry felt a warm sensation spread all over his body hearing Snape call him by his first name.
"They called me a freak. They told me I was worthless and useless and that they wished I had never been born to burden them."
Now that Harry had begun to talk, he was letting everything out. He wanted Snape to know just how awful his life had been. He didn't want to hide it from him anymore.
Snape continued to rub his hand on Harry's shoulder in a calming way. "That part of your life is over now, you never have to go back there. Your new life is here with me now, and I know that you are none of those things. You are a bright, capable young wizard and I believe you will do great things. I don't want you to ever think of those people or the words they've said to you again."
Harry felt good hearing those words from Snape. He felt safe and reassured. "I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier, I don't know why I did that."
Snape quickly adjusted his tone and his face to something more stern. "I understand that you've been through a lot. While that may explain your behavior, it does not excuse it. What I saw today was a tantrum I'd expect from a four year-old, not a 12 year-old boy. I understand you are dealing with some difficult feelings, but then you need to express that to me. I will not allow this kind of behavior to continue, Mr. Potter."
Hugging his pillow tighter, he let his chin drop down on top of it before looking up at Snape. "I know. I'm sorry."
"You know what my rules are and what kind of behavior I expect from you. If you ever throw a tantrum like that again, I will treat you the same way I would a misbehaving four year-old and put you over my knee without a moment of hesitation. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, sir." Harry blushed. He knew he had acted like a toddler and he was embarrassed by it.
"Now, we still have some time before dinner. I'd like to review your work. If we finish that, I will let you choose something fun to do before bed- we can play chess or we can work on the puzzle."
Snape gave his arm a firm pat, then he stood up and put the chair back at Harry's desk. "Now, up you get, let's go."
Harry got up and followed Snape to his study.
After dinner, Harry and Snape sat down in the parlor and worked on the giant puzzle together. They set it up on the coffee table in front of the couch. Snape sat on the couch, and Harry sat on the floor. After looking at the box and deciding on an image (Harry chose a picture of a busy downtown London scene), Snape tapped the box with his wand and said the incantations that were written in the instructions. They emptied out 1,000 puzzle pieces.
As they worked on the puzzle, Snape and Harry talked casually. Snape was actually relieved to have an activity that kept both of their hands busy and allowed for little eye-contact and easy conversation. It was mostly Harry who talked, although he would occasionally ask Snape a question.
"When I finish my apprenticeship, will I be a Potion Master like you?" Harry asked as he searched for a half red puzzle piece to go on the top of the double decker bus.
"It depends. You'll be a junior apprentice until you come of age. You will still need to complete your OWLs and NEWTs, and if you do well, you can sit the first exam for Advanced Potion studies. I would hope after your apprenticeship you would find all of these very easy. Then if you choose to go on, you will need to find a research topic to work on during an advanced apprenticeship. When you complete your thesis and pass the Potion Master board exams, you can be a Potion Master."
Snape popped two pieces together to complete the top edge of the puzzle. He always started with the edge pieces and worked his way in.
"Wow, that sounds like a lot of work," Harry said, as he scanned a pile of pieces for one with part of a flower pot. Ten seconds later he shouted out, "Oh, I found it!" He picked up the piece and put it into a little area of the puzzle filled with shop fronts.
"You will have plenty of time to decide what you would like to do, and you will still have many options after this apprenticeship. That's why it's important that you keep up with your studies in other courses as well. I want you to be a well-rounded wizard."
"Could I still be an auror like my parents?" Harry looked up from the puzzle.
"You could. If you work hard and do well on your NEWTs you will be more than prepared to sit the exam for Auror Training." Snape paused and looked at Harry. "Your mother was brilliant at Potions, you know. It's an important skill for an auror. She did very well at Transfiguration as well, but Potions was her specialty, and she enjoyed it."
Harry smiled at this detail. "I hope I can be as good as her."
"I'm sure if you work hard and put effort in, you will do very well." Snape took this opportunity to re-emphasize an earlier lesson. He arched an eyebrow and gave a strong look in Harry's direction. "But you're going to need to put in more focus, Mr. Potter. I may need to slow our timeline a bit until you catch up, but I want you to make an effort to do quality work."
Snape pulled out a piece with the clock face of Big Ben and connected it to the partially completed tower. He hadn't done a puzzle in ages, he actually found it quite relaxing.
This continued until 8:30 when Snape sent Harry to get ready for bed. While he was getting ready, Snape sent an owl to Barclay to see if they could have a floo call later in the evening. He wanted to get an update on Harry's situation as soon as possible.
At 8:55, Snape walked back to Harry's room to check on him. He found Harry sitting in bed, reading his dragon book.
"Did you brush your teeth?"
"Yep!"
Seeing that Harry was reading, he decided to give him a few more minutes to enjoy his book, hoping to encourage him. "You can read for 15 more minutes and then it's lights out."
He shut Harry's door and returned to the parlor, hoping he'd hear from Barclay soon. He reflected on his earlier conversation with Harry and was glad the boy had finally opened up about his life at the Dursley's. Snape was livid that he'd been forced to stay in such horrid conditions and was determined to speak to Dumbledore about it.
When 15 minutes passed, he returned to Harry's room to turn off the lights. When he walked in, he saw that Harry had already fallen asleep, glasses still on his face, book in hand.
Snape walked over and slowly pulled the book out, placing a magical bookmark on the open page. He then reached over to take Harry's glasses, carefully removing them without disturbing the boy. He pulled the blankets up around his shoulders and then flicked the lights off.
At 10:00pm, the floo roared and Master Barclay's face appeared in the green glow of the fire.
"Good evening, Severus, I hope that this is a good time."
Snape put down the book he was reading and adjusted himself in his chair. "Of course, Master Barclay, thank you for making time. I just wanted to inquire about how things were going with the APM. Do you think we'll be able to complete the bond by the end of the week?"
Even through the distorted light of the floor, Snape could see that Barclay was holding onto some disappointment. "I'm not sure, Severus. I've had a chance to speak with seven out of the ten board members. I've been able to convince most of them, although two of them have been reluctant, and maybe another two are on the fence. All we need is the majority to say yes, but I still need to speak to the others. Our numbers aren't quite there right now. One of the board members is abroad in Japan collaborating on a project, he won't return until next week. The other two have just been busy and I will continue to try to connect with them."
"I appreciate all you are doing for this, thank you. I don't mean to rush you, but we are worried about keeping Harry hidden here at Hogwarts, especially after the students return next week. Dumbledore thinks that if the bond can't be performed by the end of this week, I should take Harry into hiding somewhere else until we can complete it."
Master Barclay's face showed that he was engaged in careful reflection. "I see your dilemma, Severus. I will continue to try and secure the necessary votes, but it might be a good idea to make a plan. Do you know where you would go?
Snape stretched his legs out before crossing them again. "No, not yet. I was hoping you might have some thoughts on it."
"I'll think about it. I will get back to you in the next few days to update you on my progress. We need six of the APM to agree, although I would feel more comfortable with more. How are things with Mr. Potter going?"
Snape debated how much to share with his mentor. He didn't want to give him a reason to change his mind or think any less of Harry. "He's still settling in. I'm afraid his school work has suffered with him not being in school all year, so we will have to work diligently to get him back on track. I think, however, he is quite motivated, so I am hopeful."
"It will take some time, there's no rush. Push him, but don't push him so hard that he loses his interest or gets frustrated. It is important to build up his confidence. If he thinks he can't do it, or he thinks you don't believe he can do it, he may stop putting effort in. I know that you have high expectations, Severus, and that is a good thing. But you must make sure you let him know that you only set expectations you believe he can reach. Perhaps you can set him up with some potions or tasks that you know he will perform well. Now is the time to boost him up, I am sure he is full of self-doubt at the moment."
Snape was impressed. He knew his mentor was a wise man and a great teacher, but he had made an especially astute observation about Harry's mental state. Now knowing what he'd been through at home, he imagined the boy did suffer from self-esteem issues, which was probably one of the reasons he hadn't tried very hard to do well in school. Aside from poor reading and study habits.
"Your insight is most valuable, Master Barclay. Thank you for this wonderful advice."
"We will speak soon. If you need anything else from me, please reach out. I'm here if you need any help. You've taken on a difficult task, Severus, but you're not in this alone. Please remember that."
Snape nodded his head. "I will keep that in mind. Thank you for your time. Have a good evening."
"You as well. Don't forget to take care of yourself, Severus." And with that, he withdrew from the floo leaving Snape alone in his parlor, feeling the weight of the world.
Snape considered pouring himself a firewhisky, but reminded himself that he would be getting up early in the morning and he needed a clear head if he was going to sit with Harry and spoon-feed him second year coursework.
Knowing he couldn't possibly sleep yet and feeling a bit wound-up, he sat down on the couch and looked at the puzzle. He began organizing the pieces into piles based on their color and the part of the puzzle they belonged to. All of the red pieces from the double decker bus, the blue sky pieces, the river Thames pieces, and skyscraper pieces were placed into neat little piles to make it easier. Having completed the top edge, he started piecing together the left edge of the puzzle. The methodical work of the puzzle helped ease his mind.
At nearly midnight, he got up to go to bed when he heard a noise from Harry's room. He froze for a moment to listen and he heard it again, at first it sounded like a whimper, but then he heard a scream. He jumped up and ran to the boy's room.
He burst through the door and saw Harry moving fitfully, crying out something unintelligible. Relieved he wasn't hurt or in danger, he realized that the boy was having a nightmare.
Snape sat on the edge of his bed and put a hand on Harry's chest. "Wake up. You're having a nightmare. It's just a dream." He rubbed circles on the boy's chest, hoping to bring him out of his nightmare and ground him to his body in reality.
Harry's eyes flew open and he began to sob. He sat up and grabbed onto Snape's arm. "I dreamed I was back with the Dursleys. They were angry and they were torturing me. Then they locked me up and I was screaming to get out. I told them you were going to come looking for me but they just laughed at me and said that nobody wanted me. They said that even if they let me die in that cupboard, no one would miss me or come for me"
His whole body began to heave with his sobs. "It felt so real."
Snape reached his arm around Harry's back and patted it a few times before rubbing calming circles on it. "Shhhh, it's OK. It's not real. It's just a dream. You are never going back there, I promise you. I will never let them or anyone else harm you. You're going to be OK."
"Do you want some water? Or a warm glass of milk?" Snape offered, wanting to do something for the boy but not sure what. He wanted to avoid a calming draft if at all possible, he didn't want to get in the habit of drugging the boy every time he felt anxious or couldn't sleep. It would be easier, but it would only mask the problem, not solve it.
"Can I have milk, please?" Harry asked, wiping his face with the back of his hand.
Snape tapped his wand on the table and a glass of milk appeared. He tapped it once more, casting a heating charm before handing it to Harry.
"Take slow sips."
Snape waited a few moments before opening the conversation again. "Do you often have nightmares, Mr. Potter?"
Harry sipped at his milk and paused. "Sometimes, but not usually about this. Sometimes I hear and see other things. Like screaming and hearing people being tortured. But then my scar will hurt. I almost never dream about the Dursleys."
"Hmmm...well, you've had an emotional few days. And I'm sure the fact that you talked about it today probably brought it to the forefront. Tomorrow we will do a relaxation exercise before bed, that should help clear your mind of any negative emotions and memories that are hanging around before you go to sleep."
Seeing that Harry had begun to calm down, Snape removed his hand from the boy's back. "How are you feeling now?"
"Better," said Harry. "I'm tired but now I'm kind of afraid to go to sleep."
Harry laid back slowly, keeping his head on the pillow, but scooting his body down until he was almost flat.
"It's best not to worry about sleeping or you'll give yourself too much anxiety to fall asleep. Let's just focus now on relaxing a bit. I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath," Snape instructed, as he brushed his hands across Harry's forehead and down his face.
Harry craved his gentle touch. He had never had anyone soothe him as a child, and he didn't realize how much he needed it.
"Do you remember your peaceful place? I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself there."
"Can you rub my back some more?" Harry asked shyly, hoping he could have some of the affection he was desperate for.
Snape was caught off-guard by the request, but he didn't want to tell him no. "Roll over onto your stomach."
Snape started with simple circles, and then he moved his hands up and down Harry's back, gently rubbing the tension out of his shoulders and his neck.
Harry smiled into the pillow, he felt so relaxed and happy. He could not remember a single other time in his life that someone had done something like this for him. The most physical contact he had with anyone was maybe a short hug. Having someone just soothe him with their hands felt amazing.
Snape continued silently for several minutes, hoping the boy would fall asleep. He waited for the heavy, even breaths to let him know that Harry had sleeping, but they didn't come.
Finally, Harry lifted his head up. "Thanks, that made me feel a lot better."
Snape raised an eyebrow, "I was hoping you'd fall asleep. Aren't you tired?"
"I feel more relaxed now, but I can't shut my brain up."
Snape knew that feeling well. He'd never been a great sleeper, and he constantly struggled with an overthinking brain that wouldn't shut up at night. He had trained himself to do meditations and use techniques to help himself but it was still a struggle. It was why he stayed up late and read.
Reflecting on what worked for him, Snape suddenly stood up and walked to Harry's bookshelf, pulling out the large, beautiful book he'd bought for Harry about the magical history of the world. It was more of a book of heroic tales, but he thought that maybe if he read this to Harry, it would give his brain something else to think about.
Pulling out the desk chair, he placed it next to Harry's bed and sat down. "I'm going to read to you for a bit. I just want you to lay down comfortably and just listen. Let your mind be free and just listen to the words I'm saying and imagine them in your mind."
Harry rolled onto his back. No one had ever read to him in his entire life. He felt that warmth spread over him again. He looked up at his guardian expectedly. "OK, I'm ready."
Snape opened the first page and began to read. His voice was like warm chocolate as he read the words, slowly but with inflection. He was a brilliant reader.
After a few minutes, Harry rolled onto his side facing Snape, putting one arm underneath the pillow and pulling it down slightly, so he was almost cradling it in his arms. He felt happy and peaceful as he listened to Snape tell the story of Ancient Egypt, the pharaohs, and the wizards. He didn't want to fall asleep, he was enjoying this all too much, but somewhere about 10 pages in, he closed his eyes and drifted off.
Snape tapped the page, setting a bookmarking spell that would open right to that page the next time it was opened. He walked over to the bookcase to replace the book before returning the chair to its place under the desk.
He leaned over the sleeping figure of Harry Potter and whispered, "Sleep well, Harry," before extinguishing the lights and walking quietly out of his room.
Merlin help me, I've become a cuddly old grandmother. Honestly, Severus, get it together. He scolded himself, but he didn't really feel bad about it. He knew he'd done the right thing to comfort the boy, even if it made him feel supremely uncomfortable. This was a boy starved for affection and care. He knew that he would have to provide that as well as discipline and structure if he wanted the boy to trust him. He had known that when he agreed to the apprenticeship. The magical bond would only strengthen and hold if there was a deep connection. The stronger that bond, the more powerful both of their magic would be moving forward.
Snape walked to his room and closed the door. He glanced at the clock in his room, it was nearly 1:00am. He quickly got ready for bed and climbed in. He was exhausted, but now it was his own mind that was reeling. He was filled with self-doubt. He knew it was going to take a lot of patience and effort to help Harry work through everything. He didn't know if he was the right person for this after all.
He took a deep breath and began a meditation. He focused on his breathing and imagined himself in his safe place, a beautiful cave that opened to the sky, with a small waterfall. He continued to breathe slowly until he too, finally drifted off to sleep.
Author's End Notes:
OH, Lawwwwd. Harry is on the struggle bus. Snape is out of his depth.
Snape is being pushed out of his comfort zone at an alarming rate. What do you think he should do? Is he being too hard or too soft?
Coming up next, does the APM move forward with the approval or does Snape need to take Harry away for a bit? Will Snape confront Dumbledore about Harry's past?
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